Losing your horse of a lifetime

tashcat

tashcat

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Having another one of those days were it feels like nothings going to feel right again.

I lost my lovely boy on the 1st December and god I miss him so much. Everyone has been so lovely and so kind. But I do think people have expected me to move on by now, but losing him has created this huge hole and I really can't move past it. I'm subconsciously lying to myself, reading H+H, horsey browsing for rugs like nothings ever happened, like he's coming back.

No matter how lovely the horse, nothing seems right, and I can't bring myself to go out and try anything. I know its barely been two months, but I just feel like its not going to be the same ever again. I'm worried I'll never enjoy horse ownership or riding like I did with my boy - he was such a special chap and I'll forever be grateful to him for letting me be part of his journey.

To those who have lost their 'horse of a life time', how did you move on? Horses have been a huge part of my life since a child, and I don't want to be without them - but I feel like I've come to the end of the road without him. Any advice and experience would be greatly appreciated!

Tea and biscuits if you've read this far :)
 
tashcat said:
Having another one of those days were it feels like nothings going to feel right again.

I lost my lovely boy on the 1st December and god I miss him so much. Everyone has been so lovely and so kind. But I do think people have expected me to move on by now, but losing him has created this huge hole and I really can't move past it. I'm subconsciously lying to myself, reading H+H, horsey browsing for rugs like nothings ever happened, like he's coming back.

No matter how lovely the horse, nothing seems right, and I can't bring myself to go out and try anything. I know its barely been two months, but I just feel like its not going to be the same ever again. I'm worried I'll never enjoy horse ownership or riding like I did with my boy - he was such a special chap and I'll forever be grateful to him for letting me be part of his journey.

To those who have lost their 'horse of a life time', how did you move on? Horses have been a huge part of my life since a child, and I don't want to be without them - but I feel like I've come to the end of the road without him. Any advice and experience would be greatly appreciated!

Tea and biscuits if you've read this far :)
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Really sorry to read this. I had to put down my horse who I had only had eight months and barely done anything with but there was something exceptional about him and it was very hard. I looked for horses almost straight away. My current horse, should I lose him, I 100% know I will need a very long break from horses before I could think of another. It's a decision I've already made, there's just no way I could have another equine in my life for a very long time. Maybe you need a break? It's not been long. Big hugs xxx
 
So sorry to hear about your boy. When I lost my horse of a lifetime, I started looking pretty soon after and made a massive mistake buying the horse I did. It was a total shock having this very nappy backwards thinking horse after having my boy for 12 yrs who certainly wasnt easy but I knew him inside out and the new horse totally shattered my confidence. I sold him 6 mths later and bought a lovely boy who I just didnt gel with at all. Despite trying but just not feeling it 2 1/2 yrs later I decided to sell him. He was wonderful, gave me my confidence back but it just wasnt right. Aftr a 4 mth break as I really didnt miss having a horse I found my current horse, by chance, she wasnt advertised, I didnt want a mare, she was older than what I wanted and it wasnt love at first sight but I watched her being rode and I thought wow. She passed the vetting, didnt break the bank and Im smitten, I love the bones of her and everything was hunky dory until she got a bad kick in the field just 6 weeks after I bought her. That was 4 mths ago now and fingers crossed we are finally getting going again. Shes quirky but I love her! If anything happens to her I doubt there will be another one tbh. There will be a horse out there for you but you are still grieving, theres no rush, you will know when the times right. Hugs x
 
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but the way you're feeling is normal.

After I lost my first horse and horse of a lifetime, I started looking very quickly, not to replace A, but because I felt so numb that I needed something to fill the void she had left behind. Of course T didn't, but he did restore that sense of routine, and sometimes I could almost imagine that the big brown ears I was looking through still belonged to her.

It took me a long time to love him, through no fault of his own, but I do, and when I had to retire him at seven and was faced with the prospect of losing him, I realised just how much.

He's now a field ornament, and I have a four-year old too. Today, I stood there looking at them and my old pony, and I felt such an overwhelming sense of adoration. They're not A and never will be, but they're a legacy to her, because without her giving me that first magical taste of horse ownership, there would have been no them. I like to think that means that, in a sense, she's there every time I'm with them.

In time there will be another for you too, if you want there to be: you just have to give yourself the chance to get to that stage. His loss will always hurt, but the pain will slowly, inevitably ease as the months pass, I promise you.
 
I lost my horse of a lifetime very unexpectedly (accident) last year. I honestly am still not "over it" and still regularly cry about losing her. I do however have a lovely new horse now, very different to the one I lost, but who I grow to love more every day. I didn't start looking until 2 months after I lost mine, and after a further 3 months and a lot of horses that werent quite what I wanted, didn't work out or were lovely but just didn't have that "right" feeling, I found my lovely boy. He will never replace the mare I lost, and it's not always been easy and there have been a lot of times I've cried just because he's not her and I want her back, but I can now honestly say I do love him and he puts a smile on my face every day. I found that in the 5 months I spent without a horse of my own, even though I was still riding friends horses occasionally, that I really struggled and it made me appreciate having one even more and by the time I found one I was ready to own something new. I have found that it has helped me move on in some ways, by having a new project to focus on.

After I lost her I immediately knew I wanted to get something else, but I didn't feel I was emotionally ready for a while afterwards. And even after I bought my new one, it took a while before I started to "love" him. I always liked him and thought he was sweet and lovely, but I was still grieving the horse I lost and for a long time he was just "not her" (and still occasionally is). If you find this happening it's not wrong, and you will probably grow to love another horse but it might take more time. Everyone is ready to "move on" at a different time, although I'm not sure you really "move on" from a horse of a lifetime, because they have such a big impact on you, it's more that your heart grows to make space for another horse to love alongside the memory of the one you've lost, and you're in no way betraying them by moving on and it doesn't mean you love them less. Sometimes the right horse might not be the one you expect, but it will be out there.

Big hugs, I know how hard this is, I'm still dealing with the loss of my girl 10 months on and I expect I will be for a long time but it does get easier, slowly slowly. The right horse is out there, and when they come along you'll start to feel that spark of enjoyment come back, but time and patience are your friends, and don't push yourself to "get over it and move on" before you are ready.
 
I lost my boy due to EFE colic a year ago. I still have moments where it hits me. I wish he was still here but not to be. My hubby's horse is lovely but just doesn't 'do' it for me but my youngster had helped me big time and I enjoy riding him although he is such a different type of horse.on paper. It was only recently I saw an ad for a horse which I felt an instant 'oh wow' with just seeing the advert but at the same time, head ruled heart as really don't want a third at present....

Everyone is different. Take time out or go and do something different with horses or take the opportunity to improve your riding on some school masters until you feel the time is right to consider horse ownership again. I found riding others has always helped me as I become a grumpy person without riding!
 
You don't ever totally get over it but there are other horses out there which will give you happy times and help fill the massive hole to a degree. Looking for a new horse in these circumstances is unpleasant. It's going to hurt for a long time. I cried every day for over a year about losing my horse in a horrible way but it does get more bearable as time passes. Most people won't understand how you feel but we do on here. I count my blessings daily that I've found other great horses and been lucky enough to own them. Good luck.
 
tashcat said:
Having another one of those days were it feels like nothings going to feel right again.

I lost my lovely boy on the 1st December and god I miss him so much. Everyone has been so lovely and so kind. But I do think people have expected me to move on by now, but losing him has created this huge hole and I really can't move past it. I'm subconsciously lying to myself, reading H+H, horsey browsing for rugs like nothings ever happened, like he's coming back.

No matter how lovely the horse, nothing seems right, and I can't bring myself to go out and try anything. I know its barely been two months, but I just feel like its not going to be the same ever again. I'm worried I'll never enjoy horse ownership or riding like I did with my boy - he was such a special chap and I'll forever be grateful to him for letting me be part of his journey.

To those who have lost their 'horse of a life time', how did you move on? Horses have been a huge part of my life since a child, and I don't want to be without them - but I feel like I've come to the end of the road without him. Any advice and experience would be greatly appreciated!

Tea and biscuits if you've read this far :)
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In the same boat - even though it was 2012 it feel's like yesterday.

We have had two livery horses put down in the last 6 months - the most recent was monday both were hoal. That hole is too big to fill by another that comes along but keeping a focus on another helps.
 
tashcat said:
Having another one of those days were it feels like nothings going to feel right again.

I lost my lovely boy on the 1st December and god I miss him so much. Everyone has been so lovely and so kind. But I do think people have expected me to move on by now, but losing him has created this huge hole and I really can't move past it. I'm subconsciously lying to myself, reading H+H, horsey browsing for rugs like nothings ever happened, like he's coming back.

No matter how lovely the horse, nothing seems right, and I can't bring myself to go out and try anything. I know its barely been two months, but I just feel like its not going to be the same ever again. I'm worried I'll never enjoy horse ownership or riding like I did with my boy - he was such a special chap and I'll forever be grateful to him for letting me be part of his journey.

To those who have lost their 'horse of a life time', how did you move on? Horses have been a huge part of my life since a child, and I don't want to be without them - but I feel like I've come to the end of the road without him. Any advice and experience would be greatly appreciated!

Tea and biscuits if you've read this far :)
Click to expand...

My previous horse Rommy came to me aged 8. He was a horse who bit, kicked and swished his tail in displeasure. He'd had a stack of riders ride him and had clocked up some BSJA money with a variety of riders but no one could gel with him. He was definitely a woman's horse and not a mans. I found him strong to start with as had all his previous riders and owners (he'd been sent back to the dealer twice by this stage) but gradually we adapted to each other. As he learned to trust me he stopped kicking and biting and he turned from an 'ugly duckling' to a beautiful 'swan' who gave back to me what I invested in him in terms of love and kindness. He'd wait by his stable door in the winter for me to get there after work, and in the summer he'd come trotting over to me in the field when I arrived, with a big whinny - really happy to be around me. I loved this horse so much , and we did so much together in terms of travelling to events and competing at various places.

Sadly he became uncoordinated on his back end and was firstly mis-diagnosed and then eventually diagnosed correctly with late onset wobblers/CVM and was pts upon diagnosis as there was nothing to be done for him. It broke my heart and when I had my current horse I felt I could not move on at all, I actually resented him. Even though I had Bailey I would wake in the night thinking "I can't wait to see Rommy" and then the dawning realization whilst half asleep that he was no longer around would feel like a knife to the heart and I would sob my heart out.

I'd already lost three horses by this stage, two I could have easily said were my 'horse of a lifetime' and to lose four horses in under seven years when you are a one horse owner was devastating to say the least.

It took a number of years to gel with Bailey, and the help of a Reiki/Horse Whisperer who told me that I wouldn't be losing him anytime soon that helped heal the scars and let me love again.

I feel that I am gradually losing Bailey now, I am no longer able to jump him, and I fear that I will no longer be able to ride him in the school anymore as his leg feels like it had deteriorated. Of course I will always listen to my vet and what they think and if he can only hack so be it. If he can't be ridden he will be kept for as long as he can manage although he needs to be in some form of work for his conditions. But people say to me "Oh well you have had twelve good years with him" like they try to minimize how I am feeling and make light of it, and that really hurts. And what they don't realize is how much I adore him, and how many times over the years I have rehabbed the horse spending in excess of £20K in vets bills. So the amount of time riding him has been very small in comparison. But people don't remember the bad things, only the good and forget all the problems.

This is what I found with losing the horses I lost. "At least you had some fun", and "at least you won some rosetes" like that's all that matters in life. People don't understand and never will understand your loss OP, as your loss is personal to you and only you. Time is a great healer but at the moment things are very raw for you and that is to be expected.

Please go and seek help from a professional, either a bereavement counselor or go to your GP as you are depressed. Don't be ashamed of feeling how you do. There are many stages of grief and bereavement and it can take years to get over, and some people never do get over their loss.

Be kind to yourself xx
 
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I lost two treasured horses within the space of 10 days in October 2004, a very long time ago, one to old age and one to colic.

I still miss them, I still feel a tear coming when I find a rug with grey hair on it. Despite cleaning them the odd hair lingers. I have 'trained' myself to remember the good and try to 'put away' not forget the bad.

I am facing losing another old boy in the not so distant future. It is so hard and we all have differing ways of coping. When I lost my boys in 2004 I said that was it, I even asked for my remaining horse to be pts because I could not bear to see him searching for his two friends. All three of them had lived together all of their individual lives. It was heartbreaking to see the remaining horse galloping around the fields and calling. It is something I will never forget.
 
I lost my two 'greats' 3 and 4 years ago, they were very young together then very very old together. One I had from when i was 19 to in my 50s so long long time.

It was such a loss, a golden chapter of my life had drawn to a close. However, between them they were my greatest riding critics and teachers so when I am ready to start the next big adventure, and it's getting closer - the next horse will benefit from all their hard work. I have two other horses but they are retired so there is a vacancy...
 
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Many of us on here know exactly how you feel - the key is not to put any pressure on yourself at all. You clearly don't feel ready to get another horse, so don't - there is no need to worry about that yet. The loveliest thing once that horrible stabbing pain goes is that you can see the happier times in a warmer light. I am now so grateful for the few years that I had with my old boy – what a joy, what an honour to have spent that time with him! It sounds strange, but it almost doesn’t matter that I’ll never have another like him because I was blessed to have had him at all. I don’t need another like that because I had him. I had two horses when he died and I haven’t replaced him because I had my other boy. I’ve never resented him at all – he’s a completely different character and I love him to the ends of the earth. He is equally awesome, even if he may not be my ‘horse of a lifetime’.

Anyway to summarise my ramblings – don’t worry about being sad. Don’t put pressure on yourself but most importantly, don’t put pressure on a new horse if the time comes when you feel ready for another. Let them be themselves and feel the joy of getting to know another person. Be grateful for what you had, even though it also hurts.
 
Hi, so sorry for your loss, my mare died 3 years ago tragically on the road, she was 21 and I had her from. 6 month foal, I was devastated, it was so hard even to go down to the yard and see her empty paddock and stable, the yard owner said he would keep my space for 3 months to see how I felt about another horse, being 62 I thought that I wouldn't bother, I was helping at a hunt yard and decided that when the season finished I would have one of the horses for the summer months, just to lightly hack. It was hard at first to see another horse in misty's paddock but the horse I had was lovely and I enjoyed riding him. When the time came to send him home I had fallen in love with him so because he was blind in one eye they sold me him at a very reasonable price and he is now my next forever horse and I love him to bits, Misty name plate still on his door with his name and he still grazes in Misty's paddock but I am so glad I have him so give yourself a bit of time, remember the happiness you had and the lovely life your horse had then when ready maybe get a horse on loan first to judge how you feel. Horses are in the blood and once you have one it is hard to let go, it is Valium of life and a reason to get up in the morning.
 
Something has just struck me whilst reading this sad thread.

We are all kind and compassionate horse keepers, we have all suffered loss and heart break, but remember our lost horses all had fabulous homes. knew only kindness and we will always miss them. There are horses that would love to be owned by us in the future, to receive the same care and kindness, never to replace of course, but just to be part of our lives and give us pleasure.

Just a random ramble.
 
That is true Adorable Alice - I have always tried to fill the gap, as an owner, but nothing ever comes close to being Oz, who was my "fairy horsefather".
 
ozpoz said:
That is true Adorable Alice - I have always tried to fill the gap, as an owner, but nothing ever comes close to being Oz, who was my "fairy horsefather".
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Me too, many of my friends would say my horse of a lifetime is the show horse I have now, 24 now and retired, been with me for 14 years and taken me to places most people only dream off. He is a horse of a lifetime of course in terms of success. But my real horse of a lifetime never won a rosette in his 29 years with me. He was my mate, he waited when I fell off him in the hunting field, he led kids ponies one each side, he didn't need a halter, he knew me better than I knew myself, he was 3 when I had him and I knew little, he taught me and I look back now and can't quite believe the scrapes we got into.

All of our horses are special in their own way. I am in my office surrounded by pictures, some from Hoy's and some of a newly born Alice in my arms, all special and I cannot imagine life without them.
 
I lost the ride of my horse of a lifetime when he was injured (again) and I had to face facts on his age/ mileage and retire him. I am grateful he's still in the field but replacing him for riding has been impossible. I tried loads that were similar to him - and hated them all, then went for something opposite to him (he is big irish mutt eventing schoolmaster, replacement is off track ex racer) that hasn't really worked either. But it has helped get me back into it.

Can you share/ part loan for a while as you deal with the grief and keep your hand in while you work out what you want to do? I'm not sure there is a 'right' answer. But expecting to find something as good might be setting you and new horse up for a fail.
 
Don't rush. There's no timescale on grieving.

My friend lost her absolute soulmate suddenly to colic one evening. The following weekend she decided to visit the stud he was from because she'd been promising herself she would go for years. Whilst she was there she impulse brought a 2yo from the same bloodlines. He was a lovely boy but when he moved into the old man's stable it broke her heart and she couldn't go near him for weeks.
 
Time is a great healer. I still miss my horse of a lifetime who was pts 10 years ago and have had other horses since. They are not a replacement but are each special to me in their own way. Fortunately I have always had another horse (or 5!) when I have had one die so it has never felt as though I had a different horse as a replacement.
 
So sorry OP. Many of us feel the same as you as we have lost our horses of a lifetime. I lost mine in 2014 - he'd been with me since he was 6 months old.

Everyone has their own timescale of grief and no-one should tell you when you should be 'over it'. For me, I still miss my boy each and every hour and still shed tears over the loss. But it does get better, bit by bit. I started a half-hearted search for another horse about a year after I lost him and found myself looking for him in the horses I tried. After trying several cobs I eventually went for something completely different - a little hat rack rescue Standardbred who deserves a chance... oh and 2 donkeys.

Still miss my boy, as you will also miss your special one in a million, but you will start to pick up the pieces in your own time. Do not fret about grieving, even if it takes a long, long time. The emotional scars we bear show the depth of bond we shared with our special horse of a lifetime.
 
The only thing that helps, and it's a cliche, but it's a cliche because it's generally true, is time. It never goes away completely, but with the passing of time you become more able to deal with it. I think there are a number of factors that make the loss of a special horse really difficult.

- People around you who haven't experienced it, and some who have, expect you to get over it more quickly than you would if it were a human family member or partner. People who don't have horses think it's like losing any pet. Somehow even those closest to you are not able to empathise fully. It's very isolating.
- The world generally is going about its business as normal, and yet you are screaming with a pain inside that you somehow feel you have to suppress because the world does not acknowledge this particular type of grief, so you go to work and to the supermarket, and feel completely alienated from everything.
- It's not only the loss of a being who is family, friend, confidant and companion, but... and this for me was the hardest thing... a loss of your very sense of self. For me this was losing the horse of a lifetime at the peak of our success that we had worked towards for years and the culmination of which was snatched away at the cruellest moment. Without that horse I was nothing and nobody. It can be as simple as losing your daily routine that revolves around the horse, your social life that involves your yard or competition scene, or just your reason to get out of bed each morning, or as complex as losing an unrepeatable partnership in which your own identity is bound up with that of the horse. I felt I had lost my own identity, and worse than that I lost my belief in the relationship between hard work and reward. I have never been the same since. Not the same, but ok, then better than ok.

The stories on this thread, OP, show that we all share this pain and also show that we are all ok. Eventually, I promise, you will, you really will feel better than you do right now.
 
I lost my mare just over a year ago, Id started her as an unhandled rising five year old and had a wonderful eighteen years with her. She was like a soulmate that knew how I was feeling and acted accordingly. I loved her to bits.

I have never replaced her, mainly because I now have other hobbies and commitments and I can now look back with happier memories. I have no desire to own again in the near future.

It is still early days, but one of the greatest compliments to your old horse is to repeat the experience with a new one if you feel it is the right thing for you.
 
I lost my mare just over a year ago, Id started her as an unhandled rising five year old and had a wonderful eighteen years with her. She was like a soulmate that knew how I was feeling and acted accordingly. I loved her to bits.

I have never replaced her, mainly because I now have other hobbies and commitments and I can now look back with happier memories. I have no desire to own again in the near future.

It is still early days, but one of the greatest compliments to your old horse is to repeat the experience with a new one if you feel it is the right thing for you.
 
i lost my mare last september and as i am 70 decided that was it. however after a couple of weeks i realised that not only had i lost my horse but my lifestyle had changed and i didnt feel happy. horses have been in my life for over 50 years and i didnt know how to cope without my horsey fix, i couldnt afford to buy another and i mentioned this to my YO and she knew of a horse needing a loan home, so i went and saw her and she came to the yard at the end of october....she is completely different to my mare and although i like her i dont yet love her....i think it will take some time but i am enjoying having a horse again but still miss my old girl....its different for everyone and there is no rush to make any decisions....
 
AdorableAlice said:
All of our horses are special in their own way. ......,,..............., all special and I cannot imagine life without them.
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This.

Every horse I have ever had has been special in his/her own way and all have taught me something that the others didn't. I have wonderful memories of each one even the show-bred Shire who had to be pts aged 6 before I had bought a saddle to fit her.
Dealing with bereavement is about an attitude of mind, ime, whether the loss is of an animal or a person. As AA says, you have to train yourself, not to forget but to move on. I am sure that there will be another horse out there ,OP, who needs the loving, experienced home that you can provide.
 
Perhaps I was very fortunate but when the old TB was PTS a couple of weeks ago, I was presented with a problem as well as a great sadness. Mr B needed a friend, he was so unsettled by losing his companion, he spent a lot of time standing at the gate calling and was quiet and rather depressed. In some respects I couldn't dwell on my loss because I had Mr B to take care of and I think that really helped. All the routines we had broke down because the temporary replacement came with his own problems. I have to admit to being tearful at times when I saw another in P's stable but life had to go on. I've now got a permanent companion for Mr B, they are getting along fine and I am becoming rather fond of him and he makes me laugh because he's a bit naughty. He will never replace P but he doesn't have to. I gave P a good long life and I am looking forward to doing the same for this naughty pony.
Pearlsasinger said:
This.

Dealing with bereavement is about an attitude of mind, ime, whether the loss is of an animal or a person. As AA says, you have to train yourself, not to forget but to move on. I am sure that there will be another horse out there ,OP, who needs the loving, experienced home that you can provide.
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AdorableAlice said:
Something has just struck me whilst reading this sad thread.

We are all kind and compassionate horse keepers, we have all suffered loss and heart break, but remember our lost horses all had fabulous homes. knew only kindness and we will always miss them. There are horses that would love to be owned by us in the future, to receive the same care and kindness, never to replace of course, but just to be part of our lives and give us pleasure.
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This is exactly what my mum said to me when I lost my own Alice. She had had a blessed life. She'd been valued and loved through every stage of it: as a racehorse, as a showjumper, and for fifteen and a half years as a riding horse.

T hadn't had such blessed beginnings. It was my mum who encouraged me to give a horse who'd had a hard start the sort of life that A had enjoyed. He'd been rescued at two from a stable where he'd stood knee-deep in his own excrement, starved, with a worm burden that no-one thought he'd survive. He'd been beaten, abused, and neglected, and fought his way through it all with the help of the fantastic family who saved him. I got to carry on that good work because of A, because she taught me everything I knew abut having a horse.

Although T had to retire at seven, what AA says is true: he will never have another day where he isn't loved or cared for. He is adored and I got to do that because I gave myself the chance to love another horse after A had gone.
 
I lost mine a couple of days over 4 years ago now. I still have his saddlecloth, his headcollar and his bit hoarded somewhere. In hindsight I think everything that was going on with him probably played a part in me winding up not passing the probation period at a job I had at the time (which then led me to my current job in a roundabout way) so I'm not going to say that I coped with it wonderfully well at the time.

I erm rushed into buying another horse after swearing I was going to have a break as when the time came to clear his stable out I realised I couldn't do it. Spent a bit of time resenting new horse. He's not always the nicest "person" in the world and can verge on the dangerous side if he feels you're backing him into a corner about something, oh and he went lame about 6? months into me owning him... granted this did start a chain of events that laid the foundations for me to start forming some sort of bond with him but it took a while.

Anyhow it's probably only in the last year or two I'd say that I've started to properly move on. Before then if someone had offered me a way to have him back in exchange for current horse I'd've taken them up on it. Yes I still wish he was here and that will probably remain the case for a while but I don't feel as guilty for letting him go anymore if that makes sense?
 
Thank you all for your wonderfully kind words, advice and experiences; so many of you have described how I'm feeling and I am so sorry for the loss of all our precious neds.

I have so many happy memories of my boy, and so much to be thankful for - which doesn't ease the pain but I'd rather have had everything he gave me and lose him than never had him at all. Horses are a huge part of life, but I now feel like I can give myself this break, and if and when I'm ready, start looking again. I decided to have a polo lesson yesterday - something I've never done before, but I really enjoyed being with horses again and it gave me these wonderful flashbacks of my boy, it was as if he was with me in a way.

Thank you all again x
 
tashcat said:
Having another one of those days were it feels like nothings going to feel right again.

I lost my lovely boy on the 1st December and god I miss him so much. Everyone has been so lovely and so kind. But I do think people have expected me to move on by now, but losing him has created this huge hole and I really can't move past it. I'm subconsciously lying to myself, reading H+H, horsey browsing for rugs like nothings ever happened, like he's coming back.

No matter how lovely the horse, nothing seems right, and I can't bring myself to go out and try anything. I know its barely been two months, but I just feel like its not going to be the same ever again. I'm worried I'll never enjoy horse ownership or riding like I did with my boy - he was such a special chap and I'll forever be grateful to him for letting me be part of his journey.

To those who have lost their 'horse of a life time', how did you move on? Horses have been a huge part of my life since a child, and I don't want to be without them - but I feel like I've come to the end of the road without him. Any advice and experience would be greatly appreciated!

Tea and biscuits if you've read this far :)
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Hey, I'm so sorry to read this and for your loss. I lost my horse of a lifetime very suddenly to colic ten months ago, and I know how you feel. I was constantly so frustrated with people casually telling me about horses for sale and trying to encourage me to get another. Even ten months later, the idea of 'horse shopping' or having another is nowhere on my radar.

I help at a sanctuary and do the rehab training for them, and that's been an amazing saviour for me. I have no doubt that one day the right pony will pop into my life without asking, probably at the least convenient moment - but it will happen eventually. In the meanwhile I have many projects who need lots of love and attention and that fills a gap. I'd absolutely recommend it. If not, perhaps a share (the 'right' sort of share though) could be an interim step to keep you riding and having a relationship with a horse without committing to one before you're ready?

In terms of therapeutic things to do, I got a diary and wrote down every little thing about my horse that I could remember and didn't ever want to forget, all the things that made him him. How he chewed his lead rope when I brought him in, how he snorted thoughtfully when he was contented, the look he'd give me when I brought out his saddle. It was a bit soul destroying but in those moments when you don't know what to do with yourself, it was also at least something sort of positive, and I'm sure in a few years' time I'll be glad I did it. I'll add photos and things too eventually when I am in the right place.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.
 
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