Losing the joy of riding - has anyone here ever regained it?

Nancykitt

Nancykitt

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As the title says really - I know that a few people on here over the years have posted that they started to feel the pleasure had gone out of riding. At the time I found it very hard to identify with - but today I got on my pony (admittedly I was having a particularly nervous day) and thought 'I'm just not enjoying this any more'. It was a difficult thing to admit to, but there you are. So I got off and walked home.

But I just wondered if anyone had 'regained' the joy of riding after a break from it all? We have the horses at home and they are very much embedded into a family way of life so I don't want to do anything too hasty, like selling my pony.
 
Yes. I lost my nerve after a series of nasty falls (one which was followed by being attacked on the ground by the ungelded boy who had got me off). I'd ridden joyously for many years (since six years old!). Loved, lived and breathed horses but by the end of this series of mishaps and several broken bits later, I felt the same as you. I got up for work one day and simply thought ' I can't do this any more'. I was nervous beyond belief. Shaking before I'd even reached the yard.

I walked away from horses completely. In fact, I couldn't even go near one on the ground without becoming a quivering wreck, such was my fear.

This year, I'm breaking our family pony and loving every minute! Nothing happened during my break other than what must have been some sort of internal, subconscious recovery from the trauma. I actually had no intention of returning at all, then one day decided to and that was that. I thoroughly enjoyed my first ride (despite injuring myself and being unable to walk for a few weeks :D ), went stirrupless in all paces on a horse not known to me and found that for some reason, somehow, my outlook was exactly as it had once been.

A change is as good as a rest as they say. Or maybe, a rest is as good as a change? I'd suggest giving yourself a break before making any final decisions. It certainly worked for me :)
 
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Yes, I did. I sold up, downsized the property, went from 10 to 2 horses, bought a new one that is rocket fueled, I am having a wonderful time now.

Taking a break is fine, don't feel guilty, riding is meant to be fun, if it isn't, stop and take a breather, your horse probably won't mind.

This is such a crappy time of year, cold, wet, still not that light, I used to turn my hunters away about now because it all became a chore. Come April I'd be itching to ride again. You are fortunate in that you have the horses at home, that makes a difference.

Give yourself a sabbatical, if you still feel 'meh' in a month or so, then re-think your options. If you don't want to ride you can do other stuff with them, or just watch them grazing, whatever makes you happy.
 
I've never quite lost the joy, but I have given horses up completely 3 times (I am quite old, so over 50 years or so), for up to 5 years of never even looking at a horse. Always ended up back with the blighters though, so I've given up giving up: this winter is doing a good job of convincing me that a fourth sabbatical would be a good idea!
 
Like Cortez I gave up too. For 9 years, I had a wonderful time, I completely distanced myself from them. It was purely accidental, or maybe fate, that I was walking past a shop Window when someone put up an ad to help exercise racehorses.

Walking in to ask about that sign completely changed the direction of my life.
 
I've sort of lost the joy since my old mare died. Then I have had various physical problems such as my shoulders and having to have an operation, and more recently my finger injury (ring finger so important for riding) have meant that I have had to stop riding temporarily. Other than lightly backing my youngster I haven't ridden properly for over a year, and I don't actually miss it! I still love everything else about caring for horses. I love just being with them every day and could not imagine life without them, but I'm really not bothered about riding any more. However, as I run a livery yard, I will need to get back into it!
 
Yeah, my boy really brings me down at times rising wise. I don't want to ride and feel terrible riding him.
Sometimes it helps just too have a few days off ridint and loads of cuddles kisses and grooming instead. Sometimes it helps getting to ride something else.. And realising how much I really trust and love riding him.

And sometimes it takes me a month of groundwork!! I'm lucky my boy is fairly laid back though!
 
Thank you so much everyone, this is making me feel a lot better.
Certainly, part of it is that I don't trust my lad after he threw me - even though we'd had three great years and he'd built up my confidence no end.
But I got on our trusty veteran Connie today and I just didn't enjoy that either.

I can't seem to mentally get over the fact that if I had another fall it might end up with us losing everything (I'm self-employed and the sole breadwinner). This is always at the back of my mind. I've tried several techniques to get over it but the amount of effort I'm having to put in isn't worth what I'm getting out of riding at the moment. It's just no fun any more.

I won't do anything hasty, the hunting season's coming to an end anyway so I won't put myself under any pressure to get back on.
 
Yes, I've lost it twice now both times due to falls. But this second time, I've come to realise it's not the pony; it's the situation.
Since I moved him for more/better grazing I've lost my riding mojo.
The hacking is poor.
There's usually no one to ride with.
I feel uncomfortable at the yard.
My riding time has been replaced with travelling.
All these excuses do nothing for my motivation but I've been using my day off to take him home and use the fabulous hacking around home. Which I just love, and we are getting back to the old us.
Took me a long time to realise this, but OP take a look at what your excuses are, every minute detail. The answers are there.
 
I am currently in the process of giving up. I have found another job away from horses.
I have been riding minimum 7 horses a day, all breakers or problem horses. I have no fear, i will ride anything, but various employers have taken advantage of this. As soon as i get somewhere with a horse and its becomes a pleasent indivdual it is shipped off and another one comes. There is no fun, enjoyment or satisfaction.
Working with horses, making a livng out of them hardens you to them.
I will still have my own horses and hoepfully find some enjoyment in them again.
 
I keep feeling torn between giving up and not. Ultimately though, I just can't imagine a life without horses. I tried it once and was miserable and felt like I had no purpose.

Like Nativelover, it's the situation that gets to me. All I really want to do is to hack off road, so it's difficult to keep the motivation going if I can't do that. Competing used to give my schooling focus but now I don't compete schooling feels a bit pointless, beyond running through the basics to maintain suppleness and balance. I get sick of the yard chores, which I secretely love but the work just gets too hard and as winter goes on I need a rest more and more.

This year I've kept going by having a week or two off from riding, whenever I feel like it and not feeling guilty. A month on full livery for a real break towards the end of winter helps a lot too. I'm a fair weather rider now, which I never used to be but it's working out for me. I don't want to get soaked in the rain or deal with spooky horses in a bitter cold wind, so I don't. For me it's about being on the right yard, having the right horse and giving myself permission to give up doing the bits of horse ownership that are making me feel fed up.
 
I gave up for 10 plus years. Just lost interest. Been back riding for 4 years this year now and probably as keen as I ever was.

I won't ride anything that is unpredictable for the reasons you state tho. Both of mine and forward and fun but about as safe as any horse can be.
 
I once gave up on riding and I regret moving on from them. They were such a large part of my life and, although extremely horrible at times, life got even worse without them. My largest tip is to spend time with ponies- just tiny hairy shetlands because they will make life so so much better. The affection that they will give you will improve your feelings so much- my theory is that people forgot about the excessive amount of love they can achieve and become full of riding worries.
 
I know I can never give up horses, even if I could not ride. I did for less than a year once and it was horrible.
However, I would suggest you stop riding, just give yourself a month when you just groom and do ground work- or not even that, just feed and watch them be horses! You will either find at the end of the enforced month off that you are desperate to ride, or that you have not missed it at all. but you will probably find that you enjoy their company more without stressing about riding.
i have 4 who are all technically ride-able, but 1 is opinionated and 2 were only lightly backed last summer, and I have barely ridden all winter. but they are happy. went for a hack on my old boy a few weeks ago and loved every second, but not had time since. much prefer being like that though- 2 winters ago I got obsessed with keeping them going over winter- rushing to ride before dark and in all weather, but neither me or the horses enjoyed it.
 
Nancykitt said:
As the title says really - I know that a few people on here over the years have posted that they started to feel the pleasure had gone out of riding. At the time I found it very hard to identify with - but today I got on my pony (admittedly I was having a particularly nervous day) and thought 'I'm just not enjoying this any more'. It was a difficult thing to admit to, but there you are. So I got off and walked home.

But I just wondered if anyone had 'regained' the joy of riding after a break from it all? We have the horses at home and they are very much embedded into a family way of life so I don't want to do anything too hasty, like selling my pony.
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yes, moved yards and never looked back :)

went from crying and getting off 3 or 4 times each ride to going out group hacking/to the gallops/out in the trailer every week!
 
I gave up in 2006. I put the horse I owned at the time on loan and didn't even think about horses for the next few years. I'd started to find everything a real chore, I wasn't getting anything out of riding. I used to love competing but was hating it because my horse was 'ring shy'.

I bumbled along, putting on weight and becoming a couch potato.

Suddenly, in 2013 I started missing it. My old boy had been retired due to spavins and arthritis and I was hugely overweight and unfit. I went on a weight loss regime and when I'd lost a couple of stone started riding at the local RS once a week thinking that would give me my 'fix'. Six months later I bought Samuel and I now love riding again, love taking him to competitions, love everything about owning a horse again. I'm now slimmer, fitter and feel twenty years younger.

Bottom line, it's definitely possible to regain the joy of riding :)
 
I never gave up but I never liked riding one of my old ponys, she threw me off everytime I rode her. Sometimes I used to feel sick before I rode because I knew I was going to get hurt probably but I made myself do it. I never had a problem riding other people's horses and when I got my current pony I just loved riding her from day 1 and over a decade later I still do. I went through a phase of being bored of the hacking, but I've moved yards now got some maps and I'm over it.
I think you have to decide is it something about the particular horse you are riding you don't like? Or is the horse a saint but you just have no enthusiasm for riding in general anymore? I know so many people with rideable horses they never ride because they are scared/lost nerve etc and they are mucking out everyday and paying all this cash for nothing. You could have a horse that's great to ride, or buy a new car or something! For me riding is the best bit, in winter the only things I like are grooming and riding I hate mucking out lol
If I didn't love riding my horse, I wouldn't have one. I would never own another that I dreaded riding again either! If it made me feel that way..bye!
 
Yes.

First pacer was a loony, I persevered out of stubbornness and a desire to impress my parents. Stopped when we started breeding and was secretly relieved. Six years off riding, missed it but could never forget the feeling I had towards the end of riding Smokey (the unpredictability, wondering if today was the day I'd hit the deck and injure myself AGAIN).

When I was asked (read: told) to get Star going as a rider so we could sell her, I was petrified. Had a couple of riding lessons to get my confidence back and then just got on with it. From the start it was fantastic - she was never sold, only transferred into my name, and we have had just over 4 years of great fun together. Now I'll jump on any horse and try anything.

The thing that made me fall back in love with it was as simple as having a sane and sensible horse to start back on.
 
Similar to other posters, I used to ride anything, and did so for decades. Having children definitely tempered that bravado, but I'd still jump and gallop.

Then I found myself enjoying watching my daughters riding, and found excuses not to ride myself. Then they grew up and moved out, and I turned into a happy hacker.

Then I retired my dear old horse, who couldn't put a hoof wrong, and was left with my little horse who I never really bonded with (due to the circumstances by which I got to own him - best friend dying unexpectedly.)

He kept injuring himself, British winters got wetter and wetter, and I've struggled with enthusiasm for a couple of years. Something had to give, so I quit my horsey job, which is what ultimately made me resent horses, and life is too sort to deal with some of the bonkers characters who seem to accompany them.

Anyway, my boy is sound I've started riding again, fair weather only.

It's ok. Nothing more than that. I like my horse (love my retired one), and they'll be with me until the end. But I probably won't get more.

I sound like a real grouch, and I'm really not. My priorities have changed, that's all.
 
I've never actually given up, I've always had horses but I have gone through periods when they have been less important to me. They have never been neglected , always well looked after but I have done little with them ( the horses I am talking about are long gone ) These days I am again really involved with my horses but if I fancy a weekend where I don't ride, I don't ride and watch Dr Who all weekend instead and I find I'm more ready to ride the following weekend. I have chosen horses that a few weeks off and down time will not matter. The horse that needs work has a professional rider and will soon, hopefully be off to a loan home, so that worry should be gone( I will still keep a firm eye on him)
If you want a break, a full break or a part time break, take it! It will be good for you and if you come back to riding you will do so with a renewed vigour, if not you will do something else.
 
I gave it all up a year and a half ago. I've been into horses from a very young age, pony mad from as long as I can remember, that's all I ever did. I bought my own at 14 and was on to my third horse by 22 (one I sold, the other was sadly PTS, and then I got my youngster). The youngster was my dream horse, extremely talented and a dressage star, I brought her on and we we were very successful together. Something changed in me though, I started to compete less, I'd make excuses not to ride, ultimately, I started to build myself a life away from horses and I loved it having never experienced that before, and at 21/22 I suddenly wanted something different. Anyhow, I sold my mare and decided to go travelling, I loved it so much that I'm now moving to Australia later this year. My life has completely changed and I am so happy I made the decision I did. I have however, nearly 2 years down the line, started to get that niggle of wanting to ride again. I plan to do some outback riding in Aus as it could potentially help with getting my second year visa (that and it's something I've always really want to do), so I will need to dust the old boots off and get back to it again before I move, plus I actually want to get back on board again. I don't think horses ever leave your soul, maybe temporarily, but they always find a way back I think, though for me, this time, it will be more leisurely rather than a full commitment of owning again.
 
Nancykitt said:
As the title says really - I know that a few people on here over the years have posted that they started to feel the pleasure had gone out of riding. At the time I found it very hard to identify with - but today I got on my pony (admittedly I was having a particularly nervous day) and thought 'I'm just not enjoying this any more'. It was a difficult thing to admit to, but there you are. So I got off and walked home.

But I just wondered if anyone had 'regained' the joy of riding after a break from it all? We have the horses at home and they are very much embedded into a family way of life so I don't want to do anything too hasty, like selling my pony.
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do you know why you are feeling this way? is the pony naughty and just more hassle than its worth? is it a plod and just boring to ride?

Have you tried riding another horse to see whether you feel the same on that one!?

I spent years with a naughty mare, she would jog constantly, never enjoyed riding her, until I moved somewhere that was quiet, with lots of gallop space to get the excess energy out of her system!! but despite fighting with her the whole time before the move! I never lost my joy of riding!

I now have a youngster, so has had a number of pain issues, he's lovely to ride but can also be a total brat! I had lost my confidence with him a couple of times but again I still haven't lost my joy for riding!! While he was lame most recently, I started riding a horse for my mums friend and she made me realise that I could ride and made it more fun again! which in turn helped my confidence when I started riding the younster again!! We went from him planting, refusing to go a certain way, unless he was with another horse, to now being able to happily hack alone! Schooling is still an issue but we are slowly working on that!
 
Yes, right now.

I lost my little TB when I moved from the Isle of Man to Cumbria 5 and a half years ago. Not only had I been dragged away from my "home", within 3 months my beloved horse was PTS my mother blamed me, and then my Granddad died. It was a very dark time for me.

Said horse was my first horse, who I spend 3 and a half years of blood, sweat and tears trying to fix. Being ignored by vets etc. I got a diagnosis and my beautiful little girl had to be PTS as she was in chronic pain.

Because of the pain she was in, over the 3 years she had thrown me off 3 times so my confidence was knocked, she was an awful hack so my confidence out hacking was LOW.

I bought Buffy far too quickly. In Hindsight I should never have bought her, it was too soon. Buffy is a sweet mare, but sharp and quirky. Now don't get me wrong I have the ability to ride her but my lack of confidence held me back. I never got over the trauma of loosing my last mare. Five and a half years on and her name still makes me cry!

I now have a rising 15 year old Dutch Warmblood, who could have done great things with the right home, but because I never got over the trauma, she hasn't been ridden in 4 years properly, it just sucked the fun out of it. (Not that she cares.)

I then gained ALOT of weight, and the worse part is, I am starting to feel like I could ride and enjoy it again but I need to shed ALOT of weight to feel like I can get on her without putting strain on her. To be honest, I have enjoyed the looking after her and management side of things, and she has proved to be my sanity more than once. But riding was just not a big thing for me.

I have joined the gyn though so I must be determined. Watch this space!

OP - Give yourself a bit of time off. Maybe just spend time with your horse without the pressure of riding. Alot of horses out there do not care if they are ridden or not, they don't know their potential, they don't know that they are being "wasted". This is why I never sold my mare, I couldn't bare to and I didn't want to, and you know what we are both happy :)
 
Kezzabell2 said:
do you know why you are feeling this way? is the pony naughty and just more hassle than its worth? is it a plod and just boring to ride?

Have you tried riding another horse to see whether you feel the same on that one!?
!
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I loved that little pony so much because he looked after me, we went out hunting together and he had me believing I could do all the things I'd ever wanted to do. Then on New Year's Day he threw me and, while there may have been good reasons for him doing it, I can no longer trust the little man. I just keep thinking that I'm going to get hurt and I'll have to take time off work and won't get paid and won't be able to pay the bills and mortgage and and and....you get the drift! This level of anxiety is so overwhelming when I'm riding that it's impossible to feel any pleasure at all.
We have a lovely laid back Connie and I tried riding him yesterday but I had similar thoughts, even though the Connie has never thrown me.
My daughter rode my pony yesterday and he went beautifully - better than he's ever done for me. She rides very assertively though and I think he takes confidence from here - whereas he will be able to pick up on my fear and dread!

Some of the stories here have really inspired me though. And this experience is helping me to realise that the only reason to do any of this is enjoyment. Someone once said to me 'you need to enjoy it because horses are a very expensive way to be miserable.'

I would love things to get back to the way they were. But there's no rush.
 
I did! As a kid was bought a pony that now thinking was completely unsuitable and was pushed by family etc to do well etc. Outgrew said pony and was frankly quite relieved had about a 8 years break completely then bought my now horse as I did miss it started enjoying it again then had to move yards which was a huge mistake no one to ride with hacking was dreadful rode once a month if that. Decided enough was enough moved yards again to where I am now and it really has made all the difference now back to riding 5 times a week and absolutely loving it again confidence has had a massive boost no longer have a complete breakdown at the thought of just getting on etc. No harm in taking a rest and having fun doing non horsey things for a while.
 
I'm a bit like you, never able to let go completely! Problem is, I've now lost my nerve after not riding regularly for a few years. I only hack, but at 60 years old I feel I'll never get back in the saddle and I suffer with depression, which, I believe, is not helped by watching my daughters riding their (and my) horse. I take our ageing Shetland for a walk now and then.... and clean and sweep the yard....and feed...and water...and transport them to shows or the beach.....and it gets all too much work and none of the pleasure.
 
Mollymum why don't you ask one of your daughters to put you in the lunge? It's a totally different feeling to know somebody else has partial control of the horse.

OP I sympathize with your "what if" feelings. It's your natural self preservation kicking in. You might already do these things but if not, here's some ideas:

How is your riding position? A secure seat means you're less likely to fall therefore helping confidence. Lunge lessons can help to improve your riding position.

Is your pony up to date with tack and health checks? Knowing there's nothing wrong and its naughty behaviour gives added confidence to ride assertively through the problem.

Does your tack help you? The right saddle can make you feel like its impossible to fall out of, a less than ideal saddle like you're staying on by luck. What about the bit? I prefer to have sufficient control during "oh s h I t" moments and have a light contact the rest of the time, than risk finding myself out of control on a panicked horse. A breastplate or martingale comes in handy as something to grab if you lose balance.

Is your hat upto current standards and is your body protector a good fit? Knowing you're as well protected as can be helps confidence. Long boots offer some protection to your legs too, as does a long sleeved top to a lesser extent. Do you need gloves to help prevent the reins pulling through your hands? There are some nice lightweight ones available for summer use.
 
I've never made a conscious decision to give up, but the interest ebbs and flows. I lost my confidence for 18mo once: I had a fall and I didnt even really hurt myself and did the getting back on thing and it was all fine, but subconsciously I was shaken and just couldn't ride after that. Then one day that just...went and I'm OK now, although as another poster said, I'm a mother and self employed and certainly my income is make or break for our household and I feel that pressure not to bust myself!

I've also found that company makes the riding for me, when I got my own horse to hack at my own place I just found it...dull. Thesedays I prefer the training and driving. A 'finished' animal makes me feel bored, and the idea of controlling 4 at once with a set of ribbons is somehow more exciting than sitting on top of a mere one!
 
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