Looking for shares / loans on FB. No response, think I might know why?

[exracehorse]

I have an advert on preloved as looking for a hacking buddy. I had a response from a male. I think he would be too heavy plus was on a shift pattern at work. And only has limited experience. He wanted to meet at my yard. And wanted my phone number. I put my hands up And admit that I didn’t follow the message up. The reason being that I rent my own horse yard. That’s in the middle of no where. And I’m scared. Stupid it might seem but what if he was a serial killer ! To meet a strange man from the internet at a remote location is a risk I wouldn’t take. I’m not bothered with the fact he’s male. Just that he’s not a friends husband etc. But a stranger.

 

[Cowpony]

I think I'd be wary, because I wouldn't want to bring a complete stranger into the yard with young children around. That's not to say that people the kids know are necessarily safer, but I would feel dreadful if I'd brought somebody in who turned out to be a wrong 'un. Not implying you are OP of course,, but answering an ad from a stranger can be risky. You might get a better response if you can say you are CBD checked. As somebody else has said, the best way is probably to get involved with horsey activities and be recommended by somebody once they know you. All sorts of stereotypes and assumptions here, but unfortunately that's often how people think!

Also the wording of your advert makes it sound as though you are coming back to riding after a break, although I know that's not what it says and probably not what you meant! Most people looking for a sharer don't want wobbly novices, so this could put them off too.

 

[stormox]

Starting " Im starting to look again" would be a no-no for me, its like adverts that start "putting the feelers out... "
It doesnt make it clear that you are seriously looking (or selling in the other case).
You need to state height, weight and experience, how many days and what sort of time (some yards may not be able to cope with very late or very early. Also what area.
Good luck

 

[bouncing_ball]

I have to say safety didn’t cross my mind, when meeting a new sharer who was male. I had his address and insurance details. He had a wife and children (and race horses).

I am a bit horrified that people can be that sexist. Females can sexually abuse / molest too. I would think putting you are male and CBD checked would be OTT.

Asking for references on anyone is sensible. I think my male sharer gave me his business card, his home address, a copy of his rider insurance, and it turned out my instructor knew of him too, as he also shared a pupil of her’s horse. I cannot remember when I found that out.

I was in my mid 30’s when I started having sharers. I think my best point of reference was talking to people and finding out what they are like and what they want, and meeting them. People pretty soon show their true colours. I always knew what I wanted from sharers – sensible, reliable, able to communicate, capable, putting horses first, and doing whatever needed doing, e.g. drying sweaty horse off / minor wound treatment / swapping broken rug etc. if they were the only one at the yard.

 

[conniegirl]

I am a bit horrified that people can be that sexist. Females can sexually abuse / molest too. I would think putting you are male and CBD checked would be OTT.

Thing is if you are worried about your own safety you are more likely to be able to fight off a woman than a man (men having natually so much more muscle than a woman) and whilst women can/do abuse/molest it is statistically less likely

 

[rainni_day]

I don't mean to be rude, but your advert is very casual. Most of us put our horses before our family (!) so if I was considering sharing, I would want the advert to grab me as someone who I would love to be around my horse and love them and care for them like I would. Your advert reads a little like you're not that bothered. I hope I don't offend by this because I am sure that's not your attitude at all. Good luck x

 

[Cowpony]

Yes I agree, it is sexist. If it was just me and my kids on the yard I'd probably go with my gut like you bb, but it isnt, and I owe a duty of care to the kids who are there when I or their parents are not around to supervise. It's very sad that we have to think like this, but we are naturally more wary of a stranger who has advertised on a public forum than of somebody we know.

 

[moosea]

Gloucestershire, actually here's a copy of one of my posts fyi. Just blacked names out.

Ok from your advert you don't really seem to be looking more testing what is out there. No idea what level you ride at etc.

So try something more along these lines.

Proffesional gentleman looking for horse to share/ loan 2/3 days a week for hacking, fun rides and schooling. Lightweight, experienced rider. Has previously had own horse. Has sj, hunted hacked etc. Happy to pay contribution to cost and/ or do stable duties.


Edit the bits in bold to suit your skills. Put your prefered location.

 

[TPO]

I am a bit horrified that people can be that sexist. Females can sexually abuse / molest too. I would think putting you are male and CBD checked would be OTT.

I don't think it's sexist to be aware/conscious that most males are bigger and/or stronger than most females. Obviously this isn't an absolute but something that most females are aware of when arranging to meet a strange male whether it's selling items on gumtree that they collect from your house, inviting them to your yard or a first date.

Sexual abuse of children never crossed my mind and neither would asking for/expecting a CBD unless it was a requirement of the YO and everyone needed to have one.

 

[Ardleajock]

So I've been frequenting the usual local horsy FB groups hoping to find something I can share or loan a few days a week. I must say, the response has been pretty dismal. Meanwhile, I can't help but notice others making similar posts and getting a fairly good response on the whole. Why? It's bizarre but as time goes on I can't help but think the reason is fairly simple. I'm a bloke. Any thoughts on that? Be as blunt as you want, I'd rather that then some sort of song and dance about how some women might feel this or feel that and the stranger-danger narrative kicking in.

Similarly, I put an ad up on Preloved. Had a woman get in touch (my username there is gender neutral) and suggested I call her on here mobile. She sounded quite bemused and shocked if I'm honest hearing this deep voice of mine. Mid sentence after telling me it's her daughters horse she tells me she's actually at work and she needs to ring me back. Well guess what? No call back...

 

[Dwyran_gold]

Without sounding sexist at all I hope, I think men tend to be very black and white when writing adverts (and anything else) My husband would probably put something like ‘looking to loan a horse within 10 miles of Stafford To hack and school’ for example, Where as a woman would write something like ‘looking for a good loan match for a 32 year old experienced horse rider, looking to loan a horse 15hh+ to happy hack and school three times a week, Happy to help in yard duties and love to fuss and a groom, happy to contribute to upkeep’ (along with a video of them riding)
So I don’t think it’s that your a man, I think you just need to appeal to the woman that are loaning their horses lol x

 

[StowfordPress]

Not much to add but could you attach a photo of you riding to the advert at all? If I was looking for a sharer I’d feel better to have a picture to judge their balance/ capabilities off of rather than guesswork as to whether they’re being honest in what they say, but that’s might just be because mine aren’t the easiest rides

 

[Red-1]

I really like the idea of a video of you riding. I have seen a video of Paddymonty and he had loads of offers to ride/share/compete (sadly not many in the right area). Hell, if he lived near me I would be interested in him doing stuff with my horse. If you can ride, a video is a good idea.

Your advert would not put me off if I was looking for a sharer, but it is not the best either. I agree that I would like to know how you ride, what your ambitions are etc. I have shared a horse with a male and a female, plus had 2 male regular riders for one of ours (not formal enough an arrangement to be a share). Being male was no bar, but I needed to now something about them. One of the males was very experienced and 2 were not, but that was OK as they were willing to be helped. Plus they were willing to offer what they had to offer. That could be an ability to lift heavy weights, or an ability to take photos and support at competitions/driving. With the shared horse, I was willing to have a rider up to 16 stone.

 

[Cob Life]

The only thing I can think is that most men are heavier built than women. If I were looking for a sharer I would want a lightweight rider as mine are ponies.

This and the horses I ride and work wi at the moment are only ridden or handled by women, the few times I've had help from a guy with 2 of them they were really put off and unsettled so would be concerned about how they would react but that would depend on the experience of the rider. If they were experienced and I thought they'd handle it okay if the horse was nervous to start with then I wouldn't have an issue.

 

[Auslander]

Wouldn't bother me - in fact, I'd quite like it if we had a few male sharers here, to dilute some of the femaleness on the yard, and to be pressed into service for some of the "blue" jobs!

 

[JFTDWS]

I'm just here for the CBD checks ? I'm guessing you guys are talking about CRB (or even, more accurately these days, DRB). CBD is usually used to refer to the active ingredient in cannabis ?

I think the wording of the OP's ad is the issue - a lack of details, and personally I don't like the "OK to pay", which seems a bit... meh. But I wouldn't reply anyway, mostly as I'm on the other side of the country...

 

[PaddyMonty]

As a male who has spent the last 20+ years riding share horses I don't think it is a gender thing. Your advert is simply crap.
You need far more info about your experience, pics / vids, what you want to do with the horse, what you could bring to the party etc. I've turned down far more horses than I've taken on even when distance is not an issue. Height and weight are important details but so is confirming that you are not a heavy handed rider. Far too many people assume males will ride through strength rather than technique. Lost count of the times I've been told I don't ride like a Man.
So sell yourself to prospective owners, allay their fears.
One word of warning. I have lost 2 good rides due to jealous husbands who felt wife was spending far to much time with me.

 

[PaddyMonty]

I really like the idea of a video of you riding. I have seen a video of Paddymonty and he had loads of offers to ride/share/compete (sadly not many in the right area). Hell, if he lived near me I would be interested in him doing stuff with my horse. If you can ride, a video is a good idea.

I will have a horse to ride (sole rider) fairly soon. 4yo warmblood which will be backed in the spring. Only issue is can my knees take the strain. Horse is already 17.3hh and growing. Getting on could be an issue.

 

[Red-1]

I will have a horse to ride (sole rider) fairly soon. 4yo warmblood which will be backed in the spring. Only issue is can my knees take the strain. Horse is already 17.3hh and growing. Getting on could be an issue.

Ha, mine was bought as an older person's horse. I previously liked 16.3 and above, but this one is a hand smaller and smooth as silk (but still with some bone). Sadly you are nowhere near me or I would have PM'ed you before to do a bit of eventing on her - as I seem to be slipping into dressage life, even though she likes to jump!

 

[Red-1]

I'm just here for the CBD checks ? I'm guessing you guys are talking about CRB (or even, more accurately these days, DRB). CBD is usually used to refer to the active ingredient in cannabis ?

I think the wording of the OP's ad is the issue - a lack of details, and personally I don't like the "OK to pay", which seems a bit... meh. But I wouldn't reply anyway, mostly as I'm on the other side of the country...

I am DBS checked, I think that is the one of the moment.

 

[JFTDWS]

I am DBS checked, I think that is the one of the moment.

You're right. In accordance with Muphry's Law, in my post making a joke about a typo, I clearly paid insufficient attention to my own typing. It is certainly now a DBS check, and I am a complete muppet

 

[PaddyMonty]

, and I am a complete muppet

Situation normal then

 

[JFTDWS]

Situation normal then

 

[criso]

In accordance with Muphry's Law

Is that the special rule of typos

 

[JFTDWS]

Is that the special rule of typos

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muphry's_law

 

[criso]

I wondered if it was deliberate but not come across that one.

 

[horseForce]

Thanks for the support, encouragement and feedback! Definitely taking on board the comments. I'll go with the more descriptive approach next time. The original thinking was that by keeping things simple I wouldn't risk disqualifying myself i.e my ideal horse would be a 16.2 warmblood 6 year old gelding with pure hanovarian bloodlines. Bit of an idealistic example there but I'd in all likelyhood be just as happy with a little 14hh gypsy cob. Wouldn't want to put that crowd off. Just certainly no rearers and no plans to be a crash test dummy.

 

[Velcrobum]

If you contact/join Cheltenham and District RC they have male members and you might find a share/loan via them.

 

[pansymouse]

Thanks for the support, encouragement and feedback! Definitely taking on board the comments. I'll go with the more descriptive approach next time. The original thinking was that by keeping things simple I wouldn't risk disqualifying myself i.e my ideal horse would be a 16.2 warmblood 6 year old gelding with pure hanovarian bloodlines. Bit of an idealistic example there but I'd in all likelyhood be just as happy with a little 14hh gypsy cob. Wouldn't want to put that crowd off. Just certainly no rearers and no plans to be a crash test dummy.

I think that including a phase like "no plans to be a crash test dummy" would come across as friendly and humorous and make your ad more human!

 

[Sussexbythesea]

Thanks for the support, encouragement and feedback! Definitely taking on board the comments. I'll go with the more descriptive approach next time. The original thinking was that by keeping things simple I wouldn't risk disqualifying myself i.e my ideal horse would be a 16.2 warmblood 6 year old gelding with pure hanovarian bloodlines. Bit of an idealistic example there but I'd in all likelyhood be just as happy with a little 14hh gypsy cob. Wouldn't want to put that crowd off. Just certainly no rearers and no plans to be a crash test dummy.

As well as saying more about what you can offer I’d concentrate on what you would like to do rather than the type of horse. As long as you’ve said your weight, height and experience then let the owner judge if they think their horse is a suitable height and build. You could say something along the lines of “I’m looking for a sane, sensible hack but the opportunity to school and maybe compete in the future would be a bonus.” Or whatever it is you’d like to do bearing in mind your experience.