Looking for a horse advice

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Olderrider73

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My friend is helping find a horse to buy, I will be buying the horse with my own money but it appears she is picking and choosing for me even to the extent she is messaging people about horses without consulting me first. When I see an advert and show her she doesn’t seem to like it or says it’s not right for me just by looking at it’s picture or it’s too far away but if she finds an advert that’s maybe a bit further away that she likes that’s ok to travel further! I’ve rode off and on all my
Life so not a beginner nor stupid and no my capabilities! I feel like I’ll never get to choose the horse of my dreams as it doesn’t seem to be up to me. Planning on keeping horse at her yard. Just need some advice on how to handle the situation. ?
 
Can you write a list of what you're looking for and give it her?

If you make a list of all the 'must haves' such as height, age, temperament and whether it must hack, jump etc that might help her focus more on the horse you want rather than the horse she thinks you need.

If she shows you an ad for a horse and you don't think it's for you then explain why you don't think its suitable and keep guiding her back to your list.

I expect she's just very excited for you and has got a bit carried away.
 
When you say you will be keeping your new horse on "her yard" do you mean that she will be your new yard owner ?
 
I don't think this needs to be a major issue. She probably thinks she is being helpful. And if she doesn;t like one, she may have good reasons. Also I'd travel further for ones that look perfect. At the end of the day you obviously are not going to buy a horse you don't want to buy!! And if you really like one, ask why she doesn't and if you disagree then go and view anyway. But it is helpful for people to point out issues with advertised horses, If she is a YO she may be able to read between the lines better than you can. If she shows you one you don't like, say it doesn't appeal. When you say 'contacted' do you mean just asked for more info or set up a viewing? The former, don't worry about it. The latter you need to tell her to check with you first.
 
Ambers Echo said:
I don't think this needs to be a major issue. She probably thinks she is being helpful. And if she doesn;t like one, she may have good reasons. Also I'd travel further for ones that look perfect. At the end of the day you obviously are not going to buy a horse you don't want to buy!! And if you really like one, ask why she doesn't and if you disagree then go and view anyway. But it is helpful for people to point out issues with advertised horses, If she is a YO she may be able to read between the lines better than you can. If she shows you one you don't like, say it doesn't appeal. When you say 'contacted' do you mean just asked for more info or set up a viewing? The former, don't worry about it. The latter you need to tell her to check with you first.
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It was to try and arrange a viewing, twice that has happened
 
Yard owners (especially those with years of experience) can be very sensitive and require tactful handling .... generally it's good to have them on side if at all possible as you may well need their help when your new horse is settling in ....so I would try and give the advice careful consideration before rejecting it out of hand!
 
Olderrider73 said:
My friend is helping find a horse to buy, I will be buying the horse with my own money but it appears she is picking and choosing for me even to the extent she is messaging people about horses without consulting me first. When I see an advert and show her she doesn’t seem to like it or says it’s not right for me just by looking at it’s picture or it’s too far away but if she finds an advert that’s maybe a bit further away that she likes that’s ok to travel further!
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This looks like she is picking and choosing the horse for herself (not for you but with your money) especially as the horse will be on her yard.
 
I'm sorry but I see this ending in tears. I've seen it happen before, several times. Either the buyer ends up with a horse that suits the yard owner more than it suits them (and surprise, ends up being ridden by the YO more than the owner) or the buyer feels disengaged from the horse because they weren't allowed to choose it, or the buyer finds a horse they like and the yard owner does nothing but pick fault with it until it is sold or taken to another yard.

I think you need to put a total stop to her doing anything to find you a horse unless you specifically ask her to do it.

I'm sorry the excitement of a horse hunt is being spoiled for you. Hopefully she just thinks she is helping, and will stop when asked.
 
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ycbm said:
I'm sorry but I see this ending in tears. I've seen it happen before, several times. Either the buyer ends up with a horse that suits the yard owner more than it suits them (and surprise, ends up being ridden by the YO more than the owner) or the buyer feels disengaged from the horse because they weren't allowed to choose it, or the buyer finds a horse they like and the yard owner does nothing but pick fault with it until it is sold or taken to another yard.

In think you need to put a total stop to her doing anything to find you a horse unless you specifically ask her to do it.

I'm sorry the excitement of a horse hunt is being spoiled for you. Hopefully she just thinks she is helping, and will stop when asked.
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its actually getting me down x
 
Olderrider73 said:
My friend is helping find a horse to buy, I will be buying the horse with my own money but it appears she is picking and choosing for me even to the extent she is messaging people about horses without consulting me first. When I see an advert and show her she doesn’t seem to like it or says it’s not right for me just by looking at it’s picture or it’s too far away but if she finds an advert that’s maybe a bit further away that she likes that’s ok to travel further! I’ve rode off and on all my
Life so not a beginner nor stupid and no my capabilities! I feel like I’ll never get to choose the horse of my dreams as it doesn’t seem to be up to me. Planning on keeping horse at her yard. Just need some advice on how to handle the situation. ?
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Find a different yard.
I think things will get get far worse than they are now.
 
Olderrider73 said:
I feel like I’ll never get to choose the horse of my dreams as it doesn’t seem to be up to me. Planning on keeping horse at her yard. Just need some advice on how to handle the situation. ?
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People can only control us if we let them.

She may be over enthusiastic, wanting to help as horse-searching can be daunting, she may have her own agenda for your horse being suited for her ideas too.
Whatever her reasons are for helping you find a horse, you’re feeling your boundaries are being crossed, so its an opportune time to nicely suggest she holds off the search and give you time to think things through. She’ll get the message her enthusiastic help isnt required right now and you can continue your search at your own pace.
When you’ve come up with a short-list of potential horses you like do you trust her horse judgement and experience to run the list by her?

Yet also do consider her experience as a yard owner verses your own, if you’ve never owned a horse before. Certain types of horses/breeds require specific care/training/feed management depending on horse breed/age/previous ridden activities etc ...some more complex than others, all kinds of nuances to consider with caring for them aside from whether they are a suitable ride for a person, so she will have that backlog of her own experience and knowledge when considering a horse for you.

At one time, as an enthusiastic rider only, before owning, i would have ridden anything, but i now know i certainly didnt have the knowledge to care for any horse. The learning curve was so steep it was practically vertical with my hotbloods! Now that is inverted and i feel more capable of caring for pretty much any horse than riding any horse!

It’s up to you to decide if she’s keen for her sake to find a horse for the ‘both’ of you, or for your sake...finding something suitable for your riding level aswell as considering something that’s relatively easy for a novice owner to start their journey in ownership?
What’s your gut instinct telling you?

If you want some unbiased, without agenda, supportive horse-hunting help you should get this forum gang on the hunt for you and you’ll have ads flying at you....just tell them your preferences - they are brilliant at finding amazing horses...ycbm just found herself a superstar lovely horse, so there’s some proven horse hunting talent here and no-one will be pushy and arrange viewings for you! ??
 
PurBee said:
If you want some unbiased, without agenda, supportive horse-hunting help you should get this forum gang on the hunt for you and you’ll have ads flying at you....just tell them your preferences - they are brilliant at finding amazing horses...ycbm just found herself a superstar lovely horse, so there’s some proven horse hunting talent here and no-one will be pushy and arrange viewings for you! ??
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Whilst most of this is true, I certainly couldn't recommend the way I found Joe to anyone who wasn't as completely barking as me ?
 
Ive always relied on advice from trainers and friends (and trainers who've become good friends) for decades now...it's the best way to learn, just 'bouncing' ideas and theories about all sorts of stuff from schooling to management, and Ive never assumed I know it all...I don't think anyone does - we're always learning. Whenever Ive decided its time for a new horse, Ive been swamped with offers of help to pick one...all done out of kindness and concern that I get the right one and make the best choice, but Ive always gone off on my own and managed to fine the right one. I sometimes take the (not very horsey) OH with me or a 'not very horsey' friend. Quite often very knowledgable friends will just project their own idea of their perfect horse. So far, Ive managed to pick the right one, pretty much every time. Have faith in yourself and you'll know when you've found the one for you. Be brutally honest with yourself about what you're looking at and trust your gut feeling. If it's 99% right, then it's time to ask the more knowledgeable friends for their opinions.

Would just like to add...the last one I bought was sight unseen, off the internet from Spain...I'm certainly not recommending this method of horse buying, (it's fraught with stress and constant questioning of ones sanity!) but I followed my instinct, made sure all the right boxes were ticked, kept my fingers crossed and ended up with the most amazing horse.
 
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PurBee said:
People can only control us if we let them.

She may be over enthusiastic, wanting to help as horse-searching can be daunting, she may have her own agenda for your horse being suited for her ideas too.
Whatever her reasons are for helping you find a horse, you’re feeling your boundaries are being crossed, so its an opportune time to nicely suggest she holds off the search and give you time to think things through. She’ll get the message her enthusiastic help isnt required right now and you can continue your search at your own pace.
When you’ve come up with a short-list of potential horses you like do you trust her horse judgement and experience to run the list by her?

Yet also do consider her experience as a yard owner verses your own, if you’ve never owned a horse before. Certain types of horses/breeds require specific care/training/feed management depending on horse breed/age/previous ridden activities etc ...some more complex than others, all kinds of nuances to consider with caring for them aside from whether they are a suitable ride for a person, so she will have that backlog of her own experience and knowledge when considering a horse for you.

At one time, as an enthusiastic rider only, before owning, i would have ridden anything, but i now know i certainly didnt have the knowledge to care for any horse. The learning curve was so steep it was practically vertical with my hotbloods! Now that is inverted and i feel more capable of caring for pretty much any horse than riding any horse!

It’s up to you to decide if she’s keen for her sake to find a horse for the ‘both’ of you, or for your sake...finding something suitable for your riding level aswell as considering something that’s relatively easy for a novice owner to start their journey in ownership?
What’s your gut instinct telling you?

If you want some unbiased, without agenda, supportive horse-hunting help you should get this forum gang on the hunt for you and you’ll have ads flying at you....just tell them your preferences - they are brilliant at finding amazing horses...ycbm just found herself a superstar lovely horse, so there’s some proven horse hunting talent here and no-one will be pushy and arrange viewings for you! ??
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my gut and others are telling me to keep it elsewhere, as I feel it’s for the yard owner and not me
PurBee said:
People can only control us if we let them.

She may be over enthusiastic, wanting to help as horse-searching can be daunting, she may have her own agenda for your horse being suited for her ideas too.
Whatever her reasons are for helping you find a horse, you’re feeling your boundaries are being crossed, so its an opportune time to nicely suggest she holds off the search and give you time to think things through. She’ll get the message her enthusiastic help isnt required right now and you can continue your search at your own pace.
When you’ve come up with a short-list of potential horses you like do you trust her horse judgement and experience to run the list by her?

Yet also do consider her experience as a yard owner verses your own, if you’ve never owned a horse before. Certain types of horses/breeds require specific care/training/feed management depending on horse breed/age/previous ridden activities etc ...some more complex than others, all kinds of nuances to consider with caring for them aside from whether they are a suitable ride for a person, so she will have that backlog of her own experience and knowledge when considering a horse for you.

At one time, as an enthusiastic rider only, before owning, i would have ridden anything, but i now know i certainly didnt have the knowledge to care for any horse. The learning curve was so steep it was practically vertical with my hotbloods! Now that is inverted and i feel more capable of caring for pretty much any horse than riding any horse!

It’s up to you to decide if she’s keen for her sake to find a horse for the ‘both’ of you, or for your sake...finding something suitable for your riding level aswell as considering something that’s relatively easy for a novice owner to start their journey in ownership?
What’s your gut instinct telling you?

If you want some unbiased, without agenda, supportive horse-hunting help you should get this forum gang on the hunt for you and you’ll have ads flying at you....just tell them your preferences - they are brilliant at finding amazing horses...ycbm just found herself a superstar lovely horse, so there’s some proven horse hunting talent here and no-one will be pushy and arrange viewings for you! ??
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Thankyou x
 
I would just say always be very careful who you take advice from regarding buying horses.

I train with a pro from time to time who is great fun to be around, and professes to be my good friend, but in all honesty I know his limitations and other agenda. He has several times recommended horses to me who would be totally unsuitable for me, but wonderful for him, and has tried to sell me horses who I could not ride half of. Of course it would have been much better for him if I had bought horses that I needed to have a trainer for, and needed to have endless lessons on, rather than the 3 sane and sensible horses that I have. Absolutely not saying that this is the case here, but it is worth keeping in mind before taking advice to make sure that you pick someone independent, and be sure that before you buy you know that it is a horse who you can ride today, not after some schooling and lessons. Good luck!
 
why not give us an idea of your experience and what sort of thigs you want to do with your own horse,, hacking, dressage, pleasure rides, jumping, then a rough idea of which part of the country you are in ,what size you want and a guide to funds available and let us have a look for you...there are so very good horse hunters on here, you could find a gem ..at least you know we dont want the horse for ourselves:)
 
I'm seeing something like this currently at the yard I'm at. A new pony arrived on the yard a couple of weeks ago bought be a woman who has not had one before for her sweet 5yo daughter for lead rein classes. Stable care and feeding done by the yard so that's ok and it is a really lovely section A type. However it is full of itself. I think they had an instructor help them buy it and she can't ride it without the instructor there to lunge it before the girl gets on to be led around on it.
I was there yesterday to my pony and the instructor was long reining the kid's pony before the child rode and it was cantering a circle then spun and as the reins were through the stirrups got completely tangled up. I feel they have got caught up on its looks and show potential and ignored that the child is a timid novice that needs a quiet pony before they get put off
Sorry for the rant, just wanted to get it off my chest.
 
i went pony shopping with a friend and her teenage daughter, mostly left it to them to come up with maybe this one ideas. actually went along to stop the kid getting on a "misrepresented horse" the unstoppable kind as mum was not very horsey.

I would give on the odd suggestion and had to negotiated at one point to see what looked on paper the best type of first horse, with the we can see the "forward going" one in the village before and ended up with the first one on loan for a bit.


in total i would not let her get on 2 horses for different reasons and the one she bought is still in the family many years later.

as someone said up the thread sometimes the person helping is window shopping for themselves................it is a very fine art. in reality you need someone you trust who can say, nope this is to much horse for you, but also have the ability to look at it and say well you seem happy riding it, it appears safe and healthy even if you would not have bought it for themselves.
 
Olderrider73 said:
My friend is helping find a horse to buy, I will be buying the horse with my own money but it appears she is picking and choosing for me even to the extent she is messaging people about horses without consulting me first. When I see an advert and show her she doesn’t seem to like it or says it’s not right for me just by looking at it’s picture or it’s too far away but if she finds an advert that’s maybe a bit further away that she likes that’s ok to travel further! I’ve rode off and on all my
Life so not a beginner nor stupid and no my capabilities! I feel like I’ll never get to choose the horse of my dreams as it doesn’t seem to be up to me. Planning on keeping horse at her yard. Just need some advice on how to handle the situation. ?
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Please do yourself a favour and detach yourself from this person - at least until you’ve found yourself a horse and settled down on a yard that isn’t hers.

From what you’ve said, she’s not your friend - you’re her pet. If this isn’t the case - and she’s just got a bit over-enthusiastic - then she’ll still be there as your friend even if you’re on a different yard and no harm done. But she doesn’t sound like a very nice person, really.

Good luck with your horse-hunting - enjoy it! There are plenty of genuine people around who can help you if you want or need it.
 
Is she getting commission for finding you this horse? That could be the reason why she doing that because she wants the money . I would have a honest conversation with her .
 
Ahh well advice is just that and should be treated as such - take it on board , evaluate and then make your own decision - its you thats stuck with that decision not your friend so evaluate if she is right do what you want not what she wants...

or

life is too short for friends like this
 
If the horses being lined up are actually suited to what you want/need then she may just be trying to do a good thing and getting carried away. Still difficult to handle and depends on how forceful and forthright your friend is and what her involvement is likely to be longer term especially if you are on her yard. Is she likely to undermine or build your confidence with your new horse regardless of who "chose" it?
 
splashgirl45 said:
why not give us an idea of your experience and what sort of thigs you want to do with your own horse,, hacking, dressage, pleasure rides, jumping, then a rough idea of which part of the country you are in ,what size you want and a guide to funds available and let us have a look for you...there are so very good horse hunters on here, you could find a gem ..at least you know we dont want the horse for ourselves:)[/
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Spirit2021 said:
Is she getting commission for finding you this horse? That could be the reason why she doing that because she wants the money . I would have a honest conversation with her .
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no there’s been no mention of it
 
Taking a knowledgeable friend with me cost me money...when buying I ask pertinent questions but on the whole keep quiet and watch. At the end of the viewing I try to negotiate..and every time up until the last I have had price reduced. Last time my friend would not shut up about how lovely the horse was etc etc etc and I couldn’t shut her up...over the phone I was told one figure and in person on the day it had increased by £1000.! I walked away that day but the mare had got under my skin so 3 weeks later I bought her at the increased price. Haven’t seen that friend since sadly.
 
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