Loaning

Dyllymoo

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22 November 2013
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So today I posted a tentative ad looking for a part loan.

I'm still unsure if this is something I really want but I'm so sad without horses in my life so I thought this way I could dip my toe back in and not have to go full throttle.

I'm seeing a friends horse on Tuesday but I'm so nervous about riding in front of her and riding her bestest boy. She adores him and that's quite a bit of pressure.

I don't proclaim to be a super rider (or even a good rider!) But she said he is as safe as house's and loves hacking.

I've also messaged someone I saw on preloved. An older horse (23) billed as a gentleman wanting to hack and do some Dressage which is perfect for me. I've explained my situation and my confidence loss and she has said I sound great. I'm going to see him a week on Monday.

I'm literally dreading riding both horses. A bit because of my confidence but also because I think I ride like a sack or potatoes! I haven't ridden "properly" for 3 years (rehabbing my mare and then just hacking J).

I'm also feeling guilty and stressing about what people are going to say
 

Bernster

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Not exactly The same but I’m dipping my toe into viewing horses to buy. I’m not a confident rider and def have the capacity to look like a sack of potatoes, plop off said horse, or just feel like I’m totally incompetent! So I sympathise.

I decided for yesterday’s viewing that I was going to go in ‘disguise’, as a confident rider, and just pretend that I was. Weirdly, it kind of worked! I also bore in mind that it was my decision and my choice and, if it didn’t go well, it wasn’t the right horse for me.
 

Wishfilly

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I think going to try other people's horses for a share/loan is super stressful, because you know your riding is going to be judged.

I think all you can do is be honest with them, and tell them that you feel nervous riding in front of them, and remember that they are not judging you as such, but whether you will be a good fit for their horse. And don't forget you are judging the horse and whether it is a good fit for you!

Good luck!
 

SaddlePsych'D

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I'm sure you won't ride like a sack of potatoes! I hope the rides go well for you but even if they don't you'll learn from them and be able to think about what next. :)

I think there can be a bit of extra pressure riding someone else's horse (that we put on ourselves, I'm sure your friend wouldn't have offered for you to ride if they thought it would be a problem).
 

Wishfilly

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Thanks all.

I swore I would never loan again but I just can't face buying again even more!

I may buy if we ever get our house with land.

I've definitely been honest with both about my riding capability and my confidence so hopefully they won't judge me too harshly
Good luck! And don't forget you are "judging" the horse and the set up too!
 
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I can completely relate - I just started again after 8 years out of the saddle (rode from early childhood until I was about 19/20) and good god it was terrifying. I more or less jumped straight back into part-loaning (first an elderly happy hacker, now something I can grow on a bit more, am taking lessons with, etc). I was SO nervous about going and trying the horses. I just tried to be super honest about my time out, what level I was riding at before, and what my current (relatively basic) goals are. I also made very clear I'm happy to do things the way they want them done. Even once I got the horse share, I was nervous the first couple days going to the yard, but now I love it and am SO happy to be back at it. Also, if an owner isn't sympathetic about you being a bit nervous, they may not be the best owner to be sharing from ;)

Sure, an owner wants a good rider, but often someone who is relatively competent, is willing to learn, happy to do things their way, and is responsible and reliable is more important than them being a world-class rider. To be honest I also wouldn't be surprised if a lot of owners would prefer a sharer who is a little bit under the owner's own experience level because they don't want the sharer trying to tell them what to do with their own horse (I say this not from a place of judgement, but from the knowledge that I would probably be more comfortable with that if I were an owner looking for a sharer!).
 

Annagain

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If it helps, I've 'auditioned' a few potential sharers over the years and the only thing I care about is whether they and my boy would be safe together. I've never judged their riding ability other than thinking "would this person cope with Archie on the common?" He could get very strong when he knew he was due a canter!

The only person I ever said no to was very novicey and didn't seem to have any awareness of how dangerous her lack of experience on a strong horse could be. Around our school we have post and rail fencing which is about 1.10m. She chased him into canter, bounced around a bit and was then struggling to stop him (if he's unhappy about something his answer is to run away from it) so turned him at the fence - luckily he stopped but it was only in that last stride than I knew he was going to, I was convinced until then that he was going over the fence and away down the field. She didn't even see that as a possibility.

Another far more novicey rider recognised she wasn't ready to canter him yet and told me she would like to try him again but he felt strong so she wanted a few lessons on him before committing - 5 years on she's still with us even though he's been retired a year! She wasn't a good enough rider when she started but she showed me she was at least aware of the dangers, willing to learn and I could see she would never underestimate him. She spent the first 6 months hacking in walk and trot (he was the perfect novice's horse for this, totally bombproof and very quiet until he thought he was getting a canter) and built up to canter very slowly. She's also a thoroughly lovely person and this meant more to me than whether she was Charlotte Dujardin or Pippa Funnell.
 

Birker2020

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18 January 2021
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I feel for you! I'd just say you are nervous and haven't done much for a long while. That's what I will say when I finally try another horse to buy. I'm riding someone's horse once a week and loving it, it's not really a loan as such, I offered to pay her a nominal amount however. The first time we tacked up together and then she walked with me to the field and watched me ride round, it was more for my peace of mind than hers! But I was very nervous, not of the horse, but of her watching lol.

She keeps her horse on a different yard to where we are stabled which is about a mile up the road, so it's ideal. I only ride her horse round the edge of a couple of fields and so it's only about 30- 40 mins of riding but to me its priceless. I'm hoping to be able to hack it out one of the days. If I was in a better financial position I'd ask if I could ride more. She just lets me get on with it, it helps that she's known me a long time, she keeps a horse in the stable next door to mine and knows I used to compete so I'm more than capable and she trusts me.

I was only saying the other day that I am dreading the day I have to buy another horse and go and try horses to buy. I've not ridden in a menage for two or three years now and my fitness is nearly none existent. I went to try my current horse and told everyone but the dealer and my Dad to 'go away' as I was too embarrassed to ride in public!
 

Trouper

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I think most owners would prefer people to be open with them about how much riding they had done recently and how nervous you are about riding in front of them. As an owner, I would be thinking that if you were prepared to be open and honest about yourself then you would be the same in looking after my horse!!
Hope it all goes well.
 

IrishMilo

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If it makes you feel better, I went to try a horse for share a few months back and I REALLY liked him. Happily popped over some quite beefy fences and despite him being a big spooky thing thought I got an alright tune of out him, but she told me she would prefer a more physically strong rider for him. It's part and parcel of riding/life - you won't get everything you 'apply' for, and that's fine! Think of every riding experience as an opportunity to improve and make connections and you can't go far wrong! (Two different opportunities came from that yard, to prove my point!)
 

Schollym

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23 October 2015
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So today I posted a tentative ad looking for a part loan.

I'm still unsure if this is something I really want but I'm so sad without horses in my life so I thought this way I could dip my toe back in and not have to go full throttle.

I'm seeing a friends horse on Tuesday but I'm so nervous about riding in front of her and riding her bestest boy. She adores him and that's quite a bit of pressure.

I don't proclaim to be a super rider (or even a good rider!) But she said he is as safe as house's and loves hacking.

I've also messaged someone I saw on preloved. An older horse (23) billed as a gentleman wanting to hack and do some Dressage which is perfect for me. I've explained my situation and my confidence loss and she has said I sound great. I'm going to see him a week on Monday.

I'm literally dreading riding both horses. A bit because of my confidence but also because I think I ride like a sack or potatoes! I haven't ridden "properly" for 3 years (rehabbing my mare and then just hacking J).

I'm also feeling guilty and stressing about what people are going to say
Any chance of riding something first where there is no pressure on, not sure if riding schools are open but I went for a couple of lessons before buying my horse to get back in the swing.
 

Surbie

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I'm seeing a friends horse on Tuesday but I'm so nervous about riding in front of her and riding her bestest boy. She adores him and that's quite a bit of pressure.

I don't proclaim to be a super rider (or even a good rider!) But she said he is as safe as house's and loves hacking.
As someone who feels the same about her own horse as your friend does about hers, there is no way I would offer him to others to ride if I didn't feel that they were both capable of handling him and actually liked him.

The fact that you've been offered a ride should tell you she probably thinks you'd be well suited and she trusts you to look after him.
 

Dyllymoo

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Unfortunately they went with someone else. They found someone that clicked more with the horse which I can't argue with but has left me feeling pretty low if I'm honest.

It took a lot for me to go and see the horse and ride him but there we go.

My boots and hat are in th loft now for the foreseeable
 

Lipglosspukka

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Unfortunately they went with someone else. They found someone that clicked more with the horse which I can't argue with but has left me feeling pretty low if I'm honest.

It took a lot for me to go and see the horse and ride him but there we go.

My boots and hat are in th loft now for the foreseeable
Don't beat yourself up. I went and saw a mare for share a few years back. I only wanted to hack but the owner wanted to see me ride in the school. I just could not get a tune out of the horse for love nor money, the owner could canter her but for me she would just rush a trot. I'm not a beginner by any stretch, I've done some hunting, pony racing, low level SJ/XC etc.

Anyway, I was still quite happy to take on the ride as I felt once out and about hacking we would get on okay, however the owner was unhappy enough with my riding not to continue.

You can't win them all. There will be horses that you don't gel with or owners who want someone who knows a tonne more about schooling or in your case, sometimes there will be someone else better suited. Brush your shoulders off and try again.
 

southerncomfort

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Unfortunately they went with someone else. They found someone that clicked more with the horse which I can't argue with but has left me feeling pretty low if I'm honest.

It took a lot for me to go and see the horse and ride him but there we go.

My boots and hat are in th loft now for the foreseeable
Honestly DM, you should be so proud of yourself that you went and pushed yourself to do something that you find so difficult.

It may not have been the result you were hoping for this time, but each time you try it'll feel a bit easier and a bit less daunting.

This horse wasn't quite right for you but please don't deny yourself the opportunity of finding one that is. You have so much to offer the right horse.

From someone who is very shy and hates riding in front of others (I even dread riding lessons!), you should be proud of yourself.
 

SaddlePsych'D

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Sorry to hear it didn't work out this time. Hopefully something else will come along though. I like the suggestion above about checking out riding school lessons - getting the feedback can be really helpful and you get used to the being assessed/riding in front of others feeling. I think there's something about riding other people's horses that makes me put a bit more pressure on myself, not that I respect the RS horses any less it's just different.

When I was looking for a share the first horse I tried was lovely and the person said I rode nicely. I then never heard from them again - totally blanked my message a few days later asking how they thought it went and whether they thought it was a good fit for a share. Obviously they didn't but never found out why which was a bit frustrating at the time as if I was doing something really wrong it would have been good to know.
 

Dyllymoo

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To be honest everyone I groomed for my friend today at a hunter trial, saw several people that started the witch hunt, felt sick and don't really want to go near horses again.

It is what it is but I'm definitely done.
 

Lipglosspukka

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Well I am sorry you feel that way but I hope you find a passion elsewhere that makes you happy.

My advise would be to get a dog. They are better than horses anyway.
 

Cutgrass

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To be honest everyone I groomed for my friend today at a hunter trial, saw several people that started the witch hunt, felt sick and don't really want to go near horses again.

It is what it is but I'm definitely done.
What do you mean? I can't quite tell what happened from your message.
 

Dyllymoo

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I was subjected to online bullying the end of last year and unfortunately some of the people that started it were there. It bought a lot of emotions back to the surface and reminded me why I gave up.
 

Cutgrass

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Oh no, that's awful. Sorry it turned out to be such a rubbish day.

Do you have a friendly RS you could visit? I had a horrible situation with some people a while ago and got to the stage I didn't even want to look at a horse as it made me think about them. I wasn't even the target of their attacks, but even so it made me question whether I wanted to carry on. I went to a great RS with friends and had a lovely time and it's helped bring all the enjoyment back.
 

Trouper

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You said in your opening post that you were sad without horses in your life.

So are you going to let these bullies dictate how you live that life? Sorry to sound harsh but perhaps you need some help to get over what has happened and put it in perspective so that you can live your life to the full in whatever way you choose. Sometimes a good friend is all it needs to help out - sometimes it needs more - but please don't let your life be inhibited by people who don't count.
 

Dyllymoo

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I understand what you are saying but it's not a case of them dictating it's a case of I really have had enough of horses and the people as well.

Yesterday reminded me of that. I had started to look through Rose tinted glasses and it all came flooding back.

I've sold everything and actually it was definitely the right thing to do.

It was a chapter in my life that is now done and I'm moving on.
 

Trouper

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Then I am glad that it is a decision that you have made for yourself for all the right reasons for you.
I hope the challenges in life start to fade away and you can go forward in the way you choose. Good luck.
 
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