Kind,Generous OH's & Their Good Deeds?? & Not so Kind OH's/Exes??!

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anon4advice

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Sorry , Rather Long and wandering !!

I am a regular HHOER , posting under this name to be Anon .
Having Dilemna with regards to my OH , Been together 2 and a bit years now .
In this time , my work has been on /off /on / off .
I have 3 horses of my own , and have had a few to back and bring on an sell on , in the time we have been together .


He works full time , and sometimes does part time work too , He has had His own House for the last year or so .

I stay at his most nights when I can , But I stay with my Parents officially , and help look after my Disabled Father and Younger bro and sis , and help out with family office stuff etc .

Bit of a joke with his friends and family that he can be a little tight sometimes , but he likes nice things for himself , nice clothes, upgraded his car etc .
He was very pleasant when we were first together , not wildly generous , but we would go for dinner , cinema etc .

We have had our ups and downs , including a couple of slight fall outs re Text Messages and contact with certain people ( Ex girl friends )

I think I am a generous person, not stupidly so, but I will borrow friends money , buy what OH would liek for bday , xmas etc , Ie concert tix he was after ,Yet I do not have a Huge deal of money .

I pay for us to have meals out from time to time , curry or chinese at weekend , I generally cook for us both each evening .
To cut long story short , He has made comments before about His friend said something about I must like playing pnies , with my OH paying for them etc .

Cue big fall out , becoz OH does not pay for anything for my horses or to do with them or have any great input at all , I said I hope you put him straight regarding that !!

All sorted , other little comments about when I say oh i dont have money to go out on such and such trivial night out and he has a rant about , well if you didnt spend all ur money on stupid horses , u wld have money ,etc .

Xmas time and I got him a few things and he got me a few things , we both spent about the same amount of money on each other , around £100 .

** Now I dont believe Money is everything or Its what it cost what matters or anything like That **

But OH was whinging about having spent x number of pounds on me!!! and I pointed out I spent same on him ?!!!!!!

He likes to brag about how much money he has in the bank , how much he earns , how much his car costs etc etc !!!

I have discussed this with a few friends and it seems everyone elses OH's would do anything for them , financially or support wise , or helping out with work, horses, family etc etc

I know he would not help me out with any bills I have had in the past and may have , ie , huge vets bill , or my student debts , credit card, Livery bills etc etc .

I would not even think of asking him,
I feel there is no We or US , only seperately me and him , and with him, He only thinks of himself , his car , his money etc etc .

I have had the chance at the moment , to purchase my horse who I had to sell a couple of years back due to financial problems , before I met OH , The horse is with a dealer at present and in very bad condition , rumoured to be very hard to ride , and to be set to be going for meat ??!!

she was always a madam , and only I could really ride her !!

This has made me very upset and I am desperate to purchase this horse back asap, yet The dealer is asking a great deal of money , too much for this horse , esp in this climate.

BUT I do not have the cash to buy my horse , and despite little hints from friends over xmas , that they would all put in x amount and my OH chip in a larger amount , and that could have been my Xmas gift ???!!

didnt happen tho, I dont know whether to ask him outright to borrow me cash to help me , and I will pay back in instalments,

I am scared to ask as I feel he would say absolutely NO , and I know that then I will have to make the decision that I cant really stay with someone who is greedy and ungenerous in such a big way , and also in so many smaller ways also .

I feel rather hard done by as he has quite a few shortcomings and his increasing lack of any type of generosity is getting me down .

Sorry for the length of this rant !!

I do hope my post doesnt paint me as a golddigger etc ,as i am not at all . As I have given OH £1000 ( Only for like , less than a week )
for something he wished to purchase , but couldnt make it to the bank in time .


There was no question of me not getting it back or anyhting like that , as he always like sto say he has x number of thousands in bank etc !!

I have had a couple of other boyfriends, when I was a little younger who , i went out for differing lengths of time , and relationship ended reasonably enough for one reason or another .

However I remember these past BFs where very generous , given their age and their bank balances and jobs at the time I went out with them , and myself , them .
I was always quite spoiled and so were they .

I dont feel like i am getting a great deal out of my current relationship as he likes to brag about how much money he has , yet grudges even getting me a xmas or bday gift etc
and doesnt really support anything I say or do or want etc .

Opinions / Advice appreciated and also examples of your Good and Bad OH 's Generousity and lack of it !!

Apologies again for post length !!!!!

xx
 
its not just the money is it. i would hope that my oh would support me with something that was so important to me.i think you should ask him and if the answer is no look at your options re getting your horse and consider carefully if this relationship is what you want.
 
It sounds as if you have already made your mind up about him. From the story you paint, you don't sound like a couple, just two seperate people who are growing apart, he evidently resents your horses, and the money they take - this probably won't improve with time! I hope you can make the right decision for you, hugs chick ((((( )))))

Regarding my OH, I'm lucky to have someone who has very similar interests to me - he has had two dogs this year for shooting, and I have had a new foal (in my siggy!) to play with and educate, but we run two businesses together, and are married, and the money and assets we have are ours, not his or mine.
 
I can empathise with what you are saying as My OH can be very negative and sometimes not supportive of my Horses and what I enjoy doing , yet I have always supported him with whatever .

We have had some minor family fall outs which have caused tension before and I have been angry and upset at his disregard and lack of support .

You have to look at pros and cons of your relationship , and if it is all you give , and he takes and wouldnt or doesnt give you anything back , you should maybe take a break for a trial or for good ??

good luck with whatever you do . xx
 
It doesn't sound like this guy is a long term prospect whatever he does next - I'm not sure I would want to stay with anyone who allowed his friends to believe he was paying for my horses - that just stinks
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it sounds like he is using you to get sympathy with his mates
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I also wouldn't be sucked into paying lots to get your horse back if noone can ride it - maybe he thinks you might? - can you get a third party to negotiate a better price and then look at other ways to finance it?
 
Money isn;t everything for sure, but it helps. I don't earn much, as I work part time, in order to care for our daughter. I have also been very ill, and now struggle with my health. We don;t have any debts, own our home outright but my husband is incredibly tight, to the extent that when I wanted to buy a horsebox last year, so our daughter could get to shows, he refused to help at all
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.So, I cashed in all my premium bonds, savings etc, and topped it up with a loan(a debt I could do without) in order to get one for her. He could have brought it outright several times over. I now have no emergency funds if the horse is ill, which worries the hell out of me.
It hurt me mentally incredibly, that he could do this to me-still does.
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I think in most relationships, people do have different ideas on finances, Alot of the time, they are not compatible ideas, but it depends if it is something you can happily put up with or not.
Thought I could, and indeed I have, but it doesn't stop me hurting at an incident like this.
I "swapped" an extremely generous previous boyfriend for my now husband- who only brought me flowers-in a can (beer) and carrots( as that's what I gave my mare when she had a foal)- when I gave birth to our daughter....(13years ago)
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Not even had the tinned variety of flowers since!!!
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Depends if it is really love, or maybe not in your case?
 
You ain't kindred spirits and if you have nothing in common then I would forget it!

Sorry but I think that if you are having all these problems now that result in such a long post with many issues that give you cause for concern - I think you know the answer...don't you??!

Mean-spirited people don't change - believe me!!

Good luck anyway.
 
I'm only 17, live at home, pay no living expenses apart from looking after myself and Ronnie horse and have only been with my boyfriend for 9months, so honestly my understanding of a genuine adult relationship with all the factors of bills, children etc is limited to say the least, as is my life experience generally being a teen!

I personally think you should let him go.
It's pretty obvious this isn't all to do with money so i think it would be unfair for someone to brand you a gold digger - wanting support from a partner is in our nature and quite honestly is one of the key things that build a relationship, give and take by both parties.

I always like to think of a relationship like a table.
It's important to keep all four legs standing and with little damage as possible to keep the table standing securely. If you loose a leg then the relationship will be damaged and more likely to fall over.
For me, the four legs are what i feel are the most important aspects.
1. Loyalty,
2. Trust,
3. Respect,
4. Happiness.

Someone can show encouragement and appreciation in so many other ways than dishing out a cheque or too and i get the impression this is also what you're referring too. For me, i would say that your respect and maybe trust legs are slightly wonky, and therefore effecting your happiness leg.
Because you feel a lack of unity i'm guessing your self esteem and general trust in the reliance of OH is a bit pants. It doesn't matter how he shows it but he needs to display an appreciation for all you do for him and get his pirorites (sp?) straight on what's important in life, money, although handy isn't the be all and end all of something. I think this guy needs to get his head out his a** and be a man, (and prehaps stop looking towards his wallet for some sort of self gratification and esteem boost)
That means if your going by table metaphor you have 3 damaged legs!
I say bin him!

Good luck with whatever you decide! xx
 
I have a similar situation , i work full time and pay for all my debts, horse, dentist, car, clothes , and i live with my partner who pays to his ex , he is generous with pressies and bought me a horse trailer which he now wants to sell as he has lost his job, it was worse when we were first together and i have had to fight for fairness, we moved in with his mum to look after her and she is also tight, i did all the house things and didnt have anything in return, however now he pays my share of the bills which comes to 50 pound a week less than a carers allowance , which i cant get as i work full time, you have to kick up mate, although im not a fighter i have insisted that he also helps with the house seeing as he dont cook etc. things are getting better im finding earning my own cash is pretty good he has just been made redundant and it hasnt affected me or my horse at all as he chooses to keep our finances seperate. If he gets short he will just have to sell the bmw as i have had to fight to keep myself and im just a humble carer, horse trailer can go as i dont use it anyway now so not a problem, but car will def go not My horses . x hope this helps knowing you are not alone x
 
Also its easy to finish and get out , its easy for everyone to say dump him and i would have been the first to say this, but there is always something in some relationship, its not ideal when you have horses and could do with help. I decided to stay and fight this time and be heard as many have ignored me , due to the fact i do love him loads and want to be with him. you could try , ask , ask again get your message across, keep at it he may think about it and help however if he really is a complete uncaring tight arse then maybe you should blow him out for a nicer person in the future x
 
Thank everyone !!!! I was having serious doubts before Xmas and was close to chucking him , But thought try and make best of xmas as had to do all family visits etc etc!!

Thanks guys , I know couples need to give and take and such like, but there have been times when i have been willing to support him 100 per cent , ie , when he was going to possibly lose his licence due to speeding fine and points on his licence , and he would then have lost his job , so I without any hesitation said I would take his points if he did get them, which is silly now looking back as he def wouldnt do same for me !!

but it didnt come to that , he got fine only .

There are lots of little niggles, and i often think , we wont be together forever , cant see us living together full time , and married , stuff like that ??!! he goes on about doing these things yet at other times has no thought for me when he just goes off out with mates etc , I can be selfish to a degree with my horses, being up there late thru summer etc ,

as i Think all of us horsey ppl can be , but i do make lots of time for him also .

I think it prob will be the end very soon : ) : (

Spotty Appy : That doesnt sound good either , I am reasonably young , 24yo , and I know that my past BF's would give me the cash (n if they had it , or had Current OH mr moneybags the braggers bank balance )
without a second thought , and drive me to collect horse and anything else related .

When I have tried to talk things thru with OH , re past BF's being a little more generous , he just shouts , Get back with ***** then !!!! lol

How can you put up with that spottyappy ???
I want to sort this out one way or another soon as I couldnt end up stuck with OH or another OH who is like this , Im sure you and your OH will both have lots of happiness and good points as well as the less positive monetary things .

Horse is not millions of pounds, I have some of the cash , would need additional £1200 maybe ?!!

But it makes me sad becoz if it was other way round and i could spare the cash for a month or two to borrow him , I would , no questions asked .


There are lots of other small issues which niggle me ,Re housework as some of you say , When I am at OH's I cook for us , clean house, cook for us at my parents home too .

We need serious reform or to break up i think .
I am not a very needy or clingy girlfriend , am very independent and can really do without a BF in all honesty ! as long as have the horsies and my friends and family im happy !!!

thanks guys xoxooxoxox
 
Ashleigh_

For only been 17yo , I like your relationship theory , you are very correct , with your views on values, loyalty , trust , happiness and respect etc . : )
: )

xxxxx
 
Without trying to be negative, I want to express my realist view, hope you don't mind
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I wouldn't buy your old horse back. I can appreciate your strong feelings on the matter, but don't let your heart rule your head. Some things should be left alone after the things you have heard about her. When I was 13 - 17 years old, me and my friends use to ride a WB for this bloke, the mare was amazing, had done affiliated dressage and sj. He bought his own land and moved away. We weren't able to exercise his horses anymore so he put them out on loan. 5 years later, we heard the man was terribly ill and was selling up, he wanted only £500 for this WB!!! We thought bargain
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My mate bought her without batting an eyelid.
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Got the mare to our yard and she was off her head. You wouldn't believe she was the same mare we use to know!
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The mare had been ruined
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My friend perservered for a good year to no avail, the damage was done.
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She was never the same again. My friend was overhorsed and sold her for breeding as she had good bloodlines at least! The worst thing was, she USE to be a quality mare, but not no more, it's awful to know that such a talented girl was ruined beyond return
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You may regret buying your old mare back, she may have totally changed from what she USE to be like. xx
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As for your OH, it sounds like an exhausting relationship. Something you should give great thought to, you need to ask yourself, if this is what you want? Do you want to even be with him? Can you see yourself with him for the long haul? Your relationship seems to consist of his big fat ego. I wouldn't be amused by him insinuating that you are a kept woman, when clearly you work hard and fund your own horses. That's not on.
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My OH doesn't particularly like my horses, he hates seeing me get hurt (broke my ankle and various other falls/injuries in the past) and would rather me not get hurt... however, he supports me in the sense he accepts they are my life and will always be my life, he doesn't get at me, but he doesn't support me financially. I can have whatever I like, but I have to be able to afford it myself. If not, I have to do without. I'm still nursing a broken ankle, and since July, he has looked after my two horses for me everyday save a few times when friends have helped! I couldn't ask for more from him, I appreciate him so much for taking care of my horses.
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Would your OH do that for you?
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xx
 
OP I have to say I disagree with most of the previous responses. Until you've made a commitment to each other along the lines of cohabiting, marriage whatever I'd keep finances pretty seperate. Presents and treat by all means and possibly occasional loans such as when your bf couldn't get to the bank - yes. Financing each other's hobbies - certainly not!

A couple where one works part time due to caring for the kids or whatever is very different to two adults with careers and seperate abodes. You don't want to be beholden to someone for helping 'save' a horse you sold. There are (horrid) words for people who expect their gfs/bfs to finance their lifestyles!

Having said that if you aren't happy with your bf boasting about what he has (which he could have worked hard for and you might have more money of you made different choices too)/moaning about spending on you then you need to have a quiet little word and see if anything improves. If not it may be time to consider how much the rest of the relationship means to you.

All I can say is that I've dated people who earnt more and less than me and at the stage you're at would never, ever have expected to finance someone else's hobby or have mine paid for. It isn't like you're even considering asking for all that money for something you would enjoy together.
 
Rudey , I understand totally what you are saying about buying my old ,mare back , similar to your story with warmblood mare, however the quirks and badness she has is the same as when i had her first time round, she can just be a little naughty , I have seen her recenetly and ridden her , no problem at all , she can have a little nap , but when other ppl try to beat her and bully her out of it she can go totally crazy wild and be quite bad ,reaering etc .

I have tried a few times to " Discuss " things with OH and he says he will try to be less negative, more supportive , and less greedy .

Tickles, I understand what you are saying , However you say at the stage we are at , its becoz of these issues only at thisearly stage which are worrying me , god help me , if we ended up living together , joint finances , married etc , I feel that he is rather ungenerous compared to what I think as myself being quite a generous person , I think its quite vulgar when all someone talks about is their money , their wages, how much their car cost etc , I work hard and earn a fair amount of money , but different professions have different limits on income , but regardless of that , I have told him it makes me unhappy that he likes to brag about how much
money he has , but then ,when it comes to it , if it was him, i have and would borrow him money , no questions asked .


i have also dated people who have earned more and less than me , I am not meaning he should buy me this horse and thats that , My hobby , for my enjoyment etc , I have loaned him money before for a short time ,and that is all I would think he could possibly do for me , when I clearly am quite unhappy at present regarding the horse situation .

I am not expecting him to fund my hobby or my lifestyle , I do that myself , and always have done , I woule merely be borrowing any moeny from him, until I next get paid / Waiting on tax rebate also and selling my car .

I am posting to get others opinions and similar examples etc , as This could well be the final straw as he can be rather tight with regards to very small things, ie, meals at home that he has to pay for , but its fine when I pay for groceries and cook for both of us every day , meals out , that both he and i have paid for at different times, when he pays he goes on about the cost for days , when I pay for a nice meal we have had together and enjoyed , I dont do this .

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and advice,
everyone is different and can give and take with different things , and can accept certain things , but I need to make decisions with this as it is not just concerning my old mare , I am a perfectly sensible , can be frugal person , typcial horse person, I go without when I cant afford things , and make sure my horses have shoes, feed etc , but I dont think I could be with someone forever who likes to count every single penny about everything that is not for him .

Thanks again guys xxx
 
My husband is fantastic - when we first starting going out he said he didn't see the point of having animals. However, when we got engaged, I told him that my horse came with me - no horse, no marriage. Since we've been together, he has learnt to muck out, change rugs etc. etc. I'm currently about to give birth and he has been doing my boy for me because I didn't like the idea of him being in full livery with strangers. Yesterday, he surprised me by saying that he noticed that Jake's rug was ripped so he'd ordered me a new one as a present. He has no interest in riding but comes to watch me and helps me at competitions. There has never been a case of his money / my money even before we were married - we have a joint account now, which horrifies my friends.

I don't mean to sound smug - I'm just trying to show that you can be different people and still take an interest. I know that if I needed money for vets bills or anything like that, my husband would offer it before I had to ask. It sounds like your OH doesn't really take an interest in something that is obviously important to you and that isn't good!

You could ask him to lend you the money to buy back your horse - his answer should give you a bit of hint of where you are in your relationship.
Hope it works out for you, xx
 
sorry, but he sounds very selfish. what rings the most alarm bells for me is that he says things about you 'spending all your money on your stupid horses' or whatever - this attitude will only get WORSE with time, as his resentment grows. trust me on that.
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after 2 years, i would expect a lot more of a 'what's mine is yours, and vice versa' attitude, a much more relaxed attitude to money.
i've had a few bfs with good steady jobs who had a GREAT attitude to money - basically 'i can always make more'.
sorry, ditch him. asap.
btw, 1 of my relatives was married to a guy for 15 years, had kids, did everything for him, had a v well paid job too (so wasn't reliant on him), thought the relationship was fine, and then 1 day he suddenly said "i don't want to be with you and the kids any more, i want to spend all my money on myself from now on" and divorced her - it nearly destroyed her.
when i read about your OH it reminded me forcibly of this utterly selfish tosser...

btw, most guys really are NOT as selfish as your OH sounds. bitching about what he spent on you at Christmas - jeeeez, that's nasty. sounds as if he resents it.
 
In a word...DUMP!!!

Whilst my OH used to have a horse but found the time commiment too much, he is by no means a "horse lover" but loves them as animals. He works in the industry so the last thing he wants to do at a weekend is go to shows where he sees all his clients!!! - he will begrudingly assist with lorry repairs, doing the horses if I am away competing, but I wouldnt say he enjoys it!!

HOWEVER...he was there when my old horse was shot a few months ago, without question, he offered, he was there, it was harrowing but I love him all the more for just being there without question.

He has lent me copious amounts of money to assist me in my lifestyle with the horse, when he doesnt really have much himself. He thought nothing of it, and I know for sure that if I had a situation like yours he would put his hand in his pocket if it was a horse known to him or I.

However, I am not sure you can expect your OH to cough up so to speak, it is your hobby and as I have always said to my OH it is my hobby and I dont expect him to be involved day to day. He likes the independence it gives me and knows I would go insane without the horses¬!! In fact I probably wouldnt be the same person.

It sounds that aside from horses, there are real issues there and he seems to have a bit of a lack of respect for you if I am honest.

Trust and respect are key, everything else kind of follows on. Whilst he could help you, and you woudl help him, he cant really be expected to lend you money. I can understand your disappointment that he isnt saying "hey here you go" but you have yourself said that horse is not cheap and that it has issues. Personally I would steer well clear!! Even if I had the money sitting in the bank.

I hope you can look at the relationship without the horsey element dragging you sideways emotionally but it does sound like you know what to do and I wish you all the luck in the world, as long as you have your horses you will be fine!!
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QR,

2 yrs ago I lost my job and at the time i was livivng with my ex, and we owned the house, I went from earning good money to nothing with no reserves. He was earning amazing money clearing double what I was at the time yet he was unwilling to help me at all and I had to beg y parents and use money out of our joint account without telling him. I was so hurt an I think it was what finished our relationship off as I would ahve given him my last penny.

After being in a relationship for a while the partner should support you (not neccessarally finacially) but if something is important to you they should care.

Hope u get it sorted
 
I had a boyfriend who sounds similar to yours ... he was so tight it was unreal! I was a student at the time and actually lent him money when he bought a motorbike (obviously non-essential) but didn't have the money to by a helmet or pay for the insurance. He was working full time and it took him years to pay me back and it was (only) about £500. I battled for4 years to progress the relationship to the point where we lived together (looking back I seriously wonder why) and when we did it lasted 6 months. Only then did we get a joint bacnk account but I managed all the finances, did the grocery shopping, paid the bills etc and of course when we were short (we put a set amount in each month) it was all my fault!! I ended up doing ALL the housework, which I don't begrudge at all if it's appreciated, but given that he used to flood the bathroom every time he had a bath, expect washing to hang and dry itself etc etc I got a bit peeved... not to mention when I got home late from the yard to him sat at his computer and the first thing him saying to me is 'whats for dinner then?'

I am told there are far better men out there - a few of my friends have found some right gems, but I'm still looking! Still I'm far better off without the ex mentioned above - both financially and phsycologically!
 
Ditto "ofcourseyoucan". Its not just the money is it... and to be fair as much as my hubby can be tight - he did go out of his way to help me buy back a mare that I had bred, when I was skint, and even got her a saddle too. I did pay it all back though - eventually
 
It must be awful being with a mean man, because it makes you think they value money more than you. And they probably do. Its not even about the money, as you say, its about the attitude and being willing to help your partner if you are able.

Is he older than you? I sometimes think older men are more cynical and therefore meaner with their cash than others.

Most men are not mean - I've lost count of the times men will just pay for things for me without even commenting on it. Its a bit sexist but its just the standard way. To give you a contrast, my OH bought me a car for Christmas, has paid half the cost of the horsebox I'm having made, and built me a field shelter before he was even my OH! Yet yesterday he left his wallet at work and asked me for £10 to go to Tesco to get his dinner (I don't cook) and I gave him £50. I won't ask for it back, though he will leave it for me somewhere. But thats the way relationships work, you help each other out at times of need.

btw I don't think buying back the mare is a good idea. Your judgement might be slightly skewed at the moment because you are not getting enough support from elsewhere - just a thought!
 
He doesn't sound like the sort of OH you have in mind. Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't live up to your (perfectly reasonable) standards. FWIW I don't think the problem is necessarily his attitude per se - it's that you don't share the same attitude towards money etc. My OH isn't perfect, he is quite career-focused and ambitious but when it comes to money, we have similar enough view to make our lives easy and happy. I generally find that it isn't the big things that end relationships, it's the incessant grinding little daily niggles that seem petty but are actually really important. Relationships have to work in real life and real life includes money. I also happen to think that people very very rarely change in relationships... What you see tends to be what you get and if he's crap and selfish now, chances are he'll be like that always...
 
OP - why are you with this man? Ask yourself and if you can't come up with some good reasons get out.

I don't say that because of the money but because it honestly sounds like you don't even like him much never mind love him.

Personally I don't think in a relationship that doesn't involve marriage or children or living together your finances should remain separate. However that doesn't mean that you are miserly, the one with more spare cash can treat the other occasionally. I also don't agree with lending money between friends and partners - it is a recepie for disaster.

To be honest it is bad that your boyfriend doesn't respect your choices and your hobbies and that he doesn't seem to support or respect you. It is also bad that he thinks presents are all about how much you spend.

But I also think that he probably sees you moaning about money and that you have a very expensive hobby and only work part time and thinks "if you hate being skint ditch the horses or get a proper full time job" it is what I think when I read posts like this. He is probably thinking why should i help when I work darn hard to earn and save my money and make my own sacrifices. I work darn hard myself to earn enough for the lifestyle I want and it has taken me many years to be in a psoition to consider buying a horse and I wouldn't moan about being skint when I can afford to spend hundreds a month on a hobby.

What would you say if he moaned that he was skint but had just paid for a massive expensive holiday????? Or a new set of golf clubs and golf membership???
 
Give him a kick in the balls and get out of the relatonship and have more faith in yourself. You help look after your family so what do they think about him? Money if he has that much why is he borrowing off you and why are you borrowing off friends? As for the mare you say she's going for dogmeat so offer him the meat value as if she's unridable that's all she's worth
 
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