Livery Stereotypes (JFF)

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MosMum

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Similiar to the horse type thread, lets have a laugh at the type of people who frequent livery yards.

A while back I read a thread about two women at the same yard, and woman A would always arrive to be told by woman B every single thing her horse had done during the day, from eating its hay, taking a drink, scratching its arse... that really made me laugh!

I suppose personally I'm a bit of a nightmare livery, as a fellow livery has two shetlands and I regularly tell her that her ponies are outside shivering without a rug, have no grass (on restricted grazing due to their 'fat hair' lol) and look sad. Luckily she has a sense of humor and just laughs (which is how its meant anyway, the ponies are very well cared for).

Anyway, not based on real people please as we'll get a slapped wrist!
 
the bitchy types that hang off the gate criticising everything you do and basically implying that you are abusive and neglectful to your horse if you make a single honest mistake with regards the horses care (ie. turning up late to ride 'Horses love routine, you shouldn't do that!') -- Nobody loves a know-it-all.

So glad I have my own land, on 24/7 turn-out and don't mind if I'm half an hour late for a ride... in fact I think they like it when I'm late, at least they don't seem to mind too much.
 
The one who always tells you your horse is going CRAZY!! erm nope he is just trotting round or playing with his mate they are horses thats what they do.
 
There used to be one woman who I remember from years and years and years ago (from the RS where I learnt; it also had a livery yard), who used to bring her daughter down to the ponies in the most interesting of outfits...I always remember one; bright orange dress suit, with the full make up, pristine white blouse, and orange shiny heels...but of course, she knew everything there was to know!

K x
 
the one who insists that they know more than a vet so when you have the vet there to examine your horse the livery is there telling the vet how to do his/her job and that the lameness will be from a windgall when in fact the 'windgall' wasn't one at all, just old scar tissue!
 
And then there's the super skinner chain smoking lady in her 40s+ with the huge mouth and a noisy opinion on everything...

Though granted they usually have hearts of gold and have a fair idea of what they're doing :):)
 
The one that got given their horse , can only just afford the livery , and has no equipment/ feed/bedding of their own so is constantly borrowing stuff. Have twice (two different yards) ended up with one of these in the next box to me , drove me insane. I too now keep at home cos of people like this
 
There's the one that's never happy (aka the moaning minnie)..

MM is NEVER happy with the yard and gives you the impression they do not want to be there. If it's not the quality of the hay it's the lack of grass; if it's not the lack of grass it's the mud; if it's not the mud it's....

You get the idea.

Every yard I have been on has had one and I just smile, make an 'mmhmm' noise and carry on with my horses.
 
lol good ones.

How about the one who is her horse's 'mummy' and complains to fellow liveries that their horse is 'bullying' theirs because it was caught 'biting' (read: Grooming), 'chasing' (read: playing with) or ' jumping on' (read: mounting) their horse. Said owner is also prone to speak in a very squeaky over-excited voice which regularly spooks all the horses, including their own, and changes their horse's feed daily so they 'won't get bored'
The other side to your horse 'bullying' theirs is when you are 'stable neighbors' and therefore their horse's best buddy, like, EVER! Then you get hours of rambling every time you show up and have to eventually ride away with them still talking about what a big wee wee your lad did today or you'll never get a chance to ride at all!
 
Some familiar ones there!Would like to add "the starer",similar to yard know-it-all,but without the actual butting in. Will watch everything that other liveries do,but not actually speak.Just watch you catch,muck out,ride and so on.:confused:
 
What about the 'my horse can do anything' livery for example: You tell them your really pleased you've just got your ponio to jump 1.20 then they proceed to tell you 'my horse can do 1.80' . . . but you never actually see them do anything!

Theres also the 'i cant get ponio to do . . .' but its not because im not telling them correctly, its the ground/ wind/ rain/ scary tree (delete as appropriate!)

I also like the 'I'm leaving i hate it here/moan continuously' but they have been there 20 years and wouldnt dream of ACTUALLY leaving!

I'm not sure what stereotype i am, probably the 'Confrontational one', why say something behind their back when you can get pleasure out of saying it to their face!!! :-)
 
How about the one who tells everyone what she's done in the past, can't back it up but still people believe her and give them her horses to school, because she knows everything about dressage/show jumping/showing/eventing etc but is incapable of riding said horses to a half decent standard and always has an excuse why they haven't gone well which is never her fault.

Or the one who has to tell people (and generally so loud the whole yard hears) when they are going competing/to a lesson with their TOP trainer, talk about nothing else and change the subject to the fact they are going and doing something, then come back and bang on about how well it all went, even if it didn't until the next time they go out.

Or the 'expert' that tell you they've qualified for something affilitated when they've only been out at unaffiliated level.

Just a few of the many I've come across in my time, in addition to those already added :D
 
What about the one who has all the matching gear, has time to school the horse, has time to compete twice a week but can't find time to poo pick the field.....

Or the one that has done a BE80 course once and thinks they'll be at Badminton next year and now thinks their non-descript horse is worth about £10k

Or the one that homes in on you as soon as you arrive and starts talking, talking and talking - about their precious badly-behaved, ill mannered horse which they think is the perfect specimen of equinism (I don't think that's actually a word) and then follows you around the yard wherever you go

Or the one who only YOU will actually hack out with because they're so scared of their own horse it takes three times as long to do the hack because they use any excuse to stop/slow down/panic/scream because the horse has farted or something....

Oh to win the lottery and have my own land to escape the above....
 
the immaculate one who defies all logic by turning up peroxide hair perfectly coiffed, designer pale jods (clean enough to be brand new), leather boots, perfect heavily applied make up and nails, and has an equally shiny immaculate horse usually of the thoroughbred ex racehorse variety. Neither get a spec of dirt on them or hair out of place EVER and cigarette stays firmly in hand regardless of what the horse may be doing.
 
LOL I love it! Sounds like some of you have some pretty wide experiences of the horse world! I'm so pleased the first yard I've fallen onto hasn't yet yeilded any such treatures!
 
cloball said:
the immaculate one who defies all logic by turning up peroxide hair perfectly coiffed, designer pale jods (clean enough to be brand new), leather boots, perfect heavily applied make up and nails, and has an equally shiny immaculate horse usually of the thoroughbred ex racehorse variety. Neither get a spec of dirt on them or hair out of place EVER and cigarette stays firmly in hand regardless of what the horse may be doing.
Click to expand...


Hey that's my yard owner!!!!!
 
how about the spoilt rotten teenage girl who wouldnt dream of mucking out, poo picking, helping anyone else and leave all the aforementioned chores to her mom. Her horse must have a full clip all year round so she doesnt have to groom it at much and it looks smart, despite the fact it isnt ridden enough to warrant such a clip! What she wants mummy buys for her - mother has been known to throw perfectly good rugs in the skip because they had bought a new one and no longer wanted the first rug!!! Walks around with an air of superiority clad head to toe in Ariat.
 
MosMum said:
LOL I love it! Sounds like some of you have some pretty wide experiences of the horse world! I'm so pleased the first yard I've fallen onto hasn't yet yeilded any such treatures!
Click to expand...

Oh it will do - you just haven't realised it yet......they are on every yard!
 
I think some people on our yard think I am one of these stereotypes.......

First time owner, young horse, warmblood, beige jodhs, long leather boots.....

In my defence I've been riding 30 years and not just on school horses, the horse was bought with the full approval of my instructor, the horse is pretty much a saint, I have beige jodhs because they are in the sale and not pink of lilac, the beige jodhs are worn with a free promo t-shirt that is older than my horse so I'm essentially a scruff, I bought long leather boots when I was only having lessons and competing, my short boots fell apart and I can't find any wellies that cost less than twenty quid.

I'm very aware of the disapproving looks whenever something doesn't go to plan, and the comments like "so were you looking for a young horse" and "oooh I can never keep cream jodhs clean" are starting to irritate!
 
The "I had one that did that" one
wether your horse is winning a foxhunter, rearing verticle, escaping from the stable, singing the alphabet backwards, they had one that did it first/ better/ higher/ worse.

The one that is happy to advise you what they'd be doing to sort your crazy beast out if they got on it...untill of course you suggest they do get on it

The one that goes to shows, does rubbish, then gives a long tale about how she was really pleased but just had an unlucky day (yet fails to mention she was actually thrown through the first fence...not something id be "really pleased with tbh"

Then theres the whole pony club mum thing. needs no explination tbh, everyone knows one x
 
This is purely for fun and not aimed at anyone (just have met some people who bare a resemblance)

No1- The livery client who has been at the yard the longest and has the biggest m~~*h, has the best horse (in their opinion) does lots of competitions (small local ones) but delights in telling others especially novices how bad they are/their horse is/ their riding is in a very loud voice and how they should rectify the problem. Then gets a new horse and within a week is terrified of it. Strange that, I thought they knew everything.

No2- The client who won't talk to some other clients because they/ their horse/ their car/ their make-up are so common. They walk around with their nose pointing skywards but sadly don't have enough brains to realise that they themselves have very little horse sense or brain. When their horse gets loose they spend hours calling in a nasal voice " Come to mummy poppet" the horse keeps running (would you be caught by someone who has a strange contorted face but believes they are smiling sweetly and sounds like they are being strangled) If I was a horse I'd go to the commoner who has the sense to bring a bucket of food.

No3- The nosey borrower. Who delights in turning up when you have been shopping asks to borrow something and never gives it back. Repeats every thing that is told to them in confidence and then complains that the yard is unfriendly!

No4 - The Spoilt owner who's parent/spouse has bought them the best sports horse/pony that was advertised in H & H of course! Cost ££££ darling! But there is definately something major wrong with it because horror of horrors every time they try to ride it they fall off! So they've paid for the best instructors, vets, dentists etc who all try to tell them but they won't listen...................... The horse is too bl**dy good for you go and get a schoolmaster!


Now I have a suggestion on how to be the best on a livery yard!

Be a horse!
 
Oh and there's always somebody with a laidback cob-type who has it in a Dutch gag, flash noseband and martingale- yet the poor thing never moves faster than a shuffle

And the girl who had a horse but is never down, never spends time with it or rides, but believes she has higher social standing because she has a horse
 
just noticed most of these are negative.
How about...

the friendly livery who does the best they can for their horse. Dont always have brand new tack etc but it is always the right size and used appropriately. Is pleasant with everyone and will help anyone out if they need it, without passing judgement or interfering.
Admit they dont know it all but are always happy to learn and ask people for help when they need it. Is happy to have a laugh and joke about things if they make an honest mistake.
Their horse is often a nice sort too and presents little problems for other liveries and their horses.

:):):):):)
 
To Paint me Proud

I am very pleased to say that I am now on a yard where 90% of the owners are like your description. The only trouble is I spend far too long there now because we have so much fun!

Would i want my own place? Definately not! Why leave?
 
Lol paint me proud- I'd like to think that's similar to me (ego much lol) but with scruffy but clean tack and rugs, looks a complete scruff myself due to spending all my money on my horse, but my horse is always in superb condition with excellent manners :D:D:D after several hours a day being ridden and groomed though he damn well should sparkle ;):)
 
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