Loan Dilemma

Tough one. Don't suppose you're friends with the Mum on faceache? I seem to remember one of those memes going round that listed all the things having a pony taught a child growing up - responsibility, discipline, compassion, commitment and all that. A 12 year old is coming into a rather turbulent time of life in terms of emotions and peer pressure. If this kid is so committed to the pony, it'd be a crying shame to see her go off the rails as she has nothing to fill her time AND is resentful of her parents for not keeping what sounds like a promise.
 
How big is this pony? How tall is this child? 12 years olds have a habit of suddenly sprouting! Before demonising dad perhaps spare a thought that he may be trying to future-proof a deal for his daughter so that the heartbreak only happens once. Is there a livery space at your yard so they can stay there?
 
She could stay on the pony for years. She's a chunky 13.2 and a slight child. And if they want a bigger pony for life why agree a LWVTB in the first place. If they buy she keeps the stable she's currently loaning.
 
I think sometimes you need to harden your heart and do what's right for you.

With your situation at the moment AE I think probably the last thing you need is more uncertainty.

Personally I'd be giving them a friendly nudge, as in 'As we are coming towards the end of the loan term, could I please have a yay or nay on whether you are happy to go ahead with the purchase by (date), just so it gives me time to sort out alternative arrangements if you decide not to have her'.

Faced with the reality of losing Jenny I'd be very surprised if they send her back.
 
Stick to your deal. It is the only way of forcing their decision. The only reason I wouldn't do this would be if the pony will likely be difficult to sell for some reason. If you allow them to prolong the loan they will likely just continue to take advantage of you I'm afraid. Don't get pulled into feeling sorry for any of them. Try to keep this a business arrangement. It is not your fault or your problem if the child is disappointed. Don't let them make you feel bad, hard as that might be. I'd be quite angry to be placed in that position, it is emotional blackmail. You could consider a lease if there is a cash problem but that depends on whether you really want or need to sell or not. I have to say I'd be wary of allowing someone with a problem paying the purchase price have a pony of mine because I would worry how they would cope if they were landed with a large vet's bill or whatever.
 
Trouble is LWVTB can often only happen from the sellers point of view. She's obviously come on in leaps and bounds with your pony so you'll have no problem selling.
 
Ambers Echo said:
She could stay on the pony for years. She's a chunky 13.2 and a slight child. And if they want a bigger pony for life why agree a LWVTB in the first place. If they buy she keeps the stable she's currently loaning.
Click to expand...

I suspect he hoped she would not be so dedicated and that he could pull out on the grounds that she was not looking after her, he has been proved wrong so maybe is just stalling for no reason other than he has another 4 weeks to pay, I don't think many non horsey parents would be thinking about future proofing, even the ones that are involved know uni life may be the end anyway unless they are prepared to pick up the slack.
 
Is he by any chance self employed? My gut is they are hoping you won't take the pony back - fwiw I would not even offer to let her keep riding til the mare sells personally. However if he is self employed could it be a case of getting down to the wire for the end of the tax year just on the basis it finishes in April, so it may not be that they don't have the money as such just that it needs to wait for him to have it and they don't want to say yes til they are ready to pay.
One other thing, I absolutely would not offer payment in instalments or anything else. You can have a loan approved and accessible in less than an hour from your bank - if they can afford to pay in instalments they could have been saving up for the last 4 months anyway so let a bank worry about them missing payments etc.
 
be positive said:
I suspect he hoped she would not be so dedicated and that he could pull out on the grounds that she was not looking after her.
Click to expand...

I suspect that this is exactly right. I think he hoped she would 'fail' and he could blame her for not going ahead.The question is what is he going to do now that she has proven herself 100% dedicated and committed.

I'm not extending the loan. Thanks everyone for helping me make that decision. Hopefully he is just leaving things to the last minute and will buy her in the end. If he doesn't I will be so angry on her behalf! MP I agree that she has had a wonderful winter with Jenny which no-one can take away but she's 12 and breaking her heart like this will probably leave her feeling far worse than if she was just told she could not have a pony in the first place. I had to accept a 'no, not ever' message as a child and wait til I was an adult before buying my first pony. That's fine. But to dangle it and then take it away is cruel imo.
 
There are lots of completely understandable reasons why he may not want to commit yet. Could it be that somebody has advised them not to commit too early because the pony could go lame between now and 1 March? Or he could just be assuming that as the agreement doesn't end until 1 March he doesn't need to let you know so far in advance? Aggravating for you, but within the letter of the agreement. Some people don't realise how much there is to organise with a horse, and as the pony has stayed at the same yard he may be oblivious to the fact that you need to let the YO know if you want the stable etc.

But it could be any reason. He could be going through a reorganisation at work and doesn't know whether he'll have a job in a couple of months. Saying no prematurely would upset his daughter for nothing if his job turns out to be safe. Or he could be planning on leaving his wife and doesn't want either of them to have extra financial commitments. (Just dreaming up even wilder suppositions here......he could be planning on leaving the UK following Brexit and knows having a pony will add huge complications..... :p) Until you talk to them you just won't know, and even then he may not want to tell you.

I think the suggestion to leave it a couple of weeks and then formally ask them for their decision one way or the other is the best idea, if you aren't coming under pressure from the YO. It doesn't sound as if the pony will be difficult to sell if that's what you eventually have to do. But I'd make it clear that anything less than an unambiguous yes by a certain date, and even a deposit to seal the deal, will result in the pony being advertised on 1 March. Good luck!
 
Cowpony said:
...he could be planning on leaving the UK following Brexit and knows having a pony will add huge complications..... :p
Click to expand...
I know you're playing devil's advocate but he'd probably have known more than 4 months ago if he was going to leave the UK due to Brexit, seeing as we were supposed to leave nearly a year ago!
 
Yeah I know :D I was just trying to think up something really wacky, and short of his other child having been kidnapped by a unicorn and demanding a ransom this was the first thing to spring to mind ;)
 
Cowpony said:
Yeah I know :D I was just trying to think up something really wacky, and short of his other child having been kidnapped by a unicorn and demanding a ransom this was the first thing to spring to mind ;)
Click to expand...

LOL - maybe he's made a split second decision to buy a ridiculously expensive car that he can only just afford if he gives up eating even though he doesn't really need it and there's nothing wrong with his current car.... or is it just my OH who does that?
 
Last edited:
I haven’t much to add that hasn’t been said...but you are amazing AE enabling this opportunity to this young lady. I would not personally have any kind of “severance” conversation with the child..it would be too painful for you to see her hurt. Send the letter reminding parents of the loan parameters..tell them the pony is now publicly on sale from March 1st but if they want to buy ahead of this time great. Let them tell the child if they don’t buy the pony...dad must carry the can.
 
AE you really do sound like a lovely person. Unfortunately you need to do whats best for you and the pony. I'm sure she will get a fantastic home whatever the outcome.

Don't worry about upsetting the girl, sadly its not your responsibility. I too would struggle with that one, but sometimes the lessons we need to learn are the hardest ones.. Which is a shame given she is so dedicated.
 
You agreed to loan Jenny to them until March, if she was anywhere except on your yard, you certainly wouldn't be able to start the process of selling her before she comes back. I would honour the agreement and if the parents then can't/won't agree to buy her, they won't be able to tell the child that it is your fault.

They sound like despicable people, what on earth are they doing letting the child walk to the yard at 6.00 am on her own? However that is not your concern, just stick to your part of the bargain.
 
what a shame for the girl if he doesnt pay. if the loan agreement is till 1st march i would wait until the week before and contact the parents with the info that if they dont buy her she will be going up for sale, march is a better month to put on the market anyway.... the husband will be thinking he has a full month to sort out the money and if you push him for a decision now you might push him into saying no....poor kid
 
Oh gosh. I feel sorry for the Dad- you have no idea what's going on in someone's personal life. Maybe Dad is currently concerned about his job but has yet to tell his wife, etc etc. You just don't know.. and here he is on horse and hound forum being called all sorts of things. He could be sitting there absolutely torn up about having to take the pony off her but thinking I just can't outlay "x" amount of money at the moment. Never jump to conclusions..

That said, it's not your problem, and I'd follow through and take the pony back if they decide not to buy her full stop.
 
Ambers Echo said:
She does all the work!!

It is very hard to tell what someone's finances are like whatever the external appearances, but I really don;t think it is a money issue. The children are privately educated. They ski. They drive nice cars. They don't look like they would struggle. (Or maybe all that is WHY they might struggle!!)
Click to expand...

So did mine... But I'll never forget my parents sitting me down and telling me they either need to sell my horse or I move from my private school to the local comp when a job was lost and bad finances all came to a head. Anyone from the outside looking in would have no idea. OBVIOUSLY I moved schools and kept the horse :D

You just don't know about people's circumstances.
 
I agree with what others have said. It’s not you taking the pony off her, it’s her parents. I would feel the same as you do but realistically you have them the time and if they don’t decide then I would put her up for sale. Talk to the parents, make it clear you will sell and stick to your guns but also tell them how well their daughter has done and how proud you are of her.
I think that sounds like something she needs to hear x
 
Michen said:
So did mine... But I'll never forget my parents sitting me down and telling me they either need to sell my horse or I move from my private school to the local comp when a job was lost and bad finances all came to a head. Anyone from the outside looking in would have no idea. OBVIOUSLY I moved schools and kept the horse :D

You just don't know about people's circumstances.
Click to expand...

Well, perhaps
But it sounds as if someone is being strung along here - whether it's AE or the child, who knows
The parents need to be honest about their intentions
 
I think I would change the loan to a lease arrangement with the option still to buy. I wouldn't let them loan any longer.
 
How old is the child? The parents make her walk to the yard at 6am in the winter?

That is harsh. AE you sound like a very nice person but ultimately you have to do what's right for you.
 
Yes you could gift them the pony for her to be sold on at a later date. A difficult situation but I'd stick to the original agreement and start advertising her. I lost my loan pony around that age. I was very upset at the time but ultimately got over it with no lasting harm.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top