kids and horses - can you have both?

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tillyd

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My riding and horse is a big part of my life - I have lessons/compete (when pony isn't broken!), and invest a fair chunk of my money and spare time into my horse.
I want to have kids, but not if it means i have to give up horses! Can someone reassure me that i can do everything, and having kids won't mean the end of me having a life of my own??
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I am used to being quite independent and am worried that although i want kids, i will then regret it or feel resentful if i have to give up horses, because without sounding a bit crazy its more than your average hobby, its a way of life. What do you think? I know so many of my horsey friends who don't have families.
I'm prepared to work hard to make it all work. I have a fairly decent job and ok salary, and a great (but not horsey OH).
Is it possible, or if you have kids do you have to stop thinking about yourself??
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If you have kids then you have to really want them, and not resent them for all they will prevent you doing.

I have two girls but had no horse till they were 4 and 7 when I bought them a pony..... they lost interest within 18 months so i bought merlin instead.

I find you have to balance the two. No one expects you to not have a life, but you also cannot have kids and then not spend any time with them.

If your other half is very hands on when it comes to kids then you are halfway there, if he isnt then you are buggered. I used to have to rely on my parents to have the kids if both me and OH were out on the same day, so obviously a good supportive family is a real help.

But remember, you might not always be able to have horses for whatever reason, and old age is very lonely when you have no family to visit you in the nursing home!!!!
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I know, I see very lonely old ladies every week who would love some children to visit them
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kids are an excuse to get cute leadrein ponies!
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on a serious note, anything is possible if you are prepared to work hard for it. you may have to cut back a bit (ie not compete every weekend, but do it every other and stuff like that) but you shouldnt have to give up entirely.
 
Having been thinking about the future recently (discussions with OH) I sadly couldn't afford to have both children and a horse
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I'm not sure I could do it all anyway, especially if I still had to work full time, I admire those that manage it!! So I'll just have to keep putting off the kiddy talk for as long as possible
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I used to worry about this. I made it very clear to OH that I had to keep horses in my life and be given time to ride etc before we even considered having children.

He agreed and with his support and that of my family I do quite a lot really. I am incredibly lucky BUT I made it clear how I wanted things to be before we went ahead and had our ilttle one.

I only have the one child at the moment.

My priorities have changed. I would give up everything for my little un if I had to but as I don't, I won't.
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I have been competing 3 weekends in a row and although the tack isn't quite as clean as it was when I was free and easy, and the plaits aren't quite so great etc, etc. I am still getting out there and doing it.

If you want it enough, you can do anything!
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absolutely yes. i have 2 children 11 and 14 and had at least one horse sometimes two throughout. at times i have also worked full time. a supportive patner or family helps and i may not get to do all i would like but my horse has kept me sane and i think taught my children the importance of responsibility and care as they are now animal lovers and pretty well adjusted. admittedly you will never have any spare money or time but it can be done.
 
Yes you can
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And I'm sorry Janetterose, the kids don't always suffer.

I have a daughter who is 20 months and she absolutely loves being at the yard with me. She is still having a 2 hour nap in the day and that's the moment I choose to ride etc.

I also work full time and horsey is on DIY with additional services if required.

My hubby has started riding recently so he now understands even more.

You do have to be ultra organised but it is possible and enjoyable.
 
My son is 14 and he is great and loves to help me with the horse when I'm working. I run my own business so I can fit things round the horse, but my son is a great help. You can do it just got to train them right
 
Of course you can have both , providing you have support , I have 2 boys , 7 yr old and 3 yr old and 2 horses .

My hubbie is a very understanding person who helps out where he can, hes not into horses in the slightiest but will happily cleanout , feed or go to shows with me .

You do have to balance the 2 out and be quite organised .
 
thanks guys. My OH is great and very supportive - he knows how much horses mean to me, and although he doesn't ride (yet!) he will always help catch in/muck out etc. He has said that although of course there's no guarantees, he can't see why it couldn't work.
I am a cautious person anyway, and i think it is worse because i haven't seen anyone do it if you know what i mean - i only have one horsey friend with a child and he is only a few months old. Also i work with people who mostly don't have kids (don't ask me why its just one of those things i think).
 
I gave up my project horses when i fell pregnant and just kept two mares. Unfortunately for me my husband has his own business so i cant rely on him to have our son and he doesnt understand my need for me time with my horses so im finding it really hard trying to juggle a toddler and the pleasure side of owning a horse, I do all my mucking out and general day today duties either while little one is still in bed or still with mum on my work days.
Im really eager to get back into things but while i still have a child below school age we chose to have a second which is due in July, by then i'll still only be 27 and have the rest of my life to concentrate on my horses.
I wouldnt be without my son and find now he's two he loves to help by filling up buckets and holding the haynets, mixing the feeds but i do feel really envious of those who get to go riding everyday, i miss it terribly. Having said that I put my mare in foal when i fell pregnant 1st time and again this time as not to waste her.
The only thing i could say bad about about having a family is that i feel that i have lost some of my confidence riding probably with the lack of it, but not that i darent get on, more like before i wouldnt have thought twice about going break neck down the river banks and juming anything ect, it worries me more now about faling off and not being able to do for my son.
Believe it or not im not on a downer about having children, just be prepared you may have to take a small break, not just during the pregnancy but also afterwards, youve really got to have a OH and family in a million to expect to still spend hours upon hours at the yard when theres a child at home thats half your responsibilty. Also you might be suprised how you will feel and maybe feel less attached to your horses when you have a child, ive seen it happen.
 
My mum did it!
3 kids, 3 businesses and 5 horses/ponies.
My dad works abroad so is only home for a weekend every few weeks.
mum still managed to get time to take me out competing, my brother out to his sailing and my sister to fun rides and beach rides. She did swap her TB hunter for a lower mainanace cobby job and she has phenominal time management skills, she managed to organise the purchase of one business from the top of a mountain in austria when we went skiing, and is often found on the phone at shows. Mum seems to have mastered the art of plaiting a pony whilst on a mobile and is quite adept at tacking up whilst on the phone as well.
 
Right well i personally think you can do it depending on how selfish you are! I fell pregnant at 16 (yes shocking i know) i had a very supportive (much older) OH and parents,i carried on @ Warwickshire College and finished my National Diploma and after i had the baby i did my BHS stage 1,2 and 3 theory @ the BCA,Berkshire. I went and worked in my friends tack shop whilst still getting down to ride my pony i had on loan at the time,i regularly went hunting as well. I then started doing dog walking and managed to get a very good contract for a wealthy lady to look after her 5 large dogs 25 hrs a wk,until recently i changed to Veterinary nursing and doing my dog walking when i could fit it in,my little boy is now 6 and i have 2 lovely mares of my own now,the first i got when my little boy was 3. I've had to work my butt off to be able to afford the horses and i get a lot of help from my mum when i work and when i compete,i can't compete every weekend like i could when i was younger but i have a young horse at the mo so i'm taking things easy anyway,i do think it's possible to juggle everything you just have to split your time between them all and that can be hard as sometimes i don't get to spend enough time with my son as i'm either working or doing the horse, i feel very guilty about it and i do try and make an effort, i do have to remind myself not to be so selfish sometimes! I think when you are a mum you do get a guilt trip even for no reason sometimes as our role is so important to many people in the family i find,the pressure can be full on.
 
TILLYD - I know exactly how you feel! I'm going through the very same thing at the moment! I turned 30 ( arrrghhh) last year and am starting to think that I need to think about having kids, cos I'd really like to. However, there is no way I want to give up horses - I've finally got myself a decent horse I can compete and I don't want to miss out on it - but I still want kids...
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There seen to be quite a few psotitve answers on here though - I'll maybe not give up just yet!
 
I have a 10 month old baby and 5 horses, the mare is in foal as well!! I don't get to ride as often as i would like too but my baby enjoys watching me muck out and groom. Its all about priorities and anything is possible, just my social life has had to take a back seat but I don't mind if it means I have my baby and horses, its really important for Mums to have their own hobby outside of home.
 
Course you can, you don't spend so much time grooming and faffing about, you use time saving tips.

Today I wandered down to the yard at 10am, having had a lay in with my 5yo (someone feeds for me and they have hay/water) turned out one mare, checked and topped up the hay/water for the other 2, then took wee one off to a local playbarn thing, spent 2 hours playing with her, then we had something to eat and drink, visited a friend, went round a few local shops, back to the yard, groomed then rode the other mare, whilst wee one gave me a lesson (interesting ideas....), groomed then rode my gelding, then mucked out all 3 boxes - Sunday is the dig out day, set fair for the night, brought big mare in and lunged her for 20 mins. Put them all to bed with tea, got home before 6pm, made dinner, bathed and hair washed the child, put washing on, read school book with her, sent her to bed at 7:30. Been sat down relaxing since while waiting for dryer to finish so I can fold and put away clothes.

In between times, I tidied up, filled the dishwasher and ran the hoover round, and took the dogs out for a run in the field behind the house.

No time wasted, no trip with empty hands.
 
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Course you can, you don't spend so much time grooming and faffing about, you use time saving tips.

Today I wandered down to the yard at 10am, having had a lay in with my 5yo (someone feeds for me and they have hay/water) turned out one mare, checked and topped up the hay/water for the other 2, then took wee one off to a local playbarn thing, spent 2 hours playing with her, then we had something to eat and drink, visited a friend, went round a few local shops, back to the yard, groomed then rode the other mare, whilst wee one gave me a lesson (interesting ideas....), groomed then rode my gelding, then mucked out all 3 boxes - Sunday is the dig out day, set fair for the night, brought big mare in and lunged her for 20 mins. Put them all to bed with tea, got home before 6pm, made dinner, bathed and hair washed the child, put washing on, read school book with her, sent her to bed at 7:30. Been sat down relaxing since while waiting for dryer to finish so I can fold and put away clothes.

In between times, I tidied up, filled the dishwasher and ran the hoover round, and took the dogs out for a run in the field behind the house.

No time wasted, no trip with empty hands.

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That sounds similar to what i do on a normal day,manic isn't it!,i don't realise how manic i've been till i finally collapse on the sofa after a long day.
 
Yes, you can have both, but it takes a bit of juggling and a bit of compromise. My OH isn't horsey either, but understands that they are a huge part of my life and keep me sane!! I've just had baby number 3 and am keen to get some sort of routine going now. I had my horses on DIY with the first two and the kids just used to come up and stay in the car while I did the horses. (mucking out etc. only) My OH had them when he could so I could ride. You could also consider child care of some sort, even for a couple of mornings/afternoons a week. I did this with my second - he went to a brilliant pre-school - and he loved it! Good Luck!
 
I bought my first horse (as an adult, we had horses as children) when my second child was 3 months old ! You need some time and space of your own. The children know if they are off school sick they get wrapped in a blanket and stuffed into the car with a bucket because the horses have to be done !
 
yes but a supportive OH, babysitter, cleaner, a damn good routine and family around make life much easier! dont underestimate how much hard work it will be and there will be times where you cant spend time doing what you want which is hard but you will find the joy of having kids more than makes up for it. Its rubbish and quite offensive that the kids stuffer, my 2 year old screams when we LEAVE the yard! he tells me he wants to live there. You need to think about what support you have, i have a OH who lives at work as its his own business and our famillies live miles away so once a week we have a nanny for 3 hours so i ride during the day. We moved to a yard with an indoor school so i can ride when OH comes home in ethe evenings or you will find it hard.Think about where you will keep your horses, when they are small babies its easier as you can put them in their pram and they stay there. When they are older you have trouble containing them! My horse is on DIY at a yard and i dont agree with people letting their young kids run round so i have a routine where i muck out when hes asleep in the car. I also put him in his seat to bring in and out and hes not allowed in the stable. You have to be very safety conscious.Life is a constant battle of time and prorities but if you really want it you will be able to cope. Good luck!

oh - as horses are so time consuming we have alex only friday afternoons where we do something just for him like the zoo or swimming so we have quality mum and baby time together. its important as you can feel guilty. the hardest things are having to drag him to the yard when hes ill (i chose a DIY yard with assistance for times like this) and also you will probably feel less confident riding as you will need to be there for your child.
 
def can work if you'r willing to put in the work! iv got a pony of my own who's out on part loan on our yard, i still do things with him all the time, a tb x that i have for 2months at a time as her owners have a ranch in turkey so their back and forwrd between there and scotland, another tb coming across from turkey in may and im 4 months pregnant, if im going to manage to juggle all that, albeit with a little help from friends then im sure you would get on fine, just go for it!!
 
its damn hard but can be done. I am single mother of one 8 year old girl, work full time, now have wonderful loving partner, who also works full time, 2 biggies and daughter has two miniatures.

Time is a struggle but it really can work!!
 
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I would say you can - but the kids always suffer!!!

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How exactly do they suffer? Mine doesn't. I think he is one of the luckiest boys alive.

I am with him pretty much 24/7. He helps me do the horses. We make up feed together etc.

I have other people that ride him for me during the week. One school girl and one Mum who rides when she has dropped her daughter to School. They keep him fit for me.
At the weekend I tend to get an afternoon or a morning off to do what I want or need to do on my own. Some weekends I compete and can be away for the whole day but he then spends all day with his Dad and visits his Granny & Gramps, his Great Gran and Grampy, his Aunties and his cousins. He doesn't even notice I've gone.

When I get back from my time out and my intense "horse-fest" I feel like me again and I feel happy, revived and ready to get back to the best job in the world.
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I've not read everyone's replies yet - but here's my opinion - YES! it is MORE than possible!
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Being the mummy to a seven month old baby boy - and rehabbing a horse following surgery, which requires strict working every other day - (and running a business!) It does work - it keeps you sane too and gives you something else to focus on other than the baby (which is wonderful but can become all-consuming so the horses really do give you a break!)

The only thing is you have to be organised - but it's great - my LO loves to come to the yard and fits in with life brilliantly - Don't give up on having a family because of horses and don't give up on horses because you want a family!
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Kate x
 
aww thanks guys for all of your replies, i have been really stressing over this (even my mum told me the other day i wasn't getting any younger!). i feel much better, knowing it can be done!!
 
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