Letter to my Instructor

This is a strange one for me...

If you dont want your RI to ride your horse then tell them so - if they persist in asking then find a new RI?!

I dont really see the issue here on that side of things.

However, feeling inadequate as a rider and yet refusing to let anyone else have a go at doing what you say you're struggling with seems to be a contradiction in terms?

Are you perhaps worried that your RI will get on and the horse will go beautifully, and thereby confirm a doubt/worry in your head that the horse is too much for you? Therefore, forcing some difficult choices?

If that's what it is, then it is by no means a reflection on you! Some people are "better" than others, and that is a fact. You pay a professional RI because they are supposed to be good at their job, and help you improve or work through problems.

Singers employ voice coaches
Footballers are trained by coaches
Brain surgeons have someone who is more up to a specific surgery than they are...

All are great at what they do but none are above needing help
 
Of course your trainer rides better than you do it would not make sense to go to her otherwise .
That’s not humiliating it’s common sense .
You need to take a deep breath and think about why you do this .
Learning and training is about goals and objectives and putting horses in a proper place in your head .
If you are not enjoying it change something .
 
You honestly need to sit down and figure out why you are sabotaging your own lessons, and what you are so afraid of if your instructor gets on your horse. because every post you have made is excuses to cover over an underlying issue on your part.
 
Okay as someone who has trouble with anxiety and confidence I think I can see there is more of an issue here than just not wanting your instructor to show you up.

I go back to what I said before perhaps focusing on you, not your riding will help. Performance coaching, CBT or some such thing will really help. Maybe speak to your doctor, this sounds like anxiety or some other sort of issue.
 
I'm also baffled by your reluctance to let your trainer hop on to your horse. Often they will find out much useful information on what makes it tick, which they can then use to help you ride the horse better yourself when you get back in the saddle.

I actively prefer trainers who ride client's horses over those who can't or won't.
 
You sound like a very difficult person to teach. I've gone to so many clinics and lessons where a trainer has popped on the horse, and usually they get them going really well, and come back with handy things like 'oh you need to actually push that leg forward a few inches to help him do x, i didn't realise that till i sat on him'

The relationship between an instructor and a pupil has to be based on trust. If you don't trust this instructor change them. They mightn't be a good fit for you. But if you don't trust every instructor than the problem is on your end.
 
Sussexbythesea said:
To be honest I tried writing a helpful reply that you totally ignored so really it’s down to you if you want to focus on the negative then that’s what you’ll get in return.
Click to expand...

?
Sorry confused ?
i had not disreguarded your post, and was going to reply, but was obviously more upset by some one accusing me of a welfare issue with the horse- which i am sure most of you would be
 
I loved it when my RS got on, she showed me what my Horse was really capable of doing, it made me more motivated in my lessons because I wanted to be able to ride my Horse like that. I don't understand why you would feel humiliated? surely that is the whole point of having lessons? to improve upon your riding and Horses way of going. If you trust her judgement on the ground then you should trust her riding your Horse. You might be pleasantly surprised in the results and if she can guide you further after having a feel for herself then its a win win for you, nothing to feel humiliated about and you and your Horse will progress further.
 
Gingerwitch said:
No hope for this horse ?
do you not think that is a rather nasty comment to make?
Click to expand...

Sad... rather than nasty.

Im going to try to make you see what I am saying one more time, I'm going to extract your scenario and put it in a different world - my world if you like

You go to an expert, in this scenario its a doctor, because you have a problem... you have a lump on your back.

the doctor asks to have a look at it close up and maybe feel the lump. you say. 'no' because it's humilating to have someone look at your back and besides when someone felt your back in the past they hurt you.

The doctor asks you to describe the lump. which you do.

They ask you what it feels like and you say ' i can't reach it it's on my back'.

The doctor says he can't be sure but he thinks it's an 'oojamaflip'. which can be treated with daily application of a 'magic cream'... but you say 'I can't reach it to put the cream on'.

the doctor says ' no bother, our nurse will do that for you come back every morning...

You say. 'but i won't let anyone touch my back...'

The doctor says ' there is therefore no hope that your oojamaflip will get better.'

You say ' doctor is just being nasty'.

The doctor sighs and sees the next patient.
 
I genuinely don't get why it is an issue to have someone else, who does this for a living so I'd assume they are proficient, ride your horse. If it comes down to the specific individual, I'd switch to an instructor who increases your confidence much more than this current one does.

I have a spooky horse. He will explode sideways, which is unnerving and dings my confidence. He's a Panic Pants, and I am a novice rider - so I bet I don't help as much as I should yet. For various reasons I've done a lot of NLP therapy and it helps a lot. As does Alexander technique in terms of body balance and relaxing. I really would recommend you try them if you haven't already.

I have had instructors ride my horse to show me what he can do or to feel what his current issues might be. I didn't like how one of them rode him, and I I didn't gel with them in terms of teaching style, but in each case I have learned a lot about both my horse and how to adapt my riding to get a better result with him. I wouldn't find it humiliating at all - surely it's more about sharing knowledge and finding what works best for the horse?

PS I am really sorry you are feeling this way. But I hope things coming to a head and putting it down on 'paper' helps you find a way forward. I have to say it doesn't sound like you are having much fun riding her at the moment. And given how expensive this hobby is, it really ought to be fun!
 
Last edited:
If your instructor rides your horse, they are going to get a better feel for him, and be able to advise you better on how to ride, as they have experienced it themselves. Nothing negative to take from this situation, and as Cortez said, your instructor should be a better rider than you, after all, that is why you are paying them?
 
I can see both sides to this, I totally get that it's easier to teach a person to ride a difficult horse if you have also ridden it as you can understand it better when you can feel things and try out different techniques. I also get that the OP appears to be suffering some confidence issue and that makes the whole thing become very emotional, when emotions get involved logic doesn't really work anymore. Maybe you need a different trainer who is used to improving a riders confidence more and maybe even one that specialises in things like nlp...
 
fankino04 said:
I can see both sides to this, I totally get that it's easier to teach a person to ride a difficult horse if you have also ridden it as you can understand it better when you can feel things and try out different techniques. I also get that the OP appears to be suffering some confidence issue and that makes the whole thing become very emotional, when emotions get involved logic doesn't really work anymore. Maybe you need a different trainer who is used to improving a riders confidence more and maybe even one that specialises in things like nlp...
Click to expand...

Yes, I agree with this.
 
Gingerwitch said:
The problem is this - the horse is very sharp and very explosive and easily distracted - you need to be 100% relaxed when she goes off on one, and give her a job to do and concentrate on. I thought I was doing quite well - but when she gets explosive i get tense, I really try not to, but I do, or I am anticipating the explosion. So please what is the instructor going to show me that i do not already know - she explodes you have to ignore it, and carry on, you change direction, but not sharply, you sit back, you give with arms, but keep a contact, she eventually starts work again, until the next thing sets her off. All of this I understand - doing it is a damn site easier said than done. so please tell me how is an instructor getting on is going to help this situation - what is she going to teach the horse that I am already not aware of ?
Click to expand...

Your has an impressive evasion list. It sounds like you are at the mercy of how your horse feels at any given time rather than able to move things forward. It is your instructors job to build the rider up, bit by bit, so they don't just correct the evasion, it is nipped in the bud and then finally ironed out before it ever happens as the rider now has the skills/feel to have the horse focused on the rider and the job in hand.

Whilst I would mummy an explosive horse initially and at odd moments by riding like a ghost I would expect to unpick the evasions and build up from there so I could ride the horse forward without all the ducking and diving. . The instructor riding the horse and setting her up for you is not a failure on your part at all. It is an aid for you, you will get back on a more focused and happier horse and actually be able to ride her forward (hopefully!).

My sharp rubber-necked little horse and would look out of the bridle at the slightest distraction, wriggle away and spook at the dark corner. I could generally paper over these cracks but as we moved up the levels the holes became more apparent. So on gets the instructor, I had owned this horse since 3 and backed myself and knew inside out was transformed, there was the odd duck and dive but I was handed back a different horse. His whole posture had changed, of course it gradually ebbed away as he realised who was back on board but gradually I caught up and the holes in my riding (which he had found) were closed up. This is why I feel you should let your instructor ride and set the horse up, (assuming your instructor is good) - it is their job to find the holes in your riding and help you sort it. Each horse you ride will find different holes.
 
I too think that you might need a new instructor. Not because of what they are asking but if you think they'd get on and hurt your horse you clearly don't have trust in them and therefore how do you follow their advice if you don't trust them.

Its easy, and nice, for us to think we are the best thing for our horse's and no one else should be involved but sometimes you can't see what's right in front of you. I've got myself endlessly frustrated with a spooky horse for someone else to get on and show me that she wasn't listening properly, she could listen properly and I needed to ride better in order for it to happen. No booting, shouting or abuse, just a better rider showing me that its possible and giving me some tips. Result? Happier more content horse and rider! On the opposite side, I ride a horse that was advertised as difficult, very hot and will rear. She's lovely, I'm sure its frustrating for others that have had problems riding her to see her going better (its obviously a work in progress) but she's much happier. It's just expereince, seeing what she needed and being able to do it. I wouldn't have been able to 2 years ago but that's why we ride and learn from others. So a rider swap for her has been the right move, could somebody else ride her better than me though - of course!

So yes, get a new instructor, stick with your horse if you love her and enjoy it but also bear in mind that your job is to do the best by your horse and if that's changing something about how you ride then that's what you should do. It sounds like your finding this very emotional and aimed at yourself (and like you might be being a bit stubborn about this) but to me, i'd imagine the instructor just wants you and horse to be happier and can see that it can be done. That's what she'll be wanting to show you.
 
Why are you having lessons on this horse in particular? If you know how to ride the horse through its explosions, what are you wanting your instructor to help you to achieve. Personally, I like to be shown how to do something and what the end result should look like, it gives me a better understanding of what I need to do. It does sound as if you and this particular instructor are not compatible, her way of offering help isnt what you want so find someone who will do it the way you want it done, your money, your choice!
 
Goldenstar said:
Of course your trainer rides better than you do it would not make sense to go to her otherwise .
That’s not humiliating it’s common sense .
You need to take a deep breath and think about why you do this .
Learning and training is about goals and objectives and putting horses in a proper place in your head .
If you are not enjoying it change something .
Click to expand...


this. you have many excuses and a whole load of emotion in your replies so something isnt working. take the pressure off, find someone who will coach you rather than teach your horse if thats what you want. from someone who has and still does grapple with confidence issues you sound pretty scared of this horse and of someone 'upsetting' her. why do you have to do x,y,z with your riding-especially if it fills you with dread?
 
I felt really disheartened many a times when being taught and there were times where they asked me to get off so that they could show me how to do something. From watching them I actually obtained a better understanding and when I got back on it was much easier for me. Everyone learns differently, sometimes seeing how something is done works. I still felt like the worst rider in the world from it though!

I think its about the delivery of what they are saying. If the delivery of how they are saying something doesn't work for you and your confidence is low then you are not getting the benefit from the lesson. You need to be comfortable with your instructor so that you relax with them and if your current instructor is not that person then perhaps look at another one? Riding should be enjoyable and fun, something you want to do and to spend time with the horse, so do what makes it enjoyable :)
 
Whilst ultimately it is your horse to do what you like with, I do struggle to relate to your outlook on this.

Personally speaking, I've found it invaluable over the years to have my trainer hop on every now and again to either show me the way when I'm struggling with something, it's certainly never made me feel humiliated as ultimately the reason I pay her is because she's a professional and as such can help improve my way of going. On a few occasions, her riding him has made her reassess the situation as what she had thought was rider error has actually transpired to be the horse so we end up working together to revise the approach. Likewise, when I am just up against a wall it's interesting to see my trainer do the very thing I'm struggling with a) to confirm the horse can indeed do whatever I'm trying to ask and b) to watch how it's done.

In your situation, the instructor riding might help you with techniques to defuse the situation before you get tense or the horse gets explosive, but like I said at the start, it's your horse so ultimately who rides it is down to you.
 
Aw OP it sounds like you have some confidence issues. I struggle with my anxiety and confidence with my own riding.
Whilst for many reasons people have pointed out on here, sometimes a fresh mind on a horse can be a really helpful tool. You know the horse. Your mind is probably already thinking "What if she does xyz". A fresh mind who isn't necessarily used to the horse but is a professional and experienced rider might help.
However I can also understand you have had a bad experience and this is why you are reluctant.
I think ultimately it's a good idea to try a new instructor but make your reservations clear from the start. I would look for one who specialises in confidence issues.
All the best 😊
 
Tiddlypom said:
Says Casey76, who often comes on here with lengthy posts about the ridden and other problems she has with her horses :confused:. OP, I think you can safely dismiss this suggestion.
Click to expand...

My anxiety problems are my own, my horses will get a smack on the arse if they arn’t concentrating when they are being ridden - which stops them from being spooky in the first place.

Then again, I have absolutely no issues with other people, especially my instructor, riding my horses.
 
You never know it might make you feel better. I went to a lesson with an instructor I'm not that fond of but it was riding club so pretty cheap and gave me a chance to ride him in the week in the winter. My horse (as he was prone to doing in those days) was being incredibly strong and rude. Instructor insisted on getting on 'to sort him out', which, in front of everyone else, was pretty humiliating. Arguing would have been more humiliating though so I just let him. Twenty minutes of being carted round and round the school in canter the instructor handed him back sheepishly and just said "shoot it". Luckily I never had any intention of doing that, I found a better instructor and 13 years on we're still going strong (or not strong as the case may be!)
 
Presumably your instructor thinks her getting on will help you and the horse, and that is why they have suggested it. Perhaps ask them to explain - without getting emotional - precisely what it is they think they will achieve by doing so. If thy can articulate clearly what their aim is, you might feel better about them doing so. A good instructor will never aim to show you up, humiliate you or make you think you are a bad rider - they will be constantly looking for tools and ways to help you. Perhaps they have arrived at the conclusion that without feeling the 'explosion' themselves and the build up to it - they cannot help you much more. Perhaps they are unsure whether the issue is the horse or rider - and therefore don't know which needs more work at this stage.

If you can't see any positive reason why your instructor might want to get on - change instructors. Or don't have lessons.

This is all on the assumption that you have eliminated every physical reason a horse might be spooky, distracted and explosive first?

I watch my instructors ride and wish I could do what they do - particularly as far as my own horse is concerned! But rather than getting down that I am not as good as them, I embrace the fact that they are better and exploit their 'better-ness' by having endless lessons and learning all I can from them.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top