kids, the end of the world-rant!

[Star_Chaser]

FfionWinnie,
He earns double what I did when I was working full time. He spends it on fast food, his car which he has decked out in hideous spotlights, drainpipe thing, warning lights ( orange ones ) tow bar ( doesnt tow ), he also shoots and him and his dad have 2 full gun cabinets between them plus he says he needs umpteen hundred cartridges plus rubbish on ebay.

He doesnt help with our daughter at all and hasnt, he works 5 nights a week and spends his 2 days playing outside on the farm.

We live on his grandfathers farm as do my 2 horses ( 1 pony companion, who has to go too ) but I also have to pay for them to be here. I have to get up at 5am to do them etc ( not allowed out if field wet ) before baby wakes up at 6am and have about 30 mins in afternoon to do them before she kicks off at being in her pram.

He wouldnt get rid of his car and certainly wouldnt walk to work despite it being at tthe bottom of our farm drive ( 10 min walk ).

He doesnt help in the house either, tried refusing to do the washing up etc but usually get told off when hes used every plate etc ( i dont eat hardly so dont use any ) as apparantly its my job.

He wonders why Im miserable and dont eat ( have about 4 biscuits a day ).

Dont get me wrong I love our daughter but am begining to wish I hadnt had her. I also had to sell my trailer to buy her everything she needed.

Ive looked into full time again but there are very few jobs around and child care would still obliterate all pay. Its about £210 per week for 5 days of childcare in the week.

Sorry but I would have left your OH by now. Thats shocking! Why in the world did you have to pay for everything she needed?? Didn't he do half the deed??

My OH is an absolute ruddy angel compared to yours and he has his moments, he shares our child care taking a couple of days off a week working evenings instead where HE is the main carer so I get time to myself and to do my things, he cooks our meals because I am usually exhausted (not that he isn't), he helps me with everything from my dogs (5 of them and all large breeds and they cost a significant amount as two are on permanent veterinary care), housework, he brought the vast majority of the things we needed for our son and really researched everything before he brought it. Hes taken on a lot of my financial out goings despite us always having separate finances and bank accounts for an example he pays my car insurance now he never did that before our son and I would never have dreamed of asking him despite our being married now. I recently started to struggle financially was never loaded but I got a couple of bills through that set me back a little and he stepped in and actually gave me spending money not for my son or the household stuff just for me... Its not much but it goes a long way just the fact he offered.

I really hope that before you go giving everything up you give him half the bill for raising his child! Having a child shouldn't be the end of the world and to be honest if he can't ship up then in all honesty I would be shipping out! You certainly shouldn't be starting to wish you weren't a mummy just because your other half is a total slacker!

 

[Tinypony]

Flaxen, someone about suggested you go to Mumsnet and they might have a point. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with this "man"? Whether you do or not, something has to change and you need to get some advice. Even if you have to lose horses, would you be happier minus horses and minus waste-of-space, or minus horses and living your own life? Only you know, but I really feel for you. He's not very nice is he?

 

[cardi_girl]

OP, I think your tutor is being unfair, if you want to continue doing the course then he/she should support you. As you say being a teacher will have its advantages when your LO is in school.

Flaxen, Your OH sounds like a selfish ....., fill in as you like. No way should he expect you to live without a car, do you get go to baby/todder groups? I agree with others that you need to talk to some-one about how your feeling.

As for working or staying at home when we have little ones, I dont think there is a right or wrong, we will do what suits our individual circumstances x

 

[jeeve]

Just ignore it - I did the same thing, I took my 3 week old so with me to uni, till 6 months old. A bit awkward breast feeding with a bunch of 18 year olds in the lecture, but I did it, and again with my second son when he was 6 weeks old till 6 months old. After that they stayed at home. One lecture the lecturer nursed ny son the whole 3 hours while he presented the lecture. As my son wore cloth nappies - the lecturer had a large damp patch on his suit at the end.

I had to defer my exams with my second son, as I was in hospital with him, when I asked my OH to bring in a book to read (I left my dick francis at home in the rush to get to hospital) he brought in all my uni text books. I was mad as hell.

I got to spend more time with my kids when I was at home on maternity leave (and full time uni), than I do now. It was one of the best times of my life.

 

[AmyMay]

So, OP - what did you do???

 

[Moon]

that's really terrible OP! I hope you get a proper and full apology

I agree wholeheartedly with you sentiments too.... many people told me my life would never be the same after having a baby. Well he is now 15 weeks old and yes, my life has changed - for the better. It has been enriched by this wonderful new addition to our family! However, my husband and I parent as a 50/50 team so I actually have as much if not more time for my own things than I did when I was teaching full time !! Im sick to the back teeth of all those who proffer doom and gloom and just because we have a very good baby say 'oh wait until he is teething' or 'just wait until he is 2' and you wont be able to do a thing nice.

Not everyone has the luxury of being able to stay at home, nor would it be fulfilling for every Mum to do so! You have to do what is right for you and makes you happy, happy mum=happy baby Every woman feels differently, I have some friends who cant bare to be parted from their babies and are with them 24/7 and some who are desperate to get back to work. Personally I have no qualms about leaving my wee guy either with his Dad or Auntie and have been away on my own competing with my dogs over 2 weekends already. Each to their own.

For what its worth we are just back from an epic trip round Canada with our little one - he adapted straight to Canadian time and straight back to UK time at this end; slept through the flights and was generally a pack-up-and-take-anywhere baby

Exactly This! ^ There is no way i could not finish my degree and pass up the chance to get a job as a teacher so that i could spend my holidays with her. I know a lot of people cant bare to leave their children and i completely understand that and would not ever judge someone for it. EAch to their own as said above. My little girl is my world but I also have to keep myself busy and live my life too else id be unhappy and ultimately so would she! We are also off travelling next summer and iv been on a couple of weekends away with... and without her... and we all survived!

Flaxen thats awful and completely unacceptable, i hope you manage to find some help, my partner is an amazing dad and supports me through everything, your husband should not leave you feeling so alone, have you spoken to someone?

Well in conclusion i got a full apology from my tutor, she said she was 'having a bad day' Ive never met the woman nor she know who i am as she is my new tutor for this next year. I explained that having a child will not affect my course or degree as many of the mature students on my course are also parents and that there was no need for her to suggest that i am abandoning her and being a bad parent! She went to nursery this morning all smiles and was still smiling when i picked her up four hours later Little trooper.
I accepted her apology after she grovelled a little!

 

[Booboos]

That's a great outcome, well done Moon! I hope your tutor was genuine, everyone is entitled to make a mistake as long as they apologize for it, and I hope your relationship with her is much improved now.