Loss of Confidence

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Ive been at myerscough college since september, and before then, i was a completely fearless rider, and used to event.
Since starting college, everythings gone completely backwards. My last few riding lessons ive left the arena in tears because ive felt ive done so badly.
It doesnt help that al lot of the people on my course are bitchy and watch everyones lessons, which makes me even more self concious. Theres nothing i can do to stop them watching obviously, i just need a confidence boost to ignore them when im riding!
My instructors are very unprofessional in as much as they favour the better riders of the group, and single out the ones that arent as good
I also feel very inferior because of the fact that all my friends come from horsey families who have been around horses since they were very little. I however have not and know a lot less, making me feel a little bit silly at times when i dont know what theyre talking about.
I dont want to quit college, because ive got this far, and i really want the qualification to go to university. I just feel like im the hopeless case of the group
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Sorry its so long!

Any ideas on how i can increase my confidence a bit? x
 
Confidence is SUCH a fragile thing, isn't it? You know, I'm pretty sure that your riding is NOT rubbish and in fact it's rather good, which is WHY people are b:tching! In fact, I bet they b:tch at everyone so the best thing you can do try to ignore it. I know this is easier said than done, but once you get used to the idea that they're petty individuals who have nothing more constructive to do, you can get on with making the most of your lessons for your OWN benefit. Do you get the chance to practise on your own outside lesson time? That might help as well.
 
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Equine colleges are funny places, they are such artificial environments - I know, that at the moment it feels like it is "everything" but I promise you, it really isn't!

Is there a tutor you can talk to? I'm at an equine college, although studying for a degree - and although we had some limited riding on our course, we could drop it after the first year which I did for other modules, but I have a feeling that it's compulsary for you?

At our college, the other girls aren't allowed to watch lessons - as I know thats a prime source of b****ing, although by the time people get to a degree course moat people have grown out of mindless b****ing! . Perhaps you can see if other people feel this way (I'm sure they do, I know a few people didn't enjoy riding at college) and approach the lecturer together?

Is there any way you can be moved groups? With a more sympathetic instructor?

If nothing gets done, it might be worth approaching your course director or overall leader about the unpleastness on the course.
 
Unfortunately theres no other group i could move to! haha!

And yes i do get time to ride outside college. And hopefully i'll be riding loads more during summer.
I think im just to sensitive to what people are saying!

JSL which college are you at?
x
 
I really feel that your instructors have something to answer for.
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They should be doing a good enough job such that you are not reduced to tears at the end of your lessons. They are a make or break part to building confidence. Can you choose a different instructor?? If not, I think you should ask to have 5 minutes with your instructor(s) and explain how you feel.
There would also be no harm in your instructor requesting that you have lessons without everyone watching.

It is difficult to ask for help when you already feel down. I do think though that they may not realise how bad you feel.

I feel for you. I hope that by talking to people in authority you can arrange things to make life a bit easier for you.

Also try to remember that we all have confidence issues. Even people like Pippa Funnel have admitted to this. Your levels of confidence will not always be the same. But there are ways of building confidence. Over hte winter I hardly rode at all, but my lessons and regular riding on my own are really helping to increase my confidence.

I'd also ask that you are not over-horsed at this stage. Your college should be supporting you because you are paying for a service.
 
I think to be honest half the problem is that theyre under - horsing me. Im on the same kind of plod twice a week that i never get a challenge. I go out feeling like im not acheiving anything because im doing the same thing over and over again. I dont know how they expect me to pass exams when im not progressing at all. I have spoken to my instructor about this, but im not holding my breath, because knowing them, they wont take my view into account.

Ahh Frustration!!
I cant wait for next year to be over so i can just leave! x
 
Do you have one instructor that you particularly get on with that might listen to you (or anyone that is in a senior role at the college)? I really feel that the college should be providing you a service and is clearly FAILING to so so.....................
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im thinking of going to the Equine Department Manager. Ive already made a complaint about one of the instructors, but thats because they were accusing me of lying about having pneumonia and a collapsed lung when i wasnt in college for a month. Shed even got a doctors note, yet still thought i was just skiving!

I think its time i went and had words, because i just want to get my stages and PTT done and then get out of there!
x
 
I think this is a great idea. They are failing you at present. Let us know how it pans out. PM me when you like if you need an ear!
 
If I were you, I'd take a long, hard look at yourself in terms of your real riding abilities. When students initially arrive at colleges, often they are the best rider they know from their group of friends, other people at the livery yard and so on - big fish in small pond. When they arrive at college, it can be very difficult to adjust to the fact that you become a small fish in a big pond, with some seriously professional riders.
And a professional rider would be able to ride any horse - including the 'same type of plod' that you are having trouble with - after all, you're not going to get GP dressage horses, nor intermediate eventers in your stages exams, are you?
Perhaps you should take a deep breath, and book an external assessment lesson with a BHS examiner - and ask them to tell you, no holds barred, exactly what they think about your riding and when you will be ready for Stage 1. That way you will have realistic view of your abilities.
S
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Shilasdair ease up! Bit harsh there, the poor girl has come on here seeking advice (constructive) and moral support.

I would say we all have rough patches, keep your head up and make things change and happen for yourself. You are there to learn, work to create a positive environment and see how things come back together!

All the best chick!
 
valid points but calico already stated she not from riding family so guessing she's worked bloody hard to get to college.

As result is unlikely this is a result of over inflated self opinion.

Calico sweetie, take the summer to remind yourself how much fun riding is, get something mad on loan. I do think the idea of a lesson with an independant instructer is a good idea but you don't need to pay a BHS examiner, any qualified instructer should have passed stage 1 so will tell you if your on track for it.

Girls with horsy backgrounds are incredibly suspicious of anyone coming up without a similar advantage and the thought of being bested by someone who has not had the same advantages scares them as it makes them realise that they are not so good as they think.

I know, I had same problem. My riding style lacks finnesse but I can, will and do ride anything, including horses that others have decided should be shot as dangerous, what's more, I do rather well on them at a non affiliated level, admittedly my serious jumper is a homebred home broken girly with no issues, but it was my home and me that produced her, and without a horsy background!!!

Sounds like shilasdair may be on your college course as s/he is sounding a bit bitter and I'm guessing has horsy family lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love and hugs, enjoy the summer.
x
 
[ QUOTE ]
valid points but calico already stated she not from riding family so guessing she's worked bloody hard to get to college.
<font color="blue">Not true - colleges want the fees money, so will take anyone who applies pretty much, regardless of riding ability. Mostly they are looking for only 4 or so GCSE's at C or above to get onto ND, even fewer for FD. </font>

As result is unlikely this is a result of over inflated self opinion.

Calico sweetie, take the summer to remind yourself how much fun riding is, get something mad on loan. I do think the idea of a lesson with an independant instructer is a good idea but you don't need to pay a BHS examiner, any qualified instructer should have passed stage 1 so will tell you if your on track for it.
<font color="blue"> No, if you want a proper assessment about your abilities to pass the exam, you need to go to a BHS examiner who will know the standard. I drive a car, but I wouldn't be able to say who was ready for their test, would I? </font>
Girls with horsy backgrounds are incredibly suspicious of anyone coming up without a similar advantage and the thought of being bested by someone who has not had the same advantages scares them as it makes them realise that they are not so good as they think.
<font color="blue"> That's not true. </font>
I know, I had same problem. My riding style lacks finnesse but I can, will and do ride anything, including horses that others have decided should be shot as dangerous, what's more, I do rather well on them at a non affiliated level, admittedly my serious jumper is a homebred home broken girly with no issues, but it was my home and me that produced her, and without a horsy background!!!
<font color="blue"> I applaud the fact you get on and ride any horse - and so should the OP, instead of posting nasty things about the poor 'plods' underhorsing her - especially if she is only aiming for Stage 1. </font>

Sounds like shilasdair may be on your college course as s/he is sounding a bit bitter and I'm guessing has horsy family lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<font color="blue"> You don't know how funny that is! That cheered me up immensely. Ah, if only I were the age to do an ND again....
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Perhaps I do have a little insight into colleges, though?</font>
S
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[ QUOTE ]
Shilasdair ease up! Bit harsh there, the poor girl has come on here seeking advice (constructive) and moral support.

I would say we all have rough patches, keep your head up and make things change and happen for yourself. You are there to learn, work to create a positive environment and see how things come back together!

All the best chick!

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I say it as I see it - it is to nobody's advantage to keep telling people they are fabulous riders, whom the world misunderstands if that's not the case.
To get a realistic view, going to an independent BHS examiner is the best way to have your riding assessed in terms of BHS stages progression.
S
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Hey what's with all the grief?

We are here to help the poor Calico with her confidence issues and to bolster her confidence not to make it round two of her riding college!

Come on guys let's get constructive and work together on this.

Hey Calico PM me if you need any further support as am totally with you

Jo
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insight? so you went to one, great!!!

I drive too and wouldn't say yes would definaly pass but a driving instructer has far more knowledge of the requirements than me same as a riding instructer has far more knowledge than the girls at calico's college.

A professional is always a better bet, are you a pro driving instructer?? then how is coming to you for driving advise like going to a riding instructer for riding advice? I appreciate the examiner would be the best person but a local instructer would be more affordable for a student, I'm a realist.

Point of this post was CONSTRUCTIVE advice, I am yet to see you phrase anything in a friendly or constructive way on the whole site, i get the feeling you wear alot of black, can I recommend a nice pink or blue top tomorrow to cheer you up? ha ha

Calico huni, I'm sorry to hi-jack your post, have it back and best wishes. PM either me or Josafiend for help/support
x
xx
 
[ QUOTE ]
Hey what's with all the grief?

We are here to help the poor Calico with her confidence issues and to bolster her confidence not to make it round two of her riding college!

Come on guys let's get constructive and work together on this.

Hey Calico PM me if you need any further support as am totally with you

Jo
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[/ QUOTE ]

Perhaps it is her view of her abilities that needs to be retuned rather than her confidence? I am not saying she is a bad rider, obviously, as I have never seen her ride, nor know her. I am just suggesting that maybe she ought to get on and prove to these instructors that she can ride any horse and is therefore ready for her Stages, supported by external lessons, if she's serious, rather than complaining about the horse, the instructor, the students, everything!
S
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Think S has a point - no disrespect to Calico but my sharer went to an equine college and she realised very early on that she either raised her game and ignored the 'cattiness' or failed miserably!

The horsey world is a bitchy one so you need to get on and just sod everyone else....without being mean, perhaps if you're going to college with a negative attitude that might not be helping you?
 
I agree with Shills as to be able to get a tune out of a plod is much harder than to look pretty on a forward going horse. It actually takes more skill than sticking to a bucker etc. When I was learning to ride, I loved the forward going nutty ponies, but my instructor would occasionally make me ride one of the difficult to move ponies as it taught me more. However I do feel that the instructors need to ensure that the lessons are private for all students, at least one in three.
 
[ QUOTE ]
insight? so you went to one, great!!!
<font color="blue"> Not quite
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</font>
I drive too and wouldn't say yes would definaly pass but a driving instructer has far more knowledge of the requirements than me same as a riding instructer has far more knowledge than the girls at calico's college.
<font color="blue">And an examiner would be up to date on the current BHS exam standards. For candidates, they have 'Standard Setting Days' I believe, but I think only at Stage 3 and PTT level. </font>
A professional is always a better bet, are you a pro driving instructer?? then how is coming to you for driving advise like going to a riding instructer for riding advice? I appreciate the examiner would be the best person but a local instructer would be more affordable for a student, I'm a realist.
<font color="blue"> There shouldn't be a lot of difference in price between an instructor, and an examiner...and an instructor could give false hope, which might then lead calico to spend lots on an exam before she's quite ready - better to spend a little more now, and know where she stands. Also, if she is going to discuss her progress with her course/team leader, having an examiner's viewpoint would carry much more weight. </font>
Point of this post was CONSTRUCTIVE advice, I am yet to see you phrase anything in a friendly or constructive way on the whole site, i get the feeling you wear alot of black, can I recommend a nice pink or blue top tomorrow to cheer you up? ha ha
<font color="blue">More green, and very lustrous at the moment...
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</font>
S
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think that's what people on here are trying to say in a supportive fashion, S may have valid point but is either intentionally antagonistic, in which case what a bit** when the poor kid came on here with an emotional issue, or has very few people skills, in which case maybe S could start own thread requesting help with developing some!!!! lol

We constantly surprise people at shows by (gasp) being nice to them!!! we always collect new friends and acquantances at events and are well liked locally, as a result we don't find it abit**y world, wonder what veiw of the horsey world S gets, if s/he gets out much!!!! ha ha ha
 
Why does it have to be a bitchy one? If people start to treat each other a little bit nicer we would all be a bit better off.

My sis and I go to shows and come away having made new friends, if someone comes off you support them (unless they had just leather'd their horse like the last show then they can get stuffed).

Agree she has to raise game, we all have to it's all part of developing. Let's helps C to do that here, and not beat her into the ground. With more confidence and support she will have the tenacity to rise above it all - with a positive attitude!
 
[ QUOTE ]
think that's what people on here are trying to say in a supportive fashion, S may have valid point but is either intentionally antagonistic, in which case what a bit** when the poor kid came on here with an emotional issue, or has very few people skills, in which case maybe S could start own thread requesting help with developing some!!!! lol

We constantly surprise people at shows by (gasp) being nice to them!!! we always collect new friends and acquantances at events and are well liked locally, as a result we don't find it abit**y world, wonder what veiw of the horsey world S gets, if s/he gets out much!!!! ha ha ha

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I really like you. We should have more newbies. I am sure the world loves you...and that you are far better qualified than I to discuss equine college matters.
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I'm male, incidentally, and I don't actually own any horses, so don't have much view of the horsey world at all.
S
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I think that some of the younger/newer members on here could perhaps take a step back and realise that this forum is frequented by a wide range of ages and abilities. If people post they may get replies which do not give them the answer they wish, but may well get answers which provide them with good advice.
 
if it's green love you need a gynocologist, it definatly shouldn't be green!!!!! but that's not the point of this posting!!!!!
 
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if it's green love you need a gynocologist, it definatly shouldn't be green!!!!! but that's not the point of this posting!!!!!

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You have a gynaecologist (I think that's what you meant) choosing your tops for you? You are special.
I was referring to my scales, not my p*nis, for obvious reasons.
S
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[ QUOTE ]
I think that some of the younger/newer members on here could perhaps take a step back and realise that this forum is frequented by a wide range of ages and abilities. If people post they may get replies which do not give them the answer they wish, but may well get answers which provide them with good advice.

[/ QUOTE ]

Point taken, if i have upset anyone i apologise, i am a sucker for sticking up for the underdog. S say what you like...
 
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I think that some of the younger/newer members on here could perhaps take a step back and realise that this forum is frequented by a wide range of ages and abilities. If people post they may get replies which do not give them the answer they wish, but may well get answers which provide them with good advice.

[/ QUOTE ]

Point taken, if i have upset anyone i apologise, i am a sucker for sticking up for the underdog. S say what you like...

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Oh, trust me, I will. I don't think it's very supportive of you to call calico a dog, though
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S
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Scales??? now thoroughly lost. Is that an attempt at humour? keep going and you'll get the concept soon!! lol

Sorry if adult comments offended anyone.

Impressed at admission that is stage 3 etc which they are required to be upto date on, subtle aknowlegement that I'm not that wrong, noted and appreciated!!

maybe we see things from different veiws based on gender, status (I'm student with 8 horses, so understand cost effectiveness!!), cost, locality, experience of bit**y horsey girls etc.

Got to go and put my wobbly horse to bed and do it's physio
nyt
 
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