Just after a bit of reasurance from all you mums

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Overgrown Pony

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My fiance and I have been talking babies for about a year now and we're both really keen to start trying for a family.

He set the ground rules from the start that as soon as I fall pregnant I mustn't ride (which I agree with as I have a health issue that leaves me more susceptible to miscarriage) but I also have to sell my beloved horse. Reasons for this is that 1. I won't have the time to put into him that he deserves once I have a wee one. 2. I can't expect OH to pay for my horse while i'm not working.

Now my problem is that my horse is everything to me. I've never had one like him and everyday I thank my lucky stars for him. I love him to bits. The thought of selling him makes me feel physically sick and I can't even imagine it.

What I guess i'm looking for is a bit of reasurance that once I fall pregnant my priorities will all change and selling him won't be as much of an issue. I feel a bit silly that my horse comes into the equation when it comes to something as massive as starting a family but he's everything to me. He's my baby.

Just after a chat and some reasurance I suppose
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Oh poor you, on the one hand exciting new adventure on the other he means so much to you - I don't think anyone can decide for you how it will effect you, we are all different. Have you thought about loaning him with the proviso that once baby is here, you could sneak the odd ride while dad or someone babysits it is really hard too give up altogether. Or do you have someone close to you that would like to buy him but that you would trust to let you stay in touch.

We sold our pony about 6 weeks ago and we have a lovely family who have kept us up to date with what they have been up to, and whilst we all cried when she left and felt really low their emails bring us all a big smile as she is doing a fantastic job for her new owners as we knew she would.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
Sorry, but I would be very unhappy with OH's 'ground rules'. I wouldn't have a baby by a man that set 'rules' for me, so it is difficult for me to advise. I would never sell my mare, she is a part of our family. I had her before I fell pregnant with our 3rd.
A
 
Could you loan him? TBH once you have a real human baby the horse will no longer be your number one priority, but as human baby gets older you may well wish you could get horse back.
I didn't ride at all while I was pregnant, in fact didn't even handle them and didn't miss it. Mind you I had an awful pregnancy!! But got a lovely boy who is 8 now (and he has a pony and I have a horse and his next pony to ride)
 
I had my pony for 13 years before I fell pregnant.
I could never have sold him and he meant no less to me after I had had my child. He was pts when my eldest girl was 18 months old. I cried for weeks and it still moves me to tears when I think of him.
TBH, I never thought of selling him and it my OH never even suggested it. He knew it would never happen anyway.

Had he said to me it's the pony or a child, I would have stuck with the pony
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which is why he probably didn't give me a choice
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Can you find a loan home or sharer? When first pregnant I found a great sharer who looked after my horse wonderfully and I still kept involved by going up and doing mucking out, tack cleaning, yard sweeping, coffee making etc. In my second pregnancy I found another great sharer (first one had her own horse by then) and then in the latter stages he went onto competition livery. After the babies were born (twins) I guessed time would be limited so he's gone out on proper loan and is in a great PC home. Loans can work if you stay involved. I also got mine through word of mouth so that helped too.

However, I can assure you that babies will change your life, you think you love your horse, wait until you have a real baby.
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I know Quirky, I cannot image my OH 'telling' me to sell my mare - he just would not do that. Even when he was out of work and we were broke and looking for savings, it just never came into the equation, she is just so much a part of me and who I am. And I don't love her any less beacuse I have had 3 children!
A
 
Cheers for the replies guys
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. It helps to talk to like minded folk who have been there.

I did consider the idea of putting him on loan. What I could do is start putting my feelers out now to see if anyone would be interested in taking him on for say a year. After that period I could see how things are and either get him back, carry on with the loan or sell him.

It's so hard to do this as all I know is how I feel right now (scared stiff at the thougth of not having him) and I can only guess how i'll feel once I fall pregnant.
 
Yes priorities do change, instantly. However, I do come from the position of, you need to be you, not just Mum.

Would loaning him out be an option? Sorry if this has already been said.

I started riding after I had kids, my youngest was 3 months. It was my bit of me time. I bought my mare when little un was 6 months.

Hope everything works out for you x x
 
If i was you i wouldn't sell your horse.
When i fell pregnant with my first child i sold my horse, have to say didn't regret it at all (at the time) as i wasn't very well throughout my pregnancy. Think my OH thought he had finally got rid of horses forever! Well he was wrong!!

The first few months after Jack was born i had no notion for horses whatsoever but boy did that soon change. I was desperate, missed it like crazy. Persuaded OH that i needed a horse again and was very lucky to find my beautiful mare.
I am now expecting my 2nd child in September and there is no way my horse is going anywhere.
Yes time is limited when you have a little one but believe me you need something for yourself to get out of the house, for your sanity!!
 
I'm a grandmother with 2 grown up children. I wouldnt have had the children if it ment selling my horses. if my husband had suggested it then he would hve gone, not the horse.
 
Sorry....I would not be prepared for a 'one or the other' ultimatum.
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OK, so your horse may be put on the back burner for a while- yes you could loan him out for a year or so...but I think selling is going too far. Not riding...fair enough - thats a different issue.

When the baby is born....you will deserve a bit of 'me' time, even if thats popping off to see the horse in his loan home.

As for OH paying for your horse whilst you can't work...isn't that what all relationships are about? Give and take? Its not like you've packed your job in for a sabbatical for gods sake...you are HAVING A BABY.....

I have 2 children - looking after my horses without OH and kids gives me a massive mental health break - even if its just mucking out! My youngest is 6 now, she rides and helps with her pony.....growing up with horses is, IMO - brilliant for kids.

My OH would never expect me to sell my horse, unless finances dictate- he know how I feel about him....like I would never expect him to sell his dogs. OK, so he may not be a horsey person - but you are, and he should accept that part of you. Love me, love my horse.....
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Sorry....I am outraged on your behalf.....hope you can work something out.
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Gosh I'm 20 weeks and am still riding everyday and bought Leonard last week (I've loaned him for the past year) the baby wasn't planned but we're both thrilled, riding while pregnant has been a bit of a non issue I know the risks but I also know the risks of driving to work everyday, OH is fully supportive as is midwife.

We are moving in the next 2 weeks and Len will be going on full livery I also intend to look for a sharer to help with the riding but they will have to be a clone of me! Allot of the girls at our yard have had babbies over the past 3 years so I've witnessed that it can be done, yes the horse drops down the priority ranks but you can get a balance. This has been great support for a first time horsey Mum as they've all done things differently and because they're friends I can gauge my decisions against theirs a bit, morning hacks have had a bit of a preganacy theme, everything from car seats to fitting breastfeeding in around riding!

Leonard is no spring chicken but as far as I'm concerned he is made of solid gold and I want a say in whatever happens to him from now on, I have stated that if I do struggle I may consider loaning down the line. I was worried that if I didn't buy him and he was sold on I would struggle to get a comparable replacement, I'm not the bravest and hate the idea of horse shopping again.

You have options like the others say consider loaning at least then once the little one is a bit older you could ride again a bit. I don't think its silly to consider your horse in 'life changing' decisions they aren't just pets we spend a huge amount of time caring for them and I've met most of my friends through horses, I think I'd feel incredibly isolated without them.
 
Cheers for all this guys. You're all really sweet
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. It's making me feel more positive to be armed with some ideas.

I have alot of friends at the yard that would be more than happy to let me ride their horses so i'd never be stuck. My OH is really keen for me to ride after the babies born as he knows how much I love it. From what i've heard I will thoroughly enjoy the me time
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. So the riding isn't an issue, it's not having my lad anymore...
 
A bit of advice from an old long married lady here.
I didn't have horses when my children were little but I would never ever consider having a family with anyone who laid down "ground rules". It seems very uncaring that he doesn't understand that this horse is a part of who you are.
If my daughter was with someone who insisted she sell her horses I would be advising her strongly that this would be the thin end of the wedge in a controlling relationship.
By the way what is he giving up for you?
 
[ QUOTE ]
A bit of advice from an old long married lady here.
I didn't have horses when my children were little but I would never ever consider having a family with anyone who laid down "ground rules". It seems very uncaring that he doesn't understand that this horse is a part of who you are.
If my daughter was with someone who insisted she sell her horses I would be advising her strongly that this would be the thin end of the wedge in a controlling relationship.
By the way what is he giving up for you?

[/ QUOTE ]


This is exactly what I wanted to put.....but didnt want to offend.....but that was my first thought also.

No man lays down ground rules for me. Hooo ha.
 
I had my gelding 12 years before i fell pregnant, I would never have sold him. I only rode between 3 and 7 months pregnant to be safe but i still mucked out everyday and looked after him fine. Pregnancy doesnt mean stop everything, its healthy to still be active. I would loan your boy out. Definetly not sell. Id sell the other half first
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Good luck hun x
 
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Sorry, but I would be very unhappy with OH's 'ground rules'. I wouldn't have a baby by a man that set 'rules' for me, so it is difficult for me to advise. I would never sell my mare, she is a part of our family. I had her before I fell pregnant with our 3rd.
A

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2bh I would agree with this. Yep, family and marriage is about compromise but setting ground rules is unfair. Horses ARE the family IMO.
 
After my first baby was born I made a snap decision and decided to sell my horse. Once my hormones had calmed down and life returned to 'normal', I deeply regretted this decision as I felt that I had lost a little bit of 'me' when I waved good-bye to horse-ownership. As fortune would have it, I was in a position to get my horse back a couple of years later and I jumped at the chance. During my second pregnancy I roughed him off and I'm now pregnant with number 3 and plan on doing the same again.

Please don't allow yourself to be forced into a decision that you may regret down the line. You might end up resenting your OH or even worse, resenting your baby. When your baby is born, you become a mother. But you're still 'you' as well and you need things in your life that will allow you to escape from nappies once in a while and remind you of life before kids! Can you try to find a sharer, or consider turning your horse away for a while? Having horses and kids is possible, it just takes planning and organisation
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Its not the horse that should be looking for a new home.

The way you write about your horse you WILL regret parting with him for the rest of your life unless it was your decision and as you describe above it is not.
 
Having just written in the 'horse of a lifetime' thread, I saw your post and had to reply. I have a daughter, and expecting no2 in oct. I would Never sell him, and can utterly endorse the fact that if you look hard enough, and put out the right feelers etc, you could find an amazing loaner. It is Incredibly rewarding for me to go and watch my horse compete, and be spoilt rotten, and take our toddler to see him every couple of weeks. We contacted local vets, farriers, our edt, physio, pony club, hunt etc, and soon enough had people scrabbling for him. Please, dont sell him, it can work. x Good luck
 
I'm a single mum with two horses of my own and a pony for my daughter.

When my daughter was born, the plan was her dad was going to pay for my horse while I wasnt working. Three days after I had my daughter he told me he wasnt paying for her and I had better sell her!

I didnt. I put her on loan. It went horribly wrong. I shipped her off to Yorkshire and she stayed there, going in to foal, until I got back on my feet financially.

I got rid of the bloke, got my horses back, and got a new pony for my daughter who is now six.

If he had told me I had to get rid of the hose, I would have got rid of him. What he did was spiteful and sneaky.

Plenty of people juggle it all. Its not easy. But if I can manage to work full time, do voluntary work for Cats Protection, deal with two horses and a pony, be a single mum AND pretend to do housework occassionally, you'll be fine having a hubby
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My family live miles away, as do all of my good friends, but you get by.

By all means, get a sharer or a loan but dont give up your horse unless 100% it is your decsion.

xx
 
I'm another who opts for the loan or sharer option. I suppose I was/am lucky in that my OH accepted that when we got married he married myself AND the horse. She even came to our wedding.
IMO both people in a partnership should have their own interests and each should respect the other's choices.
PS I rode until I was 6 months pregnant, but was obviously careful and had a super horse at the time. Mind you I had morning sickness the whole 9 months!!!!
 
Hiya
My little man is 2 at the end of the month. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped riding straight away ( horse was an idiot) and chucked him out. He was still in at night (total wimp) so i was mucking out every day. I got back on about 5 weeks after Ben was born, I got Ben used to sitting on the side of the school while I was riding so I could ride still. I would still have had my horse but sadly he had to be put down at the end of last year due to PSD. I really appreciated the weekend though when my OH had Ben and I could have a lovely hack round the farm, just an hour of me time was great.
I am now pregnant again so am not planning to get another until next year, I am really missing it though.
I do agree with the others though, I would be very uneasy about someone giving you an ultimatum about that. You have to be an equal team when you have a baby, not one partner taking all the control. Sorry if that offends.
x
 
your horse will be your sanity trust me!

you will need reminding of a time before life was filled with snot sick and babygak - it will give you independance and make you feel confident/good at something again and therefore happier and therefore nicer to your husband !!!

dont like the fact that he says you cant expect him to work and pay for your horse - why the hell not you will be looking after his child!

i would take some more time out with this guy to make sure hes mature enough - he should want to make you happy - and will need to understand you need your own timeoutisde of the baby.
 
Could not imagine how I would have coped without the horse in the background. Ok there are compromises to be made here but the day will come when you will seriously regret giving up the horse and you could resent your hubby for encouraging you to do it. So I say keep the horse and find someone to help you with the riding, thats what I did.
 
[ QUOTE ]
I'm a single mum with two horses of my own and a pony for my daughter.

When my daughter was born, the plan was her dad was going to pay for my horse while I wasnt working. Three days after I had my daughter he told me he wasnt paying for her and I had better sell her!

I didnt. I put her on loan. It went horribly wrong. I shipped her off to Yorkshire and she stayed there, going in to foal, until I got back on my feet financially.

I got rid of the bloke, got my horses back, and got a new pony for my daughter who is now six.

If he had told me I had to get rid of the hose, I would have got rid of him. What he did was spiteful and sneaky.

Plenty of people juggle it all. Its not easy. But if I can manage to work full time, do voluntary work for Cats Protection, deal with two horses and a pony, be a single mum AND pretend to do housework occassionally, you'll be fine having a hubby
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My family live miles away, as do all of my good friends, but you get by.

By all means, get a sharer or a loan but dont give up your horse unless 100% it is your decsion.

xx

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I'm in exactly the same position, single mum with 2 horses and a pony with a 6yo child, and I work too.

If YOU (OP) feel that you want to give up your horse when you are pregnant, then that's fine, do it. If you are being told to give him up and it's against your wishes, I'd rethink the relationship. The baby is for both of you, and you go through the pregnancy and labour for both of you, and raising the baby is for both of you.

Is hubby planning to give up his hobbies? He'll possibly be arguing that while he 'works' he can still have them? Think again - raising a child is work too, it's done as a partnership, and there will be times when you just need 'you' time, and part of your identity is being horsey - don't let someone make you give that away against your will.
 
Kimmy1 i've just reread you post, it makes me furious to be honest. Why is this bloke laying down ground rules? its outragous. dont let yourself be trodden on like this. have self respect.
if you want to keep the horse then bl***y well keep it. If he wont pay for its keep then get rid of him--the bloke , not the horse. Plenty more fish in the sea.
This isnt just a horsey issue, its an everything issue. How dare he dictate your life to you. Open your eyes girl.
 
Sorry I am childfree, not a Mum! But I second all the above posts. Don't sell the horse whatever you do; loan or share temporarily if need be. The last thing you want is to be stuck at home with a controlling other half and a new baby and no horse. You would be miserable. I am appalled that he told you to sell your horse.
 
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