Juggling kids, horses and full time jobs

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jimbojones

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Looking for some solidarity from others in the same position and to understand how you manage it all without feeling guilty/having a house like a tip/never having time to ride/never getting any sleep.

I work around 35 to 40 hours a week plus have about a 45 minute commute each way. I pay a dog walker to walk the dog during the week. I pay a cleaner to come in once a week (the house stays clean and tidy for all of 24 hours!!) and horse is on full livery in the winter (grass livery in summer).

Even with that, it feel like trying to juggle it all is tricky - if I spent as much time with my child as I wanted to, I'd never get to ride/see my horse. If I spend as much time at the horse as I wanted to/used to, my house would be a midden because all other time would be spent with my child.

I do find that it sort of ebbs and flows like that - I've spend a fair bit of time with the gee gee this week which means that today the pile of dirty washing is meeting me at the door and the house needs a good tidy - I'd be mortified if anyone turned up at my door right now!

Would love to hear how others get the balancing act right as I know for sure there are people trying to juggle way more than me!!!
 
Hi Jimbo, I have very little to add other than a bit of solidarity!
I work 36 hours in a 4 day week (plus an hour commute each way), I employ a cleaner but again it only really hides the worst of it for a day, I am very lucky that my mum does the kids (3 yo twins) ironing for me (I gave up on clothes that need ironing a long time ago) and horse is on part livery and I have a sharer who has him 2 days a week.
I don't think there is a solution to all this and I refer to it as the perpetual guilt of motherhood.
I am very lucky that my husband is hugely understanding and does so much to help but currently he is writing his masters dissertation on top of working full time and that means currently all the cooking is down to me when I get in from doing the horse at 10pm! Currently the bit I'm struggling with the most is having time to sit and talk to him and do things like we used to do; you know like going for a pint or grabbing a burger in the pub or even just going out on the horse/bikes together and having grown up conversations and time for a cuddle.
For some crazy reason I have decided to throw a massive party tomorrow to mark the start of the Olympics so I have about 40 people coming round for a BBQ. I have no idea how I'm going to make it work but hopefully with beer and food people will just ignore the scruffy bits of our house.
You are evidently a great parent (and horse mum) for the fact that these things concern you but keep up the good work - you're not alone! Here, have a big virtual <<HUG>> from an internet weirdo :-)
 
Oh, and re. the pile of dirty dishes; do you have a dishwasher? I can't function without one! Load as we go and turn it on every couple of days. So much easier and you don't have to look at the dishes between washes
 
I am a Grandma now, but looking back on a very hectic, hardworking but rewarding time, I can sympathise with you. I worked full time, 2 children, never less than a 30 min commute, horse and ponies at home did help but they we're kept in at night so needed full care. Somehow we did manage to survive, and you will to. Try to feel less guilty and enjoy this stage of your life, it will change, children grow up and move on and you will get your life back.
 
I work a 37 hour week (not long by some standards), have an hour commute each way and a 2 horses at home on box rest (1 mine and 1 my daughters), house work is something that will wait for me and i do feel at times that there are not enough hours in the day to do all that i want to do. Hubby does an inordinate amount of stuff, washing (we joke that the washing machine and iron are his obsession), washes the pots, preps the veg, runs round with the hoover etc along with other stuff. You are not alone.

All i can say is dont get hung up about the house not being immaculate or your horse not being fully groomed/exercised every day/being the centre of everything, just do what you can and dont beat yourself up. Prioritise your day so that family/horse and you (especially you) get some time and things will go along fine. It does get easier as the kids grow up as well, unless they get into ponies and then you have even less time for yourself and your horse...i know, ive been there,
 
Thank you - it's good to know there are others out there in the same boat(twins wow you deserve a medal!!). Most of the people at my yard either don't have kids or have grown up kids so there is no one there in the same boat as me.

I still haven't quite relinquished my ironing routine yet (that's tonights treat but will be accompanied by some alcohol to make it more bearable!). I do think unless you are someone who can exist on little sleep (my lo isn't always sleeping through the night yet so a daren't stay up past 11 as I never know when I'll be up again!) then you will drop the ball on things. My OH does try but he does need a bit of a kick up the bum sometimes!

I'm hoping that as my lo gets older she'll continue to love horses as much as she does now and then that can become time we spend together!

Good luck with your party!
 
Simple: Here's how I tackle it -

My house IS a midden (but stables are immaculate)

I don't have children (dogs & horses instead)

Ironing? What's that?
 
It's the reason I have advertised my horse for full loan. I feel right now that I'm not able to give enough time to anything and it's getting me down. Kids are 4 & 6 we've survived this long mainly with assisted livery but the costs are so expensive & I'm beginning to feel pretty Scunnered.
 
Oh this is a depressing thread! I don't currently have a horse but I am pregnant with first baby. I have already been fretting about how I am going to cope with work/baby and had really been desperate to get a horse after having the baby. Realistically I don't think it will happen as I won't ever have any time to ride or even spend time with the horse. Guess my horsey dreams will have to be put on hold for a few years :_( Oh and my house is always a mess as i never seem to have any spare time as it is. Husband is pretty useless with housework and cooking!!
 
You're not alone!

Full time student, part time self employed, three children aged 3-9 (two eldest kids hate the yard with a passion), new house to gut and redecorate, single mum and a 4yo Highland who needs lots of attention!

I simply do the best I can. Not prepared to sacrifice my pony - she's the only thing I treat myself to, my respite from the kids and general boringness of my life at present! Given up feeling guilty, it doesn't solve anything ;)

No magic solution I'm afraid but take comfort from knowing there are lots of us in the same boat.
 
Fulltime job, almost 3yo, husband who hates horses and resents the time spent with them....
Horses at my parents, do as much as I can but ultimately they do most of it - probably equates to slightly less than full livery if I'm honest :eek: in terms of the work they do; only compete once or twice a month and never 2 days running, horses are done early as possible at weekends when I'm not competing so that I can do family time and keep OH sweet.
The major sacrifice as we don't have a cleaner - the house is a midden, minimum of a weeks notice required for fussy visitors to ensure I have time over that week in the evenings to get hoovering, floor washing and dusting etc done properly.
 
I'm in this boat. Work 30 hours a week plus setting up my own business currently. Literally launching in the next week or 2. Great husband but he resents the time I spend with pony. She is on livery in the week snd I know I couldn't manage without, and dd comes with me at the weekend. She helps muck out and now has a pony to ride at our yard so that's working out well. I'm hoping to try to ride and lead soon as she is nearly ready for that.

I have a couple of hours scheduled in between work and picking DD up from school when I can ride 3 days a week. I have a friend who rides my mare once a week for me and I do groundwork/WIH at the weekends when DD is there and she sits on. She is getting better at watching so I get to have a 20 min ride sometimes after groundwork.

It's hard. I struggle to fit shopping in so end up going to the coop on the way home from the yard which ends up expensive. I don't iron apart from uniforms (we all have them, school and work) and clean a different room every day. The house is pretty messy tbh. Mil is great childcare after school 2 days and doesn't mind staying later sometimes if I've not ridden enough so I go down to ride after my long days.

I know I'm lucky dd seems very keen ATM. It helps massively. But it's really hard. The dog misses out if I can't get up mega early to walk him so he ends up with a run round the block in the mornings, I feel guilty about this but try to make up for it on his longer walk in the evening.

It's just bloody hard.
 
It's not all bad. The bonus of it all is that you have a child to love and care for.

I have 2 part time jobs, minimum worked 25 hours a week. Two boys aged 8 and 6 and 8 ponies. Yes the earlier days when they were younger meant less riding but it was a small sacrifice to pay for being a mum. My hubby is very supportive and I rode when he was home and had a few hours at the weekend.

I chose not to return to work full time as I wanted to devote my time to being a mum. I sold some ponies as I wouldn't have time to do them all.

You have to decide what is more important, family or horses. Don't beat yourself up feeling guilty about things. I chose my family when they were small and now built my herd back up! :) My house certainly isn't a show home, nor is it a tip but my garden is pretty dreadful!!!

Children grow up so quickly, don't miss out on those precious moments.
 
Definitely Peregrine - that's what causes the guilt, I worry I'm missing out on my wee ones childhood because I'm spending time with the horse - I absolutely agree that mummies need time for themselves but horses - at least from a horse ownership perspective, is not something thta you can just jump in and out of - it's a major commitment which never used to phase me until my daughter came along.

I've tried to find a sharer but despite him being so easy to ride no one suitable has come forward. At one point I advertised him for loan - got loads of enquiries but I bottled it and changed my mind - partly due to one person who I spent ages corresponding with only for them to have to cancel a hour before they were due to turn up to see him and then never hearing from them again - I lost any faith I had in people's honesty.

A bit of an odd turn of events since I posted this though - I had advertised him for sale last month. I decided it was for the best as I do want to have another child soonish and I couldn't manage with 2 and the horse. Got the usual time wasters offering half of what he was up for before asking any other questions about him so I removed the adverts - or so I thought! I must have left one up because I now have a woman coming to see him tomorrow.

I'm telling myself that it's a good test of how serious I am about giving up - I think if I could find the right home for him I'd be tempted to selll sooner rather than later although I'll be gutted if he goes as he's a superstar.
 
Hello!!
Okay I work 28 contracted hours a week but it never ends up being that lol always more.
I have 2 toddlers, 20 months between them. One amazing horse on diy. One amazing horsey mum who is/has been a major help and a great partner.
Life is tough at times but I have no expectations anymore. You must lower your expectations!!!
Horse is currently ridden 5x a week at either 6am or 7pm. Can't say I have many folk willing to join me at those times but that's fine.
I have been known to drive over to paddock, throw tack on horse, and ride straight from there.
Kids have there own mucking out tools for winter. And sometimes I just set them down with I pads!!
A lot depends on how easy the horse is. Through force my horse has become a 'family man' he is well versed in standing like a rock as the kids put pink nail varnish on his feet or put carrots up his nose or insert their finger into his ear.
There is no way on earth I would give up my horse. Never. Nor my kids and I have to work so we all got to co exist!!!!! Life is interesting!!!
Xx
 
Horse is a saint - which makes it even harder. The sort you could leave in a field for a month then just tack up and hack out. I worry through about how I'd cope if he was injured and needed box rest etc.

I also worry about the cost - I just can't do DIY. I wouldn't work with my routine. Even assisted DIY wouldn't work as the horses at my yard get brought in at 4pm in the winter - I don't get home til 6pm and the earliest I can be at the yard is 6:30 - which means a £400 a month livery bill in the winter. So then I feel quilty about spending so much on him.

I did have him on grass livery but had no facilities so could barely ride in the winter - it was cheap but made the riding part so hard.
 
Yes the yard set up makes a big difference. On my prev yard all horses had to be in at 3pm in a the winter. I physically couldn't be there till 6pm latest. I then put him on grass livery but as you said could barely ride so couldn't stick with that so moved to a basic diy yard and paired up with a field mate so we share duties especially in winter. I put out and she brings in or vice versa etc. We help each other so no extra cost other than diy. Don't think I could afford part or full.
 
Agree - finding the right yard is key. My current yard is great but I grudge the costs. I'm hoping my old yard where I was on grass livery will install an arena one day but i'm not hopeful!

I hate relying on other people - it make me nervous relying on favours or being relied on by others because all it takes is a poorly toddler and/or OH and everything gots wrong so I couldn't work with that sort of set up and would have to pay someone.
 
I have found a happy medium with my horse. He developed spavins, I had kids!!
We are both now restricted in different ways.
What helps here is my other half has a hobby too. We have a rota so we both get our free time.
 
It's tough trying to balance motherhood work and horses.
I work a 35.5 hour week, have two children and a horse.
Horse is at grass, which although isn't ideal, because I don't have the facilities I would love to have, it's the only way I could make it work. It's lovely in summer when the children can play happily in the field whilst I poo pick. I often question my sanity during winter while trudging around in a dark and muddy field.

I only generally have 2 or 3 child free and work free slots to ride a week, but pony doesn't seem to mind too much!
 
If you have a horse you can leave for a week or two without riding it's so much easier.

I had ponies in 4 different places at one time, on DIY and a couple semi-feral. Yes at times it was tricky but when they're bit older it is better. Babies can be ridden round when in the pram in the centre of the field. Toddlers are a nuisance as they have learnt how to undo the straps on the pushchair. Then if you leave them in the car with the window open, they beep the horn, switch the lights on and lock the doors.

All good fun, I hope that you work things out.
 
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