Livery Stereotypes (JFF)

Blood-magik my navy jodhs actually get more mucky than the beige ones, so they seem to need washing every time hears the beige ones get worn and worn!
 
Oh and there's always somebody with a laidback cob-type who has it in a Dutch gag, flash noseband and martingale- yet the poor thing never moves faster than a shuffle

Omg, do you know me lol? My Cobby is in all of those things :S Only cause he came with them though haha :p
 
The relative novice who is just mastering the rising trot, doesn't know a great deal but also doesn't pretend to. Asks openly for advice when unsure and willingly accepts the answer given, even if the answer is that they need to work on their own body language/riding/aids. Asks for information on reputable trainers/instructors/saddle fitters/vets/farriers.... and then follows up by booking regular appointments as needed. Tack is treated as expensive and cleaned regularly, as are buckets and brushes and, though not loads of money is available to be spent on top brands, the horse has all it needs.
Doesn't have a clue about their horses' breeding but loves the horse like he's out of the best lines ever.
The size of their smile directly reflects the level of contentedness their horse is experiencing, regardless of livery bitchiness.

(Am I dreaming?)
 
Oh and there's always somebody with a laidback cob-type who has it in a Dutch gag, flash noseband and martingale- yet the poor thing never moves faster than a shuffle

And the girl who had a horse but is never down, never spends time with it or rides, but believes she has higher social standing because she has a horse


I'm the one with the chunky native with a wilkie bit who constantly expects him to be naughty and he never is. Just moved my boy to a new yard and he is currently excelling in making me look like I'm a nervous wimp - I was worried about hacking him on the road due to the numerous arguments I have had with him out hacking in the past - he has been angelic (so far), today I lunged him and he resorted to his old trick of setting his neck, bucking and tanking across the school with me waterskiing behind - but ONLY when no one was looking. Took him back onto the yard and everyone coos over how cute he is and he couldn't possibly be naughty - meanwhile he stands there looking like butter wouldn't melt!!!
 
I'm the one with the chunky native with a wilkie bit who constantly expects him to be naughty and he never is. Just moved my boy to a new yard and he is currently excelling in making me look like I'm a nervous wimp - I was worried about hacking him on the road due to the numerous arguments I have had with him out hacking in the past - he has been angelic (so far), today I lunged him and he resorted to his old trick of setting his neck, bucking and tanking across the school with me waterskiing behind - but ONLY when no one was looking. Took him back onto the yard and everyone coos over how cute he is and he couldn't possibly be naughty - meanwhile he stands there looking like butter wouldn't melt!!!

YES. omg, if ever I have a problem with my "angelic" Coblet I always ask for help, my friend gets on them, and then rides him beautifully and asks what's the problem? He never misbehaves when my riding instructor or friend is around, he just saves it for me when he's in a mood :P
 
The Yard Stud the only passable looking straight man, with a pair of johds in 50 miles, who gets far more action than he ought to because the poor teenage girls have no other option and don't know any better!

The Yard Tramp probably from old farming stock, has never had a lesson, no style what so ever, rides in a boiler suit, wellies, flat cap and head collar, tack tied together with bailing twine but despite looking an absolute fright is an amazing rider and horse man. Who's horse is the best mannered and most reliable on the yard and can get any horse to do anything and will happily jump an 8 foot hedge out hunting.
 
None, other than the smaller yard, would be complete without a clutch (actually they probably have their own collective noun) of teenage girls of various shapes and sizes who wear the same type of baseball cap/hairstyle/branded top depending on current trend.....
who love their horses to bits but cause their own brand of chaos which provides the in house entertainment/gossip/torment for the other liveries.

The exaggerator who spreads fear and despondency when describing injuries..the massive wound that turns out to be a small cut etc.
 
And then there's the super skinner chain smoking lady in her 40s+ with the huge mouth and a noisy opinion on everything...

Though granted they usually have hearts of gold and have a fair idea of what they're doing :):)

yes......... but its the ones that sit next to her who dont ride their horses - who dont have a clue - who feel qualified to rip your riding to shreds.....
:rolleyes:

the know all in her 40's is pretty harmless on our yard haha :)
 
Then there's the Mother Bird Syndrome livery. She has a heart of gold but has a genetic disease whereby every time she sees a waif or stray, she needs to feed it and care for it. This has resulted in the number of horses/ponies she owns increasing every year. She is responsible for the yard acquiring a cat and 2 Lost Homing Pigeons. She cried when the fox killed her favourite chicken but would take an orphaned fox cub home tomorrow. Because she can't "feed" other liveries, she resorts to sly subterfuge to buy rugs to give to their horses. She has been spotted carefully nudging caterpillars onto a leaf so she can move them out of harm's way and rumour has it she gets down on her (creaky) knees to feed cold and exhausted bumble bees teaspoons of warm sugar syrup. She carries stranded earthworms to new patches of soil, carefully juggling them from hand to hand because she read that the warmth of a human hand will kill an earthworm. The other liveries tolerate her quirks (ahem) but quietly think she's as mad as a box of frogs lol x
 
Then theres that special kid ,probably not even a livery,just a worker or helper. Any horse in the yard would do a handstand for her if she just asked. Nothing is ever forgoten ,clean water feed all the important stuff. Works her ass off. Brave as anything ,and you know that given half a chance she could one day ride round Badminton.
 
The one woman who has done everything, and has read all the books, she'll tell you that on page 46 of the pony club manual it tells you exactly what to do, yet for your horse you know its always wrong :D
 
Yeesh, I didn't know H smoked :)

I also recognise the owner of the two shetlands :D

Oh no, have I dropped H in it?! lol Maybe its a new habbit ;)

You couldn't miss the shetlands owner if you tried- she's the one who shows up early to turn out MY horse for me, because I won't be up the yard 'til 5 and he's a stress head if kept in. Has a better relationship with some of the horses than their own owner does because she spends a multitude of hours coo'ing and stroking them between trips to the muck heap, and yard owner would probably implode from stress if she wasn't there to sort out all the minor emergencies with sensible advice and practical help. Keeps all the newer liveries in line (ahem) but in such a kind-hearted way no one could possible dislike her... And if ever a falling out were to rear its ugly head on the yard, she's the one offering BOTH parties to be the mediator to help it get sorted out.


Oh and Box_of_frogs you forgot to say you're madly, passionately and irrevocably in love with a one-eyed, old-man cob who loose-grazes because he knows there's no where else on earth that he'd be more loved and cared for so doesn't bother to wander off LOL
 
oh god! I am so looking forward to going to this new livery yard where the horse ill be riding is...i can see lots of 'starers'. Especially when i bring in my own instructor haha
 
'All the gear no idea' liveries are interesting!!! :D xx

OMG we've got a couple of those, all right!

We're a DIY yard, so we've also got:

- owners who don't bother to come up (they know we'll let them know if anything's wrong).

- owners who don't consider how their actions may affect other people/horses e.g. galloping up the field while you're lunging, or leading in a youngster.

- the other end of the scale - owners who think their horses are made of china and mustn't be allowed to move out of a walk when turned out - and woe betide anyone who accidentally causes it to happen.

....and then of course there's the perfect owner - like me!!!

Joking apart we DO have a couple of owners who will always move up to the mark if you're in need - like when I broke my ankle, and was out of commission for 6 weeks (luckily in summer). They're worth putting up with all the rest.
 
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Then theres that special kid ,probably not even a livery,just a worker or helper. Any horse in the yard would do a handstand for her if she just asked. Nothing is ever forgoten ,clean water feed all the important stuff. Works her ass off. Brave as anything ,and you know that given half a chance she could one day ride round Badminton.

That's The Sharer!!! Even when she outgrew my only sane/sound/backed horse she was there cleaning manky rubber matting and moving bales of hayledge in the snow! As a result I now have an extra horse on lwvtb for her to ride!! To be fair it's my sisters so I wouldn't have wanted it to go to just anyone and The Sharer pays rent and shoes so not too much additional expense (it's insured for all eventualities) and I quite like riding it.
 
This thread is brillliant. In my experience i've found the following most memorable and repetative on yards i've been to:

The 'bitch' - all fluffy and friendly to your face, but behind your back rubbishes everything you do and can be really spiteful - often unable to do much with their horse as they bought something for its looks and breeding rather than their own ability - this person doesnt have a single target - but does it to everyone.

The brat(s) - always at least one on every yard, mummy and daddy will buy them a new pony every time the old one does something wrong, when 9 times out of 10 it was rider error.

The amazing kid - The kid on the yard who has the most amazing riding ability but is a bit shy and sits in the shadow of 'The brat' and doesnt have the same kind of horsepower/money/support - but is generally the one other people let ride their horses if they want to.

The munchausen by proxy woman - she will find something wrong with her horse, and yours, daily without fail. Trot a horse up infront of her and she'll see a lameness even if no one else can. Vet called out for any bump or scratch - although normally very kind hearted and doesnt mean any harm!

The Novice - arrives at a yard with a new horse in tow (often unsuitable from a dodgy dealer) struggles along for a period of time until someone steps in to help as they dont want to ask - incredibly grateful when someone helps and actually ends up being a really good horse owner in the end (although can easily be mislead by the munchausen by proxy woman!)

The clean freak - not a speck of mud or dust on their horse at all ever, stable leveled to precision and spotless, tack, brushes and even wheelbarrow scrubbed to within an inch of their lives. always clean themselves, even their car is spotless - they normally have perfectly manicured nails to and nobody to this day knows how they do it!

The oldtimer - Been around horses forever, now has one older/retired type horse, has some amazing knowledge and skills, as well as some not so usable 'old wives tale' type advice.
 
Some familiar ones there!Would like to add "the starer",similar to yard know-it-all,but without the actual butting in. Will watch everything that other liveries do,but not actually speak.Just watch you catch,muck out,ride and so on.:confused:

OMG, do other people have these, I have never come across it until fairly recently, suspect it was because they don't have a clue so were looking for tips, dead blatant with it though! Weirdos
 
The Worrier.

Always worrying about something, their not happy unless they are investigating what potentially could be wrong or go wrong with their beloved horse, be it in past (lets face it's still worth worrying about it could raise it's ugly head again), present or in the future, they watch their horse like a hawk, spend more time standing around the animal scratching their heads looking for something that's 'not quite right', rather than just riding the dam thing, (after all you might brake it), you name it, everything is checked then double checked, they use a string of vets and have warn out every farrier, dentist saddle fitter and chiro in area.

:D
 
Love this thread and here's my obs:
* The owner whose horse can do no wrong, and always compains that however they schoo, compete, that it's cr*p and STILL win every time out!!!! :)
* The owner of the pampered pony/horse with every rug style known to man and cooks in rugs whatever the weather :(
* People who are very mumsy and clear up after everyone, then moan when peole expect them to do this as they normally say "Don't worry, I'll do it, you go and ride!"..yes, this is me, no horse to ride - that's another livery type there too, isn't it?!

I love being in a livery yard - never boring and always someone to give you an opinion or provide a shoulder to cry on or a smile to join in with.
 
Then there's the Mother Bird Syndrome livery. She has a heart of gold but has a genetic disease whereby every time she sees a waif or stray, she needs to feed it and care for it. This has resulted in the number of horses/ponies she owns increasing every year. She is responsible for the yard acquiring a cat and 2 Lost Homing Pigeons. She cried when the fox killed her favourite chicken but would take an orphaned fox cub home tomorrow. Because she can't "feed" other liveries, she resorts to sly subterfuge to buy rugs to give to their horses. She has been spotted carefully nudging caterpillars onto a leaf so she can move them out of harm's way and rumour has it she gets down on her (creaky) knees to feed cold and exhausted bumble bees teaspoons of warm sugar syrup. She carries stranded earthworms to new patches of soil, carefully juggling them from hand to hand because she read that the warmth of a human hand will kill an earthworm. The other liveries tolerate her quirks (ahem) but quietly think she's as mad as a box of frogs lol x

Bugger - I think that will be me in 10 years time!
I'm always 'righting' capsized beetles, moving caterpillers etc.
 
Has this been done yet:
Owns a very nice stamp of horse, but has allowed it to become obese and bad mannered due to constant fussing and over-feeding. Thinks a 'hack' is a 20 minute walk down the lane and back. Has a riding lesson every week, but after 8 years has just graduated to Intro dressage because they 'don't want to push' the horse too fast. Horse has the best of the best of what money can buy but would probably be happier just to be carrying less weight and doing a few more interesting things.
 
My experience
1) People who buy ready to go horses. Think because they spent £1990849032784230 :eek: on their horse they know it all when infact they are talking out of their bums! And the horse ends up being rude, fed up, and essentially ruined.

2) The person who has a flashy/bombproof saint of a horse. But too scared to ride it and will offer the horse to anyone who will sit on it as an excuse not to ride yet again!!

3) Been around horses since God was a boy, has genuinely been there, done that, knows ALOT. However says nothing until the opinion is asked for.

4) Amazing rider, never actually boasts about it. Lets the riding speak for itself!

5) The BITCH. Enough said on that one.

6) The one with the plain little horse, doesn't want to be a world beater but genuinely loves their horses to pieces :)

Me? I am the one who has bought a Dutch Warmblood and is attempting to do dressage :D
 
Quick Summary then…..

The Know it all
The skinny chain smoker in their 40s+ with the huge mouth and a noisy opinion on everything and insists that they know more than any vet. Who always says… I had one that did that…. and promptly tells you how to solve the problem. And of course, whatever yours has done, theirs has done better.

The Bitch
Friendly and smiles to your face, but behind your back rubbishes everything you do and can be really spiteful - often unable to do much with their horse as they bought it for its looks and breeding rather than their own ability. Criticises everything you do and implies you are a neglectful owner yet shows no interest in her own other than it’s looks.

The Worrier
Will always find something wrong with their horse, and yours, daily without fail. Describes a small cut as a gaping wound that may need stitches. Their horse is always being ‘bullied’ by the other horses so has asked for separate grazing... if of course it’s not already on 24hr box rest because of something. Won’t ride it because it might break.

The Sponger
The one that got given their horse , can only just afford the livery, and has no equipment/ feed/bedding of their own so is constantly borrowing stuff and never returning it! Talks continually about their precious badly-behaved, ill mannered horse and follows you around the yard wherever you go.

The Yard Hater
Constantly threatening to leave but they have been there 20 years and will be there for another 20. If it's not the quality of the hay it's the lack of grass; if it's not the lack of grass it's the mud; if it's not the mud it's the state of the yard or the people etc etc

The Scaredy Cat
The owners who are scared of their horses. They hardly ride them and when things do go wrong, it’s never their fault or the horses, its the ground, the wind, the rain, a scary tree, a road sign etc etc. But don't mind other people riding it.

The POPH’s (Posh Owner, Posh Horse Syndrome) pronounced POFFS!
Perfect hair, makeup, nails, designer clothes. Top of the range Car/Trailer/HorseBox. Cigarette in hand at all times. Will only talk to people of the same ‘ilk’ the rest are too common. Immaculate good looking horse (usually thoroughbred ex racehorse variety), but likely hard to handle because it’s bored sh**less as they don’t do anything with the it but they are a ‘must have’ darling. Pays one of the teenage girls in the yard to muck out/bring their horses in etc etc.

The Spoilt Brat
Walks around with an air of superiority. Mummsy mucks out, poo picks, etc etc. Mummsy buys all the top riding gear/equipment but has to throw it away when it’s not ‘fashionable’ anymore. Has the best sports horse/pony that was advertised in H & H of course but hardly rides because they are way overhorsed and keeps falling off. So time to get a new one as it’s obviously the horse that has the problem.

The First Time Buyer
Complete novice in every aspect but asks for advice and willingly accepts any answer. Keen to get reputable trainers/instructors/saddle fitters/vets/farriers.... and books them immediately. Tack and equipment is treated respectfully as it costs money. Clueless about their horses' breeding but thinks it’s the best horse EVER bred Permanent smile on her face regardless of ‘yard politics’ They’re just happy to have a horse.

The Good Doer
The friendly one who does the best they can for their horse, and it shows as it is always well mannered. They don’t always have brand new tack etc but it is always the right size and used appropriately. Is pleasant with everyone and will help anyone if they need it, without passing judgement or interfering. Admit they dont know it all but are always happy to learn and ask people for help.

The Yard Scruff
Has no said style what so ever, rides in whatever they threw on that morning. Tack/rugs/equipment has definitely seen better days. BUT loves their horse nevertheless, is an amazing rider and can ride anything, is a true horseman and has the best mannered horse on the yard.

The Girls
The bunch of teenage girls who all dress the same regardless of shape and size. Who clearly love their horses to bits but cause their own brand of chaos which provides the yard with their own ‘soap opera’ as they watch the daily dramas unfold.

The Yard Stud
The only passable looking straight man, with a pair of johds in 50 miles, who gets far more attention than he ought to because the poor teenage girls have no other option and don't know any better!

The Quiet Kid
That shy amazing kid who might not even own a horse but has the most amazing riding skills. And every horse in the yard loves them and would do a handstand for them if they just asked. Works their ass off, very dependable, nothing forgotten. Brave as anything, will do anything for you.

The Old Timer
Been there since the beginning of time, probably only owns a Shetland or two now but they are there from dawn till dusk. Shows all the newcomers the ways of the yard. Kind hearted, very liked and respected. Usually minds their own business but‘watches’ everyone else and will step in and be the unbiast mediator in any argument.

Have I missed any?!

Oh and then there’s the rest of us!!! lol
 
4) Amazing rider, never actually boasts about it. Lets the riding speak for itself!

My horse's previous owner, and also my trainer. If I could ride half as well as either of them I'd be delighted. Never make a big deal of it though and always on hand for help and advice if you need it, but never shoves it down your throat. I'm very lucky to have both of them in my life!
 
The one who loans an un-ridable horse. Spends all her time grooming and fussing said horse and would do anything for her. Always willing to help anyone on the yard, jumps at the chance of being able to help out with a horse that you can work with. Usually quite shy and often percived as stupid, but actually has amazing horse skills and all the horses on the yard would happily follow her nose to shoulder anywhere
 
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