LOAN? SELL? Overwhelmed money, time, family please advise

[Marley&Me]

Hi all,

I apologise in advance for the long post. I have had my gorgeous coloured coblet for 2.5years. Brought on from a youngster and gone through all the ups and downs with his health and behaviour and finally have a rising 7 year old who is an absolute star. Healthy, sound, balanced, schooling nicely and a potential future show cob/riding club horse.

However my life has changed since September, I went back to work full time as a teacher and I also have 3 children and a husband with a very demanding job. Horsey has been on 5 day livery since then and I have 2 sharers on the go just to keep him ticking over. I have not been riding him consistantly since the summer partly due to time, and more due to my own knee injury. He is costing me £500 plus per month which I am really struggling to afford along with my huge childcare bill.

I cant bring the livery cost down, as I cant spend the time needed to do the mucking out and other jobs, that would reduce the cost. I am managing to get to the yard 3 times per week but only for short visits and no riding due to my knee, which is an ongoing injury.

I have just been offered a promotion from Easter Hols onwards, which is more money but also more demanding. I am going take the promotion, it is something I have worked really hard for and it is a unique opportunity.But this will obviously mean more implications.

I need help to decide how to manage my horse. I love him to death, and really dont want to part with him, but I am not coping. I am spreading myself too thinly in all directions and something is going to have to give.

I have thought about selling him, it would break my heart. I finally have him fit, healthy and behaving and now I am thinking of selling him.... I did sell him about 9 months ago to someone I knew and trusted, but I bought him back a week later when I nearly had a nervous breakdown through grief (literally). And luckily the person who bought him lost their job and so asked me if I would have him back....thank goodness!

I am scared of selling him incase I regret it again, and it will be impossible to reverse (as well as entirely ridiculous).

I have thought about loaning him out, but worry someone will have him all summer and then hand him back. Or maybe he will go on loan, get hurt and broken and then they hand him back....etc etc. I am naturally indecisive and this makes things really hard.

Please help.

Brownie points to anyone who got to the end of this post, and real Brownies to anyone who replies!

 

[DragonSlayer]

If it were me....I'd sell.

I'm a teacher as well, but my husband is horsey, and i'm lucky that sis-in-law does the horses in the daytime for me, in exhange for free grass livery at our place!

We also have our own field, which brings the cost down dramatically...

I won't be getting more horses, and neither will OH he says. His boys are 22 and 16, and mine are 18, 18 and 9....

Old age is creeping up rapidly it seems on one of the 18 year olds, so he is under the microscope.

I know the demands of the job, therefore as the herd naturally shrinks, we won't be getting more.

You've done a good job with your cob, think of the joy he will bring someone else who does have the time to give him.

 

[skint1]

What about having him on full livery but continuing with your sharers so he is ridden? Other than that I would suggest a full loan but as you say, there are risks involved with that.
Hope you can work it out, sounds stressful for you

 

[Super_Kat]

If I were in you're position is bite it and sell up.

 

[xspiralx]

In all honesty OP, in your shoes I would sell.

Are your circumstances likely to change in the next 3/4 years? It seems to me that everything you've got on your plate is unlikely to ease off any time soon, so loaning may just be prolonging the inevitable and right now he will be worth a fair amount as a nice, sound young horse.

But if you can't bear it, then I'd consider loaning. Do your sharers not pay anything to cover his costs? Seems to me that if you have two sharers they really ought to take on most of the financial costs.

 

[Tobiano]

Hi Marley&me, sorry to see you are struggling like this. My advice (FWIW) would be to sell too. Get your boy a lovely new home. You can always buy another horse in 10 years when the children are much older and dont need so much full on mothering. (I gave up for 25 years and enjoy riding more than ever now). And in the meantime maybe you could be the once-a-week sharer of someone's horse, or just have lessons every so often, without the pressure of owning.

Good luck

 

[canteron]

There are various solutions all which require compromise. It seems to me that what you really want is a horse that is at grass during the Winter and not costing you so much, and in work during the Summer?

One option might be to look at the local equestrian colleges. I have a horse at one and although it does involve quite a lot of compromise I know that ultimately the horse is looked after very well, and I can ride it at weekends if I want to and it comes home for holidays.

The other one it to advertise in local tack rooms, farriers, etc as there may well be someone (again like me) who has space for another horse and might be happy to have your horse for a lot less that £500/week. Accept that during the winter it might just be best to let it be a field horse then at the beginning of Summer, you might be able to send it somewhere to get it fit so you have a wonderful schooled horse to play with during the holidays.

The problem with selling is that you never quite know what happens to your horse and if that is going to bother you, then it is worth exploring other opportunities first. The horse is 7 now, in 5 years time, your life will be at a completely different stage (children at school, able to spend more time with their friends, etc) so if you can find an interim solution then it would be worth looking at.

 

[Marley&Me]

Hi peeps,

Unfortunately the sharers are not contributing a penny.

Both ride him twice a week each. But due to me not wanting numpty sharers/novice riders, I have had to go with decent reliable sharers without the financial contribution.

I am grateful for all the different suggestions. Including the grass livery over the winter idea, but I did turn him away for about 4 months last winter and it was a disaster. He lost all his topline, and was unruley....it wouldnt be a solution for me as he really needs the routine and work to keep him as the star he is.

It is really helpful to have lots of suggestions, thanks everyone...hope to hear more too.

 

[jendie]

Would it be possible to put him on grass livery whilst you see how things pan out? You might just hate that new job. If you decide the job really is what you've been hoping for and that you want to concentrate on your career for a while then sell to the best home you can find.

 

[Shysmum]

If it were me........I would be charging the sharers (I know it's not ideal), even if just the cost of shoes, whilst I looked for a loan home. Unless of course, you need to convert pony to cash.

 

[honetpot]

Does it really matter if he's unruley and has no topline when he's out in a field, no. Its time out, for hunters thats a normal part of their routinethey work from August to March and a have the rest of the year off. I used to have no winter turnout so in winter I rode 5 days a week and by spring I was totally fed up so would have a summer break and start again in September.When I had my children we rode till perhaps Christmas and then they were all turned away till March and the lighter nights at most it takes a couple of weeks to get them on track again.
You can not do everything, he will not break just cos he's got flabby, you could have some fun over the long days, and probabely wind down by October half term its just a case of learning to let go a little.

 

[Nicnac]

In your shoes I'd either charge your sharers or sell. If you haven't got time, you haven't got time and you've just said you'll have even less time in term time from Easter.

If you can't ride, what's the point of spending £500 a month - that's 6K a year!!!!!! or a fab family holiday for the 5 of you. Your horse isn't going to thank you.

I know what it's like, luckily I keep the horses at home so have always been able to do them early morning and late evenings.

Once knee is repaired, get yourself a one day a week share or give up horses until you can put the requisite time and effort into one.

 

[Marley&Me]

Does it really matter if he's unruley and has no topline when he's out in a field, no. Its time out, for hunters thats a normal part of their routinethey work from August to March and a have the rest of the year off. You can not do everything, he will not break just cos he's got flabby, you could have some fun over the long days, and probabely wind down by October half term its just a case of learning to let go a little.

I really appreciate the suggestion, I know he wont break, in fact until 9 months ago my preference had been this sort of lifestyle. However following a dramatic return from being turned away which left him unrideable for months due to a mineral imbalance and lack of work, I am very reluctant to go down that route again. Though understand this is a very sensible and plausible option for many.

Thanks Nicnac for the reality check (!) perhaps I need to face facts about time being a prerequisite of horse ownership!

 

[Polos Mum]

He sounds very saleable, so should find a nice home and if your situation isn't going to change in the next 12/18 months in your shoes I think I'd sell.

Loan is great if you're happy to have them back at short notice or if there is something not 100% about them that makes selling tricky.

Yes he's a lovely horse but if you save just one years worth of livery you'll have £6k in a savings account to buy a just as lovely boy when kids are off your hands and you're in a position to enjoy it again.

Would one of the sharers buy him?

 

[neep]

I was in a similar position last year. Loads of work and struggling to afford to keep my lad. I didn't want to sell as he is my horse of a lifetime and I know I would regret selling him but didn't want to full loan him in case he disappeared or broke down. I got chatting to a lady who runs a top end riding school and she has took him. He does an hour tops a day. Goes in the field and gets loads of fuss. I get to ride him when ever I want and can have him bk at a months notice. Riding schools get a bad rep but choose a good one and its a very good option

 

[Holding]

Where abouts are you? And how big is he? I think you should loan him to me! Sounds exactly like what I'm looking for.

Seriously, if you can't bear to sell, he sounds like somebody would snap him up on loan. Obviously you need to put the work in to find him the right home - make sure you visit, ask all the right questions, etc, but it might work well for you, and then you can be sure you get him back when you have more time.

 

[Inthesticks]

Could you look at getting a paying part loaner/ sharer for him at your current yard?

It would mean only half the commitment from you time wise and financially if arranged well and he would get what he needs also. Fair enough it would mean a finding a great part loaner who is prepared to pay circa £250 per month but if they had 4 to 5 days that would be reasonable.

I don't think I would sell him tbh, with all the stuff going on in your life, stressful work, 3 kids etc, I think its good to have a stress relief and time out for yourself.

 

[noblesteed]

I am a teacher and have a young child, and I have struggled with mine since going back to work PART time... So can see how you are having problems working full time!

Luckily my horse is of the age now (13) where he can cope with less work. I bought him with grand ambitions of dressage but have had to accept he'll never be more than just a good quality happy hacker now, but I don't mind and neither does he. He gets ridden weekends over winter to tick over and lives out in the summer - leaving plenty of riding time. I had thought about selling him when I was pregnant with my little boy but, like you, it would have broken my heart.
I am pregnant again and just handed him over to a lovely 15 year old girl on loan at his current yard. She is paying around half of his monthly costs. I am very lucky to have found her, and happy because she will get a lot of pleasure from him and an eye can be kept on him. She may not ride him 'correctly' but I doubt he will come to any harm and he'll be teaching her plenty. I couldn't send him away on loan as he's a lami risk and I don't want a broken horse sending back. But long-term I don't know if I can really hang on to him... He's expensive and there are things I will want to do with my children, plus I'm at the stage of my career where when I go back to full time I'll have to take move up the career ladder... The only way I can see of keeping him is to get some land and have him live out, with the future kids' pony as company. We live in the country so that is certainly very do-able. But I'll never be a serious rider again, not in my current horse's lifetime anyway.

So I guess you have a few options - sell him, loan him out fully with all the risks involved, find someone to take him full time at his present yard for a lesser financial contribution, or find somewhere to do it on the cheap without being able to ride much. He sounds too young to be left without much to do - and he could give someone else a lot of pleasure, he has his whole life ahead of him. It may be very difficult but the best option to sell if nobody local 'turns up' to take him on loan.

 

[rowan666]

In any other situation two shares would more than co er the full work load and cost of the horse! If I were in your shoes ide find new sharers who do more for him than just ride I.e muck out and financally contribute or maybe find someone out of work who will do all the work if you pay for diy livery like a free loan would give someone who otherwise couldnt afford a horse a great oppertunity and you know your horse is getting all the attention he deserves and you save some money?

 

[Goldenstar]

In your shoes I think I would sell him he's a nice horse he's a good age and you have time to sell him carefully and get him a good long term home.
It's a sad thing to think of doing but you cant be in two places at once and your kids are only kids once as well .

 

[magichorse]

I'm a teacher too and find the job demanding, though I don't have children to consider so have more time for the horse. I do think it'd be a shame to sell him, and as you said before that you couldn't cope with not having him, to me selling isn't an option. I know it's difficult finding reliable sharers but it seems that this would be the one thing that could help you. Could you get a sharer/ sharers who would contribute financially and maybe do some of the stable work, thus reducing the cost of livery?

I do think that if you work hard, you do need some 'me'/ 'horse' time in order to keep relatively sane. Also, with your promotion, hopefully you're getting paid a bit more, which could go towards the horse costs.

And if you sell, what will you do with yourself in the school holidays...

Good luck

 

[Fallenrose]

I'm a teacher and I honestly don't know how anyone does the job when they have children! The job + horse takes up all my time!

Would either of the sharers be interested in full loaning him?

 

[Littlelegs]

Are there any decent riding schools in your area? Full loan to a riding school for a few years could be an option, or at the least working livery to reduce the current costs while you consider other options.

 

[lastchancer]

If he means a lot too you then you should perhaps keep him, I sold one last year and still wish I hadn't. If you don't want to turn him away then could you find a small reputable riding school, trekking center or collage to have him on loan. Loans can work if you don't want to sell, just be very, very careful who he goes too and get him freeze marked if he isn't already.

 

[mystiandsunny]

Grass livery. You ride at weekends, sharers during the week. No chores, much less £££.

 

[Palindrome]

I think you are confusing grass livery and turning away. Grass livery only implies the horse is not stabled, it doesn't mean the horse is not being worked and given hard feed. A horse on grass livery still needs daily attention. Some places also offer assisted grass livery.
Personnally, I would put on grass livery and get a paying sharer, but then it's up to you if you want to sell.

 

[jhoward]

I've just sold my horse of a life time, if you can loan/share then id suggest this as first option. When times are hard and we feel like were being bogged down its easy, but who knows where you will be in twelve months.

I gave in and sold due to a long term injury beastie only went yesterday but its killing me every second.

 

[Landcruiser]

I read an article = I think it was Your Horse mag, a year or more ago, about syndicating horses, ie sharing with more people, who all contribute. Like half a dozen, and they have a day each, say. Maybe they pay a tenner for their day. They get a cheap ride, they all have support, they all get to play with a horse, etc. Obviously this could go pear shaped very easily, but it might be worth looking into.

 

[Aarrghimpossiblepony]

I really appreciate the suggestion, I know he wont break, in fact until 9 months ago my preference had been this sort of lifestyle. However following a dramatic return from being turned away which left him unrideable for months due to a mineral imbalance and lack of work, I am very reluctant to go down that route again. Though understand this is a very sensible and plausible option for many.

Thanks Nicnac for the reality check (!) perhaps I need to face facts about time being a prerequisite of horse ownership!

As you now have the experience from this occasion, use it to make it work this time.

You now know about the mineral imbalance so you can keep an eye on that for instance.

As for lack of work making him unrideable, he's older now and just like children, horses mature and settle and cope as they get older.

As posters have said, grass livery and sharers is the answer. And how long are we talking?
You said childcare costs, so I'm assuming your children are under school age?
That's going to change in a few years.

 

[horsesatemymoney]

Not sure if anybody has asked this, but do you enjoy him? Or is he, (be honest, nothing wrong if so) just another chore, an extra time and finance pressure? Because of it's the second, there's nothing wrong with looking to loan, perhaps WVTB. If it's the first, then I'd be looking to get some cash off the sharers- Im sure they'd rather pay a bit more, and get to keep him.