Just unsure of what to do/how to deal with it? Am i being mean?

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EquestrianFairy

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Ok so i recently moved yards to a new place with my own grazing etc although it is not rented as bulk- i pay for my horses and my stable so although the Owner calls it 'mine' (bless her) i have no say over who comes and goes in reality.

The owner said she will not advertise it but if i know of any friends etc then they are welcome to come but as i have 4 horses myself its very much up to me, im in charge of the grazing rotation etc.

(its an odd set-up i think!)

ANYWAY, when i moved a girl from my old yard came with me as she was getting hassle from the farmer.
She is very unreliable, never comes up to see her horse etc but she said now this place is new and has a school she will def get back into it.
-Well she hasnt! We've been there almost two weeks and shes been up twice (once on the day we moved and once again Monday) her horse is muzzled 24/7 as she was morbidly obese and is looking slighter but obv no fitter.

Im starting to get sick of poohpicking her horse and feeling like im having to 'check' on it as obv i dont want it getting hurt etc.

She never replies to my texts unless shes asking me to check on her pony.

She hasnt paid the Owner yet and now says shes going to sell her horse for a bigger one (!)
The thing is, shes abit of a fibber and i know shes not going to even advertise it, she just says it for a reaction.
Im hoping she will sell it and then not get another one, she has no car so transport for her is difficult even though i offer as much as i can.

I just would rather she left its stressing me out abit, it was not my place to stop her moving with me and i wish she hadnt now shes not sticking to her 'promise'
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Is that mean of me?!
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That's a horrible situation to be in, when you should be happy and enjoying it at your new yard. I've been in almost exactly the same position with a selfish,neglectful unreliable owner but it was my own yard so I happily kicked her off!

All I can say is that this girl is using you as she knows you won't let her horse be totally neglected.Everybody knows the basics of horse ownership are going to see your horse everyday,making sure it is ok and keeping its' surroundings clean.She is not doing any of this.I'm afraid in your situation maybe you are going to have to address it in person with this owner.Irresponsible people like this ignore text messages unless it's something they want from you, as you say.If you know where she lives I would text her that you are coming round,and in a calm, assertive way tell her that you aren't prepared to look after her horse unpaid any longer.That she doesn't appreciate her horse, or the care you give it.So, she can either pay you the going rate for part or full livery or remove her horse within 7 days as she has proved she won't look after it.

Ignore her promises to start looking after it.If the YO is allowing you to manage the field yourself,discuss it with the YO.Everybody may think you are sharing/loaning this horse and aren't aware of the situation.Hopefully the YO will agree it is unacceptable once she knows the situation, and will back you up.

Its sad to say that people like this just don't see that they are doing anything wrong,and usually get nasty when you refuse to be used anymore.Don't rise to it,don't get personal even if she does, just stay calm and assertive and tell her it is the end of the matter.You have done more than enough.Draw a line and stick to it.You have a right not be used as an unpaid skivvy, and the poor horse has a right to an owner who takes responsibilty for it and gives basic care.


If she hasn't paid for the horse yet surely the previous owner is checking on it's welfare?Wouldn't she want to be put in the picture?


Good luck, you are in the right here, don't put up with another day of being used and it spoiling your enjoyment of your horse.You must feel very resentful.Don't accept it any longer.Not many people like confrontation but the only alternative is putting up with being treated like a fool.It doesn't have to be heated,tell her you have no wish to argue,you are just being assertive and stating you will not accept this any more.There are so many people who think they are never wrong, even when they blatantly are in this case.Change your mobile number to avoid any nasty texts if she doesn't face up to her responsibilty and starts those games.
 
Sorry, ive confused you (Im rubbish at this sort of thing)

She owns the horse (unfort for the horse)
My little yard is an addtion to the big yard my YM owns.
As i was the one who went to see it etc, the YM is very much of the opinion that if anyone else wants to come on the yard shes happy for me to be the 'go bwteen' i imagine partly because it makes life easier for her- which is fine! i dont mind that.

This girl should of paid the YM two weeks ago but hasnt, I made it clear to YM that im happy to sort out things but i dont want to be responsbile for collecting peoples money.
She was fine with that, but im unsure how much she wants to get involved if people are neglecting there horses?

I dont think i have the right to throw her off, i think the YM has but i dont think she'd want to get involved. ??
 
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I dont think i have the right to throw her off, i think the YM has but i dont think she'd want to get involved. ??

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She is not being paid. She's already involved. Tell her exactly what has been said here and then let this girl know the outcome which is probably to the effect of - pay up, buck up or f-off.
 
-what happens if she pays her (which she must intend to do)? and then doesnt come up for another month? I dont think the YM would get involved to the point of tellling her to leave unless she constantly didnt pay.

We've only been there two weeks.

The YM is a lovely lady, who ive only known for all of two weeks myself and i dont want it to look like im trying to cause trouble etc?

I just wish she would take the correct responsibility thats all i want- or sell the poor thing!
 
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-what happens if

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There's only one way to find out. Fact is you need to do something - you're not going to find anything you can do that you wouldn't be able to put a 'what happens if' after.

Have you ever actually called her instead of texting? Or do you know her home number?
 
Yes ive tried calling but she doesnt answer, i know where she lives as ive dropped her off before but i dont want to go round.

I gave the YM her mobile number if she ever needed to contact her aswell.
 
I haven't read all the replies so apologise if I am repeating. Is there any chance you could ask to rent the whole of the yard as a lot and then let out a few DIY liveries? That way you could cover the extra costs and be selective of who you have as a livery (basically it would give you the authority to ask this girl to leave).

I am in a slightly similar situation to you - I have my own yard, am in charge of everything - but don't own it nor do I pay rent but instead I look after the holiday cottages and the owners horse (she is only down a few times a year). But I have to say - I would hate to share it with anyone else.
 
Do you have to keep your horse in the same paddocks as her? Maybe ask your YM if yours can graze in a different field as your fed up of having to poo pick for both horses when the other girl doesnt. Group turnout on my yard has to have a fair poo picking rota or I think the YO will do it and charge the person who should have done it but never does.

Only thing I can suggest is make a fuss to your YO about not wanting to share grazing with someone who rarely sees her horse and your YO should get involved.
 
As hard as it is for you, as long as you keep looking after her horse and not saying anything to this irresponsible owner nothing will change. I was also thinking, can you explain to the YM and ask her to contact the owner to say she has to come down to move her horse to another paddock?That is what the YM is there for,to manage problems, am sure she'd rather have this owner look after her own horse than this unfair situation.Surely the YM has noticed that you're there all the time and this owner hardly ever comes up?
 
I've been reading your previous posts, so do understand a bit what situation you are in. I'm in a similar yard setup myself.
I think the only thing you can do is go to the girls house and speak to her SERIOUSLY about this. I'm sure you don't want to come across as being mean etc etc. but you are and will continue to be used as a doormat until you do.
Explain to her that not payingher rent is putting you in a difficult situation, which is not fair, and either she pays her rent, checks her horse once a day or she leaves. Simple.
You really will have to bite the bullet on this one.
The only other thing you can do is stop caring for the horse. Hard I know, but it is not your responsibility. Then text her to say the horse needs water and poo picking etc and flatly refuse if she requests that you do it for her. It is HER horse and if she doesn't want to look after it then tell her to get rid. I think you're going to have to be pretty firm about it.
You've got yourself far too involved and unless you are prepared to put your foot down about it you will probably end up paying her rent just to keep the land yourself.
Be brave and go for it.
Good luck
 
Whats going to happen in the winter?, will she just leave you to look after and feed her horse too??
Its not fair of her to presume you will do all the hard work, hope fully she will sell the horse, then tell her there is no room for a new one.
 
cant you mention that you cant do her horse anymore as you have enough of your own,the horse is FAT needs to be worked to get the fat off !!!! have seen a few posts on this forum with caring peeps getting stuck with other peoples horses welfare ect,,, some people obv dont know what having a horse involves and need a quick 'recap' !!!!
 
I'm so annoyed that this girl is making things difficult when you moved to ge away from all that kind of nonsense.
I agree with others who say you need to talk to her and explain that you are not her groom and she has a duty of care to her horse. Tell her she has to either start looking after her own horse, because you will put it in a seperate field and have nothing more to do with it, or you will charge (though the fact she hasn't paid the YO makes me doubt she'd pay up!). What on earth does she think is going to happen come winter? You cannot be expected to care for the mare then.
If nothing changes you and the YO need to sort this out together - your YO is ultimately the one with the responsibility, whether they like it or not.
 
I think i will give it a week of the horse being for sale and see what happens.

Im tempted to pay the £8 myself and put her in adtrader as i know the free websites are good but they wont reach the same expanse of people.

Am i crazy?

The YO is going to think im some pain in the ass livery.. i just really dont want to upset anyone-espec after the hassle at the last place. Im so caught up in this.
 
But what if this girl does get another horse if this one sells?And that could take months.

You're not crazy,just very put upon by this owner.I understand you really don't want a confrontation or to make any trouble, but you wouldn't be.You would just be standing up for yourself and the poor horse. Has the YM noticed that you are always there but this owner isn't?How is the YM going to help you unless she knows what's going on?. Really you will just be prolonging the over- due reality check this owner needs if you can't bite the bullet now and say what needs to be said.It will have to come up one day, these things always do hun.

I'm sorry, I don't understand why you will keep making yourself resentful and spoil the enjoyment of a new yard and your own horses, when all you have to do is tell this owner things have got to change. You can be polite and as nice as pie when you tell her,you don't even have to be drawn into conversation with her, it would take 2 minutes to do.Can a member of your family or a friend support you with this?
It won't be as bad as you think.

As a last resort how about putting it in writing to this girl, that you feel unable to discuss it with her but changes have to be made. But then she will probably confront you, maybe not in a nice way, and you will feel worse.

Please talk to your YM, she will have seen and heard a lot worse.You have not done anything wrong, quite the opposite.Am sure she will support you and see it as just a minor issue in the scheme of things, that can be sorted easily by moving the other horse away from yours.

Go on, you can do it, if not for yourself do it for your horses,think of the time this other one is taking up, time that could be spent with your own.They pick up when you are stressed too,they want to see you happy.Please be strong.
 
Do you and YM have a contract? Does she have a contract with either you or YM?

I think it needs to at the very least be written down in pain english who is responsible for what and to whom, if you get me.
 
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