Just for a laugh - most ridiculous thing you've heard an instructor saying...

F

Flicker

Well-Known Member
Joined
18 January 2007
Messages
4,004
Visit site
I once heard a visiting instructor (being paid about £55 for a half hour lesson) telling the pupil to 'ride the horse to the outside of the envelope'...

Once those of us in the gallery had picked ourselves up off the floor, we tried to work out what exactly the trainer was saying and how it could relate to inside leg / outside hand (the pupil was on a circle at the time). We remain baffled.
 
mine says... "I'm Right, aren't I" It's not a question, it's a statement of fact. and she usually is!

someone used to tell my sister to l"et his neck out and reel it in again a stride later" (he's not a fish on a line, he is indeed a horse, but she didn't seem to realise that!)
 
I HATE "kick on". It just encourages young kids to bring their legs away from the side, and boot the horses in the ribs.
 
I was told by my old instructor (she was fantastic) to "ride the horse's body, pretend his head and neck aren't there" ... once I'd figured out what the hell she meant, it worked!
 
I'm not sure ridiculous - but funniest and best piece of advice my friend was given.

She needed to sit deeper and wrap her legs around the horse in canter, and go with the movement rather than blocking it (horse had lovely big canter).
So friend warming up for competition, with instructor there.
In lovely irish tones, yelled across the warm up

"Ride him like you'd f---ing ride Brad Pitts face!!!"

Me and close companions dissolved into fits of laughter, warm up arena came to a stand still as people tried to work out if they'd hear that right, and friend nearly fell off in big canter as was giggling!!
 
I have to admit the most rediculous thing I heared (at the time) was 'You're on the wrong leg' closely followed (in sillyness) by 'you're on the wrong diagonal'. It the time I was very new to riding and had no idea what the terms meant, and thinking about it they are a bit silly.

Wrong leg? wtf? it has four? should I be sitting on one? should it be hopping?

Wrong diagonal? but you told me F to H should I be going K to J? wtf?
 
Wrong leg means you're cantering on the "wrong leg" i.e. body of horse is curving the wrong way. Wrong diagonal means you're rising to the wrong leg going forward.
 
Similar to Trolt, I remember being on a riding lesson where we were told to sit deeper to the canter and move our hips like we were all having s*x with an amorous and adventurous lover. Fine, but it was a kids lesson, I was 11 at the time, it was another 15+ years before I truly realised what she meant!!
 
timefort said:
Similar to Trolt, I remember being on a riding lesson where we were told to sit deeper to the canter and move our hips like we were all having s*x with an amorous and adventurous lover. Fine, but it was a kids lesson, I was 11 at the time, it was another 15+ years before I truly realised what she meant!!
Click to expand...

That's just wrong :o :D. Love the Brad Pitt comment though! LMAO! :D.
 
not a silly thing to say but a misunderstanding...

i remember a novice rider on being told to 'change the rein' holding up his reins to his face and looking at them in bemusement :D
 
Not heard, but seen....

She attached somebody's running martingale as a standing... all well and good apart from the fact the martingale was too short ANYWAY and she attached it to the bottom strap of a grackle noseband. My jaw dropped and I just had to walk away. The pupils of this instructor sing her praises left right and centre, I wouldn't have a lesson with her if you paid me.
 
'Sit back, relax' as a 17hh ex-racer bolted with me. Not so ridiculous and this has since come in useful, but at the time I was like' What?! Are you MENTAL? Relax?!'
 
"Yes yes the pair of you do look 'harmonious' ...but that's only because you're not actually asking him to do anything" :eek: :o :)

"Imagine you're riding with a £10 note under your arse... I'd lend you one to explain the point but you're determined to ride like a jockey and it would blow away" :p :D
 
''Sit up, stick your tits out''! lol
''You are clingfilm, wrap your legs around the horse as if your wrapping up a sandwich''.
''You are cross between a sack of spuds and a cowboy, we have work to do''.
''When I asked you to jump the ditch, I didn't expect you to check it out first''. - This was very funny!!
 
Ruthnmeg said:
''When I asked you to jump the ditch, I didn't expect you to check it out first''. - This was very funny!!
Click to expand...

Love that!!

A stand in instructer used to say "Pull yourself towards youself"

I think this meant to organise yourself and be prepared.....but not entirely sure!!
 
hmm Ive had "stick your t**s out ladies like a page 3 girl" to get our posture right

oh and my most embarrassing was "if i wanted a duck in my class i would go to the pond Michelle" i used to flap my elbows in canter LMAO
 
'do a jordan and stick them t**s out'

and also i got told a martingale was used for people that are scared of their horses i was like err....... not off an intrustor but some one i know
 
dibbin said:
I was told by my old instructor (she was fantastic) to "ride the horse's body, pretend his head and neck aren't there" ... once I'd figured out what the hell she meant, it worked!
Click to expand...

oh yes.. I've been told to "ride his shoulders" before now, which is similar.

I've also been told to imagine he's a toy in an arcade grabby thing and that I'm the grabby bit and that I've to imagine trying to pick him up with my legs and core. This is really really effective - it really helps you to sit light without giving up the security of the saddle, and helps to bring his back up under you to allow space for his hindlegs to come through!
 
:)

I do know what the terms mean but at the time they were mightily confusing and I thought a fairly rediculous thing to say to a novice that you have taught since the begining (3 lessons ago) and never explained the terms to. It took me a good 6 months to get up the courage to ask what the heck moving 'through' the bridle was supposed to mean too, turned out half the people who made me feel like a dunce for not knowing by nodding didn't actualy know either. (This was before I had access to the internet for reference.)

How about 'well you made it over' as I sat on the oposite side of the jump looking at a snickering pony.
 
one of the best comments i got was from my riding instructer after id riden over a jump by first rearing up to it then taking of straight up and nearly hitting a crowd full of people.(it was the horse not me who was bad, most people couldnt even ride it and it got put down but anyway). after this casual insident the riding teacher and brilliant women said, 'shes a little bit gay today isnt she'. i love it. :)
 
I was watching a lesson and the instructor shouted very loudly "That whip isnt just to scratch your fanny with!!" I nearly fell over laughing....
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top