Life without horses?

[chaps89]

I have had my horse 9 years now, he has been retired since last October and is due to be pts due to numerous health issues in the coming month or two.
Initially I was going to wait until next year before finding another one but realised I just couldn't do it & to purchase another before mine goes & begged & borrowed the money to do so. Looked around & through word of mouth found a horse who although I didn't know what I was looking for, ticked every box & felt extremely lucky.
New horse was supposed to be arriving tomorrow but came up lame at a vet check on Monday, then wasn't sound on a circle on a hard surface the next day, combined with him seeming slightly unlevel a week prior and only being 4 we made the hard decision to walk away.
I now don't feel there is enough time to find the right horse before my old boy goes & so I am back to the original plan of looking again next year.
I am lucky, a friend has a pony I can ride whenever I want but she is miles away so in reality it is a limited option. I have been riding another friends daughters pony for the last few months but find her extremely hard work & although I am grateful for the chance to be riding don't particularly enjoy it. I had found a share pony but he went lame & is out of action, so combined with the fact I didn't really 'click' with him, supposedly getting another myself & him being box rested I gave him up.
I keep telling myself everything happens for a reason & to treasure the time left with the old boy but I just know I am going to miss the daily routine. Not even the riding as such (my riding ability seems to have disappeared & I can't believe how quickly I have lost riding fitness which isn't helping as it's putting me off getting back into it on other peoples horses when the opportunities are limited/I can't focus properly on getting backup to scratch) but just the daily routine, having a reason to get up other than work in a morning & the daily care & attention to give to them. I'm also extremely worried I will get fat not doing daily yard jobs but lack the motivation for going to the gym (which is silly)
My plan is the money I spend on horse at present will just go into savings for new horse so next year I don't have to borrow £ to buy, so I won't even be particularly better off.
Sorry, its rambley, I don't really know what I'm looking for in response (I probably need a kick up the ar$e really as at least I've had a horse & can get another one even if it is a year down the line & could ride if I wanted so am more fortunate than some but I just can't pull myself into a stronger frame of mind right now), but how have other people coped when this happens?

 

[ShadowFlame]

I couldn't.

Losing Rods was very sudden, and very unexpected... along with losing my best friend, I had a massive void left and my lifestyle / routine was gone.

I started filling time with advert searching and viewings... I ended up bringing a youngster home 4 weeks after losing my boy. I've had every snidey comment under the sun for doing so, but the fact of the matter is that I was sitting at home, mulling over the loss of my beautiful boy. I couldn't eat, I didn't leave the house, and I needed something to make me get back to "normal".

Pele has done that for me, and has brought a tiny ray of happiness back into my life. He's not Rods, in any way, shape or form, but he keeps me busy and makes me smile. I'm not sure I'd have gotten over the loss without another one to focus on.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sending hugs your way x

 

[chaps89]

I'm not sure I'd have gotten over the loss without another one to focus on.

This is my fear. I am lucky in that losing my boy won't be a sudden thing (barring disasters) but at times it feels worse- too much pre-thinking about it all. But it's why I wanted another before he goes & now that's gone a bit out of the window. I'm almost contemplating buying a small shettie or something but that seems a bit bonkers :s
Sorry to hear about what happened for you, horrible to have to go through. I am glad your new horse is helping tho & thankyou for taking time to reply

 

[ShadowFlame]

This is my fear

It's a hard one to judge until you're actually in the situation, in fairness. On paper, I had a huge vets bill to pay, limited finances anyway, and buying another one was an illogical step to take. Mentally, however, totally different story.

I can imagine the build up is a horrendous thing to deal with. No idea is bonkers if it will help you through, but at the same time you never know when the right one will show up. Keep your eyes peeled and options open

 

[Pearlsasinger]

When sis and I lost our first horse, we were just about to try making arrangements for someone else to care for him while we went an a very rare family holiday abroad, so the holiday helped to soften the break in routine. Then we were without a horse for about 2 years, at least in part because of changes in both our lives (new jobs/houses etc).
Since then we have always had more than one horse, so when one has been pts we have continued to care for the others. Some have been 'replaced' almost immediately and others not for over a year.
I'm not sure why you feel that you only have the two options for getting your new horse. Could you not start looking now with a view to bringing the new one home soon after your horse has been pts? There are lots of lovely-sounding horses for sale atm, it would be pity to miss the perfect one because of an artificial time-scale.
Otherwise could you offer a short-term home to a rescue from a reputable charity to 'fill in the gap', or get your horsey fix by volunteering in some way and riding at a RS to get your skill level/fitness back up?

 

[FinkleyGladiator]

I became horseless under very different circumstances but I thought I'd share anyway

2 years ago when I failed my as levels (totally my fault - too much competing, no revision and maths and science a levels dont mix) my mum made me give up my loan horse beau. I was absolutely gutted and I'm not going to say it's been easy as it hasn't but it's definitely doable (I'd had ponies/horse for 9 years). You're fine if you're a glass-half-full type person as I enjoy lie ins, days out without rushing back to the horse and a cosy fire in the winter without having to get up and muck out in the cold!
Don't get me wrong, I can't wait to go out and buy my first horse when I leave university but being horseless has reminded me quite how much I love having a horse. For you, waiting a year will also prevent an impulse buy of an unsuitable horse because you're grieving (not at all aimed at you shadowflame, just a general comment)

What I'm trying to say is although its not great, it's not the end of the world when there's a light at the end of the tunnel of a new horse in the future. If you find a suitable horse now then great, if not do some saving so you dont need to borrow and buy a new handbag with the spare money you've saved!
Good luck whichever way you go, no one can tell you whats right for you x

 

[FestiveFuzz]

So sorry to hear about your boy. Not completely relevant but a few weeks back I walked away from a horse I was due to take on full loan from September after I found out not everything the owner had told me was true (for a start she wasn't even the horses owner!). I'd been panicking for a good few days as to how I'd have a horse to move in to my space at the yard and was terrified I'd lose my space as with our wedding and honeymoon coming up next month I don't really have the time to horse hunt. Anyway, the same day I told loan horses "owner" I wouldn't be loaning, I spotted a gorgeous tri-coloured gelding and by the end of that week I was making arrangements to move him to our yard

I don't for one second suggest you rush into anything, but wanted to say that sometimes the right horse can find you so don't completely rule out finding a new horse before your old boy passes.

 

[ShadowFlame]

For you, waiting a year will also prevent an impulse buy of an unsuitable horse because you're grieving (not at all aimed at you shadowflame, just a general comment)

Understandable, and true to an extent - judgement is easily clouded when you are grieving. It all depends on your mentality at the time, and whether you're willing to give up horses for a while. For me, I knew that if I fought to give them up, there was no way I would pick it back up again.

Horses for courses, only you can judge how you feel and how best to ease the pain.

 

[BayLady]

I am where you will be in a few months. My beautiful girl went over the bridge 3 weeks and 1 day ago. It is the hardest thing I've ever done. In the run up to making the decision and going through with it I was adamant that I would never have another. No horse could fill my heart the way my girl did, so why even bother.

For the first week I didn't want to be near horses, or anyone I knew with horses, so it wasn't an issue.
For the second week, the immediate shock and some of the numbness wore off. Along with that though came depression, and a need to be more active and doing something. I was exercising (too hot now!) and trying to go out and see friends, etc but even with doing that there's still a huge amount of my day left to fill. This is the worst part for me. It's when my mind wanders and my feelings overwhelm me.

At the end of the second week I was fortunate enough to go and ride a friend's horse, who I'd never sat on before and is kept somewhere I've never been before so there were no memories or attachments. It was bittersweet but I did really enjoy it, and it made me realise that I need horses to be a part of my life. Since then I've ridden once more and have started looking at for sale ads. I even went so far as to try out one mare, though that ended badly with her owner coming off so I didn't get as far as sitting on it. I thought I was doing ok, until last night. My head is all over the place and I can't imagine going to view and try horses.

So, I've decided to stop actively looking and just see what comes my way. I'm very fortunate to have lots of friends who are doing their very best to keep me sane and help me through this, which helps. I think if a horse comes my way that really captures my interest, I will go and have a look with an open mind. No horse will ever be Bebe, but she taught me so much and I think she'd want me to use that to give another horse a good life.


ETA, I knew it was coming with my girl for some months beforehand, just didn't really want to acknowledge it. When I did I made the appointment for 2 weeks away, in part because her birthday fell in the middle of it and I wanted her to have that, and also so I could give her all the things she wasn't allowed normally (she had cushings disease so was muzzled, on a strict diet, etc) to make her happy. It was far and away the hardest thing I have ever done, and for the first week I really didn't want to be at the yard. In the second week I didn't want to be away from the yard as the only time I felt ok was when I was with my mare.

It's incredibly difficult, and only you can know what's right for you, but I don't think I could make it a year, or even 6 months, without a horse in my life.

 

[Janesomerset]

I lasted 4 horseless months after suddenly losing my very special horse to grass sickness. It was like existing in a void. I don't say "living" in a void, because I didn't feel I was living, I was just going through the motions...get up, go to work, do housework, go to bed and lie awake... Like ShadowFlame, I ended up with a youngster. I am shocked that people would stoop so low as to make snidey remarks to you, ShadowFlame. I had people saying to me, "Lots of horses are looking for a loving home" and in the end I fell in love with a photo of a youngster on a rescue charity's website. That was eleven years ago. He is now 12 and I love him very much and I believe it is reciprocated. Getting up and going to work is now worthwhile again (not sure about the housework, lol!) chaps89, I hope all goes as well as it can and I would say, follow your heart. xx

 

[The Fuzzy Furry]

So sorry to hear about your horse.

Can you put the 'word' out locally & try to find a loan horse?
When my last chap & I just really didn't get on (I broke my leg the day I got him & then was not strong enough to ride him properly) I took a big hit financially, but got him placed. I currently have a dear 11yr old mare on long loan from a friend who said I only need to give a months notice to return her, but otherwise I've got her till breeding season starts in 2014 (early April).
Suits me, still got the equine fix, my mini has the company, the arrival happened 2 weeks before my last horse went - and I haven't had to find funds to purchase.
Ok, maybe she isnt the 'one' but she is easy to do in most respects & we get along very well
Worth a try?

 

[chaps89]

Pearlsasinger - original plan was to have another long before mine was going to be pts, but I've not had the finances to do so previously & also wasn't expecting mine to be pts quite so soon either. I've always said I will only get another if it is the right one, so timescales don't really matter to a certain extent but on a practical note it makes sense not to look until the new year, get winter out of the way & more money in the bank & I feel a bit too wound up about the situation to properly look now. Considering going to a RS for lessons but think the stereotype of pony club kicking & sawing at the reins style teaching is putting me off. I also get nervous riding in front of people so whilst I re-discover my riding ability I feel I would rather do it in private than be pulled apart whilst my confidence is low (it's not that I'm not confident in riding, I'm not scared at all but losing faith in my ability) Silly really as if pulling my riding apart & starting again makes sense to do it with experience input.

Finkley Gladiator - I'm one of those weird people that likes mucking out & doesn't mind being out in all weathers so not sure I'm going to enjoy being without too much but I do get your point, make the most of it to a certain extent. Hope you get through uni ok & it makes being horseless worthwhile

GG2B - sounds like you had a lucky escape & landed on your feet. Absolutley wouldn't rule it out if I came across the right horse but don't want to pin my hopes on it as feel it's unlikely to a certain extent.

Shadow Flame - that's just it, on a practical level I'm not sure I can go a whole year without a neddy & if I do I'm not sure how easy I'll find it getting back into it, so even tho it might not be practical I may end up with another sooner rather than later I suspect. As you say, horses for courses, sounds like its worked out well for you.

BayLady - I really feel for you & could totally empathise with your post, sorry to hear about your loss. It's certainly a horrid thing to go through & everyone reacts differently, you sound sensible in not putting any pressure on yourself rushing to find another, that's how I hope I will be.

Janesomerset - sounds like it all worked out well for you, I hope I am that fortunate.

TFF - I've mostly gone by word of mouth anyway, farrier, vet, horsey friends/dealers etc & said I'd be open to loan as well as buying but there's been very little in the way of suitable horses that have come up, it's an option I am open to certainly. Loans just seem hard to come by (understandably, so many horror stories)

I looked at a rescue charity initially but they didn't have anything suitable, although admittedly then I was looking for a specific horse for long-term rather than just any for short term. Trouble with buying a small pony, adopting a companion etc is I tend to find they cost just as much as current horse would to run (minus hopefully the £ spent supporting the local vets, lol) which means less £ to put away towards buying one.
I'd like to ideally find another share where there's no pressure to ride where I can go and just groom & mess about with the horse so I still have something to do every now & then but most people seem to want financial contributions or riders and I think emotionally that would feel like too much of a commitment/hard after losing my boy to do.

All food for thought, thanks

 

[Janesomerset]

Do you have an RDA centre or similar near you? They are always so glad of people to help with the horses. I used to help at one and it was great; only left because we moved a long way away. (200 miles, to be exact!)

 

[poiuytrewq]

I couldn't stay horseless. My horse was the only horsiness I was around at the time, it would be different now im working with them. All I would say is be careful. I lasted 2 months, the plan was like you to save and buy my perfect horse after about 12 months. What I actually did was a real impulse buy after realising I could get an ex racer straight from a trainer! Not even slightly what I wanted! He failed a 3 stage vetting but I bought him anyway as I liked him and just missed horses so much. I'm now the proud owner of a retired 12 year old who's cost me a small fortune in vets bills! I do love him but its not the perfect horse id dreamed about.
Sorry to hear about your current horse though, its really tough xx

 

[ShadowFlame]

Like ShadowFlame, I ended up with a youngster. I am shocked that people would stoop so low as to make snidey remarks to you, ShadowFlame. I had people saying to me, "Lots of horses are looking for a loving home" and in the end I fell in love with a photo of a youngster on a rescue charity's website.

Don't get me wrong, plenty of people have been really supportive (especially the people who saw it all happen), the others... well. Having another horse in my life doesn't make the loss of my boy any less painful, but it does bring you back to "reality". At some point, you have to stop and realise that, as devastating as it is, they're not coming back. It doesn't matter how much you long for them, only want them... they're gone. As you've said, it's like living in limbo, I spent far too much time sitting, missing him, overthinking it all... Pele has helped me through that no end.

Shadow Flame - that's just it, on a practical level I'm not sure I can go a whole year without a neddy & if I do I'm not sure how easy I'll find it getting back into it, so even tho it might not be practical I may end up with another sooner rather than later I suspect. As you say, horses for courses, sounds like its worked out well for you.

Definitely. Do what feels right for you. It's taken me close to 3 months to start feeling like I want to be back in the saddle, but that is co-inciding quite nicely with backing the new boy. I wouldn't change the way I dealt with it.

 

[Adopter]

So sorry to read about your special horse. I missed looking after our retired special pony after she was PTS that I have taken on a couple of youngsters from Blue Cross. They are not for ever they will return to homing centre to be trained, but I have had the pleasure of handling and after them.

There are lots of rescue organisations who would be very pleased if you could offer a short term home to one of their horses.

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

I couldn't be without a horse. I tried once, for 18mths but I was lost. Do you know what a perfect horse or a suitable horse is for you? For me, I'm not fussed. I'll ride anything halfway sane and do whatever work the horse is good at. Those that can't be ridden I'll spend time grooming and leading out in hand.

If I was in your situation I would take the pressure off to ride. I'd get an old or young or lame horse off a charity and just enjoy spending time with them. I would also go to a riding school but for hacks not lessons. I like group hacks where I can hang at the back of the ride, looking at the scenery and not talking to anyone. But if you wanted a little more help, hacks with just you and the leader mean you'd have someone to chat to and ask riding tips from, whilst going at your own pace.

 

[chaps89]

Adopter - it's something I looked into initially & will certainly bear in mind for future if I need to. Good on you for taking the Blue Cross youngsters on.
Sugar & Spice - I tend to go by feel, I couldn't make a list of what I really like, so I had 3 essentials (gelding, about 15hh & sound/sane) & worked from there, whilst I've ridden several horses over the years & will happily ride anything for me on a longer time basis it has to be something I like, not just because it's there. I like the idea of riding school hacks, I will certainly bear that in mind, thankyou.

So an update.
I had asked an acquaintance/friend (actually a HHO member) when I started looking a while back if she knew of anything that might be suitable, at the time she didn't. A new livery has just moved onto our yard & friend is helping them with their new horse. Haven't seen her in months & on Saturday bumped into her, she asked how the horse hunting was going & I explained about the soundness issues & walking away from the horse I'd found & that I was at a bit of a loose end but probably not looking anymore.
Anyway, turns out she has been schooling a horse for a lady that she thought may suit me, so she passed details on, I spoke to the owner on Saturday, went to see him on Sunday, didn't ride, just spent a bit of time fussing him & saw him lunged, went up last night, friend rode him first, then I hopped on- I even jumped! It was a baby x-pole but that's a huge achievement. He felt like a horse I could trust, who would be the project I wanted without being overfaced & I have agreed a price with the current owner who is lovely.
Subject to vetting he arrives on Saturday. And if he fails the vetting I am going to take the hint, walk away, focus on my old boy & maybe take a companion on to play with for the immediate time.
So can we all please keep fingers crossed for 9.30am tomorrow. I am not expecting anything to come up, he's just having a basic 2 stage but this time it feels right, so I hope it is, however I am trying not to get my hopes up in the meantime.

 

[aimsymc]

Sorry to hear about your horse op. X

I lost my beautiful horse of a lifetime to a broken leg in may 2011. I always said if anything happened to her I wouldn't replace her due to having young daughter etc, had had her since I was 16.
Within a week of losing her I was lost, going to the yard was my time to relax away from house and child. I waited another week and couldn't stand it any longer. I went to a dealers to try a few horses and I seen my new girl, I new she was my next horse before I even sat on her!! She was vetted the next day and home the next after that. I think having her helped me cope with losing my girl so suddenly. Everyone is different but I realised I couldn't be without a horsey in my life!!

 

[Adopter]

Everything crossed that vetting will go well!

 

[splashnutti1]

I also lost my mare suddenly last year. i felt like the bottom had dropped from my world couldnt eat, sleep, couldnt concetrate at work, sat around moping and upset.

My family who are horsey pushed me top get another and 8 weeks later i to brought a youngster, he is far from the mare i lost and we have our up and down moments infact i put a post on earlier reguarding his only fault and missing my mare however he is such a lovely boy and gave me something to focus on and keep my mind occupied.

he is a fab lad so good and patient for a young lad (he is nearly five now). People also judged me but although it wasnt good for my financial state at the time it was the right thing to do for my mental state.

sorry to hear you are sadly losing your horse. Good luck with the vetting hun hope itv works out well for you . xx

 

[Fransurrey]

Just wanted to say that I'm sorry to read that you're having to pts your horse, Chaps. Good luck with the vetting, tomorrow. I think I would probably be doing the same, FWIW. x

 

[chaps89]

Well yesterday I got made redundant, I made arrangements to proceed with the purchase anyway (very very fortunate) but he failed the vet lame on the right hind & vet suspects it would worsen with increased work.
So very much back to scratch right now

 

[*Maddy&Occhi*]

Having another horse in my life doesn't make the loss of my boy any less painful, but it does bring you back to "reality". At some point, you have to stop and realise that, as devastating as it is, they're not coming back. It doesn't matter how much you long for them, only want them... they're gone. As you've said, it's like living in limbo, I spent far too much time sitting, missing him, overthinking it all... Pele has helped me through that no end.

I totally agree with the above, and that's exactly how my new girl has made me feel. I completely gave up horses after I lost my late mare last year, it was far too painful to even contemplate getting back into it again. I completely lost interest, and instead I sunk into slight depression and flew off the rails, I was even kicked out of my house because of my wild ways. Then one day last november I randomly decided to look online at horses for sale, I can't tell you why I had a look as I was still totally against the idea of getting another, I guess curiosity got the better of me... and there I saw a beautiful hispano mare (arab x andalusian) who completely captured me.........and the rest is history, she has been mine ever since . The yard I've always been stabled at (and always will be) has been full since day dot, never any spaces, but a day after I went to view my mare someone at the yard decided they were leaving, I couldn't quite believe it! ...there were other "issues" that stood between me getting her too, but it was as if everything miraculously fixed themselves and fate brought us together. So many crazy things that still to do this day I can't quite believe happened for us to be together.

So, just take it day by day, don't put too much pressure on yourself, life always finds a way. Just ride it out, you never know what will happen in the near future .

Best of luck and chin up ..

 

[honetpot]

My friend lost her horse just before Christmas and borrowed one of mine to be a companion to her other pony, then that died, so she had another one of mine on loan. She is trying to despritratly to wean herself of, her husband has just retired, and has just been on holiday, mine came home and she thinks perhaps she will not bother with another one, but she misses it all badly.
I could not imagine it myself, I will be poo picking with a zimmer frame with comfy seat or perhaps by then they will have a 4x4 scooter that will pull a barrow.

 

[florayG]

I know what you're going through. When my pony had to be shot in 1984 I spent every waking hour after that looking for another horse and got one in 3 months. It wasn't really suitable but all turned out well in the end with it. Since then I can't bear the thought of being without a horse ever again and have been reduced to constantly owning two to prevent it happening to me again. This may be daft but it's the truth. At one time I owned a stallion and a barren mare, they were a lot of work of course, a really good friend offered them a 6 week holiday at grass on her place in exchange for the two foals she would get from her mares through it. After only 3 days of them being away I just couldn't bear it and I was driving over to her place almost every day to see them!

 

[Freddie19]

possibly been answered like this further down page....but, when I had my horse PTS at 32, knew at my age would be very difficult to get another like him, ie safe as houses, character, etc etc, so off to rescue centre and took on two rescue ponies, just to be sure that the smell, the feeling and the fun was still at my home, could not ride them, but everything else is still there, just a thought.

 

[armchair_rider]

Oh dear you are having no luck at all at the moment.

Can offer nothing beyond a virtual hug and agreeing that you could perhaps get involved with some kind of voluntary work in the short term. Or how about a riding holiday? Not ideal timing given the work situation but it would let you ride in a low pressure environment and maybe let you try a different breed of horse/style of riding.

 

[ChestnutConvert]

I know that mine won't go on forever, maybe not even that long and she's only 9. I haven't had her long and will be absolutely heart broken as she is my all, sad i know. I already think of what i will do and yes i will get another, although no horse could take her place ever i just can't see me without one now. My OH probably wouldn't agree and would try to talk me round but they are a way of life and help me through when things get bad, and although riding another would tick me over temporarily, nothing beats having your own. Maybe i'll get a loan, sort out cash after vet bills etc and then buy one but it will be as soon as i can, i also think it will help me get over losing her as other wise i would sink into that deep horrible place that i have been before.

Sorry got a bit morbid to the end! Just makes you face reality

 

[Boulty]

I lost my old boy at the start of the year a good few years before I'd ever envisioned having to let him go (he'd had arthritis for years but things took a real nosedive with that, he dropped a lot of weight and generally wasn't his normal self). My original plan had always been to get another before he went because I'd owned him for a number of years and knew it was going to be horrible and that I'd be a bit lost without him and would feel better with a new horse that had at least some connection to him (I'd actually earmarked this summer to start looking!) Sadly things don't always turn out as we hope!


Was and is the hardest thing I've ever done and I play through what I might have done differently and if we should've tried this treatment or that every single day.

I was right about being lost. Just missed being around horses in general and was finding excuses to go up to the yard to see people and pet the pretty ponies. After about a month I couldn't take the lack of horses anymore and started casually looking. This of course soon turned into serious looking and new pony was purchased about 2 months after old one was pts. I was very lucky in that cos of old horse having so many exclusions on insurance I had a sizable vet bill fund to dip into for cash.

In hindsight emotionally I wasn't really ready to bond with another horse at that stage (despite being convinced I was fine) and sort of rushed into things a bit. Really I would have been better off with a nice share horse whilst I sorted my head out or to have the odd rs lesson and still not 100% sure I've bought the right horse.

Think I may just be unlucky but since I brought new one home he's prob been ridable for about a month in total with one thing and another (needed a new saddle which took an age to sort, in the interim discovered he wouldn't tolerate back shoes being put on so had to buy boots so we must be the only pair in the country with front shoes and boots behind, then bolted with me because cows eat horses, then ended up needing physio on his back and is now on box rest after doing something daft to his pelvis... bloody horses, why didn't I get out whilst I had the chance eh?!)

Anyway I digress. I'd see how you feel after it has happened and be guided by that, not by whatever daft comments other people might make. If something turns up in these next few months that sounds perfect then I wouldn't rule out at least going for a look. If not then maybe try and give yourself at least a few months grace to let it all sink in and then decide if you can wait a while with occasional rides on other people's horses or if you want to start searching. I think it's a very personal thing and nobody can tell you that what you do is right or wrong as long as it feels right to you. xx