Loosing a horse - whats the worst thing said to you?

[Rivenroo]

I was at work when I got the phone call "my old man"(he was 28) had gone down for the 3rd time with colic.I asked my supervisor at the time if I could go (out of courtesy) with tears streaming.The cheeky b****** (excuse me ) had the cheek to ask me to get back within an hour!!!!!!! I got to the yard and just told the vet to do it,I held his head in my arms as he went and it still hurts today.He was the first horse I'd ever owned,only ever had horses on loan until I bought Brock.(I need a tissue now) So sorry to hear about your loss GW (((((HUGS))))

 

[MrSpam]

Actually when my horse fell and died out hunting my colleagues who are almost all very anti-hunt were lovely and couldn't have been nicer. They know nothing about horses, but my boss said they'd cover my work so I could go home if I wanted - really thoughtful.

In contrast a friend of my daughter's, who has horses and had once called our pony 'cr*p', admittedly just before he suddenly died, then went on to say about new horse, 'oh, she's lovely, much better than ...' True but heartless - we try to rise above and ignore.

 

[Munchkin]

Bloody hell, some people!

I had mine shot in December and MIL of the guy I share the place with turned up to tell me how terrible it was that I'd had him shot instead of injected... the day after, when I was grooming my other horse and crying! (He was a 7yo TB and I believe injection wouldn't have suited him.) I told her where to go and also told the guy I share with. He said "don't worry about her, she's full of sh*t" which helped some!

Saying that, the night he was shot, I went out with a group of non horsey friends simply because I knew they wouldn't understand and it helped! They said "aww" and then got bored and changed the subject which at the time was exactly what I needed.

 

[tinkandlily]

My horse was old and had arthirtis, and last time i rode we had an accident and he ran off, which resulted in him seriously damaging his legs and he went down hill fast, when i had to let him go i got told
" Its just a horse, you can get another one"
" He was looking half dead anyway"

 

[miss_c]

Hugs GW.

When I lost Mazzie just over 2 years ago I had somebody say to me 'oh well you were selling her anyway'. I had managed to joke with my vet that at least I didn't have to sell her, but to have someone say it to me was another kettle of fish.

 

[gina-d]

I was late home from work on Wednesday and my husband said about 8pm that he would check the horses and we wouldn't do any work with our yearling as it was SUCH a filthy night - rain and gales. He came back to say that our beloved 20 year old was down in the field and couldn't get up. Vet arrived 15 minutes later and after analgesia and a bit of sedation, and a trial with slings and a forklift to see if he could get back on his feet which failed, felt that he had a catastrophic spinal injury. I had to take yesterday off work. Almost the first thing that was said today was "was he insured?"

I feel for all of you - I am devastated.

 

[itsme123]

I haven't lost a horse, thank God, and dread the day either of mine have to go to Rainbow bridge.

I was with my darling JRT when he was PTS. Afterwards I walked up the street in tears and phoned my (then) OH's father, to say I was on my way, and needed to see my OH. He came out of work and took me home, where he decided I was in too much of a state to be going out to collect children from school, but he had to get back to work soon-ish, so he went and collected the children early and took them to his mothers. I was sat on the sofa, sobbing my heart out, shaking. I was in THAT much of a state at the vets even the vet was crying...
He later told me the head had said "what? It's a dog! hardly reason for her to be unable to get here...."

Nothing in my life has devastated me the way losing him did. The circumstances surrounding it, the things that were said, having to explain over and over what happened.
Comments included "were you with him? Did it hurt him?" "well my dog lived to 15 with epilepsy.... there's medicines you know..." . After I got my new pup (pretty soon after, granted, but it was my way of dealing with it) I was accused of having only had him PTS as I couldn't be bothered with him and his illness. "well, THAT was quick... "

I feel for anyone else who's been through it, to lose an animal you love is truly heart breaking, I still wake up and expect to see his little face, I still won't walk my new dog where I walked him, and I am liable to burst into tears if I see a dog that looks like him - as I did yesterday outside tescos ) I still cry at night. It's been 7 months now

But for all of you who are going through this very recently, I just want to say no, the pain doesn't go quickly, you never ever forget. But I'm so so glad I got my new girl. Okay, she came sooner than I would have wanted, or was truly practical, I wasn't sure I could love her the way I did him, and I compared her to him often getting annoyed thinking "HE never did that" and felt guilty like I was betraying him. But she has been the best medicine for my grief. I love her to bits on her own merits, but it's only recently that I've totally fallen for her

I think sometimes people open their mouths without thinking. It hurts at the time, but rise above it, because YOU know you did the right thing, and some people just haven't a sensitive bone in their body.

The ex MIL afterwards (literally as i got to the ex OH's work, 2 minutes after leaving vets) "well, it saved you on vets bills... you could save for something nice now"

her face was a picture when 3 weeks after getting new one it ended up in dog hospital after eating tinsel.... £500 bill...

 

[Leaf]

I worked in Chile for a while and my good friends pony had to be put down on the pitch as she had broken her leg, he was heartbroken. The grooms came over to him later after the game and invited us to their "BBQ" to help him get over the shock we went and had a great time a few beers and talks of old times and his groom turned to him and said " see bambi lives on" Ed said in "what way?" he said "in you in us all " our worse nightmare, Meat is scarce, and they meant well but it was traumatic.

 

[Starzaan]

Two weeks ago, after a hell of a lot of heartache and agonising, I had to face up to reality and get the huntsman out to put Cavan to sleep. He had too many second chances, put too many people in hospital, and just wasn't happy no matter what we tried. He was the first true bolter I have ever sat on (and I've been riding all my life!), and his favourite trick was to gallop flat out into moving cars. He had no self preservation, and would quite happily gallop straight through fencing, gates, cars, anything. He hated being turned out, he hated being stabled, he hated being ridden, he tried to kill himself, other horses and me too many times.

This was a hard decision to make - I don't like to give up on a horse, but he wasn't happy, and there wasn't anything else I could do to help him. What was really frustrating was that there were flashes of a fantastic horse in there, but he just couldn't cope with life anymore.

I was speaking to one of the teenagers that I teach, who told me I was "SO harsh!" and that Cavan was a "rebel" and just went on and on about how I should just sell him to someone who could ride him, how it was cruel etc etc etc.

NOT good timing. I cried myself to sleep for a week after that - I know I made the right decision, but people can be very insensitive when they don't understand sometimes.

 

[Tannis]

My horse died 3 weeks ago. The worst thing that happened was when my OH and his friend with the digger were getting her onto the front bucket (VERRRRRY gently because they knew I was watching and would have punched anyone who came anywhere near me that day, and absolutely MURDERED them if they had been rough with her body), and our sworn enemy drove past, saw my horse was dead and LAUGHED AND LAUGHED. I lost it and was screaming "WTF ARE YOU LOOKING AT YOU F******* B********** F***** OFF!!!!!" etc etc and words to that effect. I dread to think what I would have done to him if he'd been within reach of me.

Now I'm getting the "when are you getting another one?", and "why dont you just send the Shetland back to the ILPH?" !!!!!!!! Because I can't bear to say goodbye to him too!!!

I'm still waiting for it to get easier and it's just not. I permanently sound like I have a cold at the moment because of all the crying I'm doing. Stupid comments from stupid people really aren't welcome.

Big hugs to you, I totally understand your pain. xxx

That happened to me too. The first foal I ever bred and my absolute pride and joy contracted toxic colitis when she was five and had to be pts. And my charming neighbour did exactly that - she stood at the fence and laughed. And you are so right, it never gets easier - that was thirteen years ago (July 29th) and it still haunts me.

I had no idea what to do with her body and the vet called the local hunt. Till my dying day I will support hunting because of the kindness and compassion shown to me by the people who came. One turned me away from Pagan and chatted to me and hugged me whilst they loaded her body on the wagon. And then he turned me round so I could say goodbye to her. They had arranged her body just as if she was resting in the sun. They'd propped her up with her nose on her knees and they'd even put her ears forward. It was a horrible, horrible experience but my final impression of my wonderful friend was one of peace and rest. Thank you people from Fitzwilliam Hunt, you gave me immense comfort that day. xx

 

[rema]

This is out of the mouth of my step grandfather as i walked in the door from Rema being put down,,,what time is the butcher coming i'm really looking forward to my horse steak.

 

[rangerover]

I lost my mare many years ago, it was Christmas and she was in foal, the foal put its' foot through the stomach wall and she poisoned herself. The vet said she would have been dead in seconds, but that didn't help when I looked out of the window and saw her dead in the field. Anyway, she had to stay thee a few days undeer a tarpaulin as it was Christmas, Boxing Day meet, etc. and eventually the Huntsman came and took her away. The vet did a pm. So there was some family drinks do at my sister's or somewhere, I said I wasn't going, then my mum rang and said oh, you must come, it's a Christmas party, and I said it's not much of a Chrsitmas for me, I've lost a mare and a foal, she said that my nephew had said...Don't know what she's so upset about, IT WAS ONLY A HORSE.

Several years later, his wife died from leukaemia.

 

[DebbieCG]

My beloved horse was stolen in 1981. We were distraught and were never able to find him (after desperately searching as best we could back in the early 80s) and to this day it still remains extremely painful and still a source of great anguish and without closure. I've lost count of the insensitive and harsh things people have said over the years. Of course there have been many kind and understanding people, but one remark sticks particularly -

A few years ago I happened to see one of the people who had had their horse stolen at the same time mine was. Fortunately for them, their own horse was recovered a week later, as it was found about 100 miles away. So after about 20 years of not having seen this person and then meeting them briefly again, they enquired flippantly 'Did you ever find out what happened to your horse?' (They could have just as well been asking 'Have you ever been to a Harvester?'). I replied 'No, we didn't, but we just hope he got to a good home. We hope he didn't get sold for slaughter.' (That was our worst fear after our horse had been stolen).

Their laughing reply was 'Oh, he didn't have enough meat on him for that!'

Unbelievable.

 

[jumbyjack]

This is out of the mouth of my step grandfather as i walked in the door from Rema being put down,,,what time is the butcher coming i'm really looking forward to my horse steak.

I'd have decked him, the insensitive git!

This is a heartbreaking thread, so many cruel, heartless comments from people who should know better. I lost my beloved mare 5 years ago so I do know how emotionally devastating it is but I was really supported by everyone on the yard, no nasty comments at all.

 

[Henbug]

a while after loosing first pony (think I was about 13 and had only had him a year, he was put down at 5yo), I got another pony had had it a week and someone seeing him for the first time said to me "new horse is never going to be as good as last one. Last one could really jump, he was brilliant. New one isn't even in the same league." This was a long time ago but I still remember it, I was so upset.

 

[muckingoutmum]

So sorry to hear all of the insensitive things that you have all had to put up with. Just remember that you all loved your horses and did the very best for them and no unkind words will change that. I lost my dear old mare in March and I have to say that everyone in my livery yard was absolutely amazing: it looked like a florist shop outside her stable, I had loads of lovely cards and our YM told me that her stable could stay empty for as long as I needed to come to terms with everything. Let's hope there are more people out there like that

 

[DragonSlayer]

When we decided the time had come to have my old mare PTS, my husband informed the other people on the yard what time it was going to happen, and would they kindly please not be in the yard...? We chose a time after morning stables, getting onto lunchtime, to give everyone a chance to depart. It wasn't exactly a yard.....it was a run-down old farm and the farmer didn't care what you did...and everyone kindly agreed, at the time....

The morning came (the night before my mare got a massive feed, super-grooming and got to graze in the most lucious grass I could find....) and I went down to give her another fab feed and spend an hour just with her....

I was just leaving again as I was getting upset and a woman said...

'So today is execution day right?'....good job I was in the car, I wanted to smash her nose through her face....I just nodded instead....

'well, I think it's a damn shame....poor pony....putting her down...'...

I told her very politely that her time had come, she could hardly walk and would never see another winter through, then left her in a dust cloud before I got out and killed her..

My husband was meeting me there from work at the time, and I went back...to a yard full!!! They all wanted to see!!!

I went round to our tack room and was in tears, and called my husband, they couldn't even give me a last half hour with my mare in peace, all hanging over her stable, bolstering their ego's, all agreeing I was an evil b*tch for 'killing my horse'...

My husband, now furious, arrived in the yard, screeching to a halt, and for a laid-back guy, I have never heard him go off as he did that day....within a minute, all had left pretty quickly!

When the vet and the man arrived to take her away, it was peaceful, the sun was shining and the deed was done in the back paddock. She was ready, and it was all very refined.

I spent a few minutes with her, took her headcollar off then left them to it....

OH drove us home, I was in no fit state to drive...and after a nice cup of tea, we walked back across the fields with the dog to collect my car, and tidy up the stable.

There were a couple of people about, but once more they scarpered, and the woman who had been mouthy that morning, got my full fury the following day when she started bitching.....she never ever said a thing against my desicion after that day! And no, I didn't hit her, just told her I would drown her in the stream if she ever crossed me again...!

People might argue that they had the right to be there, sure they did, but they were asked politely and all agreed, but their ghoulish ways forced them there to 'watch the show'..

Soon after that, we moved yards.

I am pretty amenable in many ways, but I can never forgive them for that......

 

[walkingman]

We had this when my Dad died (my Mum fell victim in particular)). It's suprising how many "friends" suddenly loose interest in you when they might have to confront something difficult.

"Oh, I just didn't know what to say" Grrrrrrrrrr

Some of these examples have been awful - big hugs to all

And a big hug to you too.