Learning to keep your mouth shut.

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Elvis

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I think I've realised (finally) that sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the better (and safer) option. Especially in the horse world. Of course there are certain things that should always be mentioned, but if it's a case of- well this is going to be completely ignored- maybe it's best to keep quiet. For example a friend is selling her 2 horses, one was a project to sell on and the other, at her own admittance, won't get her where she wants to be. I think they are both over priced and one just isn't suitable for the kind of buyers it will attract. However mentioning these points won't change anything and will only make her feel rubbish, the current market will 'tell' her this anyway. So do you always speak your mind, or do you sometimes hold back? Obviously if my opinion was asked I'd be honest in a tactful way, and if a horses welfare was ever at stake it would be different.
 
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Was at a show last weekend and had to watch some poor kid trying to control her pony with pelham fitted upside down. I did attempt to approach them but could tell it wouldnt have been appreciated so I left them to it.
 
I guess it really depends on how you think it will be taken and how you word it. I was at a donkey sanctuary recently and noticed a family of 8 all gathering huge armfuls of mown grass from the walkway and putting it in the donkeys field. I assumed if they were at a sanctuary than donkey welfare would be a high priority for them and quietly mentioned to the mother that mown grass was really bad for horses and presumably donkeys too. She was mortified and they all rapidly removed the grass. I also told the sanctuary staff and when I went again the next week I noticed that all the mown grass had been raked up.

With something that is just an opinion rather than fact then I would never say it unless asked and even then would try to be tactful. That said every situation is different and you usually get a feel for whether a person is likely to be grateful for the advise or not.
 
I have found that people rarely welcome advice unless they ask for it, and I have one friend who asks everyone until she finds someone who agrees with her own view. I have learned to shut up-although I would have said something about the grass cuttings! My pet hate is too low flash nosebands and have also seen upside down spurs on a child. Have to say I don't particularly welcome advice from other people either, and I cringe when I hear others being ill-advised, but that's just people!
 
We have a very novicey owner at our yard. So novicey that they don't realise that if a horse is stabled it needs:
1) Hay
2) Water
3) Mucking out.
I did say something.
 
Christ HairyCob, they take novicey to a new extreme, and yes I would have said something too. As with the grass cuttings. But I've found with the majority of fairly competent owners, opinions or even suggestions aren't often well received, although this does depend on the person.
 
I think you have to be careful as sometimes a helpful bit of advising can come across as a nosey old bag sticking their nose in. If i see someone struggling i'll ask if i can help them, but i find sometimes its best to keep your mouth shut.
 
if its a genuine welfare concern I would try and find a way of addressing it.

with my horsey 'peers', well we have an agreement that we only offer opinions when asked-its working well so far.
 
In this case i would mind my own business, unless the horses dont sell and she asks if anyone has any ideas. As far as the pelham, yes i would have said something, poor pony poor child and maybe the parents just hadnt realised, easily done
 
Yep, if the "Novice Owners Guide To Horse Owning" was a 300 page book they would still be struggling with the first paragraph. I even sold them some of my hay as they "hadn't managed to get any yet" - even though had the horse a month when it needed to come in injured. Gently explained that you always need at least a couple of bales for emergencies. Yard is totally DIY & with very limited storage space so I need to calculate my deliveries carefully & am nearing my next one so not really convenient at all, but it was evening & couldn't see poor horse starve. It means I'm likely to have to get a couple of bales off a friend to see me through. What happened when they got through that - they still "hadn't got round" to sourcing hay & wanted to buy more of mine. Apparently they have a lot on their plates. Flipped when I realised horse, that was underweight when they got it, had been standing in stable for a day & a half with no forage & just a grotty unmucked out bed to eat.
 
Whether they want to hear it or want it, they will hear it and might take note of it when they have a quiet time during the day, atleast by speaking up you have done your bit to try and avoid suffering.
 
Sorry totally inappropriate but this made me giggle....
I was scrolling down the posts and this one came up as "learning to keep my mouth shut" last post by "putasocinit" and I thought "well, there's your answer!"😜😜😜😜
 
The way I look at things is if it has the possibility to cause an accident/injury/illness then I'll say something because I'd never forgive myself if I could have at least TRIED to prevent it from happening.

A few weeks ago I pulled over by a random field and told the lady the dangers of her ragwort field to the greedy cob in it, she was polite and very grateful, I saw her the next day digging it all up!

Naturally, more often than not I have either been ignored or told to foxtrot oscar. I don't care, at least I tried to help and there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't however get involved if there's a chance of danger to me and/or anyone with me (animal or human) especially with things like road rage, I keep myself safe and let them get on with it without antagonising them.
 
horsemadmum1 said:
I have found that people rarely welcome advice unless they ask for it
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This. ^
Always find it is best to keep my thoughts/opinions to myself - and would never get involved with someone else and the way they look after their horses unless their welfare was at stake.
 
I too find it best to keep thoughts/opinions to myself, unless asked for.

I am often at the receiving end of advice. Most of my horsey friends are older than me, and thus feel it necessary to impart advice that I really didn't need/want. What makes it worse is that it's mainly thinly veiled.
'Oh gosh, jumping already? I won't be doing that until my mare is 5. No rush for me.' etc...
 
Having learned the hard way, i dont offer advice any more even to those who ask unless i know them really well as 9 times out of 10 if youre honest they dont really like the answer, then youre the bad one. My only deviation from this is if its a real welfare issue.
I personally wont listen to anyone trashing professional people i know and respect which again is prevalent in horsey circles, by all means have your opinion, but dont trash others whose opinion differs from yours, especially if its on the back of reading a book or 2 then deciding youre an expert in the subject in hand.
 
I keep it to myself unless it's a welfare issue.
For example, a few years ago I was at a yard where one gelding was owned by someone who rarely came up. He lived out with the YM's horses who were checked regularly but it was a huge field and so although he had his ears and legs counted, he wasn't really seen up close. He was up by the gate one day adjoining my horse's field and I noticed that his feet were getting very long - borderline welfare-case-long IMO. I coudn't not say anything to the YM but I knew she generally left liveries to themselves so long as there was no bother. I was concerned for the horse but also concerned for the reputation of the YM because if someone saw this horse and reported it it would look bad on her and then I'd look bad for keeping my horse there and not doing anything. So I told her.
Next day when I went up the feet had been trimmed.

But that's probably the only time that I've ever really said anything (although there's something kicking off on fb at the moment where I really want to say something but I won't - although the horse in question is now safe and well so there's no welfare issue).
 
I tend to shut up and do my thing.
However what's much harder is when people ask you for advice and you just know its a waste of your time and what you would will do with the horse will never get done and it's just exhausting frustrating and fruitless being involved .
 
I don't offer advice. I've learned from experience that no-one listens to me! As for a situation being a welfare issue, I personally inform the YO. It's their responsibility to monitor care. I've learned not to get involved. It causes more trouble than it's worth.
 
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