Loss of horse of a lifetime – How to cope?

Bless you, I know exactly how you feel. I lost my beautiful old lad 9 weeks ago this Monday. My heart is still breaking, I miss him so much. I too, look at photos and videos, and I have several bits and pieces of his I brought home with me. I have his ashes, and I too want them with me when I go.
I wish I could say to you it will pass quickly, but in truth it won't. I think of my Bob every day, and all I want is him back.
My heart really goes out to you, but as you can see from all of the lovely replies you have had, you are not alone, and people genuinely care.
I hope eventually you will start to feel better, but I know its a long, hard process. I have tears in my eyes writing this, for you and for my Bob xx
 
Cry and cry and cry. Then cry some more. I have kept everything of our pony's. Tack, rugs, headcollar, boots - the lot. It's three years and easier now, but I still dissolve when talking about her. Lord help me when any of the others go.

My personal therapy is to get looking for the next one who needs you and whose life you will improve (maybe even save) but most certainly find room in your heart for. She moved on to let another horse have the love she no longer needs. Cushing's is not something you really want to see through to the end and it does sound like she spared you a drawn out and exhausting time of much pain for you and her.

Don't feel bitter, try and be rational. You did everything you could and it was out of your hands. Some things simply can't be fixed, but the gap she has left definitely can

I do believe in Fate, and sometimes she needs a bit of a shove. Hope the pain eases soon. Pain is good but don't allow it to overwhelm the rest of your life. You'll never believe how many of us have been down the path of loving and losing the best little horse in the world - and survived. We really have.
 
Dear Sadiemay - am sorry to hear of your loss ... it is truly the hardest thing to come to terms with in losing a dear friend - I lost my horse of a lifetime 5 years ago and can honestly say that not a day goes past without thinking of him - that day will stay ingrained in my mind for ever and felt like the end of the world.

Take care of yourself and if you want to cry, cry - best to let it out. Everyone deals with things differently but sounds like you could do with a big hug. Hopefully in time you will be able to look back and cherish the memories you had together
 
I lost my lovely boy who was 2 when I got him and lost him at 22 years young, 3 years ago in October.
I got a phone call at work to say he had died in his field and to say this news came as a shock is an understatement. I work in London and have an hours train journey home. That was horrid as I couldn't stop crying and everyone was staring at me.
I don't believe I have ever howled - literally - as much as I did when I sat down beside him in the field. My husband was crying too - not because of my horse but because of how heartbroken I was.
Anyway - starting to blub now, so what I was getting round to saying was that heartbroken as I was, I started looking for another horse straight away. I know everyone is very different, but this is what helped me keep myself together. It was very difficult at work, as absolutely no one understood what I was going through.
I really feel your pain and hope that it begins to ease very soon. It will take time though x
 
It's that one last touch that we all crave for, isn't it?

Keeping mementoes like tack, locks of tail hair, ashes etc is not something I would do as they are meaningless material items. All I wanted after my mare died was one more chance to cuddle her one last time, to feel her breath on my cheek, to smell her mane and to be consumed by her beautiful dark eyes. But that is wanting something we can never have and so you move on and try to remember all those things and somehow as the months go on they become so deeply etched in your soul that in time it's almost as if they really are still with you and that I found very comforting.
 
It gets easier, time is the only healer. I have a photo of my dear boy next to my computer, a lovely photo that makes me smile every time I see it :)

I went out and rescued a starving ex racehorse when my boy was pts. I wanted something to take my mind off him, and I'm so glad I did, really made the process easier - something good came out of a horrible situation, I could give a loving home to a horse that otherwise had no prospects.
 
Just to say (((hugs))) Lost one 8 years ago and another just over a year ago. It does get easier but sometimes you will be knocked back unexpectedly by little things. Just go with the flow and allow yourself as many days/weeks/months or years as it takes to get better. It is so slow you don't realise the pain is easing until one day you realise you just thought of them with a smile instead of tears. That day will come for you.
Even so I am sitting here crying for you and for myself. Let your family support you and give yourself space to grieve.
 
What a heartbreaking post. I am in tears reading it, because I know that is exactly how I will feel when my girl, my horse of a lifetime, goes. I have lost several beautiful horses in my forty years of riding. Some have been more painful than others. It has been two years since I lost two beautiful geldings in the space of 3 months. One to a broken leg, the other to colic. It has taken that amount of time before I could spread the ashes of one and look at the mane and tail of the other. But there is something even more special about my girl, and I know it would kill a part of me when she goes. I feel as though I will never want to do anything with horses again. Even though she is just a field ornament now, I just cannot bear the thought of losing her.

I do believe that you only have one horse of a lifetime, if you are lucky enough, as not everyone experiences that amazing, almost spiritual connection with a horse. What is it they say? It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. Though when you are grieving this is cold comfort. But there will come a day when you will realise what a lucky person you are to have had that bond with that special mare. That she enriched your life to a level that not everyone would ever imagine, and it is that richness that makes her loss so much worse for you right now.

There is nothing I can say to make you feel better, except that I completely understand how you feel and know that I will feel the same one dreadful day, as have others on this thread. At least those who have been through it and survived can perhaps give you hope that you will too. I am so sorry.
 
So sorry to read you have lost your best friend. Mine left me three years ago, not a day goes by that I don't think of her, at first it was painful, now the memories make me smile. No horse will ever replace my daring chestnut mare Misred, even our home bred that has become 'my' horse and wears most of M's tack and rugs.
I am a bit of a softy and match songs and music that suit our horses to each horse we own, M's song was Dancing Queen. Cue bleary eyes when I hear it, and cascades of tears the day we went to the yard to say a last goodbye to my daughters old eventer, as we pulled up Dancing Queen came on the radio, I swear it was M calling Spec home and saying we were right it was his time too. Also, when buying a horse that has become my daughters I wasn't sure if I should buy him or not. Got in the car on the morning when we were due to collect him, put the radio on Dancing Queen was the first song to play, that made my mind up M was telling me to bring J home, she was right he doesn't fill her shoes, but has filled a huge gap in our families lives.
 
Struggling to reply to this post.....
I have the headcollar complete with the mud from the day my beloved pony died after about the same length of time together. No words from me can make you feel any better, I know that sadly too well.
It will ease though, One day you will realise you've not cried (then feel bad and cry) but time really does help. I dont think you ever get over them- here i am 4 years later and your thread had brought it all back to me but mostly i remember him now with happiness and the good times we had.

xxxx
 
Be kind to yourself. Only people who have lost a horse can understand what you are going through. Don't expect family and friends to really understand, come on here when you need support. It's not their fault - some are going to say "it's only a horse" - forgive them.

You will always carry her in your heart, it can take as long as 2 years for you to stop thinking about her every day, but gradually the grief will be wrapped up in happy memories.

Hang on in there.
 
Oh Sadiemay, I am so so very sorry to hear of your loss. Just read through some of the reply posts but had to skip back to you since all the heartache brings back all too many memories.

I won't go into it but have lost both horses and one VERY special dog of a lifetime and I swear that in the space between being awake and asleep I can still feel the mane/muzzle under my hand and if I allow myself, disolve into heart wrenching sobs which come from the depths of my soul.

All I can offer is the reassurance that (as others have said) time will ease the pain, you will however never forget and they will always live on with you in your heart.

That heart however is big enough and strong enough to one day maybe encompass another who of course will never replace but will give you a reason to love and laugh again. When I lost the last I vowed.....never again but my vet said not to deprive another of the level of love and care I could offer. I would echo that to you but only when and if you feel able to move on.

I have nothing more to add since over 10 years on I can still have a moment (privately) but on the whole have reconciled myself to the fact that it is only my pain that remains god bless my animals, they are at peace and in a better place. Somehow that helps me.

xxx
 
I lost my "Horse of a Lifetime" 5 years ago. Didn't think I would ever get over it, but it does get easier with time. Only this morning we were talking about his amazing talent for undoing stable doors. I do find it easier now to say "Do you remember when...........?" and we can look back and laugh and smile. I have loads and loads of good memories and just the last day when he broke his shoulder is my only sad memory.
I have another horse now, who I adore. It does help but don't go rushing into buying another. Just take your time and look back upon your happy memories.
 
I just wanted to say how sorry i am for your loss.
When my previous boy died i couldnt bear to look at photos of him or any of his things for a long time. It was probably about a year before i could think of him without crying.
I still miss him like mad but now i can think of the good times, the brilliant hacks, the times when we 'clicked'
Time helps, but give yourself permission to grieve.
My best wishes.
Kx
 
I found having my second mare "D" during part of my first mares "B" life made it not easier but actually going out to the stables and grieving with "D" and hugging "D" made me feel closer to my first mare .

It felt awkward after a while hugging my hubby. he knew how much I love my mare I would have done ANYTHING for her.

I have found in the past there is 2 ways people grieve over a pet.

1 . not to get another straight away or in near future, but to take a break.


2. the other to get one straight away or if you have another one already it helps. I fall into number 2.


Having the emptiness in my life was hard enough when loosing "B" but having another felt like part of her lived on ,

Also the donkey wears "B" freezemark with pride so I feel like a part of her lives on in donkey.


Call me soppy stupid but that's how I feel .

I must be really lucky to have been blessed with not just one but 2 Special horses since "D" got older and we spent longer and done more there is only a small amount between the specialty between the two. Break my Heart when I loose "D" the others are special but not in the same way .
 
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I lost my wonderful mare a fortnight ago, consolation is she is buried at home,miss her like mac and when I go places keep thinking Molly had her last canter here ,hacked her there she's taken me here, they are my precious memories, she was only 16 but I'm hurting whilst she isn't and resting till I meet her again, but they wouldn't want us to be miserable and we must move on
 
Oh sweetheart I am so sorry to hear about your baby leaving you. I lost my 36 year old TB on 6th July 2007 and there isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about him. I lost my best friend and part of my heart aswell. I cant promise it will go away as for me it never has and even typing this and telling you tears are on there way. My old man was the only thing that kept me going when I had cancer and he was the thing I was fighting for and when I lost him I lost a huge part of me, like you, I had him a long long time and to this day it still hurts, the hurt you feel wont go away you just cope cope better. You take care of yourself and you know there are people on here who know how you feel and are here for you when you need us god bless hun x
 
Oh I'm so sorry.....We lost my sons horse of a lifetime May last year. We hadnt had her very long in comparison, but she was so special so quickly we still cry for her now. We will never find another like her. We have come to terms with that....but her loss is still hard to bear. It does get easier but it still feels like we will never totally get over how we lost her. We're just glad we had the privilege have knowing such a special pony.

It is so hard....i really feel for you x
 
intouch said:
Be kind to yourself. Only people who have lost a horse can understand what you are going through. Don't expect family and friends to really understand, come on here when you need support. It's not their fault - some are going to say "it's only a horse" - forgive them.
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Can't agree with this enough. The best people are the ones who understand and are the easiest to talk to.

I'm so sorry for your loss, it will get better in time trust me. For now cry your heart out, look at her pictures and hug her rugs. One of the times you're allowed to.

I'm not saying in a year you won't get upset about her but you will eventually start learning how to cope without her even though in your heart she will always remain. xx

p.s Ben and Jerry's is half price at Sainsbury's. ;) :)
 
I lost my mare on the 26th January 1993 and I can tell you that time passing doesn't change things - they only get further away - in fact the time that has passed is now longer than the seventeen years I had with her - and in my case it doesn't make the loss any easier being a bloke.

This despite her going - by her own accord - not being much of a surprise as she had been suffering from a bad dose of Equine flu' for a fortnight at the age of thirty three but she seemed to have some sort of siezure, collapsed and died with me cradling her head. I felt just like you - as though part of me had been wrenched out - I actually had hugely raised pulse rate for days after when normally my heart beats more like a lizard! Countless cuddles - even from some of the less tactile lady liveries left me numb ( which again was far from normal!)

But, life, as they say - goes on -from seeing her off on her last journey and clearing out her box - all of which I forced myself to do.

It was years before I could look at that painting - "The Finest View in Europe" as I have a very similar photo taken between her ears - I saw one at Blenheim three years later and had to slope off into the bushes to compose meself!

For me though, the pain subsided and was replaced by the warm glow of happy memories.
 
mon said:
I lost my wonderful mare a fortnight ago, consolation is she is buried at home,miss her like mac and when I go places keep thinking Molly had her last canter here ,hacked her there she's taken me here, they are my precious memories, she was only 16 but I'm hurting whilst she isn't and resting till I meet her again, but they wouldn't want us to be miserable and we must move on
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I think this is what I get some comfort from, my pony and also our old horse, pony and donkey are all buried in our field and all our others will be too. My p6ony is the only one though that I really feel the most sad about as I think the others had fantastically long lives (the horse was 36 and god knows how old the donkey and pony were but I would say 40 ish). The horse died and the other two we had PTS due to poor health but they were 'ready' to go if you know what I mean. I think with my pony i just felt he was taken too soon and that's what makes me more sad than anything else.

God - sometimes I do wonder why we have animals you know, it's so hard to let them go.
 
I really feel your pain it's bought me to tears i lost my beautiful mare 24 th of may 11... I find it hard to enjoy any thing a real struggle to get going in the morning I feel to upset to look for another horse and really don't think I deserve one maybe one day I'm horrible to my other half I need to snap out of it coz people don't understand why I'm being like this .. well I hope the pain softens soon for you ..
 
it's made me sad to read this thread and OP i'm sorry for your loss.

I've had my mare 6 years and i can't imagine life without her.

Our horses give us so much in life, it's cruel they are only with us really for a short time.
 
Thank you for all the replies, I am so grateful to each and everyone of you who replied with your experiences or just words of comfort.

I have been sobbing my heart out over this weekend reading them all. In a bittersweet way its a small shred of comfort that I am not alone in feeling so distraught.

I guess I just have to give it time, but I cannot imagine ever laughing, joking or enjoying life again right now. My beloved girl made my world a better place. She was the centre of it since I was a young girl, my reason for getting up in the morning and carrying on and now everything has changed in the blink of an eye :(

What I wouldnt give just for another minute with her, to bury myself into her neck, hug her so tight and stroke her sweet face. To be able to tell her all the things I only managed to whisper through choking tears to her as she slipped away. But what if she didnt hear me tell her how much I loved her, how proud I was of her and thanking her for being my best friend all these years?, what if she didnt hear me tell her it was OK that I was there every step of the way with her?

It tears me up inside so much that I was such a mess in her final hour that I failed her. I tried so hard to hold myself together but at times I just dissolved into a hysterical mess and had to walk away for a few seconds to compose myself for her sake but it wasnt good enough I know that.

Oh to just have her back for a minute, just one minute :(

Thanks again you lovely kind people, you have brought some comfort to me.

Sadiemay
xx
 
Oh, I am so so sorry to hear this. I haven't had to deal with this for a horse yet but have for dogs and still not a day goes past where I don't think about them.
It will get better but it will take time. xxx
 
Its unfortunate that as you get older you realise that animals never live as long as you and that this may happen several times in your life, but the joy of looking after them for what in our terms is a relively short peiod always in the end out ways the loss.
I think be able to talk to someone who will not see your loss as trivial is a good idea, especially when a couple of months have elapsed and your surposed to be over it, if you've got no one to talk to ring the Samaritans.
I have known people who's husbands and children haved died and time does make the pain fade and become a little less sharpe although at the depth of their grief they can not beleave this and I think these sort of deaths must bring people to the depths of dispare.
If you have not already done so have a wake, we did this with a dog we'ed had for 18 years, went down the pub sat and talked about her and all the good times we had. With horses its hard to have a funeral but make some space for a remeberance, an aknowlegement of how much he ment to you.
You will never replace your horse but fortuately love is boundless and the more you give the more you get back, so although you will not want another horse now remember
that.
 
It will be two weeks on Wednesday since we lost our wonderful pony. And two years in September since I lost my soul mate gelding. The pony was my daughters and they had an amazing bond, we had been fighting for 18 months on and off to fix him and had to admit defeat and let him go. It tore my heart out, but I wanted to be the one with him when he went as I had to know the last thing he knew was how much he was loved.
It has brought back every single painful memory of having to say good bye to my old boy, he was my everything, my entire world revolved round him. I will never ever get over saying goodbye to these two wonderful horses, the pain will never ease, but I am learning to live with it and take solace in knowing I still have one of my little heard left with my fantastic big mare. I plan to take a foal from her so even when the day comes and we have to part, a part of her will still be with me.
Take every special memory, hold it close and love them dearly as time can never take them from you.
 
I have recently lost my little boy (8 weeks ago). He went for an operation and the anaesthetic paralysed him and he had to be put to sleep, he was only young and he meant the world to me, but I was with him at the end and got to say goodbye. I had only had him for nearly a year but it was the best time I ever had and this was something that wasnt expected. Operations are a risk as is anesthetic but you never think it could happen to you. I had our future planned out and he was the most calm, quiet youngster I've ever met/ had. I'll never forget him. Its still so raw now and I know how you feel. However hard it is to say it does get better (previous experience with losing a horse). You will always have your memories and think about all those times you had together, I wish I had been able to have many more years with my boy instead of him going so young as I will never know what he was like to ride, experiencing his first show, what height he did eventually make etc. But I know that whatever life he did have was a good one and he never knew what pain or mistreatment was.

Big hugs xxx
 
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OP - I am so sorry for your loss, its something many of us have been through, no words can make you feel better right now.

However, as many have said, it does get better, you may not feel like it now, but it does. When i lost my old girl, I didnt think I'd ever be able to get over it, even though it had been planned for about a week in advance. I felt both emotional and physical pain when she went, and even now i do still get a bit upset about it, you never really 'get over it' but you carry on, the pain does ease and you will find that remembering her and thinking about her, and talking about her will actually be something you can enjoy. It took me a very long time to actually re-display photos of my girl again after she was gone, now they have pride of place on the mantle piece and one in my bedroom, so i still get to see her every day.

You are grieving, its a natural process, try and be positive, and look forward to the future (easier said then done i know), while you will never get that rub on her nose, or stroke on her neck again, you do have all the wonderful memories of her, and you will never ever have to give them up or loose them.

Lots of hugs x
 
I lost my horse of a lifetime on my 27th birthday. I'd had since we were both 13. He too was in good health despite his age and his death was very sudden - colic. At the time the shock made the whole experience much worse, but now, 6 years on, I'm grateful he went so quickly. He came in on the Monday evening right as rain and when I went back Tuesday morning to put him out, he was down. He'd eaten all his hay though so the vet thought he'd only been suffering for two hours at most. When I think that had he gone on any longer, he could have been riddled with
arthritis or developed other diseases that could have meant he suffered fir much longer. I now know it was the best way for him to go. He also saved me from having to make the most difficult decision, I think he was looking after me to the end. Hopefully with a bit of distance, you'll feel the same way.
 
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