livery yard hell...again

This not Livery yard hell it's friend hell if anything and it does sound that bad to me.
Take a step back do your own thing and see what pans out life is just to short.
Why on earth you consider moving your horses for this is beyond me.
 
Having read all your replies I would say this -

Once this easter is over tell her than due to your circumstances you will no longer be able to offer her help with her business.

You will no longer be able to take her to competitions due to your lorry being overweight with 3 horses in. Print off contact details of a lorry rental and give that to her.

Just leave her to her own devices. If she is talking bull to your instructor just ignore it, as long as your instructor isnt taking any notice of it it doesnt matter, let her say what she likes, she's only making herself look petty.

Enjoy your horses, make some new friends and hack out on your own or ask others before she does.
 
Agree with Paint me Proud.

People in your yard will soon realise what she is like, let her cause her own mistakes and just enjoy your horses.

There is no reason for you to feel bad about this, we all change and maybe you have simply changed and started seeing her in a different way. Maybe you became more assertive when your life changed so much.

If she is a user and your no longer useful then this would explain the behaviour. Just take a breath, dont rise to it and keep her at arms length.
 
Equilibrium Ireland said:
Tbh the title is misleading and I hope your yard owner doesn't read this!

It seems that your feel your friend owes you. Maybe she is fed up with feeling in debt? You helped her out when needed. But that's what friends do. As you are an adult I wouldn't moan because she booked a lesson. You are not being very mature about this. Sorry!

Your friend clearly wants so space, if you valued your friendship why not give it to her?
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Equilibrium Ireland said:
Sorry was trying to learn to paste from phone!!!

I agree totally with black horse!

I moved to a small livery yard I could live on with my horses when my husband went to Saudi. Was grateful for people being here. How and ever one person thought it her duty to over extend courtesy any way she could. Great that's nice and if I could do anything for her I did. She'd ask why and then say well I'm not like that. Don't expect anything in return.

Anyway it all came to a head one day as I was getting uncomfortable and also feeling this person had decided I couldn't cope with job, 6 horses, and visiting my mare in training. In the winter I used to put my GSD in a clean stable with water and bones to dry off for at most 2 hours. She kept making me feel bad about this. When I came home one day there was a full bucket of water next to the fresh one I put in. I lost it big time! I'd had enough of feeling like a careless owner and told her as much. I lit into her. She lit into me. This is a person who I let go all of the times my intelligence was insulted. At any rate we sorted it. Had to. We both knew where we stood. I do not want to feel indebted to someone who decides I'm not good enough. She has one horse. I always put my animals first but refuse to bring a wet sopping GSD into my clean house. He comes in when clean and dried. There are lots of little things not worth going into but pushy is an understatement. I just agree and move on!

I'm not saying you're like this but you can't hold people in you're debt. She may be feeling very uncomfortable as maybe you have made these feelings known in current yard. As in how much you've done for her.

Just relax and work away on your own and breathe.

Terri
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You scared me there :P i was wondering why my post appeared under two names!
 
katy322 said:
I'm not a trouble causer, i've only moved yards 3 times, once for loss of grazing, once for person randomly hitting horses, which wasn't addressed by yard owner and lastly because 40ish man (ex con) was intimidating both me and my daughter and 2 other people, by swearing in our faces and threatening to rape my daughter, yard wouldn't do anything as they were told me they were scared of him and what he would do if they confronted him.
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Just read that and wondered why you approached the YO to sort - surely such threats would be for the police to deal with?
 
Ollie's Mum said:
Just read that and wondered why you approached the YO to sort - surely such threats would be for the police to deal with?
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Mmm quite!! If someone threatened to rape my daughter I would be straight onto the police!!

There was a woman on my yard not so long ago that had moved between three different yards - first one was apparently because it was muddy and she hadn't expected it to be - despite being a cattle farm (!). Second she moved from because she didn't like the swearing on the yard, and third one because the YO was alledgedly a pervert and was spying on her. Sounds very similar!!

Said woman ended up fabricating a load of nonsense on our yard and got thrown off after nobody would speak to her anymore!
 
Missed the bit about the rape threats. Have to say, wouldn't call police first. Just an ambulance for when I'd finished 'discussing' it with the man in question!
 
If someone threatened to rape me, i would call the police so i could hand myself in after hurting him. Why, why, why, would you approach a YO if you are being threatened?! Straight to the police, restraining order, and leave yard.
 
Good old HHO!

How very welcoming we are to new folk, with our 'short answers because we iz 'ard'..

Some of you should look at what you write you know, YOUR idea of hell is quite likely different to someone elses idea of hell.

Here we are, a new person posts, let's all follow that old adage 'here comes a stranger, lets throw a brick at him', shall we?

Sure, we have all been bitten by trolls before, but don't tar every new person with the same brush because you either 1) think they are telling a load of porkies, or 2) sounds so unbelievable it can't be true...

Bet some of you are joys on your livery yards!

OP - you are entitled to move about as much as you like to find a place that suits, if people wish to question why, that is their problem. Unless you are a raging loonie, then you have nothing to worry about.

Friendships die I'm afraid, I'd cut your losses and get on with enjoying your horses. I'd also find another instructor if this one is gullible enough to listen to bull***** your ex-friend is feeding them..

IF you feel the need to move again, then do so. Horses cost too much to become a chore and not enjoy them.
 
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Goldenstar said:
This not Livery yard hell it's friend hell if anything and it does sound that bad to me.
Take a step back do your own thing and see what pans out life is just to short.
Why on earth you consider moving your horses for this is beyond me.
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The OP is quite entitled to move her horses to the moon if she wants, nothing to do with others at all if she moves them.

If it's beyond your realm of thinking, then don't ponder on it.
 
Moomin1 said:
I'm afraid you sound to me like you cause trouble on yards!! Sorry! May get shot down but it all seems a bit far fetched that your 'friend' suddenly turns on you, and you have had three prior livery yards!
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I disagree. At some point in our lives, all of us have friendships that have died. It happens, it's life. Unless you are perfect of course and everyone falls over themselves to be in your favour.

Moving livery yards 3 times? So what? I've had my horses over the years at different places.
 
DragonSlayer said:
I disagree. At some point in our lives, all of us have friendships that have died. It happens, it's life. Unless you are perfect of course and everyone falls over themselves to be in your favour.

Moving livery yards 3 times? So what? I've had my horses over the years at different places.
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The moving wasn't the point I was making. The point I was making is IMO it sounds very much like trouble seems to follow this OP on yards - be it unlucky on her behalf or something else! Either she is picking VERY dodgy places to keep her horse - where someone hits horses around the head with pitchforks and the YO won't do anything about it - and the next yard where someone threatens to rape her daughter - yet nobody will do anything about it, or there's a bit of exaggeration going on here!

Put it this way, if someone hit my horse around the head with a pitchfork - I would be making an official complaint about them to whoever it was that would take witness statements and proceed with an investigation. If someone threatened my daughter - or anyone else for that matter - with rape then I would be straight to the police and persuing the matter. OP seems very laid back about these serious issues.
It does also sound as if, hurtful though it can be to lose a friendship - it sounds as if OP is a bit clingy and suffocating to her friend.
 
katy322 said:
thanks for all your replies much appreciated. I'm not a trouble causer, i've only moved yards 3 times, once for loss of grazing, once for person randomly hitting horses, which wasn't addressed by yard owner and lastly because 40ish man (ex con) was intimidating both me and my 13 year old daughter and 2 other people, by swearing in our faces and threatening to rape my daughter, yard wouldn't do anything as they were told me they were scared of him and what he would do if they confronted him. I convinced my friend to move cos after i moved, he had turned his attentions to her and also some other people were jealous of her new Oldenburg, so she was getting trouble from them too. I am saddened by my friends behaviour, but i think now she only has 1 horse and is on full livery, i am no longer useful to her. I am still babysitting her business for the next 10 days though, as i do every easter.
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The first yard you mention should have been a police matter...and if no joy there, someone erm, 'firm' having a word with the fella...

It sounds as if your friendship may have run it's course a bit plus "...i am no longer useful to her but I'm still doing x" does come across as a bit victim-ish... You don't, or at least shouldn't, 'need' her involved to get on with your own family and horses... It's nice to have a hacking buddy who's a friend but it's not the end of the world if you and her don't go out together any more... As for the instructor - s/he wouldn't be much cop if they couldn't do their job and relied on tittle tattle to form their lessons... If s/he listens to yard gossip rather than their own eyes during lessons then get another instructor... And sort your own lessons out in conjunction with your daughter when you can afford them and suits you...

If you're polite and friendly but stand on your own two feet, this friend (and other people) may feel more inclined to want to spend time in your company just for the enjoyment of it rather than what you can do for them or what you feel you do for someone else... I hope that's making some sense...:)
 
Moomin1 said:
The moving wasn't the point I was making. The point I was making is IMO it sounds very much like trouble seems to follow this OP on yards - be it unlucky on her behalf or something else! Either she is picking VERY dodgy places to keep her horse - where someone hits horses around the head with pitchforks and the YO won't do anything about it - and the next yard where someone threatens to rape her daughter - yet nobody will do anything about it, or there's a bit of exaggeration going on here!

Put it this way, if someone hit my horse around the head with a pitchfork - I would be making an official complaint about them to whoever it was that would take witness statements and proceed with an investigation. If someone threatened my daughter - or anyone else for that matter - with rape then I would be straight to the police and persuing the matter. OP seems very laid back about these serious issues.
It does also sound as if, hurtful though it can be to lose a friendship - it sounds as if OP is a bit clingy and suffocating to her friend.
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Still disagree.

What if the OP tried to do all these things and the system failed?

It happens.

I get sick and tired of posters on this forum becoming judge, jury and executioner BEFORE THEY KNOW ALL THE FULL DETAILS.

It stinks and just isn't cricket.

I've just counted the livery yards I've been on in my lifetime. 4, and now have my own place. So what does that make me?
 
DragonSlayer said:
Still disagree.

What if the OP tried to do all these things and the system failed?

It happens.

I get sick and tired of posters on this forum becoming judge, jury and executioner BEFORE THEY KNOW ALL THE FULL DETAILS.

It stinks and just isn't cricket.

I've just counted the livery yards I've been on in my lifetime. 4, and now have my own place. So what does that make me?
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I don't know what it makes you because I don't know how old you are and what reasons you moved yards.

If you moved yards because of the same reasons given by OP and were now moaning about your friend not wanting anything to do with you then I would say the same!

I think it's slightly odd that any YO would continue to allow a rape threatening ex con continue to stay on their yard once they had been made aware of it. Particularly when they have young girls on the yard as was mentioned by OP. Not impossible, no, but seems odd to me that TWO different yards have allowed both abuse of horses and threats of rape to go by the by! Like I say - either OP has picked some crackers of yards with some very dodgy people running them - or there's something more than meets the eye!!
 
Moomin1 said:
I don't know what it makes you because I don't know how old you are and what reasons you moved yards.

If you moved yards because of the same reasons given by OP and were now moaning about your friend not wanting anything to do with you then I would say the same!

I think it's slightly odd that any YO would continue to allow a rape threatening ex con continue to stay on their yard once they had been made aware of it. Particularly when they have young girls on the yard as was mentioned by OP. Not impossible, no, but seems odd to me that TWO different yards have allowed both abuse of horses and threats of rape to go by the by! Like I say - either OP has picked some crackers of yards with some very dodgy people running them - or there's something more than meets the eye!!
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Still disagree.

You are still assuming.
 
DragonSlayer said:
Still disagree.

You are still assuming.
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I am not expecting you to agree!! ;)

The whole nature of forums is that nobody knows the truth in ANY story that people write about, we can only go from what they type and try to read between the lines! I read this as either the OP has chosen some hell holes to keep her horse in before, or there's some more to be told!

Seems that OP has come out unfavourably with two of her YO's - so unfavourably so that a rape threatener and horse abuser were allowed to remain and OP left. Maybe it is true and both YO's were too frightened to do anything about it.

Personally - if I was the YO of a yard where someone had made rape threats to a 13yr old girl, I would be more terrified of allowing him to stay on the yard than ignoring and letting him wander around.
 
Moomin1 said:
I don't know what it makes you because I don't know how old you are and what reasons you moved yards.

If you moved yards because of the same reasons given by OP and were now moaning about your friend not wanting anything to do with you then I would say the same!

I think it's slightly odd that any YO would continue to allow a rape threatening ex con continue to stay on their yard once they had been made aware of it. Particularly when they have young girls on the yard as was mentioned by OP. Not impossible, no, but seems odd to me that TWO different yards have allowed both abuse of horses and threats of rape to go by the by! Like I say - either OP has picked some crackers of yards with some very dodgy people running them - or there's something more than meets the eye!!
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Im sure op gave the reason that the yo was afraid to challenge the guy who threatened the daughter...... Fear is a major reason things arent acted on.
 
marydoll said:
Im sure op gave the reason that the yo was afraid to challenge the guy who threatened the daughter...... Fear is a major reason things arent acted on.
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Paedophilia and rape threats against 13yr old girls are taken VERY seriously by the police.

YO wouldn't even have had to confront him about the matter. She merely had to ring the police and when they were present give him his notice.

Yes, frightening regarding possible repercussions - but IMO not half as frightening as having a person like that on the yard on dark nights with kids around, and to be honest quite selfish not to do anything.
 
I see you have 2 choices, confront her and try to get to the bottom of the problem, take a step back from the friendship and keep yourself to yourself, livery yards can be a magnet for this type of behaviour, but if you like this yard and are happy there then I don't see it's a livery yard problem as such.
 
DragonSlayer said:
The OP is quite entitled to move her horses to the moon if she wants, nothing to do with others at all if she moves them.

If it's beyond your realm of thinking, then don't ponder on it.
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Of course OP can do what she likes but I would suggest the moon would not be a suitable place.
Op,asked what she thought she should do I have said take a step back from your friend live your life I can see no reason to move from a livery yard she likes over the situation .
That's what I posted , but I am perfectly capable of deciding what to think about without any imput from you.
 
Moomin1 said:
Paedophilia and rape threats against 13yr old girls are taken VERY seriously by the police.

YO wouldn't even have had to confront him about the matter. She merely had to ring the police and when they were present give him his notice.

Yes, frightening regarding possible repercussions - but IMO not half as frightening as having a person like that on the yard on dark nights with kids around, and to be honest quite selfish not to do anything.
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That is how YOU would deal with it, you have a very black and white forthright personality, if it had been me,id have asked him about it and then called the police, depending on his reaction i'd have had him arse and necked out of the yard myself. Thats my personality, i dont wither at a sign of agression and dont ever threaten me either.
But i work with the public, and many people just cant deal with any form of confrontation and positively wither at the merest sniff of a threat, the OP may be just one of these types, and IME many yo are looking for an easy life, deal with it yourself.
You also say you would give him notice to leave when the police arrived, without even talking to the guy, judgednand sentenced, branded as a paedophile without you or the police even talking to him. You could find yourself on the end of a law suit with that attitude
 
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Moomin1 said:
Put it this way, if someone hit my horse around the head with a pitchfork - I would be making an official complaint about them to whoever it was that would take witness statements and proceed with an investigation. If someone threatened my daughter - or anyone else for that matter - with rape then I would be straight to the police and persuing the matter. OP seems very laid back about these serious issues.
It does also sound as if, hurtful though it can be to lose a friendship - it sounds as if OP is a bit clingy and suffocating to her friend.
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Really would you do that?? You would make an official complaint to who exactly?? I suspect that what you would actually do is the same as most of the rest would do which is ask the person concerned what the heck they thought they were playing at and then tell them where said 'pitchfork' would be heading if you caught them doing that again!! You would perhaps then report to YO and expect them to deal with it appropriately.

Reporting the rape threats to the police would seem a reasonable course of action,but again there could be various circumstances and that OP doesn't wish to share on here,and actually you don't know that she didn't report it to the police,all she has said from what I see is that she left the yard,which again is something many of us would do I should think?? Who wants to stay on a yard where you don't feel your kids are safe??

Then she's 'clingy and suffocating',where do you get that from?? Sounds more to me like she's too helpful and this 'friend' is just walking all over her when it suits and dropping her like a hot brick when she's not of use.

You have been very judgemental and unkind to OP,so have a few others but you in particular.I really hope you know this person IRL or know of her,because if not I think you might owe her an apology.

It must be nice to know everything as you clearly do,but for the sake of the rest of us mere mortals do you think you could explain your way of thinking and how you come to your 'accurate' conclusions based on such little information:rolleyes:


OP: It sounds like this friend has shown her true colours now she doesn't have to keep you sweet because you are of use to her,my advice be polite but keep your distance for a while and see what happens.
I suspect from what you have said she will need you before you need her,and then it will be down to you to decide if you need or want people like that in your life.
Her comments when you go out and about in regard to your daughter sound spiteful and quite childish TBH,perhaps you and daughter would have a better time without her??
Don't be in a hurry to move,you have been there a year quite happily,and who knows maybe things will settle down and you could be happy again.

Hope it works out one way or another:)
 
Goldenstar said:
Of course OP can do what she likes but I would suggest the moon would not be a suitable place.
Op,asked what she thought she should do I have said take a step back from your friend live your life I can see no reason to move from a livery yard she likes over the situation .
That's what I posted , but I am perfectly capable of deciding what to think about without any imput from you.
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...but you said it's beyond you? Therefore it is obviously difficult for you to think about, hence the suggestion I made.
 
I'm laughing a bit that the OP should have picked her yards better - how do you know that there is someone who will hit your horse or threaten you when you go and look at a yard?? You can see bad fences or physical problems when you go and visit a yard, but I doubt many people would ask if there was a paedophile/rapist on the yard!! Some people do move yards regularly and you do get the impression that there are more issues caused by them than the yards, but this doesn't seem like that!

I think that the OP is just feeling let down by this friend. I've had a couple of friends like that over the year - we've probably got too close and I've thought they were wonderful, then cracks appear and it feel more hurtful. I think that you need to step back and let her get on with things. I would find an excuse to not babysit her business or take her to events, and find other people at the yard to ride with etc. It may be that it means that you have to discuss why you are stepping back - so tell her you are feeling like there is a slight problem between you and you don't really know why.. I wouldn't worry about the instructor being told falsehoods about your daughter - she ought to be able to form her own opinions really...
 
Why so bothered about what she does?
Enjoy your own horses, your family, arrange your own lessons and if looking after her horses, make it a business arrangement.

Sorry but you sound too clingy, maybe she wants a bit of space.
Have a bigger circle of friends.
 
Having been on a yard where an ex-con's wife kept her horse, the ex-con tried to use the yard as his alibi, sadly for him the day he picked was the day the foot hunt came through, the primary teacher, the social worker and the two police officers were plannng to hack out together. :D His alibi didn't stand up and his family left the yard soon after, however had it only been one of us there, the story may have ended differently as he was not a nice chap :eek:
 
marydoll said:
That is how YOU would deal with it, you have a very black and white forthright personality, if it had been me,id have asked him about it and then called the police, depending on his reaction i'd have had him arse and necked out of the yard myself. Thats my personality, i dont wither at a sign of agression and dont ever threaten me either.
But i work with the public, and many people just cant deal with any form of confrontation and positively wither at the merest sniff of a threat, the OP may be just one of these types, and IME many yo are looking for an easy life, deal with it yourself.
You also say you would give him notice to leave when the police arrived, without even talking to the guy, judgednand sentenced, branded as a paedophile without you or the police even talking to him. You could find yourself on the end of a law suit with that attitude
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You're right I do have a very forthright personality - I have been trained to be that way in my career.

If you read correctly - I said that paedophilia and rape threats are taken very seriously by the police. OP said that this man threatened to rape a 13 year old girl. That allegation is one of rape threat and paedophilia. I did not 'convict' this man in any way - I am stating that police take these allegations very seriously.

With regard to a law suit - my comments were in relation to general allegations of that nature. OP is the one who is directly alleging that this man did this.

I still do not for one minute think it is appropriate to deal with someone who has made rape threats against a child yourself, and yes - police should be involved immediately.

I would like to bet that the poor mothers and fathers of those children over the years that have been raped/murdered/kidnapped would agree that ANY matter like this should be reported, whatever the outcome, or however small the information. It may well prevent awful things happening in the future.
 
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