Loss of a horse?

[dallastheo1]

Hey everyone I'm looking for any advice or any personal stories to see if anyone has been the same . I lost my girl this year who I owned for 13 years. I was with her 24/7 whenever possible we did so much together over the years I felt like she was my child I thought about her none stop still do she was the love of my life never expected to loose her ever to be honest. After I bought another a month later in my head thinking it would be like bringing her back - it wasn't as soon as I got him home I regretted it and then felt awful over that too. So a painful downward spiral. I missed her not another horse. He wasn't even my type I think I was trying to replace the need for something to love! I found him a perfect new home. Anyway since then I'm just still mourning the loss of my girl who was my world but I miss not having a horse.but if I look after somebody else's it feels so wrong and I don't want to. It's almost like a partner dying then being shoved on a date and it makes u feel sick! That's the only way I can describe it . What I want to know is am I ever going to feel any better?
I want another of the same sort and a mare again, but I still feel so numb towards another horse I can't even look again yet . ! My life is so empty without her . I just want to see if anyone has lost their best friend and felt the same and how did it turn out for you.
I read some very old threads of some feeling the same from Years ago.
Thanks for reading x

 

[WandaMare]

It just takes time in my experience. I still miss some of my horses and dogs who I lost years ago, but it gets less painful with time. You do start to remember the happier times and look back at your time with them with joy rather than sadness. I don't think you can replace them, especially the deep connection you have experienced with a special friend. My advice is to do things that you really enjoy, horse related or not, but choose things which really lift your spirits. For me this is the best way to recover from the loss, then at some point you will feel ready to find another one which you truly connect with because you will be feeling more like yourself ( if that makes sense!) when you come to find them. Hope this helps x

 

[dallastheo1]

Thanks for your reply! I'm just waiting to see what comes along. I may go and view some next year but I guess it will only feel right if I feel a connection again like you say. x

 

[poiuytrewq]

It will get better and easier. After loosing my first beloved horse who had been a teenager with me, moved away from home seen me through boyfriends and ups and downs, eventually teaching my daughter to ride I was distraught. I thought things would never be right again.
After a succession of wrong or problematic horses I now have the 2 best horses I've ever owned. I felt guilty at first for loving them but I've surprised myself that I now think of my old boy and talk about him and it's fine. I would love to have more time with him but it's not foremost in my mind anymore, my current horses are.
You will get there and you will one day bond with another horse but right now your grieving. Go easy on yourself xx

 

[the shadster]

i have lost many animals over the years and it will definitely get easier. I remember them all with great fondness and boy I miss them. At times it makes me feel sad but death is a part of life and life is long journey which is so enriched by the presence, albeit sometimes short, of these beautiful animals. Give yourself time to grieve and when you feel ready then open yourself to love another like you did your beloved mare. Your life will be richer for it. Hugs x

 

[blitznbobs]

I think that anyone who's been in this game has had that horse. The one that was special and you think about even years after as the most special thing in your life.. The horse you learnt it all with ... As I've said before if you try to replace this horse you will fail . You can't it's like trying to replace your Mum...

So don't look at horses - go and take up a different hobby meet some new humans , learn a new skill... One of 2 things will happen. Your horse will become a happy memory of a chapter of your life that is now closed because you are now busy scuba diving/quilting/ woodworking / tuba playing / whatever or you'll be drawn back to the four legged beasts because you want to be not cos your trying to find something that is lost and can not be replaced.

 

[dallastheo1]

i have lost many animals over the years and it will definitely get easier. I remember them all with great fondness and boy I miss them. At times it makes me feel sad but death is a part of life and life is long journey which is so enriched by the presence, albeit sometimes short, of these beautiful animals. Give yourself time to grieve and when you feel ready then open yourself to love another like you did your beloved mare. Your life will be richer for it. Hugs x

Aww thanks that's lovely. Xxx

 

[Kezzabell2]

oh bless you, this is very sad!

I too lost my mare this year, like you I'd had her 13 years but she was 31 and she had a hard summer, got cold any time it rained but I couldn't rug her all the time as she'd get too hot if it wasn't raining! I expected to feel the way you do, but I've actually been okay about it, I think its because I know it was the right thing to do. I do also have another horse, I've had him for almost 5 years, so I guess I already had that love for another horse, that you are looking for! I guess the only thing I could suggest is that you do not try to replace her! no horse will ever compare! I can happily remember the fun times I had with Kelsey and often wish that Sam would some times be a bit more like her! but he's not, he's the total opposite but I think that makes it easier, as I can focus on his habits and see him as his own person, rather than expecting him to react the same way Kelsey would have.

remember 13 years is a very long time, so it is going to take you a while to get over it but one day you will find a horse that will be so much fun that you will start to be able to feel happy again! you'll never forget but you will be able to cope easier!

or get a shetland, I also have one and they have such big personalities you cannot help but love them

 

[dallastheo1]

It will get better and easier. After loosing my first beloved horse who had been a teenager with me, moved away from home seen me through boyfriends and ups and downs, eventually teaching my daughter to ride I was distraught. I thought things would never be right again.
After a succession of wrong or problematic horses I now have the 2 best horses I've ever owned. I felt guilty at first for loving them but I've surprised myself that I now think of my old boy and talk about him and it's fine. I would love to have more time with him but it's not foremost in my mind anymore, my current horses are.
You will get there and you will one day bond with another horse but right now your grieving. Go easy on yourself xx

Thank you! That's brought tears to my eyes.
That's how I feel guilty and awful. She was always there for me like yours was and think that's one of the biggest things sometimes. She's always been there when things have been bad, loosing jobs, fall outs , boy problems I never cared because she was there felt like she was my rock and I never worried . Then all of a sudden your alone and the life style is gone. She was the same had her from when I was 13 to now I'm 26. Just hope one day I will feel better I can give so much to one I just want it to feel right it may take a year or so to feel right with it but hopefully I can find another Welsh mare and find a new best friend xxx

 

[dallastheo1]

oh bless you, this is very sad!

I too lost my mare this year, like you I'd had her 13 years but she was 31 and she had a hard summer, got cold any time it rained but I couldn't rug her all the time as she'd get too hot if it wasn't raining! I expected to feel the way you do, but I've actually been okay about it, I think its because I know it was the right thing to do. I do also have another horse, I've had him for almost 5 years, so I guess I already had that love for another horse, that you are looking for! I guess the only thing I could suggest is that you do not try to replace her! no horse will ever compare! I can happily remember the fun times I had with Kelsey and often wish that Sam would some times be a bit more like her! but he's not, he's the total opposite but I think that makes it easier, as I can focus on his habits and see him as his own person, rather than expecting him to react the same way Kelsey would have.

remember 13 years is a very long time, so it is going to take you a while to get over it but one day you will find a horse that will be so much fun that you will start to be able to feel happy again! you'll never forget but you will be able to cope easier!

or get a shetland, I also have one and they have such big personalities you cannot help but love them

Yeah it was a huge shock to lose my girl . She was 26 but fit , loads of muscle full set of teeth. Took about 3 weeks to diagnose her we thought arthritis , abscess, she had cushings then found insulin resistance and it was chronic lami. And that was in a wet muddy winter of normal routine :/
She had huge loving personality we had the strongest bond I could just think something and she would do it! So it's not just a horse it's everything isn't it . I know I don't want another hobby or so on, I just can't be expected to feel normal straight away everyone from where I live knew what me and my horse were like together! I'm just gonna wait n find the right one then work on that. I know it will take time! I crave to be around them but only mine still. Think I've also struggled because I've never seen another I like yet . ! But when I find one I know will be all mine - I can start to form a relationship again. ,,, xxx

 

[LeneHorse]

I totally sympathise with you, I lost my first horse to laminitis (cushings related). She was the love of my life and I was so devastated when she went. But there was a huge horse shaped gap in my life and I knew I had to get another one. I promised myself that this one would be just a horse, something to ride, and would not get emotionally attached. This worked for a couple of months, but she gradually got under my skin and now as she is getting older (and also has cushings ) I dread the thought of losing her too.
So it might not be love at first sight with a new horse, but given time the bond will grow. You sound like a caring owner and there are so many horses out there looking for someone like you. The right one will come along and she won't replace your old mare, there will be room in your heart for two.

 

[Cortez]

That is the heartache of loving an animal that has a much shorter lifespan than we do. Dying is a part of life, the very last part, but you can keep her memory alive - with as much joy as sadness. As for replacing her, you won't; but there will be another who can steal your heart in their own way.

When you are much older, you will look back with love on all the animals who have walked with you awhile. They take a piece of your heart with them when they leave, but it is a piece we have given them with love.

 

[Schollym]

I still miss my boy, I had him for 14 years and lost him due to a heart attack. It wa quick he was in the field and I was with him. I found it hard to look at photos and no other horse compared. I had a pony and my daughters horse to care for so we still went to the stables. I found I had a horse shaped hole in my life. I bought a mare who despite being lovely didn't do it for me and I considered selling her. We had a health scare and I realised how much I loved her. 4 years on and she is my focus but I still miss my boy, he was my first horse. The suggestion of focusing elsewhere will give you the chance to grieve and move on. When you start scouring the for sale pages and think that a horse sounds interesting you will be ready to move on.

 

[Junebug44]

i have lost many animals over the years and it will definitely get easier. I remember them all with great fondness and boy I miss them. At times it makes me feel sad but death is a part of life and life is long journey which is so enriched by the presence, albeit sometimes short, of these beautiful animals. Give yourself time to grieve and when you feel ready then open yourself to love another like you did your beloved mare. Your life will be richer for it. Hugs x

Beautifully said.

 

[AdorableAlice]

That is the heartache of loving an animal that has a much shorter lifespan than we do. Dying is a part of life, the very last part, but you can keep her memory alive - with as much joy as sadness. As for replacing her, you won't; but there will be another who can steal your heart in their own way.

When you are much older, you will look back with love on all the animals who have walked with you awhile. They take a piece of your heart with them when they leave, but it is a piece we have given them with love.

Lovely words.

Many of us have been in the same place over the years. Just today I stood on a raised area in the paddock, bitterly cold and frosty morning, the ashes of a much loved hunter are buried on the mound. I remembered him standing on the mound and surveying the farm with bright eyes and pricked ears and I felt upset. He died 8 years ago and was a very good age having enjoyed a happy retirement for 4 years. There is no doubt time helps but there will always be those moments when everything floods back.

OP, never think replace, you can't. Reading your words makes me think a young horse, maybe an 18 month/2 year old filly would be the way to go. Raise the filly so she knows you from the beginning of her education and you will have a real bond growing slowly and you can start again but not replace. Good luck with whatever you do, and there is one very fortunate horse waiting for you somewhere.

 

[Fruitcake]

I really feel for you. I'd echo what others have said: time helps. You can't replace them and that's OK but you can have something different with another horse eventually.

I lost my childhood and teenage pony when she was 34. She'd been with me for nearly 20 years and was part of my family. I was expecting the time would come but that didn't make it any easier when it did. I still had my other (small non riding) pony but, although I love him, the fact that we've never had that riding relationship makes it different.

After about 18 months, I decided that I wanted another. I hadn't ridden for the last few years of my pony's life as she was retired so I went for some lessons and remembered how much I loved it. I decided I wanted something completely different as the idea of "replacing" made me feel uncomfortable. Instead of a mare, I went for a gelding. He is absolutely nothing like my mare at all in looks, type or personality but I love him just as much. What I have with him is totally different to the relationship that I had with my mare but equally as good if that makes sense.

Just to add that the bond I have with my horse now didn't happen straight away. It took quite a while. My advice would be, when you're ready, to go for something different and to build up a different relationship. As others have said, in time, you'll be able to remember your mare with happiness rather than sadness. I wish you well with whatever you decide.

 

[iknowmyvalue]

I lost my one in a million horse earlier this year in very traumatic and unexpected circumstances so I know how you feel. I still miss her every day, but my new boy is slowly growing on me. They're very different horses, because I know that if I had gone for something similar I would constantly have been comparing them and I would have felt as if I was replacing her. A different type of horse isn't necessarily a bad thing, sometimes the change allows you something new to focus on whilst also leaving space to grieve the loss of your other. But everyone is ready to move on at a different point, I got my boy 4 months after I lost my girl, I did ride in the meantime but it wasn't the same and I found I was absolutely desperate to get something else of my own after this time.

I expect you will always miss the horse you've lost, and there'll always be the times where you wish any new horse you ride/own would be more like them or where the "what ifs" start to take over. When the time is right, and if and when you want to get a new horse, you might just need to give them a chance to work their way into your heart. You will never replace the horse you've lost, but you can use what they taught you to help, teach and love another one, who will hold a different but still special place in your heart. You're not betraying your horse by moving on and being happy with another horse, and it doesn't make them any less special to you or mean you love them any less. One day you'll be able to look back on their memory and smile at the good times you had together, and to remember that they will always be a huge part of you becoming the rider you are today.

 

[Alliya]

I lost my 2 year old 4 years ago i had her mum back who was on loan but it was never the same losing my baby totally finished my horse owning days just not the same so this year i finally gave up after 30 years some times i think i have friends with there own horses i could go for a hack with them just do not want too

 

[Pearlsasinger]

That is the heartache of loving an animal that has a much shorter lifespan than we do. Dying is a part of life, the very last part, but you can keep her memory alive - with as much joy as sadness. As for replacing her, you won't; but there will be another who can steal your heart in their own way.

When you are much older, you will look back with love on all the animals who have walked with you awhile. They take a piece of your heart with them when they leave, but it is a piece we have given them with love.

This, exactly!

You can help yourself get over the loss by telling yourself that you are not going to wallow in your grief. Honour her memory by using what she taught you to give another horse the best home possible.

 

[Gloi]

Maybe take on something for a while that really needs a loving home from one of the rescue centres. Then you can feel you are doing some good for the animal and not be comparing it to your horse. Then in time you may feel ready to start again with a new riding horse.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I lost my mare last year I already had a gelding I have had for 10 years but I also recently got another gelding just before she was pts, after she was gone I really had no time for the new horse everything he did seemed to annoy me and it made me really sad, he had 5 different owners before me and he still hadn't really settled and I wasn't enjoying riding him much he had no confidence and was hard work, and all I could think of was how easy grace was and how different they were, but as time went on I just took it as being a bit of a challenge and now I can honestly say I would really miss him and although he can still be a silly arse, he is so much better he seems much more settled and happy and he calls to me and I am really enjoying him, it's not been without tears but I am glad I have him and I will never part with him he has a home for life with me now and to be honest I think it's all he needed was to have someone who believed in him, so I suppose I owe that to grace now she has gone.

 

[Maesfen]

Make yourself so busy that you don't have time to think of anything let alone something you can't change.
Might sound harsh but its the only way to go; it would be exactly the same as if you had lost a human close to you. You just get up and battle on it's no good wallowing over something you can't change; you just cherish your memories and thank whoever you believe in for the good times you had together.
As someone else said, leave horses alone for now and take up something entirely different but equally demanding. You will soon find out if horses are in your blood and you have to have another or it was just a pleasing passing phase but please don't wallow; it won't change anything and makes it all more painful for you - and others around you miserable because they have to tread on eggshells in case they say something to start you off again.

It will get better, I promise you but the more you wallow the worse it will be for a lot longer.

 

[Wagtail]

OP, I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my mare over 3 years ago. She was my soulmate and I have never felt the same about life since. I too got a new horse around a month later, but I purposely got a young filly. One that I knew I didn't need to do much with apart from day to day care. My thinking was that there would be no pressure on me to bond with her or to break her in for at least two years. I have never regretted my decision to do this. I am starting to have a real bond with her now, after three years! But that's okay. Nothing has been forced; it has all happened naturally. I still don't feel the same way as I did with my old mare. This one is very different in character in many ways, but in others, she's very similar. Both are left brained extroverts which I like best in horses. I love my new girl to bits and feel our bond is growing by the day. For me, getting a youngster was the best thing I could have done.

 

[dallastheo1]

OP, I know exactly how you are feeling. I lost my mare over 3 years ago. She was my soulmate and I have never felt the same about life since. I too got a new horse around a month later, but I purposely got a young filly. One that I knew I didn't need to do much with apart from day to day care. My thinking was that there would be no pressure on me to bond with her or to break her in for at least two years. I have never regretted my decision to do this. I am starting to have a real bond with her now, after three years! But that's okay. Nothing has been forced; it has all happened naturally. I still don't feel the same way as I did with my old mare. This one is very different in character in many ways, but in others, she's very similar. Both are left brained extroverts which I like best in horses. I love my new girl to bits and feel our bond is growing by the day. For me, getting a youngster was the best thing I could have done.

Really helpful and interesting to hear about your youngster. I have considered it - I don't know as much about bringing young ones on correctly but did think I can love and look after one and form a bond! I don't mind waiting to ride etc as my girl was in very light work for last 5 years due to athritis so I'm
Used to not riding every day anymore xx

 

[dallastheo1]

I totally sympathise with you, I lost my first horse to laminitis (cushings related). She was the love of my life and I was so devastated when she went. But there was a huge horse shaped gap in my life and I knew I had to get another one. I promised myself that this one would be just a horse, something to ride, and would not get emotionally attached. This worked for a couple of months, but she gradually got under my skin and now as she is getting older (and also has cushings ) I dread the thought of losing her too.
So it might not be love at first sight with a new horse, but given time the bond will grow. You sound like a caring owner and there are so many horses out there looking for someone like you. The right one will come along and she won't replace your old mare, there will be room in your heart for two.

Aww thanks for ur reply. I'm a massively caring
Owner she was my life! Had everything I could provide her with and always worried me rotten over little things lol. I have that huge horse shaped gap but then sometimes feel daunted that I will never find one but hopefully something will happen and it will be right x

 

[dallastheo1]

That is the heartache of loving an animal that has a much shorter lifespan than we do. Dying is a part of life, the very last part, but you can keep her memory alive - with as much joy as sadness. As for replacing her, you won't; but there will be another who can steal your heart in their own way.

When you are much older, you will look back with love on all the animals who have walked with you awhile. They take a piece of your heart with them when they leave, but it is a piece we have given them with love.

I guess thanks for your kind words they really help me feel better . Xx

 

[dallastheo1]

I love that.

 

[dallastheo1]

Lovely words.


Many of us have been in the same place over the years. Just today I stood on a raised area in the paddock, bitterly cold and frosty morning, the ashes of a much loved hunter are buried on the mound. I remembered him standing on the mound and surveying the farm with bright eyes and pricked ears and I felt upset. He died 8 years ago and was a very good age having enjoyed a happy retirement for 4 years. There is no doubt time helps but there will always be those moments when everything floods back.

OP, never think replace, you can't. Reading your words makes me think a young horse, maybe an 18 month/2 year old filly would be the way to go. Raise the filly so she knows you from the beginning of her education and you will have a real bond growing slowly and you can start again but not replace. Good luck with whatever you do, and there is one very fortunate horse waiting for you somewhere.

Thanks so much for this! All your words help me so much. I'm now In a totally horse free envrioment now I lost my girl. Nobody in my family is horsey so you can only imagine what they think 🙄 I'm not putting my grief on others at all like some have said it's just locked inside but needed to voice it to people who understand , not to people
Who say"it's just a horse"! So just talking to you is a huuuuge help. 🙂

Funny you have said about a young filly. I'm planning on looking at a stud in wales in a couple of months. I would mainly love it to create a bond and give it all my love. I love them with my life and can only imagine we could create a really strong bond again and by the time it comes to working them we would know each other so well. Just some people's views can put me off saying some can be mental when breaking etc but look at all the horses who turn out okay! I think when I see one and know it's the one all will fall in place x