Livery - People Issues

It's a difficult one! I have been on both sides of the fence - when I was younger I was very shy (well even more shy than I am now) and would go to my job, get on with my work with the horses and not really speak. I'd reply if spoken to but would never really instigate conversation - if I stopped to chat for too long Id get behind with my work. I got on well with one of the other grooms and would chat and laugh with him but would never have chatted with clients, mainly because I felt more comfortable being seen and not heard. I have, in the past, been accused of being aloof and having notions that I am somehow 'above' everyone else because I don't say a great deal but that isn't the case at all - quite the opposite, I'd say I was more of an inferiority complex case!

On the other hand, I have experienced a person at my yard, plus other members of her family, who will openly blank me on occasions and it is not a particularly nice feeling. To walk within 2 feet of someone, smile at them and say hello for them to deliberately look straight past you and carry on as if you weren't there isn't a nice thing, and like you I take it personally. However - their rudeness isn't my problem, I love my horse and my yard and certainly wouldn't consider moving because of the occasional bout of what I perceive to be ignorance. I just assume they are wildly jealous of my lovely horse and my astonishing riding skills :)

If I were you, Id limit my contact to a 'hello' and a 'goodbye' and leave it at that, and be grateful you get on so well with the other people at the yard.
 
I'm not sure why it's such an issue, I doesn't sound like they are being rude on purpose. I go to the yard to be with my horse not the other liveries and after a day at work I really want to switch off and not have to talk to anyone much. I'll say 'hello' and 'how are you' but I don't stand around chatting for hours. Apparently I'm known as being 'standoffish' (which suits me fine!) at my yard because I don't spend half my time inanely wittering on about how wonderful my horse is, like the others do.

My YO loves me because she knows she's not going to get an ear bashing and that I just get on and sort my horse out with the minimum of fuss and noise (she lives at the yard and gets fed up of the noise levels in the stables sometimes!). And as I've been there 16 years I can't be doing too much wrong :-)

I really wouldn't take it so personally, they may have good reason not to stand around chit chatting, after all they are working. Chill out a bit and maybe just try a smile and a 'Hi' and maybe they will slowly get friendlier. By the way that's not supposed to sound as harsh as it does!!
 
Hi, I think you get people like that everywhere these days! When I had my two horses at college I got on with pretty much everybody! but there were a certain few that id attempt to talk and start a conversation and all i got back was a grunt... Just think of it this way if they want to act childish like that then let them as they clearly are not worth the effort. I agree get an ipod :) Good luck and chin up dont let them get to you! x
 
been said before but, maybe they are just quiet sorts of people, or like their mucking out as *their* time???

im a real chatterbox, but i do like my thinking time whilst mucking out, even my dad knows to leave me be to do it in peace and quiet now! TBH id get a bit peeved if someone kept trying to make pointless banter with me whilst i was trying to get my thoughts in order.
 
Maybe they are just not morning people? I am incapable of speech before 8.30am - I just sort of lurch around the place grunting:D

Ipod, put your favourite music on, and take advantage of the silence to dance about, singing along loudly and badly;)
 
Maybe the staff at your yard are a bit shy or quiet, and don't know what to say as they are quite young?-maybe you can organise a yard social gathering?.... at livery yards you will have all differnt types of people and horses, and of course you there may be people who may not get along etc- but thats life, if you decide that you can't get along with them you probably have 3 options either try to be gracious and polite to them, or ignore or move yards!!!
 
OP I'm glad to hear you've decided to wear your Ipod from now on. If I were you I would say "hi!" to be polite and then put on my Ipod and go. It sounds like they're just not very sociable, you can't change that, but you can change how it effects you and the Ipod solution sounds ideal! I wear my Ipod a lot at both my yards, right now I'm listening the History of the World in 100 Objects, well not right now, but later, when I go to the yard!

I do know how yard unpleasantness can get you down though. Our last yard got quite unpleasant for us. A lot was our own fault, we aren't perfect liveries by any means, and also we got too involved with the YO who had many very good qualities but also some pretty bad ones imho, only they couldn't see that about themselves. They were however most excellent at pointing out other people's short comings!

For months we wanted to leave but because we'd been so friendly with the YO we didn't know how to say it. Luckily the YO pretended they had to quit their yard and move to a smaller one with no room for us. They'd used this as an excuse before when they'd wanted a livery out, but they didn't have to ask twice let me tell you, we were gone, and it was the BEST move ever!
 
YO say just ignore it
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If that is the YO's answer to her staff making you feel uncomfortable and not welcome - then I would move.

Clearly her staff potentially loosing her business is of no concern to her - and clearly nor are you.
 
Thank you everyone

I know I am a sensitive person. The continual silence makes me feel uncomfortable, esp when the staff chat to YO or other staff all the time when working. I do feel like an outcast. I have asked them what I have done, but all I get is nothing, except one of them admitting something last yr.

I'm getting an ipod, and the use of just 'Hello' and 'Goodbye' is maybe the route I will take unless they openly make conversation. I do realise that they are a different age to me so I suppose that could influence things. Focus and focus and focus a bit more on the reason I am there - my horse.
 
funny enough, at my ex-yard there was mixture of "ignorers" and "interferers".

One girl, say 15 years younger than me, took the trouble to show me how to put a haynet up, how to muck out, when I was breaking my boy - how to ride him, on and on and on. :mad: And of course, she had no idea, her horses were bordering welfare cases (as were her stables - YUCK). :eek::eek::eek:

Hmmm, on reflection I guess I preferred the ignorers :D

sm x
 
I am one of those shy annoying people who never talks to anyone. My boss has had a go at me before, telling me I am very rude becasue I don't always say hello to her or other people, she acts like I am doing it deliberately in order to upset people! This is not the case at all, I do try to say hello/ good morning etc but sometimes it's not practical, if someones on the other side of the yard for example or if I'm very busy and I know this person if particuarly chatty I will deliberately avoid starting a conversation with them as I know it'll be at least half and hour before I can get away again!

I am a very shy person and don't like talking in general, I am fearfull of talking to new people or people I know to be grumpy/sharp tempered/ easily offended etc. The YO telling me off only makes me less inclined to talk to her, rather than more so which she somehow thinks is going to happen?! Often I just have nothing to say to people, I have no interest in discussing the weather or talking for the sake of talking, if this makes me aloof I don't care, it doesn't make me a bad person.

OP I am sorry these girls have made you feel this way, I hoep it is just because they are like this and nothing personal. Sometimes less is more with people like this (and me!) a friendly greeting/smile, I'm sure will be appreciated, I would avoid trying to make conversation with them if they are busy as this will probably just annoy them. Avoid questions like 'how are you?' as this requires them by politeness to also ask how you are which leads to conversation and awkwardness. It drives me mad when I am rushing across the yard trying to get something done and someone shouts at me 'Hi how are you?' as then you are expected to reply with 'good thanks, how are you?' and then wait for a reply which slows you down immensely, if I just yell 'fine' I feel very rude but I really don't have time to talk I have a very busy job. I sometimes deliberately shout 'Hi' in reply, pretending I haven't heard the question just a greetin in the hope they won't be offended (or might get the hint). I am sometimes tempted to reply with 'dreadfull' butthis either has the affect of shuttingthem up completly and making them scared to talk to you or I get the enormous hassle of them wanting to know what is wrong which is very tenuous to explain so I would really rather not. Hence my initial point, don't attempt to make conversation with these people whilst they are working!

(This is semi-mock by the way) ;)

Sorry i have gone on, just trying to give you an insight into how these people might think. Hope you can sort something out, try not to take it to heart I expect they don't even realise they're upsetting you.

(((((Hugs))))) :)
 
Ehmm, if there's a horrid feeling and "atmosphere" on any yard, surely this is something which should be addressed by the Yard Owner? Luckily I've got my own place so this isn't an issue for me, but having kept my horse at livery in the past, I think I would have had a quiet word with the yard owner as they may not even be aware there is a problem and that it might drive people away.
 
I'm also quite shy if I don't know someone partcuarly well, which I think can often come across as rudeness. I often get really paranoid that whatever I say makes me sound like a total idiot so sometimes it's not worth saying anything at all!

I hope it improves, try not to let it get you down too much. I agree with the ipod :)
 
Mickey, you are most certainly not a bad person, lol. You are a very likable and kind person who has been a great friend to me in the past, despite us being little more than strangers back at the time. Please don't let them get to you, or spoil your enjoyment of your horse. Some people just don't gel/feel like chatting with others, and I'm sure it is not a personal reflection on you. Keep your chin up and remember that the main thing is you enjoy you hobby. xxx
 
Oh God, I'm a right chatterbox. I like being on a yard where there's people in my age group (20's) that I can natter away too and have a social life with outside of horses. Normally when I go up the stables to see to my horse I'm there for hours cos I generally like hanging out with the other people and their horses.

However, some people aren't like this at all, and I think when you discover which people are more quiet and reserved, that should be respected and I don't tend to chat to those people becuase I know it would annoy them.

Having said all this, I do get annoyed with interferrers (Lucky none of those on my new yard) and that's another story.

I would just do the ipod thing and say hello to them and whatever. if they want to chat to you more, the ball is in their court personally.

However, I will say that if it's more than this and there is generally a bad atmosphere on the yard or between other people and the YO doesn't want to sort it out - then I would personally consider moving.
 
I am very shy, though when I really get to know someone am very chatty. It takes me a long time to get to know people. I have been told once I have become very good friends with other liveries that they ori thought I was rude, arrogant and did not give it a thought I might just be very shy. I will talk back but not inicate conversation. Use an Ipod for the silence.
 
Thank you Puppy. I really appreciate your words.

Because they chat between themselves (the staff) that makes it worse. But I will get my hard skin growing and remember that I have tried and tried - I can't get them to act in a certain way, so I should probably give up and leave the ball firmly in their court. My horse is my best friend there so he deserves all my focus.
 
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