Just why the rudeness? Pointless rant really

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FinalFurlong

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So out of about 20 liveries at my yard where i part loan a lovely horse (though compared to his owner I ride him awfully :p) been there for about a month or 2 now, I speak regularly to and get on well with about 4 people, about 6 people say hi and are polite etc but there are a few who are downright rude!

I have never been introduced to these rude people or spoke a word to them but they seem to just dislike/ignore me :confused: One never says hello or goodbye even when he is stood with a bunch of people who do, I once held a gate open for another girl and she just walked straight past with her horse without even acknowledging me let alone a thank you! I've never even spoke to any of them, I would do if they gave me half a chance! They just completely act as if i'm not there!

I'm not a mean person, I get on fine with a few of the other girls, I dont even know everyones names! I know the names of about 6 people as i wasn't introduced to anyone bar YM.

Its just confusing :confused: I'd like to make friends with them because right now im just a loner compared to everyone else, just dont understand why they're so rude, i haven't done anything! :confused:

I am a right loner compared to everyone else its quite embarrassing really, i'm incredibly shy when i got to new yards I've only just made friends with a few of the girls. I tend to just stand in my horses stable whilst everyone else stands in the yard and chats because im too shy to go outside :o I'm a bit of a wimp really

I have cheesecake :D
 
If that's how they treat a new person then they ain't worth getting to know.

How rude really of that girl, a smile and a nod would have been good if she was too shy to talk first.
 
Have a look at it from the others perspective, you say you are painfully shy and hide in the stable. That could be easily taken as rudeness.

I would just keep on as normal with the ones that you do get on with, I feel sure you will gradually be included more.
 
Persephone said:
Have a look at it from the others perspective, you say you are painfully shy and hide in the stable. That could be easily taken as rudeness.

I would just keep on as normal with the ones that you do get on with, I feel sure you will gradually be included more.
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I would agree with this - I'm pretty shy with strangers and have been told before it makes me appear a bit unfriendly :o

You could always take a box of Celebrations with you and leave them in the tack room with a note saying something like "Hi! I'm abc's loaner, haven't had a chance to say hello to everyone yet, but if you ever want a chat, come and say hello, from X" Might help break the ice, most folk are easily swayed by chocolate :)
 
I do agree that before I started speaking to a few of the girl's I may have come across snobby/bitchy etc through my shyness from someone else's view. Then I made friends and thought well now they have seen me speaking and getting along well with a few other people then they may not think im a horrible person?

Still, there was no need for that girl to blank me when i held the gate open :p

Oh well! Least the horse is nice :p
 
numptynoelle said:
I would agree with this - I'm pretty shy with strangers and have been told before it makes me appear a bit unfriendly :o

You could always take a box of Celebrations with you and leave them in the tack room with a note saying something like "Hi! I'm abc's loaner, haven't had a chance to say hello to everyone yet, but if you ever want a chat, come and say hello, from X" Might help break the ice, most folk are easily swayed by chocolate :)
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:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
Just the thought of doing that makes me shiver!!! I am WAY too shy, I've never even set foot in the little room where everyone else apart from me sits and drinks tea!

I'm actually an incredibly outgoing un-shy person with my friends (I get told how loud I am), at the racing yard i'm very comfortable and outgoing and get along with all the lads/lasses fine. Except with the racing yard i was introduced to everyone, there are less people etc whereas the livery yard is the biggest yard ive been on and i only got introduced to YM
 
I was at quite a nice livery yard once and have two students who come up to help me sometimes. I could not believe the rude comments a couple of the liveries made about them because they were university students when in fact they were very nice girls and really competent and reliable. I can only think they were looked down upon because they didn't own horses or pay livery themselves. The lack of social skills that some horsy people have never ceases to amaze me, and those type usually seem to be concentrated in livery yards!
 
FinalFurlong said:
Argh, appearing rude is the least thing I wanted! :(
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It's not your fault though, just the others that appear rude could be shy too.

Easiest way, say hello and goodbye yourself, it's quite difficult to ignore salutations and I'll bet it breaks the stalemate.

Then ask little questions about their horse if it's nearby, and bingo ;)
 
I don;t miss livery yards - a load of *******d up stressed people there at times. Some lovely ones, but some of them just make you wonder why they bother if they are so pissed off at life.
 
They maybe just think you're not interested in joining in with them if you keep yourself to yourself. I think you need to break the ice with them say hello, maybe ask if you can ride out with them sometime?
 
Mithras said:
I was at quite a nice livery yard once and have two students who come up to help me sometimes. I could not believe the rude comments a couple of the liveries made about them because they were university students when in fact they were very nice girls and really competent and reliable. I can only think they were looked down upon because they didn't own horses or pay livery themselves. The lack of social skills that some horsy people have never ceases to amaze me, and those type usually seem to be concentrated in livery yards!
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This ^
 
FinalFurlong said:
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
Just the thought of doing that makes me shiver!!! I am WAY too shy, I've never even set foot in the little room where everyone else apart from me sits and drinks tea!
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They probably think you're a bit rude as you're not getting involved with them.

I'm not in anyway saying it is your fault, and I understand shyness can be horrendous, but they probably think you're choosing to not interact with them (in the tea room) when you have the chance to. So because you're deliberately ignoring them, they are ignoring you back.

Just try smiling and saying hello to people on the yard :) it's very hard to ignore/ride past someone who has just spoken to you, without at least saying hello back.
 
FinalFurlong said:
I have never been introduced to these rude people or spoke a word to them but they seem to just dislike/ignore me :confused: ...

I tend to just stand in my horses stable whilst everyone else stands in the yard and chats because im too shy to go outside :o I'm a bit of a wimp really
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FinalFurlong said:
:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
Just the thought of doing that makes me shiver!!! I am WAY too shy, I've never even set foot in the little room where everyone else apart from me sits and drinks tea!
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(This is meant in a very nice friendly way) Get over it! Get stuck in! :D They perhaps do think that you are rude/antisocial/don't want to talk/get involved. 2 tips: 1. drive by compliments - "What a lovely looking face your horse has" "nice rug!" "oooh gorgeous boots, they look warm!" - as you are passing the people, don't stop walking, it's a drive-by compliment, there's no chance of rejection as you're not expecting an answer, just being friendly :) 2. Level up for 20 seconds. Pick up a jar of really irresistibly nice hot choccy from home, walk with confidence into the tea room, and say "It's freezing today, who's for hot chocolate?" 20 seconds is all it takes.
 
Aww bless you, I would worry just the same, I spend hours agonising over these things and actively avoid situations that might get awkward when I'm having an off day. Once I have established all is ok or a person opens conversation I chat away and I am sure people think I go on and on!

I tend to just make sure everyone thinks I am approachable, by always saying hello, smiling or giving a wave if far away, and holding gates and generally trying to be courteous and helpful. Some people don't appreciate it but I guarantee a lot more people do, and some of the ones who have seemed a bit off are probably feeling awkward... Sometimes when you do make a couple of friends this can make you inadvertently exclude other people, but you've not been there long, give it time, smile and don't let any cold receptions get you down. Also I'm sure I don't need to remind you to refrain from partaking in bitching, tempting though it is. I find a year down the line you always find yourself thinking 'I totally misjudged that person, all those things I said about them I would absolutely die if they found out'.

If you're getting bad vibes off a particular person, go to their stable while they're in it, say hello and don't leave til you've had a chat about the weather, then cheerily carry on, you never know these people may surprise you.
 
Just out of interest how old are you/they? I'm not in the least shy, & in my teens if I met someone like yourself who was shy, I did jump to the conclusion they were rude/didn't want to join in/ anti-social etc cos at that age I didn't really see any reason people might be that shy, I just assumed any teen who wanted to socialize would just join in. As an adult I do understand now, but if these girls are teens then it may easily just be that. (except the ones not saying thanks or bye, that's just rude).
 
It is horrible to feel shy.

But if you are always waiting for someone else to make the first move and speak, then they might be feeling and thinking the same as you.

My advice would be when they walk past, just say hi and if they still blank you, then it's their loss and you can be safe in the knowledge that you have made the effort to be friendly.
 
You dont need to do anything big, just as they walk through the gate say 'morning', and maybe a goodbye when you go home, and just build it on that. Make sure you have your side of the street swept, so, if anything is ever said, they dont have the reason to say, we didnt speak to you because you didnt speak to them.
Livery yards - such fun!!!
 
Perhaps they dont know how to approach you. You dont say how old you are, but I find girls from the age of 13 upwards find it hard to introduce themselves and find common ground. We have youngsters at our yard who are quite friendly but need to be approached and to be honest you really have to keep talking to them just to keep the conversation going. We also had a young girl who has now left our yard who was so shy no one spoke to her for ages. I eventually went over and had a chat and to be honest she must have felt really lonely at our yard. She always said hello with a smile and said goodbye when she left. We didnt have too much in common, but I feel she at least had someone she could speak to if need be. She eventually became friends with my grand daughter and they went hacking and and exchanged contact details. It can be a bit daunting to be in the mixed crowd you usually find at livery yards. Some of the older people have their own set of friends and perhaps dont feel you would want to talk to them at their age/level. Perhaps the younger girls are as shy as you underneath the bravado. Just keep smiling, say hello to people. Perhaps you could ask for some advice on something such as where the best hacking route is just to break the ice. You never know they may ask you to join them next time.
 
I used to be really shy but the more teaching and schooling I did, the more yards I was having to go to and there was always the dreaded ' who is she' stare off liveries. To start with I would walk to the stable with the biggest smile on my face to hide the fact I was bricking it !! Then I though what's to loose and went totally the other way, I'm sure every one thinks I'm the crazy one who chats utter crap but its got me over the shy panic I used to have, the best one I do when passing people is make a random comment on the weather, sounds daft but it will get you talking :)
 
Your shyness can easily come across as standoffish. You not wanting to leave the stable to join in the stable could be read as you not wanting to know them. Just smile, say hello and you will be fine. Horsey people are easy to get to know, just admire their horse and ask what they do with said fine animal.

And then sit back and be talked at for a long time. Its a standard procedure!
 
I can't believe the folk saying take in food, I'd think the person was a total social freak/saddo if they did that!

Op just say hello and good bye and maybe something nice about their horse, ask them what make that rug is as it looks really nice/warm/good quality or whatever.

They probably think you are standoffish (hiding in a stable?!).

To my eternal shame I was a bit standoffish/shy with a girl who appeared at our yard with loads of piercing, tattoos, and hippy style clothes. After a few weeks I got to know her and she became my best friend and we hacked everywhere together.
 
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