Long thread :Advice reassurance please, settling my new horse.

[AmyMay]

I just want to know if how he is settling in and my lack of confidence is normal ? Any other advice on building confidence and him settling him in would be appreciated .

Moving can be very stressful for some horses, and can take them some time to settle.

As for your confidence, well obviously as you get to know him more you will become more confident.

But your confidence will come only from being around him and handling him. So unless there's a reason why you are not doing him yourself - crack on and get to know your lovely new horse. This means being there every day - twice a day.

 

[Ella19]

I too can sympathise. I had worked as a show groom for many years, worked as a groom in riding schools, livery yards and was part of the staff on a college yard, shares, loans you name it! I had pleanty of experience but I still questioned myself when I finally owned my own pony. It's that dreadful feeling of total responsibility! I won't lie I've had her two years now, it's been on and off with doubts BUT I think we're finally there and a new instructor last weekend said we were a fab partnership

Keep going you will get there, it won't be easy but it's so worth it!

 

[Zimzim]

All I can say is dont worry, its perfectly normal for horses to act a bit out of character when they come to a new place, with new people and new routines to deal with.

Over the next few weeks you will see that he will start to settle down into his new routine and you two will start building up a bond (this takes time and can take years), and you will both start to build up confidence in one another. But you will both get there and it sounds like you have the support of some good knowledgable and experienced yard staff who will always be happy to help you (they are there to help you, so dont worry about asking them!!!).

Keep thinking about all the things you want to do with him and set yourself little (achieveable!) goals, to get you focused on something.

I think its great that you have finally got a horse of your own, so well done you!!!!

 

[Ideal]

Does anyone know where you can buy pills to chillax and gain confidence. I think I am losing the plot and each day my confidence ebbs away more. Didn't ride yesterday . Rode today in the school , stupidly didn't lunge first. Ben was really difficult and every time I asked for a transition only walk to trot he would stick his nose right up in the air , unseating me. I managed to stay on. I was useless today and he was in control and loved every minute. I am such a bad rider
I then got off as felt so tense and nervous, I got upset. A lovely friend at the yard then encouraged me to lunge him ( I am not very good at lungeing so she helped) . She then told me to get back on , but I didn't want to as was too nervous.
I know I need to expect all this but after the initial excitement , fear has set in. I just keep thinking I can't do this , what have I done ?

Any tips/advice very gratefully received as I need to get a grip , thank you for listening and sorry if repetitive

 

[Ideal]

P.S I will get some rescue remedy tomorrow x

 

[AngieandBen]

Why do you feel you have to ride him straight away though? I always walk mine in hand, for however long it takes for me to feel confident enough to hop on; even if it means hours walking around the lanes and village . You are their leader and they take confindence from you. You can see their reaction to things and talk to them on their level.

As people say, take baby steps, remember to breathe deeply and sing! good luck

 

[Booboos]

Is it possible for you to have lessons EVERYTIME you ride him for a while? I appreciate this is a lot of money but I think you will find it a lot more reasuring to have someone on the ground helping you than struggling on your own. If you had two lessons a week and also lunged him twice a week and took him round the lanes in hand once a week that's not too bad a workload and not too huge a cost in lessons.

 

[[59668]]

Poor lad right into a chifney
Take this off him and get a rope halter or a dually instead and do lots of ground work.

 

[AngieandBen]

Poor lad right into a chifney
Take this off him and get a rope halter or a dually instead and do lots of ground work.

My thoughts too

 

[AmyMay]

Does anyone know where you can buy pills to chillax and gain confidence. I think I am losing the plot and each day my confidence ebbs away more. Didn't ride yesterday . Rode today in the school , stupidly didn't lunge first. Ben was really difficult and every time I asked for a transition only walk to trot he would stick his nose right up in the air , unseating me. I managed to stay on. I was useless today and he was in control and loved every minute. I am such a bad rider
I then got off as felt so tense and nervous, I got upset. A lovely friend at the yard then encouraged me to lunge him ( I am not very good at lungeing so she helped) . She then told me to get back on , but I didn't want to as was too nervous.
I know I need to expect all this but after the initial excitement , fear has set in. I just keep thinking I can't do this , what have I done ?

Any tips/advice very gratefully received as I need to get a grip , thank you for listening and sorry if repetitive

As I said earlier, you need to build a relationship with him. You can only do that by handling him every day - turnout and turn in........

Good luck, you'll get there.

 

[Syrah]

As the others have said, take your time and build a relationship with him. Time on the ground is just as important as riding

Have a look at the Eskadron control headcollar too. There are cheaper versions around but the Eskadron is good quality and worth the extra. Much better than resorting to a chiffney aswell.

Would the friend who helped you with lunging be able to spare a little bit of time and be on the ground for you when you ride? It makes a big difference knowing someone is there.

Good luck you'll get there in the end.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Can you go the yard more over the Christmas holiday period?
I agree that the best way to build a relationship with a horse, especially if you are nervous, is to handle the horse as much as possible and if you are both focussed on something like getting to the field/stable rather than on wondering what he is going to do, that will help to build your confidence.
My advice is to forget about riding for now, don't think of this as a step back but as a positive way forward in getting to know your horse and how he reacts to different situations.
Spend time handling, grooming taking him for a walk. Insist on good manners at all times, use a bridle to lead him, carry a schooling whip to give him something to follow, you can lightly tap his chest if he gets bargy or wave it towards his quarters if he plants. When he realises that you are in charge, he will listen better to you and do what you want.
When your confidence in him and in your ability has grown a bit, start taking him for a walk in a saddle, then you can hop on when you get to a suitable place, which might be the bottom of the drive on your way home at first. Don't put yourself under pressure and don't let any-one else do so either.
When you are ready to ride for more than a few minutes, book some lessons with an understanding instructor, ask a friend to watch your lessons. Then the friend can help you to practise what the RI has asked you to do.
Relax and enjoy your horse!

ETA, I've owned my horse for 11 months (not my 1st horse) and was only thinking the other day how much she has changed over that time. She was very bolshy in the field with the others, always had to be in charge, come in 1st etc, now she is much more laid back and will stand back from the gate to allow someone else to come in before her.

 

[Brandy]

Sorry haven't read all the replies as am at work!!

It sounds perfectly normal, new place, new routine, new owner, everythign in his life has changed!!

I oersonnaly wouldn't have ridden him in the dark on the first day. I wouldn't have even ridden my own boy that I have had for 3 1/2 years in the dark and wind on the first day in a new place.

I wouldn't be worrying about riding him too much at this stage - lunge him so he gets the work but if he is sppoky and you don't fancy riding, then don;t push yourself at this stage, plenty of time for that!!

I don;t think it is was reasonable to whack a chifney straight on, and would have preferred some sort of control halter - a dually works very well on my rather excitable lad.

Take it easy and don't do anythign you are too worried about - baby steps, you will get there.

 

[Ideal]

Thank you all for your messages, I have read everyone and taken in all your advice which I appreciate. I don't really get any time off over Christmas
but when I wake up from my night shift. I get down about 2pm and am able to be with him till 6pm. So I am spending this time on the ground with him and grooming . walking in hand etc.

I will look into the other control headcollars you have mentioned. I am having lessons with him and have my 2nd one tomorrow. Luckily my yard has very experienced staff and lots of lovely horse owners who are helping me no end.

I do have a couple of days off next week, and on those days I am at the yard in the morning and back in the afternoon.

Again thank you for replies , baby steps is the way forward and a Merry Christmas to all
x

 

[starryeyed]

It's great that you're at such a lovely yard with people willing to help you when you need it. Have a great lesson tomorrow, let us know how it goes! (& merry xmas!) x

 

[FionaM12]

Poor lad right into a chifney
Take this off him and get a rope halter or a dually instead and do lots of ground work.

When I first got Mollie (last June) she used to get half way to the yard from the field, then panic and head back to her new friends, dragging me beside her. Very depressing!

However a helpful fellow livery owner suggested a Dually headcollar and borrowed one on my behalf, and that did the trick. No more charging off.

It was so effective that as soon as a Dually came up on ebay, I bought it. I don't always use it, only if I think I might have problems.

 

[Ideal]

When I first got Mollie (last June) she used to get half way to the yard from the field, then panic and head back to her new friends, dragging me beside her. Very depressing!

However a helpful fellow livery owner suggested a Dually headcollar and borrowed one on my behalf, and that did the trick. No more charging off.

It was so effective that as soon as a Dually came up on ebay, I bought it. I don't always use it, only if I think I might have problems.

I am at work tonight , so I think I will look on ebay in a mo for one !! Thank you for advice