Looking after mum with an aggressive dog. Help please!

[redapple]

I really need practical advice as to what I can do in a potentially difficult situation. Sorry, it's going to to be long...

My mum has been diagnosed with cancer, waiting until next week for prognosis but will at least need surgery and therefore some help. This is fine and I can leave work and move back home fairly easily. But there's one big problem.... She owns a very aggressive terrier that she is very attached to.

We have had multiple dogs over the years and all have been trouble. Its ownership fault and could have been avoided which I totally appreciate. So I'd appreciate not being told it's our fault, I get it. It is. But the problem already exists and is very established so I need to deal with it whilst caring for my mum. And I think the dog in question will only get worse as she gets iller.

He guards. Has never bitten but will stalk, aggressively bark and jump on people whilst doing so. He's clearly one step away from bitting.

Nobody but my mum can put a lead on. And even with her, he's hit and miss. He goes absolutely wild. He'll go for your feet, pin you against a wall if possible and it's generally an absolute nightmare.

He'll do the aggressive barking at anything on the street/in nearby fields too. Though only on his lead. Once off he's an absolute wimp but doesn't have a great recall so it's a risk.

I'm extremely worried I'm not going to be able to look after him whilst she can't. Honestly, if I had my way I'd rehome him. He's a rescue and arrived with a few problems but nothing like what he has now. My mums is clearly not the right place for him. But he's not my dog and I've already suggested this multiple times and been shot down. I don't want to add more stress as she's ill. She'd never forgive me if I forced her hand and has said in these exact words that she would never let the dog go.

She's taken him to a behaviourist who said she didn't understand the problem as he seemed so sweet(!) and made a few small suggestions that weren't really enough. She costs an arm and a leg to do house visits (where she would see a totally different dog) and we can't afford it!

Can I sedate him?! (I know this seems mental but I honestly mainly care about my mum and it's such a stressful environment it's doing her no good). I cant take him myself as I live in a flat (and she's never let me). I don't know how I'm doing even be able to start training with the way he is. I can't stand up without him going for me. What on earth am I going to do!

Anyone got any advice?! (also thank you for reading this far!)

 

[redapple]

Also, he's one of those dogs that doesn't care about food! I could potentially change his main food to something basic and see if he gets more interested in high-value food as a result but he's never been that bothered. He's also entire and a medium sized dog.

 

[meleeka]

I'm thinking he's going for you because he's scared. What an awful situation for anyone to be in. I'm sure you can get a long way with treat training. There's lots of dog forums that would give you free advice with this. There's a fb group called Dog Training Advice and Support that will be able to advise.

 

[redapple]

I'm thinking he's going for you because he's scared. What an awful situation for anyone to be in. I'm sure you can get a long way with treat training. There's lots of dog forums that would give you free advice with this. There's a fb group called Dog Training Advice and Support that will be able to advise.

I wish it was just me. It's everybody. Mum included. She just puts up with it as she also thinks he's scared too. I just don't know of what! When he arrived he didn't like things being passed from person to person over his head (very specific, I guess he might have been hit with a newspaper at some point) but other than that he was a delight. Super friendly which he most definitely isn't now. He looks terribly anxious all the time though I must admit I don't have a lot of sympathy for the dog as he make's being at my parent's house an absolute nightmare (literally! I don't bring my OH round because he's not a big dog person and it terrifies him). Though I know this is putting human emotions onto an animal which isnt fair.

Thank you for the group advice. I'll be sure to check them out and ask for some advice there

 

[GirlFriday]

I'm not sure you mentioned (or perhaps I missed it) what breed of terrier this is? A JRT being somewhat different to a staffie bull terrier!

Personally I'd want to feel safe and also keep the dog safe so I would be
- giving up on 'training' except incidentally - you probably have enough to worry about
- muzzling the dog whenever it could come into contact with someone (e.g. if you have nurses visiting) who could possibly report it if bitten (I know everyone can but realistically some family members might not, whatever the rights and wrongs). I've never muzzled a dog myself but some of the most content looking muzzled dogs I know are in those little plastic basket sorts which allow more movement but prevent biting and/or snacking on rubbish
- using an extendible lead (I prefer ones which are all webbing rather than some webbing and a long cord as they are easier to see/less likely to tangle) so dog gets maximal exercise without you worrying about control
- taking over the feeding (if necessary) from your mum and sticking to (ideally her, but anyway,) a routine with both that and walks - give the dog some confidence in relying on you
- ask vet about some temporary sedation for the dog. I was offered (and I refused) it for a rehomed dog who was anxious about being left - we got over it. But there are times and places for quick fixes and avoiding addressing issues - this may be one!

Edited to add: as much attention (sofa snuggles etc) as dog enjoys and treat training etc all good too. It is just that in the circs I wouldn't get too ambitious until you know more about what else is happening in your lives

 

[redapple]

He's a Bedlington terrier. Apparently one of the easier to train terriers... the irony!

I've never had to muzzle a dog either so I was wondering if people ever use this as a training 'technique'. i.e whether physically stopping him would teach him he doesn't need to or whether that would just upset him more. I'll definitely muzzle or shut in a room for visitors. I cant imagine he would let anyone near her so good to point out. Also debating keeping a lead on him 24/7. I'm sure its probably not the best for them to drag something about but at least it would give me the option of pulling away from others (if not from myself!).

 

[JillA]

Can you crate him - when here are people there it will help him learn to cope with the comings and goings from the safety of his "den",, and it will mean people can come and go with confidence. Start feeding him his meals inside it and only close the door when you are certain he is happy being in there. I rehomed a dog who had destroyed a crate being left in it when he wasn't ready. Making it his dining room will build good associations with it for him.

 

[paddi22]

Would there be an option to build a run and kennel out the back for the dog? You could put forward that its a temporary thing to placate your mum.

I looked after my mum when she had cancer, and it's so physically and mentally draining at times, that the last thing you need is a difficult dog making the situation more stressful. There can be so much lifting and helping up and down, that its too dangerous to have an animal that could bite or trip you both over.

Is there a secure garden the dog can have a run and play in? If there was i'd be tempted to crate and muzzle it when needed and just let it play with toys in the garden. You will need all your energy and focus to help your mum, i'd just try and make the dog siutation as user friendly for you as possible. it sounds like retraining isn't possible, so i'd just make the situation as easy for you as possible, even if its crating the dog and releasing it into the garden etc

 

[redapple]

He sleeps in a crate and does seem quite happy in there overnight, however if he's in the crate he'll attack anyone approaching (honestly when you type this all out you realise how out of control this dog is!) so i'll
try feeding him in there and see if he starts to get a bit happier with me being around it. We do however have a really big garden with a summer house that could easily be a dog house!

I looked after my mum when she had cancer, and it's so physically and mentally draining at times, that the last thing you need is a difficult dog making the situation more stressful. There can be so much lifting and helping up and down, that its too dangerous to have an animal that could bite or trip you both over.

This is such a big worry! That I won't be able to help her without him going wild and upsetting her or worse case biting and injuring me.

 

[paddi22]

This is such a big worry! That I won't be able to help her without him going wild and upsetting her or worse case biting and injuring me.

you are right, you just can't risk it. You might have situations where you will be lifting your mum and have to reach over to get cushions, food etc, and you can't risk a bite. It also wouldn't be fair to put health workers and nurses coming into the house at risk or make their jobs anymore stressful then they already are. If you have a nice garden and somewhere warm and cosy where the dog can sleep, then i'd **** it out and take the concerns away, you will have enough on your plate!

 

[JillA]

He sleeps in a crate and does seem quite happy in there overnight, however if he's in the crate he'll attack anyone approaching

But he can't get at them, they don't go away and that's part of the learning process, coping with his frustration and/or aggression

 

[JillA]

you are right, you just can't risk it. You might have situations where you will be lifting your mum and have to reach over to get cushions, food etc, and you can't risk a bite. It also wouldn't be fair to put health workers and nurses coming into the house at risk or make their jobs anymore stressful then they already are. If you have a nice garden and somewhere warm and cosy where the dog can sleep, then i'd **** it out and take the concerns away, you will have enough on your plate!

Ha ha paddi, was that the alternative word for throw?

 

[paddi22]

Ha ha paddi, was that the alternative word for throw?

that's hilarious.. i didn't know f_e_c_k was on the list of banned words!

 

[honetpot]

How about finding a specialist kennels?
If he is guarding your mum and his home perhaps that would be an opportunity whilst she is in hospital to break the pattern as by the sounds of it couldn't get much worse. You would then have at least some break from the worry.
While he is away I would get a kennel and run, so when he comes home he has his own pad where he can be fed and you can get him out of the way.
I hope your mum will not be too run down after surgery, but she is bound to have people who want to come and see her. All care/nursing staff should have risk assessment completed and they may not visit if the dog is aggressive.
I know your mum is ill but really she has avoided this problem, which is not really fair on you.

 

[TheresaW]

Could you put a blanket or something over the crate, make him feel more secure maybe if it is a fear aggression?

Sorry if that's a stupid idea.

 

[ester]

It's not just you that can't risk a bite, if your mum is having a cancer treatment she really doesn't need the infection risk.

If he has to stay I think you really need to dig deep and get a home visit from a behaviouralist if even to help you manage the situation, the dog sounds really unhappy with the status quo.

 

[RockinRudolph]

How much exercise does he get? Is he too aggressive to go to something like doggy daycare? Just wondering if tiring him out as much as possible may help to calm him down? His anxiety/aggression may be increasing as he knows that your mum is unwell and having nurses or carers visiting will be very stressful for him. I wonder if there are people who could foster him for a while and may be able to help with his issues whilst giving you room to concentrate on your mum (bit like sending your horse away for backing etc)?

 

[redapple]

Thanks for all the advice so far everybody.

How much exercise does he get? Is he too aggressive to go to something like doggy daycare? Just wondering if tiring him out as much as possible may help to calm him down? His anxiety/aggression may be increasing as he knows that your mum is unwell and having nurses or carers visiting will be very stressful for him. I wonder if there are people who could foster him for a while and may be able to help with his issues whilst giving you room to concentrate on your mum (bit like sending your horse away for backing etc)?

He gets at least three walks a day. Probably a bit slow going for him as they are older but he's off the lead so has a bit of a runaround. Plus play time etc. He's never left alone so gets a lot of attention.

So far no one has had to come into the house but it's going to be difficult when they do. I'll suggest some of the options that people have said here and hopefully, they will be voluntarily taken on if not I'll have to enforce something as I'm fully aware it's irresponsible to put a nurse or friend in that position.

I feel a terrible person as I really just want the dog in question gone. I know that's not going to happen though so I'll have to deal with him. I've not moved back yet (end of next week) so I'll have a think what I could suggest that mum would actually do and get started with whilst she's still able.

 

[CorvusCorax]

Sorry to hear about your mum.

I'd get a kennel run outside. No stress for him or any visitors, your mum or you. Long term I'd be playing no more Mrs Nice Guy. It doesn't matter whether he is a rescue or not, or had bad things happen to him, the behaviour is unacceptable and not compatible with being a family pet. He's holding you all to ransom and tip toeing around him is not helping. He is probably lost and anxious in a sea of ambiguity.
Dogs only do what works for them/betters their own position.
He doesn't like people around him or touching him so he puts on a bit of aggro and they back off. Result for him and he knows to be on the lookout for the next person to invade his space. Nightmare for everyone else.

Some boundaries could make him feel a lot more clear and settled. And the sofa would be the very last place he would be if he were with me. I'll find a pertinent link I posted here a while back.

 

[CorvusCorax]

Michelle Stiegmeyer:


_________

I was pleased to have a dog owner reach out to me for help with a dog that had bitten a family member in the face. She asked if I worked with rescues that have random biting. So I asked some questions and here's what we got cleared up in one conversation...

The dog was a rescue that had been nipping already. The serious bite incident happened when the dog was on the owner's bed with a treat and another family member leaned in to pet the dog.

Let's address the "rescue" portion of this scenario. If you stand the Westminster winning dogs, dogs from rescues, feral dogs, protection dogs, detection dogs, therapy dogs, old dogs, young dogs, shelter dogs and everything in between in a long line...then take out that 1% that can't be trained by anyone, any program, any methodology...you will have a group of dogs that are pretty much the same. They all have their own "things" but they will respond to structure, boundaries, reward, punishment, and accountability well enough to not be a danger to society.

Somewhere along the way humans have put dogs that are obtained from shelters and rescues into their own category, and that category is one that says the dogs can't have anything negative in their life ever again. They have to be coddled and tiptoed around to make up for these perceived horrible events that have already happened to them. The truth is that a great deal of the dogs coming through shelters and rescues have unknown histories, and plenty of the owner surrenders come in with lies in order to make the owner feel better about surrendering them.

We love the story behind a homeless dog, how we "saved" it and how much the dog loves us for it. We love the attention we get when we tell someone how we "saved" this dog when all we did was sign a contract and pay the shelter or rescue their fee. With a very small exception I don't ask about the story on dogs I pull from shelters. The history doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is the dog standing in front of me and how to make that dog a good candidate for your typical home.

As you can see, the dog in this scenario had already been nipping so the bite wasn't random. The bite was the escalation of the nipping that was already happening. How does this happen? It's actually quite simple, and I'll put it in human terms.

Little Johnny pokes another kid with a pencil and no one does anything. Then he starts tripping kids as they walk by his desk. Again, no action taken. Then he pinches a little girl so hard she cries and has a bruise for days. No action taken. Finally he punches a kid in the face at recess and breaks his nose. Was this random? No! There were plenty of signs, and those signs were escalating. So why do we feel that dog bites are random? Because we haven't payed attention to the behavior leading up to it, or even worse we've made excuses for it. We don't allow a child to run our home yet a four legged predator is given a free pass on some pretty entitled, bratty, and often times dangerous behavior.

Many of us lay the groundwork for the the incident to happen...free roaming in the home, access to the furniture, treats, barking at guests...it all adds up to the attitude that the house and everything in it belongs to the dog. I'm not against free roaming, dogs on furniture, treats or even barking AS LONG AS IT'S EARNED, and the barking STOPS when the human says so. When your dog is barking at a guest, most likely they're saying "Get the frack outta my house or there will be hell to pay!" Would you allow your children to talk that way to a guest? No way, right? Then why are you allowing your dog to do it?

Let's get to the real world scenario of a biting dog. Liability. You ignore the signs, nips turn to bites, then a bite on the wrong person and everything you've worked for is gone. And I'm not talking about you paying Redi Med for a few stitches. I'm talking about a lawsuit that you lose because you ignored the signs or refused to address the issue and you lose your home, your cars, your kids' college funds, your retirement savings.

If you have a dog that has no qualms about putting his mouth on humans, look at him right now and ask yourself if that dog is worth losing everything. EVERYTHING.

 

[Clodagh]

What a great article, well written and just so true.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

What a great article, well written and just so true.

It is excellent and one that many people would do well to take notice of. Unfortunately it is untrue that everyone doesn't allow their children to run their home, I've met plenty of parents who do allow just that and shouldn't.

 

[Clodagh]

It is excellent and one that many people would do well to take notice of. Unfortunately it is untrue that everyone doesn't allow their children to run their home, I've met plenty of parents who do allow that and shouldn't.

That is true, too. I have said before that children and dogs need similar treatment and people with badly behaved kids will also have badly behaved dogs!

 

[CorvusCorax]

OP also try a slip line if you have to move him around. They loop over the head and you don't have to bend down and fiddle with the collar and they come off in the same way. If the dog messes about you can then hold the lead and the dog out from you until he calms down.
You could also look at a light house line to commute him from place to place without putting your hands in the danger zone.

I didn't post the above to make any sort of statement about the OP or family, just to perhaps encourage a change of mindset. Sometimes tough love is better for everyone, the dog included. Some dogs (a lot?!) don't like making choices (what I am allowed to do/what I can sometimes do/what I must never do) and it stresses them out.

 

[Clodagh]

Oh yes to not tarring OP with the badly behaved dogs/children analogy. Not aimed at you at all.
I do wish your mother well with her treatment and hope you can find a way to work round the dog. It is a tough time you have ahead.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Oh yes to not tarring OP with the badly behaved dogs/children analogy. Not aimed at you at all.
I do wish your mother well with her treatment and hope you can find a way to work round the dog. It is a tough time you have ahead.

NO, I wasn't including OP in the badly behaved children scenario! Just making the point that the author wasn't quite correct in her assertion.

 

[redapple]

don't worry guys, no offence took We were actually raised with a bit of an iron fist and my mum works in prisons so it really is in regards to dogs! She used to be a horse person too and she wouldn't let any of my horse's get away with the slightest misbehaviour growing up but something about her way of managing dogs obviously isn't right. Pet vs working animal perhaps.

There's definitely some very relevant information in that article, so thank you. As all the wrongs have already been done, does anyone know if they can be 'righted'?! Anyone got experience in rehabing such a dog? Just any success stories that don't result in me losing an arm would be great.....! I'll see if the author has published anything after all the things she mentioned have been done (as they basically have!).

I think his escalating behaviour has just really crept up on her. And to be honest I think a lot of that is because until recently it was never directed at her and she made the common mistake of thinking the dog was defending her and that was somehow ok (I don't believe this to be ok behaviour to be clear).

A slip collar could work. Will it escalate the behaviour if I lasso him (for want of a better word) though? I'm just very cautious that he's obviously saying loud and clear that he's going to bite and i'm actually quite scared he will.

 

[CorvusCorax]

The author is on Facebook and is worth a read.

I'm just throwing out ideas and suggested a slip line as the alternative sounds a bit dangerous right now. Rather than a frantic lasso, let the dog walk into it or slip it on while he is doing something else. Very calm and quiet.

You will need to be very business like, no nonsense and not wary.....if you are scared that he will bite you, he probably will. Keep your movement around him calm, strong and confident. No jerking or jittering. You'll just make yourself prey.

I think his behaviour if not totally righted, can be managed. I've seen total bootcamp with a couple of dogs and while the initial reaction is tantrums, then mortification, and while it is really hard for humans to maintain and keep up, as we are soppy sods, the end result is a settled and clearer dog.
It's a massive culture shock initially for a dog that has total freedom to then only be allowed to go anywhere on a lead and only be able to eat, sleep and fart when mummy says so.
However this can take months of consistent and firm and unemotional handling and might not be conducive to your current situation.

 

[Dobiegirl]

That was a great article CC and should be handed out to everyone who adopts a rescue dog, as a fosterer Ive often been asked by potential owners at the previous treatment of the dog. I have always said that is the past this is the future, the dog doesnt lie in his bed thinking about his previous life. I treat every dog the same , rules and routine just like my dogs with no problems.

OP you are in an awful position and Im very sorry about your mums diagnosis, the last thing you need in all this is a bratty dog.. I think you just need to be able to manage the situation for everyones safety and your sanity, the dog should be shut in his crate,in another room or garden when you are expecting visitors. CCs suggestion of a slip lead when you need to walk him and a line on him during the day so you can pick it up and put him wherever is a good solution with the minimum of danger.

Good luck, I hope the situation improves for you.

 

[Alec Swan]

don't worry guys, no offence took ……..

A slip collar could work. Will it escalate the behaviour if I lasso him (for want of a better word) though? I'm just very cautious that he's obviously saying loud and clear that he's going to bite and i'm actually quite scared he will.

As a young man, I worked in the Dog's Home at Battersea and we had a daily intake of dogs that snapped when we went to put a lead on, so we designed a lead which could be put on and removed without touching the dog. We called it an 'Eight' Rope, because it resembled a figure of 8!

I can't post pics on here, but if you imagine a stiffish lead just like a slip lead but the loose end that we'd normally hold comes back and is attached to the same ring then to put it on you carefully drop the loop (noose) oner the dog's head and pull it tight with one side, then to remove it you simply pull on the other side and the ring slides back up the lead and so releases the dog.

I'm not too sure if that explanation makes sense, but if it doesn't then we'll have to find a way around the lack of pics and I'll make a short film on my 'phone, or something like that!

Alec.