Letter to parents- potential pony

This thread is so interesting that its pulled me out of lurking!

Sez, I really feel for you. When you want something so much, for your plan to be criticised makes it all seem hopeless. Coming from the other end of the spectrum, I am horseless whilst at uni after having evented various cheap quirky youngsters through my teens, just getting to Novice Level, although injury got in the way. At the moment I'm competing even quirkier things, which whilst rewarding, is on someone else's terms which for a control freak like me is immeasurably frustrating! Your ambition is to be commended, but perhaps you need to rethink the strategy.

Its interesting that you seem focused on pony trials, rather than eventual senior success, although it may just be foremost in your mind. In many ways, rising to the top as an adult is far more achievable. Antoinette Mckweon is just one rider off the top of my head who started in a riding school, who has gone on to compete very well at 4* Level and even to be longlisted for an Olympics. If you want to succeed as an adult, either as a professional or an amateur, then the best foundation you can lay for yourself now is correct training. Make sure your riding school is one with ambitions beyond trotting round the school (perhaps pm someone) and through them join the Pony Club, and try to work up to the B Test. Not only will this help your own riding, it would make you very appealing to a professional rider as a working pupil, which will open you up to the chances of competing, as well as some useful contacts. Then when you are in the position of being able to independently fund your own horse, you will be in the strongest place possible.

Of course, you will then become good friends with the stock eventing phrase 'not a good day on paper!'
In all seriousness, in order to succeed with horses you must understand that no matter how good the rider is, how well they are prepared, horses are animals, and as such, are liable to throw spanners in the works. All part of the fun though!
 
BWa said:
My last thought on this thread and I've had a look through your others OP. You are so fixated with the PTs and eventing that it worries me that even if you did get a nice pony and wouldn't enjoy it until you reached your goal and heaven forbid you had issues to address along the way.
I really feel you need you to set the goal posts a little lower to appreciate what you might get
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That's exactly what I thought! Sez, I'm 15 and basically had a similar beginning as you: I started riding at a riding school when I was 5 and was classed as one of the "talented" ones there as I was on par with others much older. When I was 10 I started riding and exercising a very naughty 11.3hh Welsh who looking back was probably quite dangerous to ride (none of mum's horsey friends could believe she let me ride him but my Mum*s one who gives a lot of freedom) because he had a massive buck! I rode him until I was 12 and I'll always be eternally gratefully to him because he's given me a really "sticky" seat and a knack for staying on naughty creatures.I was bought my first pony aged 13 with the intention of having a pony to have fun on, do local events, etc! It makes me laugh though how our expectations changed, before I got Lace, all I'd ever wanted was a pony to call me own but this year Lace has peaked at jumping 90cm courses and although Mum had ALWAYS said she would be my only pony we decided to move up a step abduction get a new pony with the aim of evening (BE) with it. So it's amazing how things and goals can change, so please bear that in mind, expectations can always change. I never ever believed I'd have my own pony but here I am with two wonderful girls and opportunities I never would have thought I would have!

Remember the whole point of doing what you love is because you enjoy it, don't become blinded by probably unrealistic goals! Ponies are meant to be fun, 'a pony is a child's dream but a horse is an adult's treasure', just enjoy having the freedom of having your own pony. We're all so lucky to have such wondrous companions, treasure and enjoy them!!xx
 
I was trying to figure out how much experience you had OP so I looked at some of your other threads after I felt bad for trying to give you a sense of reality.

I see that you have been using HHO as research which is fair enough but can I ask you regarding this thread?

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?611912-Is-it-wrong-!

You have a daughter?! Really??!!! At least you came clean in the end.

I don't believe anything you post anymore regarding your experience/age or indeed your home situation.

You have been given sensible advice on the above thread by respected HHOers and I am very disappointed to find out that you are disingenious.
 
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Jnhuk, and if you'd read the entirety of that thread, or even all of this one, you'd see that the OP has apologised for that several times over.
 
Jo_x said:
Jnhuk, and if you'd read the entirety of that thread, or even all of this one, you'd see that the OP has apologised for that several times over.
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Fair point and apologies that I haven't read the threads in their entirely, Jo!

I really am not that interested in doing so now as feel wasted enough of my time on here reading about this. I had tried to help her by putting my view across which I feel is common sense. I now realise that the OP has been given decent advice on both threads from experienced competitive HHO eventers which she is not interested in taking onboard as it shatters her dream.

If she cannot take advice and guidance from people who have been there and done it, surely it is going to be a very hard and rocky road full of disappointments for her? They are only trying to save her grief with the benefit of their experience
 
OP you really need to start taking some of the advice on this thread and your other threads on board. You specifically stated in your op that you were no longer so uptight about doing pony team trials etc yet you seem to be obsessed with it. Your financial list while well prepared is a drop in the ocean of what you need to budget for what you are proposing. You have ZERO budgeted for transport and accommodation & food/sundries at events. It is completely and utterly ignorant to assume you will be given lifts etc by friends with no contribution. What you are proposing is actually downright dangerous....to go from basically nothing to pony team trial level within 2 years would be difficult if you had the ride on Noble Springbok or Ice Cool Bailey never mind on a pony that has never done it before either. You seem to have no grasp of the level of experience needed for this level. You're coming to a big solid log with a drop on landing, you can see ten strides away you're too far off...what do you do? You're in the show jumping and there is a related distance oxer then quiet 6strides or open 5 strides to a combination...what do you do? You're warming up for dressage, pony is sharp and tense and you have 15 minutes to get it softened up and test ready...what do you do?

Aside from the technical aspects the wrong decision in any of these scenarios could not just result in your pony getting hurt but also you getting hurt...particularly xc. You have to factor in the technical aspects of these courses as well.

The day to day management of the animal is crucial...and there is no such thing as give it 2 days and see what happens. If there is something a wee bit amiss you treat it aggressively (and maybe expensively) and you get it sorted. And ultimately at the end of the day are you a horseman/horsewoman at the end of it....not necessarily!! You are 13....if you apply some logic you are far better to ask your parents for this chance at a first pony as a learning experience....pony trials are not the be all and end all....they are a stepping stone! You have 8 years until you age out of young riders, 5 years until you age out of juniors...while both of these are still extremely expensive systems to get involved in....they are far more realistic proposals than ponies right now! Be a sponge....get yourself into a good yard as a working pupil, look for a good rider solid in all three phases, perhaps someone with good history in getting horses back from injury and learn. The more solid an education you get now in all aspects of managing a competition horse the better you will be in the future. And finally just ask your parents, they are not ogres, they love and support you but having so much hope hinging on something like team trials is not healthy or beneficial to you. Everybody has to start somewhere and you can still be friends with those at that level. If they are not your friends because you are not at that level they are probably not the right type of friends to be seeking anyway...
 
Thanks for all the advice. I do tea them all and take them in I'm just really defensive when it comes to this because I really want it so bad. Thanks to the suggestion about badminton grassroots that's something I would really love to do and I had also forgotten about weston park be100u18 series now so could try and qualify for that next year too.
I think I will change my letter to talk about the grassroots side of things then on my last year of ponies do Goring heaths PON and it would be really good for me to get an national/international event under my belt too so maybe do weston park ccnp** in 2015. But I will see how it all goes. That will reduce costs a lot too. Hopefully this way costs will be able to go to sub 24k maybe? I wil redo quotes on insurance as before I got quotes on tack cover as well as rider cover, £5k vets fees and £1m public liability.
I've done my research on E and L so won't be asking for insurance with them. Are there any really good insurance companies? Petplan equine seems quite good as well.
So thanks for all tr advice I have been taking it in and I hope I've made a good decision
 
i do actually want to bash my head against a wall.....


we all have dreams and i think like i said before - just aim for getting the pony first.....and then figure the rest out later.



i know your 13.....but reality is your being very unrealistic....
 
noodle_ said:
i do actually want to bash my head against a wall.....


we all have dreams and i think like i said before - just aim for getting the pony first.....and then figure the rest out later.



i know your 13.....but reality is your being very unrealistic....
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Yep I agree and I'm starting to wonder if we are being played here.
 
FfionWinnie said:
Yep I agree and I'm starting to wonder if we are being played here.
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i think we are....!!!

i admit i had dreams from the age of 5 of "pony" and once when i was 17 had a lovely tb i dreamed of doing a n intro (as it were then) event......id never done xc

i still want to do that intro event - but on my now pony - within the next 5 years....!!! ive done xc, dressage and show jumping - - thats realistic.... which if the OP isnt taking the pee should be considering being more realistic.....

but mabey i should aim for badminton in 2 years??? :D

i need to leave the thread - its bugging me now :D
 
It amuses me that so many people are getting so wound up by this thread. Yes, the OP's hopes and dreams are probably unrealistic but which horse-mad teenager didn't dream that the GB Team Trainer would spot them jumping some rickety fences and call them up for the Olympics? I know I certainly did (still do if I'm honest ;) ).

The OP is simply putting her hopes and dreams out there for the world to see when the rest of us dreamed them in private. Yes of course a healthy dose of realism is required but she'll probably get that from her parents along the way, as the rest of us did.

For goodness sake, back off a bit and let her have the normal teenage dreams!

Good luck OP, I sincerely hope it all works out well for you.
 
meardsall_millie said:
It amuses me that so many people are getting so wound up by this thread. Yes, the OP's hopes and dreams are probably unrealistic but which horse-mad teenager didn't dream that the GB Team Trainer would spot them jumping some rickety fences and call them up for the Olympics? I know I certainly did (still do if I'm honest ;) ).

The OP is simply putting her hopes and dreams out there for the world to see when the rest of us dreamed them in private. Yes of course a healthy dose of realism is required but she'll probably get that from her parents along the way, as the rest of us did.

For goodness sake, back off a bit and let her have the normal teenage dreams!

Good luck OP, I sincerely hope it all works out well for you.
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Thanks. I really do want a pony and I don't know what's wrong with aiming for badminton grassroots
 
Grassroots is a good aim, ultimately you have to remember it is supposed to fun. I doubt there is a 13yr old who doesn't share your ambitions but the unfortunate thing is only a very few will get to the top, they are not always the ones with money or everything handed to them on a plate either, so who knows you may be one of the few but I think you have to extend your timescale for achieving your aims. Horses/ponies are not machines and things do go wrong. My daughter started competing at 10, has produced 2 difficult youngsters to competing at Affiliated level, but due to their temperments they haven't achieved what she wanted, to go through the levels at BE, we bought a 6 yr old last year, much less complicated with the aim to get moving at BE. She slipped off a step 2 weeks after we bought her and after virtually a year of rehab she has been retired as a broodmare. So, now we have no horse, no funds to replace her either. These things happen and it won't matter if you buy a 2k pony or a 20k one.
Hopefully your parents will help you to get on the ladder but you also have to be prepared to compromise. I wouldn't like to work out how much we have spent over the years on competitions, equipment etc and we have our own land so don't have to pay livery. Competitions are getting very expensive, you will not just do BE, most people will also be doing dressage, BS and Pony Club on top of BE and £50 doesn't go far time you pay for entry fees etc let alone the fuel. I think many horsey people are quite forgetful about how much they actually spend, me included.
If you get your pony, join the PC, have fun and the rest will happen when the time is right.
 
sez1 said:
Thanks. I really do want a pony and I don't know what's wrong with aiming for badminton grassroots
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Sez, the general gist of the advice being given to you, is that the dreams aren't unattainable, but they are quite possibly impossible with the time frame you have put on them.

I've read this thread with interest, you are obviously intelligent and incredibly articulate, but being only 13 means there is a deal of naivety involved.

I was lucky enough to get a dream horse at 14, with weekly lessons and training 6 days a week, I reached CCI2** in 4 years. This isn't a common scenario though! At that age, I was top level PC dressage and had jumped successfully in the junior SJ scene. Whilst I will admit, I'm not a slouch in the saddle and I worked myself ragged training, at the end of the day I reached those goals because that horse was 1 in million. My parents paid a large sum for this horse as an experienced showjumper that had never set foot in the eventing scene. I NEVER asked for this horse, he was their idea and they CHOSE to spend the money. It was a gamble! After placing in my first CCI2** event, I had 3*** and then a potential 4* run in my sites. 4 weeks later, that horse received a career ending injury whilst training. 4 years on, that boy is a field ornament, with at least another 10-15 years of burning a hole in my hip pocket! He deserves it, but I've chosen to support his retirement because I owe him so much. My parents LOVED the ride those 4 years were, from PC to high level. They chose to support me, and repaid them the best I could, I never asked them for it, I just showed my appreciation by working hard! I never partied, didn't ask for clothes, Christmas presents were entry fees or lessons. I didn't have the latest gadgets or phones. It was a hard life, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Personally I DO think your parents should support your hobby, purchase you a pony and take you to a few lower level events, rallies and lessons. However, I think it's a little unfair to ask your parents to support you so you can step out into the top automatically. It's a world they know nothing about, and I appreciate you are trying to achieve it on a shoestring. However, even when taking the cheaper options for everything, it still adds up to exorbitant amounts of money!

Also, even with my experience and the lessons I've had, I'm struggling to produce an incredibly talented young horse up to EvA1.05 eventing! To take something from greenish, inexperienced to intermediate in 4-5months is not an attainable goal for an inexperienced rider.

Personally I wouldn't ask for what you are asking for. Your parents are already reluctant, that letter will just add strength to all the arguments against getting you a pony. Go and ask for a nice, safe PC level horse, find a decent livery, be happy with one second hand saddle, and actually get some real life competition experience.

Good luck :)
 
I think it's an interesting thread, regardless of what the OP gets out of it. :)

I guess I'm just fascinated how many people consider a pony - of any kind! - and parental support a right not a privilege.
 
I've read this thread with interest, I begged my parents for a pony I nearly got one at 10 but they decided that it wasn't the life they wanted so I had to wait till I was 15 and I had one on loan for 6 months I had to cycle to see him and had no facilities, I was told that the first time I didn't go twice a day he went back, well my mum thought id last a week but 6 months later she brought him for me he wasn't particularly suitable but I had no support. I never did pony club and as soon as I could I worked to contribute to his costs. I think of myself as very lucky as I did finally get a horse and I loved every minute of it I think my mum was pleased as it kept me out of trouble.

We don't always get everything we want and horse's arnt easy but if you show how much you want it and that you are willing to do everything your parents might support you.
 
TarrSteps said:
I think it's an interesting thread, regardless of what the OP gets out of it. :)

I guess I'm just fascinated how many people consider a pony - of any kind! - and parental support a right not a privilege.
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I am enjoying reading about everyone's experience. If the OP does indeed convince her parents to buy her a pony, I am sure the reality of it will soon hit her. A few months after I got my first horse at age 13, she went lame and a good bit of that first year I had her was spent getting her sound again. Not the "dream" any kid has, but certainly the reality of horse ownership.

I don't read anyone's posts as saying or implying that parental support for horsey hobbies is a right. Rather, if one's parents are even vaguely considering buying their kid a horse, a more realistic, down-to-earth scenario will be more helpful than fantasies about upper level eventing in two years.
 
I am another banging my head against the wall a bit!

OP riding a "real" horse is COMPLETELY different to riding at riding schools, and being a "talented" rider at a RS does not automatically mean you will make it to the top.

There is nothing wrong with aiming for "grassroots" but aiming to get from a RS to BE100 in a few months is unrealisitic, as is aiming to then get to 2* from BE100 in 2 years, even assuming the pony was sound for all of it! You don't seem to even grasp the concept that it takes a good few months to get to know a new horse/pony, you won't be able to just hop on on day 1 and have the perfect partnership.

I am sorry to "spoil your fun" but you really need to take a step back and be a bit realistic. Not least because you are asking your parents to set aside what would probably be all the cash your dad takes home in a whole year, before he pays ANYTHING.

Aim to get yourself a good PC pony and spend a year or 2 doing low level competition. You will build the foundations and learn the things that can then lead you to progress up the levels later on. It does NOT matter how much you have read, how much you think you know, owning your own pony is a completely different ball game in every respect.

It takes years to achieve top level success, lots of money, and lots and LOTS of hard work. It isn't achieved on a pony you see 3 times a week and with one lesson every other week. Sorry!
 
This is an interesting thread.

I have read through your letter and most of the replies. Not commenting on anyone else i just wanted to give you my opinion.

Most young children ask their parents for a pony don't they? You have however shown your parents that this is not just a passing phase by doing some research, which is very good for a 13yo girl. However please don't be upset if your parents say 'no'. I'm pretty sure if your parents were millionaires you would have a yard with 10 ponies in it and 5 grooms if that is what you wished for as all parents want their children to be happy.

Unfortunately as you are aware ponies are extremely expensive and I would say that it is likely your parents will say no (i think you know they will say no too if you have genuinely had this letter on your computer for months waiting for the right time). It has been mentioned that your Dads wages are £50,000 per annum. less tax this is not a huge amount for a family (i don't know if you have any siblings) to pay for a mortgage, the usual bills and feed a family as well as be able to go on holiday and poss fund any riding school lessons or other out of school activites you already have (do you play music? other sports etc?)

For me I was very lucky, I grew up with horses as my family are very horse orientated and I count myself very lucky that I have had that upbringing. We did also compete regularly and produced ponies for top level for people to buy.

I would say that you are young enough to ask your parents for a pony and see what they say. But I would just wait on your ambition for eventing and teams and go with the fun plan that if you were lucky enough to get a pony, and join pony club, you might be able to compete in pony club teams etc. You never know that when you have the pony, perhaps your parents will end up loving them as much as you do and they may want you to go on an event. Until then though I would find out if there was the possibility of you getting a pony.

What about asking the local yard (where the pony would live) if you can have a saturday job to help fund the pony's livery? this would show your parents how keen you were to help pay for him/her.

I think to be from riding school to a decent level in two years will not only cost what you have researched but you would need to practically have a lesson a week, and be competing every weekend (at a cost of around £100 a weekend) which would honestly mean having to own another 2 ponies to allow you to do this.

A really good aim is to get a pony, join the pony club, go to their training camps, shows etc and see what the future holds. Find out where the nearest pony club is to you - you might find they also hold training/shows at a local yard - if so, aim to keep your pony on livery there as you won't have travel costs to attend shows.

I'm not sure if that is helpful, or even adds to this thread but you must let us know what happens.
 
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TarrSteps said:
I think it's an interesting thread, regardless of what the OP gets out of it. :)

I guess I'm just fascinated how many people consider a pony - of any kind! - and parental support a right not a privilege.
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Me too - I felt incredibly privileged when I was young because I had a horse, and although my parents never put a penny or any time into into it, they were incredibly supportive by letting me out of doing housework, not insisting on checking my schoolwork and allowing me to be out of the house all the time. Most of my friends at school would never have been allowed so much freedom. And for that I was then, and am still now, incredibly grateful to them.
 
Concentrate on getting a little fun pony to get more experience, get to 15/16 get a boyfriend either make or break your career (not saying all are like that, but 'ya know)
 
Just another thought Sez which might help to convince your parents that you really are serious - why don't you look out for someone wanting help with a pony?

Riding on your own, out of a riding school environment, is a lot different to what you have been doing so far, it will give you a very good idea of exactly what is involved, will demonstrate to your parents that your commitment is real and not just 'dreams' and will also teach you a lot - both riding and care wise.

It may also make you re-think what you can/want to achieve and by when - you have your whole life ahead of you and while dreams are wonderful things there is nothing saying you have to achieve all this before you are 16.
 
Your letter is well written, but your attitude to money leaves a lot to be desired.

Just because your mum and dad make a lot of money, they should fund YOUR dream? What about their dreams? Do you not think after all their years of hard work they should be entitled to enjoy their money. I understand some parents are able and willing to do this but by the sounds of it your parents aren't. You seem to think because your dad went mad once and bought a few iphones, ipads, and some bracelets that he could afford to fund PT's - in reality probably a lot of people could afford to splash out the same way once in a while. But could they sustain that amount of expenditure on a monthly bases? Probably not. What you're quoting a year to keep a competing pony is what some people would thank their lucky stars to earn salary wise for a year!

At your age all I wanted to do was event. My single mum could barely afford a riding lesson a month for me never mind a pony. She worked 3 jobs to keep our house going and I had to accept that even though all my friends parents could afford it, we just couldn't. So I worked for rides at a riding school, rode peoples horses for them, and then from 14 worked every weekend- sometimes 7.30-3 then 6-12 split shifts, just to be able to afford my own (loan) horse. Mum helped as by this point she had a much better job, but she instilled on me that work ethic.

I went to college, came home, was a Working Pupil for a while, then decided that I just wasn't going to financially be able to do it. I got a 'proper' job (well, jobs, I have 3 now too) and kept on riding for other people /part loaning/ sharing. I now enjoy pottering about and my biggest goal these days is just to event for fun - even if its BE80T! I could probably afford to buy a horse of my own now but I am very lucky to have the ride on a friends horse now and I can focus my money on lessons etc. I may not be a world beater now but I worked for what I do have /have done and its a big sense of achievement.

Sorry for the seemingly annoyed rabble, what I guess I'm trying to say is if you were REALLY serious- you'd be out working for it yourself even at your tender age even if it was a start and helped prove to your parents that you were serious.


And a final thought- if I was your parents and I found out you'd been discussing my salary on an internet forum, I'd be hella mad. Thats their business, not really yours or anybody elses.
 
I think it's interesting that at least 3 (that I know of) of the people on this thread who got little parental support do or have work as professionals! That should be heartening, OP! For Ponies through to YR I think significant support - time, money, knowledge - is essential for success. Even doing it 'on the cheap' is a very relative term. But not far beyond that you start to see some people succeeding professionally without that family support. Those years of riding anything, learning to get along with clients, seeing the ins and outs of the horse business up close, and becoming independent can be a benefit in the long run.
 
Jenni_ said:
And a final thought- if I was your parents and I found out you'd been discussing my salary on an internet forum, I'd be hella mad. Thats their business, not really yours or anybody elses.
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I merely stated it because I felt it was important. Recently my father had a big sum of money put into the bank because of a supply job he did. I don't know how much.
I only mentioned it because I thought it would help the situation on here
 
Hello! This is an interesting thread! have you spoken to them about getting a pony before??

I remember doing the same thing as you at 13, though not half so well thought out or researched! Unfortunately it didn't work but someone DID ask me to ride their brilliant competition pony anyway which was free ;-). So there are plenty of options out there.

You have made quite a few comments about your riding and that many others have said you're v knowledgeable and taletned which is excellent. What I would do in your position is to try and use that - either to ride other people's horses (there are a SURPRISING amount of decent horses around for share) or else start off by asking your parents for a much cheaper sort of horse and then seeing if you can bring it on a bit. Yes, it will take longer than getting to the PTs in two years, but you'l learn a lot on the way and also if it DOES work out, you'll be able to a) demonstrate your skill, and b) sell it and put the profit towards your next eventer. This will be much cheaper, cut about two thirds of the costs, and make your life much easier.

Would love to hear how you get on. Good luck!
 
I think your Dad would need to be earning the sort of money that nobody would talk about (ie big bucks!) for anyone to be happy to sink 20 odd K into ponies!
 
I'm not really 'getting' this! I'm thinking of my friends 13 year old daughters and would hate anyone to be mean to them so really don't want to upset you.

I too, tried to get a feel of your experience from your posts and comments off people such as 'you are very determined' and 'you are a natural rider' are phrases I have heard my OH's (pro eventer) RI use with him .... he has just started to learn to canter and certainly won't be competing any time in the next 100 years! :D - what I'm saying is you may or may not be the next Mary King!!

I was a bit like you (until I got old, had kids and no time!) and if I get interested in something I will find everything out I can about it so I'm not criticising you but I there is a big part of me that thinks stop being a 'spoilt brat' (expecting that amount of money to be spent on a hobby for you is IMO spoilt brattish ;);)) be very, very grateful if your Mum and Dad can afford to buy you a bog standard pony, then if you prove yourself, work hard and start showing real potential after a couple of years then get your RI to have a word with your parents and maybe then may be the time for the 'letter'.

Good luck with whatever happens xx

PS - Did read you Dad earnt 50k pa? if so then I think if he has a mortgage and normal outgoings he would be pt at a serious disadvantage forking that amount of of money out. Have you got any siblings? xx
 
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