losing confidence with difficult TB - I need help!(long, and rambling, sorry!)

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little_rou

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Hi

Am posting under a different user name as I know some of you in RL and I dont really feel like I want those people to know whats going on, after all, If I had wanted thier opinion I would be asking them and not you lovely lot!!

So, I am having problems with my TB, and they are getting worse!

OK, it seems to have all started about 2 months ago, when he threw a massive wobbler on the one and only bridle way I have access to. I sat tight and rode him through it. The next time we rode the bridleway, another wobbler, bigger this time, I thought I was being tested so again I rode him through, anyway so this keeps happening (each time getting more extreme) to the point where hes putting me down ditches backwards etc. I've never let him get away with it, always sat tight, and quietly but positively pushed him forwards, I have never lost my temper or used force.

But gradually this chipped away at my confidence. I thought about it and the only really difference with hacking is we used to go out in groups, and now we only hack by ourselves. This is because we moved yards and are now on our own private rented yard, however I dont think the move is the problem, as he was fine when we first moved, and because generally, and in himself he is clearly and visably more happy and relaxed in himself.
So I decided that as he was very good on the roads, we would take a step back, stick to the village roads, and build our confidence back up together, so started little hacks, around quiet roads, not too far from home, and building up distances and time away slowly, this all went fine for about the first 8 or 9 rides, then the wobblers started, and as with the off road riding, they are getting progressively worse, to the point where most recently he bronced (sp?) backwards down a hill and into oncoming traffic! hes a VERY highly strung horse as you can tell, and he isnt the sort that would respond well to a firm hand, so again I sit tight, try to be positive and calm and encouraging (whilst peeing my big granny pants!) but were getting to the point where I find myself not wanting to ride him.

Ive tried going back to basics in the school but his behaviour isnt much better there.

I cant seem to find a common factor or trigger to these tantrums, some times we only get 5 minutes from home when it starts, some times its five miles.

So now every ride is filling me with dread and Im starting to forget why I want to ride this animal anymore.
As I said Im on a private yard with no one that can help, or hack out with me. My OH isnt horsey, so wont even walk along side. all of my horsey acquaintances/friends I dont feel I can ask for help from as I feel that 50% of them are waiting to tell me I told you so and will have nothing constructive to say, the other 50% will either not want to get involved or will promise help that never comes (this from past experience).

Unfortunatley Im not in a postion financially to be spending money on sending him off to training yards, or getting in expensive instructors.

I feel really alone in all of this, and its getting me down. I sat in the stable yesterday, and actually cried over the fact that I have this big beautiful horse, who I have worked soo hard on over the past year, that now I can do absolutley nothing with.

I dont know where to go from here, I dont want to give up on this horse, but I feel like I may already have been beaten, because the idea of riding him right now makes me feel sick.

Not sure what Im looking for here, maybe just a rant, but any advice appreciated. hot chocolate and cookies for getting this far :)

HELP!!
 
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I really do feel for you and know exactly what you are going through. I had a very very similar experience with my mare and was sweating profusely and almost hurling at the thought of getting on her most days. OH (like yours) isnt horsey and only once did he come up and sit with me in the school while I got thrown about in the saddle.

Out of interest, how often do you work him?

I literally went back to lungeing and long reining doing loads of work in hand and FREQUENTLY. This is now the key with my TB, if she is worked everyday and sometimes twice if I have time to stick her on the walker, she is a much more civilised horse.

Also is he being fed?
And where are you, maybe we could start a naughty pony club :D

Chin up, it will get better in time and if his behaviour is bad in the school, stay in there until he gives you some sign of decent manners x
 
I feel for you big (((hugs))
Is there another yard nearby? mabe you could ask someone to go out with you.
He probably needs to get used to his surroundings, mabe you could walk him out instaed if ridding?
 
I am in exactly the same position as you so I really feel for you. I'm lucky though in that my non-horsey OH ride his bike out with me but it's so frustrating as I can only ride when he feels like going out for a bike ride.

I too would love to hear people's opinions.

I've tried walking him out in hand - he just rears up.

I've tried calmers - he just rears up.

I've tried working him in the school - he just rears up.

Damn TB's! :mad:
 
Indiapony said:
I really do feel for you and know exactly what you are going through. I had a very very similar experience with my mare and was sweating profusely and almost hurling at the thought of getting on her most days. OH (like yours) isnt horsey and only once did he come up and sit with me in the school while I got thrown about in the saddle.

Out of interest, how often do you work him?

I literally went back to lungeing and long reining doing loads of work in hand and FREQUENTLY. This is now the key with my TB, if she is worked everyday and sometimes twice if I have time to stick her on the walker, she is a much more civilised horse.

Also is he being fed?
And where are you, maybe we could start a naughty pony club :D

Chin up, it will get better in time and if his behaviour is bad in the school, stay in there until he gives you some sign of decent manners x
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I do agree with this!
Also, how is he kept, stabled or at grass? If you can, I'd be inclined to leave out 24/7 - in all weathers too, I'm evil!) That way you know it's not just ants in his pants, he should have got rid of them by being out. Does he have company at all at the yard as it might just be that he is feeling very lonely after being in a busy yard and is doing anything he can to be back in his comfort zone.
 
hi IP! Glad Im not the only person whos been in this position! Its kind of sould destroying - I had a big accident about 12 years ago which ended with me under a lorry and horse buggering off up middle of a very busy rode, its taken me years to get my confidence back, I thought I had cracked it but clearly not, am not sure I can go through it all again.

I just dont understand it. I havent tried long reigning etc, so maybe thats the way forward. am up for trying anything right now :S
T&L there arent any nearby, and I dont have transport either.

I am aware that Im probably not riding him enough, I think I could be in a vicious circle - he plays up, I dont ride so often, he is even mroe fresh so plays up more, therefore I ride less often and so on, Its an effort and a trial just to force myself to get on right now.

Hes only having hay to suppliment to non-existent grass we have down here.

Im in the east midlands x
 
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Really sympathize with you, don't be hard on yourself as you've done really well so far, but it really destroys your confidence.
I know exactly what you mean about other people, we've all been there, but would any of them actually get on the horse and take him out on his own?
I wish I had the answer for you but other than finding someone nice to ride with for a while and see how it goes, that's all I can suggest, I'll just add the following thoughts from an old lady....

Riding is not supposed to be such a trial, it's meant to be fun

Thoroughbreds can be very tricky, and they do everything so much quicker than other breeds

There are a lot of nice horses out there, I know finding them is the hard part, but I'd start looking

Disregard the feelings of peer pressure, do the opinions of these people really matter?

Your happiness and safety is the most important thing

Good luck and keep safe
 
your safety has to be the number one priority. My last horse was a rearer at first, and it was scary, hard work, BUT very rewarding in the end. How he never got me off, I'll never know. I'm so sorry it's not getting sorted, (((((((hugs))))) sm x
 
Hi,

What are you feeding your TB? I have had the same problems with my TB in the past. He is an ex-racehorse who had serious issues, we used to ride out in a group but he would get too excited by the other horses and throw a strop rearing, bucking, spinning round and some amazing dressage moves thrown in! I decided we would go out alone as I thought this would stop him being 'set off' by the others. Unfortunately at first he point blank refused to move off the yard, we worked through this by me getting off and dragging him in hand then trying to remount (he is 16.3hh and i'm not very flexible!) once we were on the track. We then started to be able to get up to the tracks but he would get so far and then decide he was not going any further, plant himself on the spot and proceed to buck, rear, spin, sit on his bum and slam his front feet down like a three year old child having a paddy. I really lost confidence riding him round the fields and spent a long time just riding in the school as I felt safer. To cut a long story a bit shorter I completely changed his diet, he was being fed cool mix and alpha-a but the starch level was pretty high, he is now on a low starch, high fibre feed (Alpha Easy from Chestnut Horse Feeds) which seems to have totally taken the edge off of him, at the end of the day he is still a TB and some days (like last night) he will try it on but the difference is we can now work through it and if we do have a strop it is a lot less severe than it was before!

Good luck with everything and stick with it, they are such a loving breed and well worth the effort.
 
Are you sure he isn't in pain anywhere? Iv got one which is like this and he's now got to the point he reared and went over with me. I have now stopped ridden work and getting things looked into. How long you had him? What you feeding him? I would also suggest long reining but wear hat and body protector and when u go to ride him lunge him well before hand. I'm sure you have had back/saddle etc checked. It's not easy but if you really can't face the fact off riding him you need to decide what you are gona do with him. X
 
god I feel soo pathetic!! I sound like suchj a sorry or my self little girl!! but thank you all for responses, Im just sitting here having a cry.

No one will get on him for me. I dont know whether something has changed or this is the real him, Ive had him a year, he came to me in a bit of a mess, in poor condition and with some health problems, Ive been through an awful lot trying to put him right, I cant work out if this is a stage, him telling me something isnt right or this is just the real him coming through as he is now up to weigh and in work. I am gutted that I think I could be beaten by this horse who I have put soo much into.

Hes only having grass and hay at the moment. his back and teeth where checked earlier in the year, I have now got back lady coming out next week just in case.

Thank you all again for your lovely supportive responces, It nice to be able to talk freely about these things and not feel your being judged x
 
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I do feel for you, many people have been in your situation and its not nice. Rather than get the back person out again, can I suggest you get a vet to give him a real healthcheck.

While back people have their place, I do feel that sometimes they will make the horse feel better by treating the symptons and not the actual problem. Your vet should have a real thorough look, if nothing obvious then give him a course of Bute, that way you can eliminate/confirm pain.
I just went thought this with my TB, he was diagnosed with kissing spine (which he didn't have when I first got him) so definetly get a vet first.
 
little_rou said:
god I feel soo pathetic!! I sound like suchj a sorry or my self little girl!! but thank you all for responses, Im just sitting here having a cry.

No one will get on him for me. I dont know whether something has changed or this is the real him, Ive had him a year, he came to me in a bit of a mess, in poor condition and with some health problems, Ive been through an awful lot trying to put him right, I cant work out if this is a stage, him telling me something isnt right or this is just the real him coming through as he is now up to weigh and in work. I am gutted that I think I could be beaten by this horse who I have put soo much into.

Hes only having grass and hay at the moment. his back and teeth where checked earlier in the year, I have now got back lady coming out next week just in case.

Thank you all again for your lovely supportive responces, It nice to be able to talk freely about these things and not feel your being judged x
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If you got him when he was in porr condidtion, he would have been feeling run down, but now he's feeling better then he's back to his old self. I am gussing he's been passed around because of this, when what he really need is patient handling and more hard work.

I think you need to be honest here, are you experienced enough to help him?
Mabe you could put him on short tearm loan to some who can deal with him, and you can work on rebuilding your confidence. Or admit defet and sell him on and get a horse you can enjoy. It no good having him if its a constent battle and you losing your nerve, which will put him off more, and make him worse, it could end in a nasty accident that could put you off for life.
Its a sad situation and i truly feel for you, good luck with whatever you decide.
 
I have a TB who explodes when he becomes excited. Scares me to death, and I am a pretty confident rider, who, having ridden and owned many TBs throughout my life, didn't think I would ever suffer from nerves. Perhaps I am older I no longer feel invincible anymore.

Anyway, Mine can be a complete loon, but when I know a problem might be about to occur I can stop it now by exhausting him on the lunge before I get on.

I wouldn't be afraid to lunge your horse very hard every time before you ride for the next few weeks. Really exhaust him, and then take him on a hack, and I would suspect he will be a lot better behaved.

If he is better behaved, continue lunging every time before you hack for the next month. Horses are creatures of habit. Once he's been hacking out fine for a few weeks, he is more likely to continue doing so when you stop the lunging.


He's a thoroughbred and sometimes they just need a proper blast for their own sanity, because it's how they are wired. There are very few of us who live in places where we can easily give them what they need, unless you are fortunate to be on a yard that has its own canter track, or x country course, or amazing hacking close by. So you have to improvise.

Good luck with him.
 
My tb can be the most ridiculous horse I have ever met - rears at paths he has hacked down for the past 6 years,goes from being able to produce a good novice test to barely being able to walk in a straight line,stands stock still for the farrier to rearing up over the top of him etc etc etc - I could go on :D The best way I have found of keeping a more consistent horse is lots and lots of work. Mine works 6 days a week and does lots of long periods of med intensity work so schooling,hacking at a trot etc . I try not to do too much in the way of proper fast work as it puts an edge on him. He had a full mot and nothing of anynote was found (slight tightness through his hamstrings) . With the napping mine gets two chances to go forward - if he doesn't I spin him quickly round and we rein back until his single brain cell has engaged again and then he gets his chance again - me are world champs at rein back - went for about 1/2 a mile once when I first got him :D It seems to help him and get him focused and out of the hysterics . Where abouts are you as well -may know of a couple of riders who could get him started ?? Chin up - they do come good :D
 
Hi there sounds like a horrible pattern developing there for you. I'd advise you get some help on the ground in the school perhaps even a couple of times a week for a month or so, this will give you some focus in school instead of anticipating trouble and perhaps break the cycle. As for the hacking is there no way you can get a friend to join you, I don't hack alone as my horse naps but in company is 100% behind in front whatever. Choose someone with a good horse who understands and will allow you to set the pace and route alternatively hack with someone mega confident who you are too scared to say no to, sounds very scary but I went out allot with my friend who took on schooling liveries and hacked to get her eventers fit it was a bit like hunting but without the stopping and chatting! It did miracles for my confidence and my horses (our fitness too!) there was simply no time for bad behaviour she moved them on before they got chance.

Sounds like you've been soldiering on on your own and almost getting there so maybe a fresh face might just save the situation before his behaviour gets out of hand.
 
Firstly, you aren't pathetic, sorry you're feeling so down :(

When you say you are on your own private yard, is he kept alone?

If so, was he used to company before? :)
 
Why not find someone locally with a nice laid back horse that will hack over to you/box over to you and then hack out with you?

I have done this for loads of people that have had accidents/problems with their horses going out by themselves and in most cases they have ended up being able to hack out by themselves.
 
Although it would be easy to say that this sounds like a vicious circle caused by his lack and then your loss of confidence when hacking alone, I'd get the vet to check his back and have the saddle refitted. If he was poor when you got him he is bound to have changed shape over the last few months. If the saddle is tight this could have affected his back muscles. My very well-mannered mare had her back checked by the vet -all well -and then about a month later started being progressively more spooky until she eventually, months later, bucked me off on the road. During this time I'd had her saddle reflocked. The vet diagnosed severe muscle wastage and gave her a course of acupuncture. This has completely cured her (fingers crossed!). I realised that the jumping about at noises, particularly diesel engines, must have been caused by a headache or similar because of the pain in her back.
 
Firstly, I would question what you are feeding him? Tbh at this time of the year he needs NO feed and just grass and hay to supplement if you have limited grazing. There must be someone nearby who could come out with you - if you can find someone to join up with (even if you have to lead him to a meeting point) try and make him go in front. If he started in racing, he will be used to going out in company and it may take some time to change that mindset.
I would also try him in a standing martingale and as this exerts a little more pressure on their nose. You could ask around for another rider to see if they can work him through this - try the Pony Club or local hunt - there may be someone in your area who would come and ride him out for you and assess the situation for not very much money. Good luck and try not to become disheartened/scared. I am sure you will get through this with patience. I am sure alot of the problem is that he is on his own and has to get used to it.
 
He isnt on any hard feed right now, just grass and hay, unfortunatley the only riders in the village are absolute novices or very young girls, and all seem to have heard the stories about him (I guess this is kind of adding to the reason why Im finding it hard to now admit im struggling, hes not a bad horse at all, hes just got some issues right now!!) and wont ride with us!! I have never hunted, but went along to a hunt social a few months ago to try to make new horsey firedns in my area, I found them really hard to speak to, (anyone seen the thread in hunting about being rude - yeah that must have been written about them!) I dont have a huge amount of horsey firends, the girls on my last yard will mostly be waiting for me to fail I think, I absolutley do not class myslef as some sort of zara phillips but they are all novices really, or lacking in confidence themsleves - bar 2 - one is a talented young thing but her mother would kill me if anything happened to her (understandably) the other would charge me the earth!

I was thinking about sticking a note up in the local tack shop for a hacking buddy or maybe someone to share him,

I am on a private yard, he is kept with one other gelding and mare and gelding in the next field, dont hink there is a separation anxiety issue as niether seem to either realise the other has gone out most of the time.
 
I would seriously get the vet out. Our mare did this, one day reared up and over on the road on top of her rider. Had gastric ulcers and kissing spines. Come back to us when you've been given the all clear from the vet xxxx
 
Thanks everyone, vet is coming next week for Vacinations on other horse, so I will talk to her about it, in meantime back lady is booked too, hopefully we can get to the bottom of this as I dont want to give up on this one - thank you all soo much for your replies :) xx
 
I've read through all of these responses and feel for you. This is the nature of many Tb's, beauty does come at a price. After vet checks etc, I'd move to a yard where you can have company, both support for you and support hacking for him. If there's an instructor on site who you can pay to ride him once a week or so, you'd be on a winner, esp if you can double up with lessons too to get your contact/relationship right for you both - you can't ride Tb's like happy hacks, in my experience.
This setup is what I have for my divvy twonk Tb chestnut mare - who's seasons are spectacular:D.
Without this company and support for us both, we'd develop ulcers and I wouldn't keep her and be confident and happy otherwise.
 
Hi, I've briefly read through the replies and don't think you're being silly at all. It's really scary when horses nap, especially out on the roads etc. My WB started to get really nappy not long after I got him - only he would rear instead of buck. It took a lot of work but he's fine now, we just had to work through it.

I would agree with others about looking at what you are feeding. Also, lunging for a while before you ride may help in the short term. In the long term, are you having any lessons? How is he in the school, ie does he respond really well to your leg, does he work in a nice outline and go forward correctly?

If the answer is no, I would really work on this before you take him out on your own again and get some lessons with someone really good who can help you.

If the answer is yes, and he does work nicely in the school, have you tried working him in the school to warm up, getting him working nicely round and forward, then taking him on a hack but moving on in trot rather than walking, and working really round, maybe putting a bit of shoulder in/leg yield here and there to keep his attention? If you look at his ears, they should be over to the side, paying attention to you, not forwards or backwards.

I never thought I'd be able to hack my horse alone - he was so bad I couldn't get to the end of the drive, let alone out on a hack. Even with others he would rear/spin/reverse into other horses or ditches etc. Now he's the best behaved horse on the yard :)

Good luck - sorry for the long post!
 
re riding in the school - depends, sometimes hes lovely, most of the time very spooky, has never really worked in an outline or properly from behind, I put this down to being a poorly educated ex racer (still a pokey nose little thing) and have been trying to work on it, with some limited sucess. I tried to school him at the weekend, he took off the moment I tried to get on dragged me a bit, I finally let go he snapped his reins and bronced for a good 5 minutes around and around, So took reins off, and lunged him, he wasnt greated - napping and then broncing at me!! Ive always felt confident in the school and capable of holding him until this weekend, this is the first time he has genuinely, really scared me, because his behavious was soo agressive - it was this episode which prompted me to really think about what Im doing, and why Im doing it and hence the post on here this morning
 
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