Just too much to bear...

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Biglets Mummy

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Pointless post - Hope by typing this post someone might give me the name of a magic pill that will take all the pain away. I am trying to work and carry on as normal but cant stop shaking and shivering.
9 months ago my canine wonderful best friend of 13 years passed away,her brother passed 6 weeks ago leaving me fully alone for the first time in 14 years. They were with me through everything - my mother dying suddenly,my divorce,you name it it has happened in the past 14 years. We were together all day every day and the gap in my life is overwhelming. I am lucky enough to have my dear little GR who is struggling herself but she is the reason I am trying to pull myself together. Trying to adjust to this new life without them is difficult.
I have 4 cats and got asked to foster a beautiful boy cat aged about 6 months which I did. He was such a lovely boy and fitted straight in with my family.He didn't really like being outside and was quite happy sitting with me in the office and tormenting the GR. He got killed on the lane. I hadn't see him for about an hour and just had an awful gut feeling. The lane is very quiet and it was just awful luck.
Then 10 days ago I got a knock on the door to find my elderly neighbour from up the lane sobbing. He had just found my neighbors 7 years old daughters cat on the lane.It was her xmas present last year and we all adored him.
To say that he was in a mess was an understatement and I had to ring my neighbour at work and tell her. I offered to bury him before they came home and I didn't want them to see him like that. It has really affected me and I always thought I was pretty tough. It was very distressing but I couldn't bear it if the little girl had seen him...
Last night my father and I were having a glass of wine in the garden. I went back in to get the bottle and found my new little foster kitten dying on the kitchen floor. From the blood it looks like she had climbed up on to the top of some wicker baskets I have and fallen backwards hitting her head on the corner of the dishwasher. She was fitting in the car as I raced to the vets but her head injury was too great and as she was only 9 weeks old her little body was still frail.
I've buried her in the garden this morning and shedding many tears at unfair for this dear little scrap to loose her life like that but how much grief can you take.I feel physically sick and cold and confused. I'm trying to work but cant concentrate.
But the worse thing is the effect I am having on my already grieving little GR. The kitten adored her and actually suckled from her. She would sit on her back and play fight with her and as I buried her this morning she just sat and whimpered.She wont eat and is just lying here on the floor staring into space. She has lost so much too. But with my evident grief its making her worse. I am a really strong person and have coped with so much but I am floored.I actually feel broken if that makes any sense.
How have you all coped when having a run of bereavement like this? Any magic remedy? Gins all round for reading and letting me admit how I feel. xxx
 
I'm so sorry for your losses, that's the thing with animals they give us so much but in the end we have to pay for that as they will all leave us. You must have such a big heart to take care of all your animals and neighbours in the way you do, let yourself and your dog grieve and soon you will be able to smile and remember them with fondness. If you continue to feel very low don't hesitate to talk to friends or even your doctor, you have been through a lot more than many people could cope with and its bound to hit you hard x
 
So, so sorry to read your awfully sad news and regret there is no magic remedy to help your pain. (if only there were)
However, why not give yourself a break, even just for an hour or two, and take yourself off to bed or cuddle on sofa with GR under a warm throw and try to nod off. It may be comforting for both your mind and body to have just a little time away from the grief and help in the repair. Sending huge hugs to you. Take good care of yourself.
 
Have actually shed a tear reading your post, your sadness comes across in waves.

I don't think anyone can wave a magic wand to make it all better but just take comfort in that all your little ones have known is love & kindness in their long & short lives.
 
Mahoganybay said:
Have actually shed a tear reading your post, your sadness comes across in waves.

I don't think anyone can wave a magic wand to make it all better but just take comfort in that all your little ones have known is love & kindness in their long & short lives.
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Thanks Mahoganybay. Appreciate the post and I am sorry to make you cry. I hope they all had happy lives. I know they made mine worth living for. xxx
 
Big hugs BM :( I feel so terribly sad for you..

Please be gentle with yourself for the next wee while, and I really hope your luck turns soon....

I lost my JRT on the road nearly 5 years ago, and still have flashbacks about it...

My heart goes out to you it really does..

Fiona
 
Fiona said:
Big hugs BM :( I feel so terribly sad for you..

Please be gentle with yourself for the next wee while, and I really hope your luck turns soon....

I lost my JRT on the road nearly 5 years ago, and still have flashbacks about it...

My heart goes out to you it really does..

Fiona
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Thank you Fiona . I keep having flashbacks at the mo as well. I am so sorry to hear about your JRT. Just breaks you doesnt it xxx
 
Reading through your post my heart goes out to you.Youve have more knocks than is fair and you do sound like a very kind person.Thank goodness your father is still with you and was there when the little kitten had her fall.It does sound like you need a time out from hurt and heartbreak but life keeps throwing its curveballs. I have no advice but hope you have friends to support you close by.We are all here too ,many have had recent losses so do know how you feel...huge hugs to you ,pour another wine for you and your dad and cuddle that dog!
 
Bellasophia said:
Reading through your post my heart goes out to you.Youve have more knocks than is fair and you do sound like a very kind person.Thank goodness your father is still with you and was there when the little kitten had her fall.It does sound like you need a time out from hurt and heartbreak but life keeps throwing its curveballs. I have no advice but hope you have friends to support you close by.We are all here too ,many have had recent losses so do know how you feel...huge hugs to you ,pour another wine for you and your dad and cuddle that dog!
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Thank you Bellasophia. I have really good friends but not really doggy animal friends and they dont really understand what these little souls mean to me - well to us all.Thank you for the hugs.Off to get the wine xxx
 
It never feels like it at the time of such trauma and distress, but time is a healer, you will never forget, not that you would ever want to forget your beloved pets but it will get easier, but please take comfort that you looked after them and loved them and did the best things for them when they needed you to, I am sure everyone on this forum are all animal lovers and I hope I am right to say that we all love our pets with all of our hearts, and we have probably all lost our best friends at some time, it's so true that they have such desperately short lives anyway and when taken too soon almost makes it even worse, and I understand what you mean when you say you feel broken, as others have said if you need to, do go to the doctor, or better still if you are able to, the Dogs Trust or similar, and change the life of a little creature that feels maybe similar to how you do now, if your GR will not feel pushed out. I have lost animals, went to see my horses some time back and found my angelic Shire horse unexpectedly dead in the field, I lost my beloved German Shepherd to a twisted stomach and that is not forgetting those precious pets that have been allowed a peaceful end, nobody ever knows how someone else is feeling, but on a level I really do know how I think you might be feeling, take care of yourself and take each day as it comes, sending big squeezey hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Huge, huge hugs Biglets Mummy. I am so sorry for your pain. You only have the pain if you have had the love. Your darlings have obviously been incredibly loved - it is you who pays the price for that in grieving for them so deeply - but that is part of your gift to them. All I can suggest is that you give your GR and your other darlings all the love you possibly can and take comfort from the privilege of being able to do that. Hugs again. x x
 
Hugs help, I promise. If you're not coping day to day, please make an appointment with your GP. The loss of a much loved pet is appalling. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel with multiple losses.

Time heals, but you'll still feel the loss, just not so acutely. I don't know what else helps bar taking your mind off it with more pets and then that leads to loss once more. I don't know why we do this to ourselves, other than that we have so much love to give. They're worth it, I know. Even when my current boys go, I'll regret their passing and I'll be devastated, but I know it won't stop me getting more.
 
Oh you poor thing. There's nothing I can say to make it easier, my heart goes out to you what an awful run you've had. Be kind to yourself, let yourself grieve and it will get easier in time.

Ps - for your little GR there are some Bach flower remedies that I've heard can help, might be worth looking into (and possibly for yourself if you're that way inclined).
 
cinnamontoast said:
Hugs help, I promise. If you're not coping day to day, please make an appointment with your GP. The loss of a much loved pet is appalling. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel with multiple losses.

Time heals, but you'll still feel the loss, just not so acutely. I don't know what else helps bar taking your mind off it with more pets and then that leads to loss once more. I don't know why we do this to ourselves, other than that we have so much love to give. They're worth it, I know. Even when my current boys go, I'll regret their passing and I'll be devastated, but I know it won't stop me getting more.
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I agree. So sorry to hear of all you have been through. A few years ago, I went through a patch of about 5 years where it was one thing after the other. I lost 3 horses within 2 years, and lots of family rubbish to deal with. I let it go on far too long before I went to my GP asking about depression. Please don't wait! If you do end up on anti-depressants, they are not as addictive as people think. I was on them for 6 months and have been absolutely fine since.

Really sad for you. Good luck and big hugs
 
Chestnutty Mare said:
It never feels like it at the time of such trauma and distress, but time is a healer, you will never forget, not that you would ever want to forget your beloved pets but it will get easier, but please take comfort that you looked after them and loved them and did the best things for them when they needed you to, I am sure everyone on this forum are all animal lovers and I hope I am right to say that we all love our pets with all of our hearts, and we have probably all lost our best friends at some time, it's so true that they have such desperately short lives anyway and when taken too soon almost makes it even worse, and I understand what you mean when you say you feel broken, as others have said if you need to, do go to the doctor, or better still if you are able to, the Dogs Trust or similar, and change the life of a little creature that feels maybe similar to how you do now, if your GR will not feel pushed out. I have lost animals, went to see my horses some time back and found my angelic Shire horse unexpectedly dead in the field, I lost my beloved German Shepherd to a twisted stomach and that is not forgetting those precious pets that have been allowed a peaceful end, nobody ever knows how someone else is feeling, but on a level I really do know how I think you might be feeling, take care of yourself and take each day as it comes, sending big squeezey hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Huge thanks Chestnutty. Squeezy hugs are very welcome xxx
 
FFAQ said:
I agree. So sorry to hear of all you have been through. A few years ago, I went through a patch of about 5 years where it was one thing after the other. I lost 3 horses within 2 years, and lots of family rubbish to deal with. I let it go on far too long before I went to my GP asking about depression. Please don't wait! If you do end up on anti-depressants, they are not as addictive as people think. I was on them for 6 months and have been absolutely fine since.

Really sad for you. Good luck and big hugs
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Thank you FFAQ - thanks for the hugs. xxx
 
Possum said:
Oh you poor thing. There's nothing I can say to make it easier, my heart goes out to you what an awful run you've had. Be kind to yourself, let yourself grieve and it will get easier in time.

Ps - for your little GR there are some Bach flower remedies that I've heard can help, might be worth looking into (and possibly for yourself if you're that way inclined).
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Thanks Possum - I think I might look at the Bachs remedies - hadnt thought of that. Thanks for your lovely words xxx
 
cinnamontoast said:
Hugs help, I promise. If you're not coping day to day, please make an appointment with your GP. The loss of a much loved pet is appalling. I cannot begin to imagine how you feel with multiple losses.

Time heals, but you'll still feel the loss, just not so acutely. I don't know what else helps bar taking your mind off it with more pets and then that leads to loss once more. I don't know why we do this to ourselves, other than that we have so much love to give. They're worth it, I know. Even when my current boys go, I'll regret their passing and I'll be devastated, but I know it won't stop me getting more.
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Thanks cinnamontoast - I am seeing the doc tomorrow as burst into sobs in the middle of the Co OP last night which was embarrassing . I think in time I will get another dog. Glutton for punishment arent we. xxx
 
Tobiano said:
Huge, huge hugs Biglets Mummy. I am so sorry for your pain. You only have the pain if you have had the love. Your darlings have obviously been incredibly loved - it is you who pays the price for that in grieving for them so deeply - but that is part of your gift to them. All I can suggest is that you give your GR and your other darlings all the love you possibly can and take comfort from the privilege of being able to do that. Hugs again. x x
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Thanks Tobiano and I love " You only have the pain if you have had the love". That is so so true.Thank you for the hugs xxx
 
So sorry to read this Biglets Mummy. A heartbreaking phase for you - be kind to yourself, in this grieving process, it does and will get better. xx
 
Im sorry to hear this, you have been very unlucky. I lost two setters within a week of each other and it was terrible. My little dog is my only " relative" and I torment myself about what I will do when he's gone as he is elderly now. I think the only answer is to get another dog/cat. I know people say they cant put themselves through the agony of losing a pet again, but you do get so much from them.
 
Penny Less said:
Im sorry to hear this, you have been very unlucky. I lost two setters within a week of each other and it was terrible. My little dog is my only " relative" and I torment myself about what I will do when he's gone as he is elderly now. I think the only answer is to get another dog/cat. I know people say they cant put themselves through the agony of losing a pet again, but you do get so much from them.
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Oh Pennyless - I am so sorry to hear about your loss. How truly devastating to loose them in just one week. I couldn't agree more that the grief is overwhelming but the years of love and devotion are just worth it . Hugs to you xxx
 
Biglets Mummy, thanks, the two setters were some time back and it does get easier, I always remember every dog Ive had with good memories now. Theres always another one that needs a loving home, especially nowadays
 
What a lot of kicks in the teeth you've had. Be kind to yourself, find some treats, things you enjoy.
Electronic hug from me and electronic lick from our dog.
 
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