Loss of confidence..

TBM03

TBM03

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Hey H&H'ers,
I am new to the forum so this is my first post. I hope it is in the right place and not a silly thread but I have been going through this lately so I thought I would get other peoples opinions.

I have lost my confidence lately when it comes to a few different things but mainly riding, I am not quite sure why, as I haven't had a big riding accident recently and I don't think my horses have done anything major to make me feel this way but I do feel more nervous when riding. Maybe I have become too in my own head when it comes to horses and I imagine all the bad outcomes of different situations but it has been getting worse and worse until Thursday I got on my TB and there was a gate open in to a different field (which normally wouldn't be a problem and even if he played up I would of been fine) but he was determined to walk through said gate and wouldn't stop for the usual amount of pressure on his reins which most days would of been enough to stop him, he just kept walking, I hadn't been able to do up my girth when I got on as he immediately spotted the gate and just started walking, so I was worried about how loose his girth was and what would happen if he went up (his naughty habit which although has gotten far better since I got him he still likes to do the odd one when in a bad mood) so as I got closer to the gate I got more and more panicky until I had a full on panic attack, I have never had one horse related in my 15 years of riding and in all the far more dangerous situations and dangerous horses that I have ridden, yet this seemed to affect me in a really strange way. I managed to stop him and jumped off and I started crying. My mum came over and I was a wreck, probably the lowest I have felt in quite some time as I normally can get on a horse and cope with most things. My TB was a complete idiot when I got him, you couldn't lead him without him being on his hind legs, he wouldn't go forward in a school he'd just go up, he wouldn't go near jump wings and now 97% of the time he is a sweetie pie and I can now jump him 1.20 and school him without any rearing. So you'd think that just walking towards a gate wouldn't of been the thing to upset me like that but it was.

I got back on but I got my mum to lead me around like a total novice (15 years of riding experience temporarily disappeared) and then I got here to take off the lead rein and I walked round on my own and started to relax and my TB was as good as gold.

So I guess I am just wondering if this is a common thing, to lose your confidence so quickly and over something so stupid (I have been in hospital a number of times before due to riding accidents and as soon as I am told I can I am back on my horse going out cross country schooling or going hacking), if so does anyone have any advice or words of wisdom on the subject? If anyone has any bad experiences with loss of confidence they want to share? Whatever really.

I do hope I don't sound like a complete idiot but I am not ashamed of being nervous so I feel I should share.

Thanks in advance.

P.S. please let me know if this is in the right place.
 
You aren't alone.

Confidence can be a very fragile thing and it can disappear in a second, then take a long time to get back again.

I have found that going back to something that you know you can do, however small - so you set yourself up to succeed - helps. Then you need to have lots of good experiences/successes to start getting the confidence back.
 
As you now know you don't need to have a fall to suddenly lose confidence. Maybe you have a friend who has fallen? But sometimes it just happens without obvious reasons.
It will take time to get it back. Just keep doing what you can then a little more.
You don't say how old you are but also the older we get we often lose our confidence more easily
 
Oh poor you!

I know just how you feel, this happened to me a few years ago, it kind of creeps up on you. Panic attacks are no laughing matter. You do however feel silly when you are on the floor again, well I did. It is just a matter of time and building things back up. Do not rush or let people dictate to you or you will build up false confidence which rill collapse again.

I found a lovely instructor who taught ride with your mind and got myself into a correct position so I was happy in the saddle. Once that was done I moved on to an instructor who pushes me but still is aware that I can be silly at times. I still would not have got there except for my friends and my sister who baby sat me until I was ready to go on my own.

I am kind of back there at the moment as I have a new young spooky horse, I am following my own advice and taking things slowly, even when a do called friend said I was a wuss......so what!

Please understand that this is a very real thing and not your fault please do not listen to anyone who says just get on with it. It is just one of those things and if you want to you will get through it and be riding happily again.
 
I am a really nervous rider & I have found that singing ( sounds daft when the nerves appear ) also rather than thinking about what can go wrong, think about what can go right. Take things slowly, set small goals, don't think about what anyone else is thinking. I'm terrified to hack but managed 500 yards out the gate on Saturday . It's a small step but a step in the right direction. Don't give up ,there are lots of people who have gone through this :)
 
I had big confidence issues about 12 months ago and it's still a work in progress. With me I was pretty much fine once I got on and out the gate and 5 mins up the road but mentally it was getting myself on that was the issue. I'd find reasons not too as I'd allow my fears to run away with me - once on I'd be ok mostly (though new routes were beyond me). I did everything I could to make it easier and safer so in. My head it was better - I wear a BP, I have an rstor, I started with OH on the ground and then on a bike. I kept routes short and manageable and I had lessons - lots of lessons. If I don't ride for a period now I find the issues come back (I hasn't ridden for a couple of weeks till yesterday for different reasons) so asked my OH to come with me. My mare was good as gold and once I'd hopped on I felt ok too. If it needs your mum to lead you the next few times, so be it, just build it up slowly. I also think a good instructor would be ideal. Best of luck.
 
Thank-you everyone. I think I am going to just take things slowly, as you've said, and get my mum to be there for support for a while. I am fine on my other pony and my mum's two horses, all I feel is a tad nervous but because I had my low point on my TB I think he's the one it is going to take a while to get my confidence back on.

I am 21, so not quite on a zimmer frame yet but a few things have been going on outside the horsey part of my life which have kind of broken my confidence in those areas too so maybe it's just a bad few months. Fingers crossed it gets better soon.

I hope all of you who are similarly suffering from loss of confidence get it back quickly, or at least quicker than expected. It is a horrid feeling.
I am even thinking of selling my TB and getting a nice safe cob, does that make me a terrible person? I truly love my TB so it would be so hard to see him go but the fact I am pondering it might be a sign?... ugh, who knows.
 
I'm not a very confident person generally, and always thinking of the worst case scenario, every time I get a phonecall, when I'm driving, etc etc. I think it's because I'm imaginative :p

I think you just need a confidence boost :) Is there anything you love doing? Doesn't have to be horsey, just something you enjoy. Perhaps try and do a few things just for you, I think often horseowners don't take care of themselves, because they're so occupied with looking after the horse! A good example would be all the supplements and physio people get for their gee gees, and yet they could have a terrible back, or be anemic or whatever, and won't justify the time or money for iron supplements or a massage!

Also try doing some groundwork with your tb, even just messing with loose schooling. I think that is good for building a bond and better understanding your horse :)
 
TBM03 said:
Thank-you everyone. I think I am going to just take things slowly, as you've said, and get my mum to be there for support for a while. I am fine on my other pony and my mum's two horses, all I feel is a tad nervous but because I had my low point on my TB I think he's the one it is going to take a while to get my confidence back on.

I am 21, so not quite on a zimmer frame yet but a few things have been going on outside the horsey part of my life which have kind of broken my confidence in those areas too so maybe it's just a bad few months. Fingers crossed it gets better soon.

I hope all of you who are similarly suffering from loss of confidence get it back quickly, or at least quicker than expected. It is a horrid feeling.
I am even thinking of selling my TB and getting a nice safe cob, does that make me a terrible person? I truly love my TB so it would be so hard to see him go but the fact I am pondering it might be a sign?... ugh, who knows.
Click to expand...


The one that is knocking my confidence is a nice safe cob
<<<<<<<<<<< that one, Moses AKA the git!!!!
 
I hope you gain your confidence back really soon (and once you've got it-tell me how !!!!)

I can relate. I have had 2 horses most of my life (may they both RIP), i'm 43 and i've had my arab for 27yrs and my kwpn horse 26 yrs. The arab made me bite the dust right up till her 29th birthday! would still jump up and twist 180degrees, totally crazy horse, the other was very bold and a real character, but Always safe for me. I never felt unsafe on those 2. Eight yrs ago I bought an anglo-arab foal who i've now broke (at 7yrs - nobody can accuse me of doing this too early !!)

She is a saint, a lot more talent than me in dressage, will never buck or take off, but somehow I don't feel 100% safe on her. I've just started to hack her in the forrest which is about 50yards from my home (alone cause i've only lived here 2 months and don't know anyone)
Ofcourse she is silly (at my old place couldn't really hack out- had to got thru busy town first) she shy's when there is a branch lying there that wasn't there yesterday (forrest !!!) I get her past the scary stuff but must admit i've gotten off twice now- which in 26+yrs on my other horses has never happened.

does this come with old-age??? I used to be the local crash-dummy rider that got on anything other people wouldn't......
 
leggs said:
... I used to be the local crash-dummy rider that got on anything other people wouldn't......
Click to expand...

I hear this so often - I'm in the same position as you, always the person they got to get on the nutters and idiots, but now can barely walk twice round the school!

I used every excuse in the world not to ride my girl, until I realised I hadn't as much as sat on her in over a year, but in the past week or so a trusted friend has been helping me out. She's a bit of a bully, but not bad enough to put me off, just enough to push me a tiny bit out of my comfort zone.

I still feel a bit sick when I get on, and I have to force myself. I'm still at the point where I think "That's it, I can get off now", but go a little bit further every day.

I set myself small goals, such as "By the weekend I'll ride her down the track back to the field" and "On Monday I'll ride her in the front paddock", and I've achieved both with a day to spare. In fact, I rode for ten minutes in the paddock with my friend holding the end of a lunge line, then I rode her back to the field ON MY OWN yesterday! (I was tricked though - J kept saying "Go on, I'm right behind you" then I pepped over my shoulder and she was nowhere to be seen!)

Tonight we're going to try something else - another friend, who's a confident rider, is going to ride her for me, the idea being if I see someone else riding her and she behaves, it'll help me along. I'm not convinced, but I agreed as long as I can ride first, just in case she either does anything (she won't!) or gets excited because of a new rider. I'm not sure if this is something other people would find helpful though.

To summarise:
Get a trusted friend to help day to day
Find a sympathetic instructor (next on my to-do list)
Little and often
Set achievable goals - baby steps
Ask a confident person to ride your horse while you watch (untried!)
 
OP has anything else happened in your life that has caused you stress? The reason I ask is that my Dad was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer and my Mum is the main carer which is very wearing for her at 76 years old. I go and see her a lot and take her out most weekends but out of the blue became very nervous of riding my horse as so worried if I fell off and hurt myself that I would not be able to help her. It got to the point that I just couldn't take that risk so my beloved boy has gone to my friend for a while. Before my Dad became ill I trusted my horse and never had a problem. It just shows you what can happen if things in your life change.
 
Thank-you to everyone for all your replies, they have been very helpful.

Hihosilver, there have been a few changes in my life lately and I agree with you about that might being the cause for my loss of confidence. I am sorry to hear about your dad and I am of a similar mindset about looking after my mum as there are a couple of things going on with her.
I wish you all the best with getting your confidence back and with your dad and mum.
 
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