Letting other people ride your horse

L

littlen

Well-Known Member
Joined
17 August 2006
Messages
830
Visit site
Do you allow it and does it annoy you when people ask?

I am in a bit of an annoying situation at the moment and I dont know how to fix it without coming across as a bi*ch.

I got my horse a year ago and have spent a year rebacking him and have turned him around from a horrible scared spooky horse to a lovely kind laid back horse who loves his work and will do anything asked, he is very attatched to me and trusts me as much as a horse can trust a person!!

Last year my friend (on the same yard) got a sharer for her pony, a 6 year old girl and her mother. They are lovely people and my friend asked if she could borrow my horse to take girls mother out on one hack. Knowing my horse I said yes only around a familiar area and my horse was to be accompanied by my friend on her horse at all times, the girls mother has ridden before but not since having her daughter. I trust my horse to walk beside my friends horse and they promised only walk and trot.

Recently though this lady has asked to ride again and again and to be honest I dont want anyone else to ride him. More so now as he is very very fit and can be sharp wheras last year he was overweight so couldnt be bothered. I am also having lessons with a good instructor and I dont want mixed messages sent by a novice (I have had to retrain all aids etc) I have gritted my teeth and allowed her to take him out a few times more as I dont want to upset my friend as she has done alot for me, however now this lady thinks she can ride every weekend and its getting annoying. She dosent think its an issue as I am at work anyway but that is not the point. She has also made comments such as "oh I cant wait until the nice weather when I can take horse out again" despite the fact I thought it was a once or twice max offer, not a regular thing and I stressed this at the beginning.

I went to a show last week and met this ladys friend who also rides and is looking for a part loan. Today at the yard my friend approached me and said that her sharer has told this new girl who I have met once that I allow people to ride my horse and she can ride him providing my friend is there. I have not once said anyone else can ride my horse and to be honest I am not happy about the first girl never mind anyone else.

I am very annoyed, I am not a riding school and dont want everyone in the world riding my horse, especially not as I have put so much work into him :( but I dont know how to put this clearly without upsetting my friend or her sharer (or the other lady?)

Am I being selfish? :(
 
You're not being selfish at all!! You have put alot of time into restarting your horse and you don't want his training to be compromised!

You need to be straight with them though, otherwise they will continue under the misguided information that you are happy to let people ride your horse.
 
No I don't think so. I'd be annoyed too. My riding instructor rides my horse very occasionally, and will do so when I'm on holiday..but thats it.

To be honest..as sweet as he is, he is yours, and you have put the work into him. If you aren't comfortable letting a novice (or anyone else) on him, then you shouldn't have to. Her expecting to ride him every weekend or as she sees fit is not realistic, nor is it fair. Its taking advantage, and again..he's your horse, and if you don't want others riding him then so be it. Thats fine, and reasonable I think.

I think..I dunno, maybe just explain quietly to your friend that you are worried he'll get confused with another rider on him all the time and possible suggest she finds a horse to share or something? Or even join a riding school, thats what everyone else does..

I'm not sure how I'd approach the situation, but I do sympathise with you and don't think you're being selfish at all :)
 
Thanks everyone :)

I didnt really mind the first time as I was only plodding around the block once a week plus he was overweight so could have done with the excersise. Now he is super fit and I dont fancy her chances if he started acting up (he dosent normally, but he is a fit arab and his side spooks are pretty unseating! He isnt nasty just a typical excitable horse)

Normally I would have no issue with saying No but I said she could as a favour to my friend as she didnt have anyone to ride with except her sharer and her sharer dosent have a horse. But now this girl seems to think she has free run of him, for example the other day we were having a coffee and were talking about her getting a horse and she said " I know I can always use your horse whenever I want, but I would like my own one day" I have never said she can use him at all!

I will certainly have a word with my friend and explain the situation to her, I am sure she will understand, I just dont like confrontation and I hate upsetting people! :)
 
Nobody ever asks to ride Dylan lol. I occasionally offer to let people I trust ride him, but only if I'm there to watch, as he's not an easy horse and I've put a lot of work into him recently. One of my friends rides him out with me sometimes, but it's only ever walk and trot.

I went on holiday and left him with a friend, I came back and he was lame because she'd done too much with him :( so now he only gets ridden by other people if I'm there. I don't think you're being selfish at all, it's your horse, it's you who has put the work into it, and it's you who will have to sort it out if someone else's riding causes problems.
 
I'd take the same line with everyone who asks "No I'm sorry, I have let someone ride him a couple of times as a favour in the past but *laugh* now it seems to have got round that he can be ridden by all and sundry so I've had to put a stop to it. I'm sure you'll understand."
 
You could just comment that you feel he's got to a particular stage in his training where he needs to have only one rider at the moment, as he's working on specific issues? Either that or suggest that you feel he needs some more time off as he is getting fitter than you want, so you don't actually want him to be ridden more frequently than you can manage.

It's true you don't have to explain yourself as he is your horse, but it may be easier to do so for peace sakes. She is taking advantage of your kind gesture afterall.
 
I don't think it is unreasonable to not let other people ride your horse. I am quite generous with Zoom and was with Monty too.....however it's your horse, your decision.

You pay the bills - you don't have to say anything, just that you have decided it's best if only you ride him regularly.

On the other hand, I wouldn't be annoyed with this lady, she has obviously just got the wrong end of the stick which is understandable given that she has been allowed to ride him before.

Don't worry about upsetting people, just explain to your friend as you have on here and I'm sure she'll understand.
 
No need to make an issue of it. You didn't ask for a sharer, your friend did. If you don't want to sound like a bitch, just say that he's in competition work now and you would prefer it if no one else rides him as you are paying for training and need to keep things consistant for your horse. You could even blame it on your trainer advising you to do this.
 
No you are totally in the right, if she wants a horse to ride regularly she should find her own horse. i only let trusted people ride mine when i cant due to illness/injury/holiday. It was a favour at first not a free weekend ride. There was a similar situation at the yard im at when a lady had a horse and asked another lady to ride her horse now and then when she was too busy, but then this other lady would say it was half her horse and ride it nearly all the time. so the owner got fed up and told her no more. it is as simple as that.
 
If you are like me, and you hate confrontation, just think of it as this. They are the ones who obviously have no scruples and just assume it's alright to use your precious horse!

Just say to them that you would rather not have anyone else ride him now, as he's competition fit, so he isn't the steady laid back horse he was last year.

.... If they are rude and brazen enough to ask for an explanation tell them that since last year, you've spend a huge amount of effort and money retraining him and developing his fitness, and you don't think it would be safe now as he is much sharper to ride, which he needs to be for your competitive work. Nor would it be fair on the horse, because the retraining he's had means that he has to be ridden more carefully in order not to confuse him.

That should shut them up!
 
You could also say he isn't insured if ridden by anyone other than yourself - I doubt they would know it wasn't true? Would you let anyone drive your car? I certainly wouldn't!
 
I would say to her that your horse is NOT to be used as a free for all and how dare she start telling other random people that they can come and ride him!! She sounds utterly clueless. God people like that really annoy me. Tell her to knob off, don't let her anywhere near your boy again
 
You're not being selfish at all! As others have said I wouldn't have let this lady ride the 1st time whether doing a friend a favour or not!
Would this other lady tell people they could drive your car whenever they like as long as you're in passenger seat? No, so why would she offer your horse out?! Rude.
I would just say, I don't want anyone else riding him & the 1st lady needs to stop too - he's your horse and that's that really, you don't even need to give a reason just that no one besides yourself is to ride him from now on. End of.
I would speak with your friend just so she knows you're putting a stop to it & save any bad feeling on that side of things.
 
I don't mind people riding mine but only when I say, I don't think people thinking they can whenever they want, I would tell this lady sorry but hes already been worked hard today.
 
Is she going to contribute financially? Doesn't sound like it. I'm with the others, tell her where to get off and flippin well pay to ride like most other people have to do.

My OH gets annoyed with me for riding MY horse because he says I undo his discipline and training :D

We do go hacking on a rebellious long rein sometimes :D:D:D
 
Wen I first got toffee I let my sisters friends ride her, big mistake by so called riders!!!
Never again. I didnt mind people riding winston out with me but never on their own. I ride some one elses horse atm and I did ask but I knew that he was not in a position to ride if he had said no then I would have left it. Sorry I would just say no as your obviously not happya bout it, besides its (sorry not sure if gelding/mare) your horse and your work has been put in for them to potentionally ruin!!!
 
NONE of us ride for free if you OWN a horse... She's not contributing financially. She's not contributing to your horses eductation. He is YOUR horse. I understand you don't want to upset your friend, but you've done her more than a favour letting her sharer ride your horse. I would take your friend to one side and say that as you now have him competition ready you are not prepared to let this lady risk a fall from a spook as you don't want it on your conscience or have the needless worry if this woman does fall off and get hurt, suing you. Does this woman even have her own insurance? no, then she'll be claiming off yours if something untoward happens (heaven forbid)...

At the end of the day, if she wants to ride she should go to a riding establishment and pay or buy her own, not expect you to let her have freebies all the time. You aren't being funny, but tell her you feel that her sharer has got the wrong end of the stick and you aren't prepared to let her ride your horse anymore. You clearly said at the beginning it was a one off, and that you feel she's taking liberty's with your kind nature that you cannot allow to go on. Its that old cliche, give someone an inch and they'll take a mile. You don't owe her any favours, so don't feel guilty.

He is your horse, your decision, so no, I don't think you are being a bitch, you are just looking out for your horses own interests.

Good luck :) XX
 
Last edited:
Not b*tchy at all to say no.

I am very aware that as a horseless person who asks to go and see other peoples horses (I do really mean go and see, I like to pat them and help mucking out :)) that it can come across as rude and I NEVER ask for rides, if someone offers then I am very greatful but I NEVER expect it.

In fact the most recent offer of a ride I have had came from a friend who had a rather opinionated and sometimes tantrum throwing TBx. I refused (gratefuly) despite her thinking I was capable I wasn't comfortable, I just kept imagining me falling off because I couldn't handle him and my best mates horse ending up injured or lost because I fell off on a hack and he ran off home.
 
It is entirely up to you if you want to say no, but please don't be harsh with her. She probably thinks she is doing you a favour by exercising him while you can't. Just say nicely that you can't let her ride him anymore, blame his fitness, or level of training or your instructor or your insurance but be kind. She would probably be mortified if she read this thread.

She probably thinks you are paying for him and can't ride him every day and that by riding him when you are at work she is helping you out by exercising him and saving you time/money.

You also don't know how it was explained to her at the outside by your mutual friend....... the misunderstanding may not be her fault.
 
littlen said:
despite the fact I thought it was a once or twice max offer, not a regular thing and I stressed this at the beginning.

Today at the yard my friend approached me and said that her sharer has told this new girl who I have met once that I allow people to ride my horse and she can ride him providing my friend is there.
Am I being selfish? :(
Click to expand...

I think this woman is completely out of order and despite being told at the beginning it was not to be a regular thing, she seems to think she has free rein of your horse. The fact that she has told a complete stranger (to the op) that she could come and ride is just unbeliveable. I think you have every right to be peed off. I'm not saying you need to go hell for leather at the woman but I wouldn't exactly be nicey nicey about it either!
 
Don't think you are being selfish/mean at all. I don't have my own horse (yet!) and ride friends horses, but would never hassle them ie they ask me if I'm free to exercise their horses (not the other way around)!
I think you are going to have to nip this in the bud, she sounds quite overbearing! If she is serious she can maybe ride your friends horse/loan/buy her own!
Well done for being patient this long!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top