Loosing all mojo.

Firewell

Firewell

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I've had a horse all my life, competed reguarly all my life and now I just cannot be bothered :(.
I've got my lovely boy who I am currently getting fit after having my second baby and for the first time ever I feel really 'meh' about riding and horses in general.
I've booked some lessons to try and get me motivated and I had my second one Monday just gone and I did really enjoy it but when left to my own devices again I just feel like I am going through the motions and ticking the box for riding that day.
Part of me thinks give myself a break and ride when I feel like it but my horse is too nice to stand in the field and he's also getting too fat. He's the sort of horse who thrives on being busy and isn't your plod out once a week horse As he is a performance horse.
Not sure what to do. I don't want to get rid of my boy, he's my horse of a lifetime and I love him too much. I certainly do not want any other horse but right now I could really do with not having a horse at all.
Saying that I don't know if I am feeling this because I have nothing to aim for and to stick with my lessons and wait for the mojo to come back.
Never felt like this before, its bizarre! I was telling my mum all about a rug I had bought earlier, really excited and she thought I meant a horse rug but I didn't I meant a rug for the floor!
Then I suddenly thought, I haven't even thought about a winter rug for my horse! That's not like me at all.
Not sure what I am writing this for... has anyone else felt like this? Did the mojo come back?
 
You've had some major life changes over the last few years. With the arrival of mini Fw#2 could it be that you need a time out? Rather than sell your boy is there anyone you could send him to nearby to compete whilst you take a breather and work out a way forward? You may find being the owner rather than rider for a bit allows you to enjoy your boy again?
 
It's been similar for me since having children. I have once or twice thought about giving them up but came to the conclusion that was never going to happen. I look forward to seeing them and caring for them everyday but actually making myself ride - that's the 'meh' bit. I think the crux of the matter (and this has certainly been the case for me) is "nothing to aim for". Either give yourself something to aim for or give yourself a break for a bit. Try going to watch a competition or something, that usually gives me some motivation :)
 
I don't have children either but the thought of trying to keep my new tb in work over the winter was leaving me feeling down. He hasn't been out competing and I was trying to find somewhere to take him to give him the best outing for his first one but was getting a bit frustrated. Now our local venue is reopening and all of a sudden most of our weekends up to Dec are booked and im quite excited about it all ! I have never been a happy hacker as such and im much more motivated with something to aim for. Give yourself time, don't make any rash decisions xxx
 
not kids as there grown up but I had a major op few years ago thought about selling but it was my horses that kept me going even just seeing them in field cheered me up and they are all warmblood competition horses in the end couldn't wait to get on even though can't compete just enjoy riding them think of what you use to do and think that you will be able to do it again later chin up
 
I don't have children but i have felt like this before. All i can say is, the last 8 months my boy has been out of work, now going for a bone scan this week. It took me 10 months to find him and he's my dream horse and although i used to event every weekend, i would just like to be able to ride at the moment, even if it was just hacking. I don't think i will ever moan about riding again if and when he comes back into work. Like i said to one of my friends who was moaning she couldn't be bothered and didn't have time, 'ride him and enjoy him while you can as you never know when they will break!!'
Sorry, not much help to you but just putting over a different point of view.
Maybe you could loan your boy to someone to take the pressure off you for a while
 
I felt a bit like that too when my LO was born, but recently I'm getting keener.

With me its probably a mix of having more time because child has started school and also him riding his pony has encouraged me to want to ride more too..

I'd suggest finding someone to compete your horse over the winter and revisit your motivation in the spring. ..

Fiona
 
Thanks everyone. When I was pregnant I couldn't wait to ride so typical now I can I don't want to!
I think it is because I have nothing to aim for or keep working for. Saying that yesterday I was more in the mood and I took my boy for a pootle round the fields and enjoyed myself. I'm also looking forward to my next lesson so I think the key is if I have days were I'm not in the mood not to force it.
 
Another here with no kids, but also lost my mojo.

I had an ex-Paralympic (but it had competed to Medium in able bodied classes) horse on loan for the last 8 months but gave it up last week, which is ridiculous really as we were competing lots, getting pretty decent scores at BD Elem and I had hoped to get him out at Medium in the new year, but it was costing me so much money a month and TBH, I just wasn't enjoying it. I also schooled 3 other horses for people and so was riding 6 x a week and 2 horses a day on 2-3 of those days. I just felt so tired of horses, tired of dressage, competing, always rushing around at a billion miles an hour trying to fit in a social life, boyfriend, friends and tired of spending £4-500 a month on horses. I just wanted a break, financially and otherwise.

So, gave him/ them up and am now just riding a little ex-racer that I school for someone 2-3 days a week for no cost. I'm competing him which does give me a bit of motivation, but at first I thought I'd look for something else too another 2-3 days a week so that I was still riding 5-6 days a week, but in all honesty, I'm not missing it like I thought I would. Perhaps because it's now coming in to winter here and maybe subconsciously I'm thinking I'll scale it right back until the Spring.

I am loving having time to see friends/boyfriend without having to plan it like a military operation, loving not having to dry shampoo/re-style/wash my hair all the time due to sweaty hat hair. I WILL be loving the extra £400 a month in this months pay packet, that can go on other things!

SO, long story short I know how you feel. However, I wouldn't sell Jae, I would find a competent rider who would perhaps like to ride him 3 days a week for you (or however many days you need)? That will take some of the pressure off you, you then only have to ride when you can be bothered and don't have to feel guilty about him getting fat/ bored etc. I think your mojo will come back again, but it really does help to have comps to aim for. I would have zero motivation if I wasn't competing. I need to compete, I learnt that years ago, I get massively demotivated if I don't have anything to aim for, especially in winter!

Good to hear from you! X
 
I go through these phases all the time - normally when I have something else big going on in my life...I just lack the focus and drive to 'horse'. Last night I left work at 5pm, finally got to my first horse in his field at 7pm, fed and groomed him in the dark and p***ing rain, drove to the ridden horse, found I had no money for the electric light meter - which had probably fused anyway due to the aforementioned rain - found the horse covered in mud....and just thought - meh. No interest. I could try and ride in the dark, and us both get soaked, and clean my tack afterwards....or I could give him a groom, chalk it down to a bad day and go home. Other days I probably would have done the battle, but at the moment I just have too much going on.

I'm sure Jae won't mind some downtime, he sounds like a sensible chap and might enjoy being a hacking horse for a bit. Perhaps once baby number two is a bit older you'll find you're itching to get back out competing, and have a bit of focus away from the family.
 
What Twiglet said. Since Q went at the beginning of the year I have half-heartedly looked for another but haven’t bothered for months, I haven’t even sat on anything since June and I'm not really that bothered. I was focused on house hunting through summer and we are nearly ready to complete on buying our first home and that has been my main focus, it needs work once we are in so I can’t see me even thinking about another until next year. Part of me feels guilty that I'm horseless as I have had horses for so long and wanted one so badly when I was a kid but as it approaches winter I'm feeling that less and less! My instructor who is also a good friend feels that I'm ‘wasted’ without a horse but I know that until I have nothing else going on, horses are going to take a back seat.
I think with horses, well with me, it’s a bit all or nothing. I need things to focus on and it’s normally horses so I put my all into it. I’ve had offers to ride other horses but it’s not the same so I will wait until I'm in the right place to get another. I do miss the competing the most so unless I can afford to do it properly I won’t bother, I'm pretty driven and ambitious even if my talent and ability are lacking!
Funnily enough I have really enjoyed my time off, I have enjoyed picking up and going where ever with no constraints on what time I have to be up the yard and enjoyed all my free time with my oh. As much as he enjoyed all the horse stuff and shows it’s been nice not feeling like it’s all we do.

I would keep Jae and enjoy what you want to do, find someone to keep him ticking over and ride as and when you want with no pressure. You would regret selling him, perhaps you could find someone and be an ‘owner’ for a while? With another baby and lots of other exciting things going on no one will blame you for taking a step away from horses and just doing whatever you feel like doing.
 
Firewell said:
I think the key is if I have days were I'm not in the mood not to force it.
Click to expand...

This is key I think. Having had a dad who essentially bullied you off the sofa if it was a nice day outside, I really struggle some days just to sit and relax without feeling guilt, the feeling of not continually progressing or aiming for something is something thats hard to get used to I think. My horse has basically stumbled from one lameness to another over the last four years, and I'm contemplating whether I'm even bothered about horses at all anymore. You just have to think the horse doesn't care really, I know you say he's a performance horse, but thats in your eyes really, as far as he's concerned he converts grass to manure and thats about it!

You have to embrace the days when all you want to do is mooch, although I struggle with this so look forward to a rainy day when I can sit on the sofa guilt free!
 
Yes I did probably a year or so ago. I was ill (although I didn't realise it at the time), and posted on here about it, as I wanted to vent, and mostly got a load of very rude replies.
 
I feel a bit like this at the moment and know it is because of the yard I am at. I am counting down the days till I move my boys and hope it will give me a kick up the bum to crack on. I have found it tough since getting a 2nd horse to fit everything in but the other day I realised that I have the most understanding husband who doesn't mind if I don't get home till late so why am I worrying about it so much :) Don't beat yourself up. Take some time out and enjoy yourself. At the end of the day horses are to expensive to not enjoy them xx
 
How old is #2, Firewell? About 3 months, I think? Going through a growth spurt? Up several times a night demanding the milk bar? Well, two things: 1 - you are probably shattered; and 2 - those post pregnancy hormones will be on a massive sliding scale. Remember, your body will be at its most receptive 2 - 3 months after birth and that's because one lot of hormones is on the way out, and another vying for attention (there's a reason why the nurses all tell you about the importance of contraception for at least 6 months after birth), and yet another, if you are the milk bar, producing all the extra milk your rapidly growing baby is demanding. Right about now is the time for the second bout of baby blues (if you by-passed the 3 days and 14 days lot). The same thing happens at 6 months, too. No laughing matter.

When we're tired, inspiration for anything is about 10 below zero. Add to that hormonal changes and your mojo will pack up enough belongings to keep it going for another 6 months and run out of the door without a by your leave. Give it time, it will come back. With a vengeance. And then your OH will be complaining he has been abandoned with the children again whilst you are off gallivanting with the wretched horse.

So, give yourself a break. You'll ride when you're ready. And J won't really care either way.
 
Yes I started feeling like this when I realised I was enjoying riding my friends horse more than my own! But I decided to have a couple of lessons, had a go at LeTrec to do something different and get some enthusiasm back. I realised I needed to aim for something, so decided to aim to do my first three day event and then I got more positive about things and found I enjoyed riding when I had something more exciting than the mundane 'every weekend jumping competition'.

I think we all go through stages like this. It isn't easy owning a horse particuarly if you are on DIY and working full time, and lacking motivation in the evenings after work is a common theme with a lot of owners.

Maybe you could get a sharer for a few months and see how you feel after that.
 
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