Loosing a loan horse

[bookahhorselover567]

the past 3 months have been so difficult for me. 2 horses i work with live in the same field. One i was loaning and the owner couldnt afford so she sold him but he still lives in that field. She doesnt know him well enough to know whats right for him and he only really gets his needs. so its hard to watch that. Now i loan his buddy and there is another girl wanting to loan him too which the owner is considering... I cant cooperate with a 2 way loan as i get jealous easily and i dont think its really fair on the horse. I'm considering leaving my arrangement as i have other options but I can't bring myself to do it because im too attatched and love him too much. How do I do this and get over it?

 

[Surbie]

I'm considering leaving my arrangement as i have other options but I can't bring myself to do it because im too attatched and love him too much. How do I do this and get over it?

Personally, if you can't share, I would explore the other options you have. The owner has sold your other loan horse, they will do what suits them. It's rough, but unfortunately with loans you have very little say in what happens with the horse. If you are in a position to do it, you could offer to buy the loan horse you like. Is the owner aware that if they take on another sharer for the horse that they are likely to lose you, so they will be back where they started? Can you have that conversation with them without the current loan ending?

 

[Red-1]

It sounds like a loan isn't for you. You sound quite possessive. I guess the only way you will be happy is to possess one, and loaning doesn't provide that.

I would step away from the loan before it all gets more dramatic and upsetting.

When it is possible, you could then purchase one.

 

[Scarlett]

Jealousy is a horrible, ugly trait. It would be incredibly selfish of you to inflict the effects of it on other people.

I suggest you end the loan and, if you really cannot cope with sharing, work towards a horse if your own.

I'd also suggest you seek help, personally, and learn how to deal with your feelings.

 

[Widgeon]

OP assuming you're younger and maybe don't have the life experience to know what to do here, I would try to think about why you are worried about this - are you concerned that a second sharer will inhibit your ability to ride when you want? Might be possessive about the horse and get in the way of you spending time with it? If it's that, rather than pure jealousy, maybe you could have a low-key chat with the owner and explain you're aware she's thinking about taking on a second sharer, you're a bit worried about these things, and would she mind bearing them in mind as you would like it to work out well for everyone's sake. It sounds to me like the owner might be having a hard time financially, so be aware that this may be the case and don't make things any more difficult for her.

However if you really can't cope with sharing the horse and are not willing to greet a new sharer with a smile and a friendly attitude, I would walk away now before everyone gets upset. We've probably all at some point lost a horse we loved but didn't own. It's grim but unfortunately that's life. At least in this situation you say that the horses' basic needs are being met, so you know they're safe and happy.

Try not to let things get too dramatic, it will only be you that suffers and you don't want to pick up a reputation for being difficult.

 

[Charley657]

Could you have a chat with the owner and explain that you are happy to take on more days (if that is why the owner is considering this second person) or that you would like to be the only other person riding the horse. Obviously you have no right to demand that but the owner may take your feelings into consideration. Would the horse be happy having so many different riders on him/her? What does your load agreement say?

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

Loaning is never going to be easy!! Your situation DOES sound very complicated and I can understand why you might feel you want to walk away; there are going to be a lot of people all "loving" the same horse and that is bound to create difficulties.

Think everyone involved in this needs to sit down and talk things through; you, the owner, and the other proposed sharer, ALL need to talk! This is the ONLY way forward!

If you feel in any way uncomfortable or unhappy with the arrangement then you may need to be strong and walk away, especially as you say that you fear your own reactions and emotions might get too strong, i.e. you have a "jealousy" problem. I am presuming you are a young person?? Am just wondering whether it might be a good idea for perhaps an adult you trust (such as your instructor or other responsible adult) to be a part of the "chat" group so that your discussions may be as productive as possible so that you may all achieve some sort of solution to this situation.