Livery yard.....am I being anti-social?!

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BookWorm

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I keep my horse on a livery yard. It's quite a busy yard with a lot of horses.

Unlike many of the liveries (I suspect) I don't go to the yard to socialise but to spend timewith/care for my horse. I get my jobs done and go unlike many who take about 3 hrs to muck out & don't even ride!

There are certain times of the day I avoid like the plague even if it interferes with my other commitments as I just cannot be bothered being bogged down by chit chat. I get on well with all the liveries but I don't feel the need to talk the whole time to my neighbour while mucking out after a hard day. (She talks non stop about herself/her kids & I feel mysef doing the "oh really?" "That's nice" thing a lot which I find really wearing!)

I love my yard, the care is 2nd to none & the owner is one in a million. The liveries are all nice enough too but could hang around all day brown nosing!

Does anyone else feel this way or am I just anti social?!
 
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When I was a livery, my favourite part was hacking out with my friend. It was more of a social chit chat than a ride. But I am not very sociable really. There are just certain people I enjoy a chat with, and others I will avoid. Nothing worse when you have loads of things to do and time is really short, to get bogged down with someone who doesn't recognise that you might be in a hurry. I'm a yard owner now, and my liveries are all lovely. I enjoy a chat with all of them, but when I am really busy, I will sometimes avoid going out in case I get bogged down. I am as bad as anyone though! But I am very sensitive to the signs that someone might not be in the mood for a chat.
 
You are not alone. I tried being social/normal at current yard, and stopped when it became apparent that it would only end in DRAMA. I don't have the time or the energy to waste on that, so now I just crack on with whatever I need to do. I talk to the YO about my livery bill and about whether the horses need anything etc, and that's it.

It's bliss.
 
oh hell no! I used to make sure I was at our yard at the most anti social times I could manage and when it was busy I hated it - although it was a fab yard! Then I moved to a quieter yard which was nice, more like a little family up there and I again went up there at odd times. Now my other half and I are lucky enough to have our own yard and not having people around is absolutely WONDERFUL.
 
Don't get me wrong I'm very friendly & not overly shy/quiet. I like a good old chat & love hacking out with my friends. I just really find it hard work mucking out with my neighbours incessant chatter about herself and her family. The worst thing is she talks very quietly & I struggle to hear her so find myself saying "sorry?" A lot, and she will keep talking as I walk away to to the muck pile......I must admit, a few times I have heard her & kept walking!
 
I'm the same. I'm nice to people and always say hi and am keen to go out hacking with people but I'm always in a hurry so don't hang about chatting. I usually want to get ridden and sorted then go home. My current routine is to do everything in the morning, which really maximises my time as there is nobody to speak to. Win win situation!
 
BookWorm said:
Don't get me wrong I'm very friendly & not overly shy/quiet. I like a good old chat & love hacking out with my friends. I just really find it hard work mucking out with my neighbours incessant chatter about herself and her family. The worst thing is she talks very quietly & I struggle to hear her so find myself saying "sorry?" A lot, and she will keep talking as I walk away to to the muck pile......I must admit, a few times I have heard her & kept walking!
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What a pain she sounds! Nothing more boring than a person who constantly talks about themselves. You have my utmost sympathy. Why not bring an MP3 player and headphones? Then just say to her when you arrive (or she arrives), that you are sorry but you won't hear anything she says as you are listening to some new album that you can't wait to hear, or you are swatting up for something to do with some fictitious exam or works meeting or presentation... anything. You don't even have to actually be listening to anything and you can ignore anything she says.
 
Obviously she likes the sound of her own voice. I am friendly to those I like and ride with etc etc but avoid others as can't be bothered. I put my headphones in and sometimes am not listening to anything but find it stops people talking at you!!! Im on a time limit due to work and child so need to do what I need to do. Some people seem to spend so much time bi***ing and yapping it gets boring!!!
 
Oh OP you have my strongest sympathies. In the last few months THE MOST ANNOYING WOMAN IN THE WORLD and her daughter have moved into the stable next door. I don't know what the answer is. I hear her chatting to me about nothing and walk off too, why on earth do they start on a new tangent just as they see you're walking off somewhere!? She just goes on and on and on about such idiotic nonsense, and repeats herself several times until she gets an adequate response. Can't put into words how irritating it is, it has impacted on the time I spend there as I avoid her at all costs. I hope you find a way to shut her up, if you do share it with me!!
 
Op I don't think you are being anti-social. I have also done this at certain has, due to busy periods, kids being around. At my current yard, I was also like this I did my best to come up at different times and be home by certain times to avoid certain people (the yard bullies) even though I did that, they still bullied me and made my life hell and uncomfortable..but I like my yard, the facilities and my horse is settled and luckily enough both owners left and the atmosphere is so different!

Before, people wouldn't have a chat and a laugh due to backstabbers, bullies and bitchiness...where as now these people have left, we stay and chat and have a laugh. I work from home, so unless I'm travelling, don't really have anyone to talk to so I like to go down, see my horse and have a laugh and a chat but sometimes it is best to keep your head down.
 
i'm a bit like this too OP. I like most of the people at my yard but I am usually against the clock. I find that if i walk around very purposefully and quickly most people pick up the vibe that I am in a hurry (and they have got used to it over the last 7 years or so!) and don't stop to chat. I try not to actually be rude as they are just being friendly.

I rather like the idea of singing quite loudly to yourself when mucking out next to your chatty neighbour as this would have the twin effects of (a) tuning her out and (b) probably annoying her equally as much as she annoys you :)
 
Yes, been on yards like that! Most of the liveries were far interested in spending time drinking tea and gossiping in the tea room than riding or spending time with their horses. I joined in sometimes, but only when I had time and my horses were done as I alway put them first. Now I keep them on a farm and apart from me, my mum, one other livery and the yard owner, there isn't anyone else there so I can get on and do my horses in peace but it's not completely deserted as there a couple of people to chat to.
 
There is no hard and fast rule. During the week, I didn't have tine to chat to anyone and just wanted to get on with the jobs, during the weekend, when I had more time, it is great to chat to other people.

Sometimes, the more you join in, the more time you get to do what you want. Do not cut the other off -you never know when you need them, but don't get sucked into their lives.
 
I too would find the woman annoying, we now have our own place so don't have any of that nonsense, it also means I don't have judgmental people commenting on when and how often I ride my horse!
 
Sounds normal to me, I'm on a small DIY and I still find myself signing with relief when I notice that no other cars are there when I park up!!

Silence and bliss ;)
 
Looks like Im not in a minority then!!

Im always polite and friendly and I appreciate having nice people around who are look out for your horse etc. but sometimes you just want to have quiet time to build your relationship with your horse- something that's lost on some people I think!

The chatty lady told me some time ago that her young child had been feeding my horse a treat. I don't particularly want this happeningbut just smiled out of politeness, she then went on to say she couldn't find the child and eventually found him in MY stable with my horse!! Iwas fuming inside but just put on a smile and said its probably best not to go in incase he gets stood on..........."its ok though" she replied "your horse is fine with children"............TBH I was more wooried he would accidentally forget to close her stable door and let her out :( (bangs head off wall!!!)
 
I currently have the perfect situ at the yard 2 of mine are on! They have the run of 170 acres and the best way to get to their favourite bit is to park on the road and climb the hill! No need to go into the yard at all! Ocassionally I will see the YO's OH out and about with the sheep but more often than not I see no one! I pay livery every 6 weeks so only go into the yard once every 6 weeks. I know no one there, I don't fuss with their business, they don't fuss with mine. I did bump into 1 livery last week - never seen her before, probably wont see her again lol! She asked why I was there, said I had the 2 wild ones that I hadn't even seen that day as I had lost them in the yonder and the look of horror on her face was priceless! I don't worry if I don't see them every day as I know the YO or her OH will find them at least once a day and check them over for me. YO Loves the fact that they are being left to run wild like the natives that they are and she wishes some of her other liveries would do the same. very few of them actually ride. I don't get involved in the yard or it's politics. I know I had a few mutters said about me when I moved there and had my TB out 24/7 - with ad lib hay and 2 rugs on with a companion native who was also rugged! But oh no! TB's can't live out! Heaven forbid! But he actually changed a few of their minds and a few started leaving their horses out overnight come April for the summer.

I am so glad I don't actually have a stable (I can use one in an emergency and the YO will leave her retired horse out) so I have no need to actually go into the yard and spend time there. I have too many other things to be doing!
 
EKW said:
I currently have the perfect situ at the yard 2 of mine are on! They have the run of 170 acres and the best way to get to their favourite bit is to park on the road and climb the hill! No need to go into the yard at all! Ocassionally I will see the YO's OH out and about with the sheep but more often than not I see no one! I pay livery every 6 weeks so only go into the yard once every 6 weeks. I know no one there, I don't fuss with their business, they don't fuss with mine. I did bump into 1 livery last week - never seen her before, probably wont see her again lol! She asked why I was there, said I had the 2 wild ones that I hadn't even seen that day as I had lost them in the yonder and the look of horror on her face was priceless! I don't worry if I don't see them every day as I know the YO or her OH will find them at least once a day and check them over for me. YO Loves the fact that they are being left to run wild like the natives that they are and she wishes some of her other liveries would do the same. very few of them actually ride. I don't get involved in the yard or it's politics. I know I had a few mutters said about me when I moved there and had my TB out 24/7 - with ad lib hay and 2 rugs on with a companion native who was also rugged! But oh no! TB's can't live out! Heaven forbid! But he actually changed a few of their minds and a few started leaving their horses out overnight come April for the summer.

I am so glad I don't actually have a stable (I can use one in an emergency and the YO will leave her retired horse out) so I have no need to actually go into the yard and spend time there. I have too many other things to be doing!
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That sounds amazing :)
 
I think some of you would be happier in the middle if nowhere totally alone :):)

oP maybe this lady is lonely despite her family. Or maybe she thinks you are

Some of you say 'they don't even ride SO WHAT. So long as horses are fine does it matter?? Incidentally I do ride and compete but would never judge those that don't
 
I am sociable and like having other liveries to talk to, I hope I am not annoying!

If the lady who likes to talk a lot is a mum who spends a lot of time at home with her children maybe the time on the yard is her chance to have some adult company and that is why she talks so much. I know that probably does not help with her being annoying but instead of feeling anger or irritation towards her it might help you feel more understanding towards her situation.
 
SO1 said:
I am sociable and like having other liveries to talk to, I hope I am not annoying!

If the lady who likes to talk a lot is a mum who spends a lot of time at home with her children maybe the time on the yard is her chance to have some adult company and that is why she talks so much. I know that probably does not help with her being annoying but instead of feeling anger or irritation towards her it might help you feel more understanding towards her situation.
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Could not agree more.

What is happening to the world that there is no tolerance or understanding anymore

Goodness me if there is any between people who share a passion (whether they ride or not!!!). What hope is there for the rest of the world??!
 
soulfull said:
Could not agree more.

What is happening to the world that there is no tolerance or understanding anymore

Goodness me if there is any between people who share a passion (whether they ride or not!!!). What hope is there for the rest of the world??!
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I am very tolerant & understanding :)

However I'm not keen to stand around for hours on end gossiping about other people & their horses. I'm also happy to hear about the ladies children & her life but not when I'm trying to walk out the door to the muck pile as I need to get back to my own family! It's hard work constantly having to stop to hear what she's saying (because she speaks v quietly) when I'm busy. There's got to be a balance! :)

I don't believe she's a lonely person, far from it. I'm not the sort of person who would dismiss someone who is vulnerable- she's just a bit full of herself, nice enough tho :)

PS. I think saying nothing & putting on a smile when she tells me her young child lets themself in my horses stable of their own accord when I'm not their tells you just how tolerant a person I am!
 
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I had tolerance and understanding up until yesterday afternoon. Now that part of me is dead. Dead and buried, in a cold shallow grave...
 
For me it depends on what I'm doing. If I'm not in the mood I don't chat, if I am I do. However I always have a 'Hi, how you doing' greeting unless I'm really concentrating on what I'm doing, in which case I ignore anything irrelevant.

I don't feel bad or guilty about that though. My 'yard life' does not revolve about making others happy, rather what makes me happy. If that makes me anti-social at times, so what?!
 
BookWorm said:
I am very tolerant & understanding :)

However I'm not keen to stand around for hours on end gossiping about other people & their horses. I'm also happy to hear about the ladies children & her life but not when I'm trying to walk out the door to the muck pile as I need to get back to my own family! It's hard work constantly having to stop to hear what she's saying (because she speaks v quietly) when I'm busy. There's got to be a balance! :)
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Don't do it then! You are moaning about something that only you has the power to change. If you can't hear what she's saying, tell her! Say "I'm sorry, I can hear you're speaking but not what you're saying". If you're walking off to the muck heap, either just carry on walking & ignore her or say "sorry, just off to the muck heap, can't stop".

BookWorm said:
I don't believe she's a lonely person, far from it. I'm not the sort of person who would dismiss someone who is vulnerable- she's just a bit full of herself, nice enough tho :)

PS. I think saying nothing & putting on a smile when she tells me her young child lets themself in my horses stable of their own accord when I'm not their tells you just how tolerant a person I am!
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No, it doesn't tell us how tolerant you are, it tells us what a doormat you are. You need to tell her. Politely but firmly. You need to tell her that her children are NOT to go into your stable under any circumstances, and if it happens again, you need to be speaking to the yo as this is totally unacceptable behaviour.

Arizahn said:
I had tolerance and understanding up until yesterday afternoon. Now that part of me is dead. Dead and buried, in a cold shallow grave...
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Hey, good to see you back, but hope everything's ok with you?
 
BookWorm said:
I am very tolerant & understanding :)

However I'm not keen to stand around for hours on end gossiping about other people & their horses. I'm also happy to hear about the ladies children & her life but not when I'm trying to walk out the door to the muck pile as I need to get back to my own family! It's hard work constantly having to stop to hear what she's saying (because she speaks v quietly) when I'm busy. There's got to be a balance! :)

I don't believe she's a lonely person, far from it. I'm not the sort of person who would dismiss someone who is vulnerable- she's just a bit full of herself, nice enough tho :)

PS. I think saying nothing & putting on a smile when she tells me her young child lets themself in my horses stable of their own accord when I'm not their tells you just how tolerant a person I am!
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Fair points and I apologise :)

There is a lady on my yard who is also lovely but chatty

If I'm on my way out the door but coming back ie going to muck heap, I shout hang on back in a sec and carry on.

I tell her that since that cold you had last week your ears are blocked so you can't hear what she is saying when your mucking out. Then carry on mucking out. If she really wants to chat she will come closer. At least that way you won't have to struggle to hear her

Sometimes we have to be honest.ie tell her several times if needed that you can't hear her, or don't answer at all. Then as your normally friendly she will realise you really can't hear her.
 
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