Lost all of my confidence

unicorn_123

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Hi guys, I’ve had my horse for a year and my confidence is now at 0. Because of coronavirus and my partner being diagnosed with cancer my horse had a long holiday this year and when I started to ride him again he was playing up all the time, we then found out he has arthritis and possibly something else, he’s been treated for the arthritis however after a couple of bad rides I’ve lost all of my confidence and just don’t want to get on board anymore. The problem is this happened with my first pony too when I was younger and we just had to sell him in the end because i couldn’t get my confidence back, should I sell him because he is too much for me and buy a safe cob and give up on wanting to do low level eventing because are some people just not cut out for it, don’t have the nerve for it. Or will the same thing happen with the cob, should I just go back to a riding school. It’s shit because it was my dream to be able to do a one day event at at least 80cm but I can’t even get on the bloody horse. Don’t even want to lead him. He’s not even that bad it’s just me. Should I just give up, would I be happier just riding at a riding school and feeling safe?
 

Winters100

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Well it is very hard to say without knowing more, but if the horse has had a long holiday it is usual to have some hiccups bringing them back to work. Also are you satisfied that his behaviour is not pain related. You mention arthritis, is the vet advising you that he can be ridden? Have you checked that his saddle still rits, had his teeth done, had his back looked at? If he has arthritis I would imagine that jumping is not going to be good for him, you need to ask your vet.

If you have all checks and your vet advises that he can be brought back into work my advice would be to do it gradually, and if you are not experienced or confident enough to do it yourself then pay someone else to do it. He will anyway probably need to be in work if you are to find a suitable home for him.

Good luck.
 

muddybay

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It sounds like you've had a horrible year and I hope your partner is on the mend. If you're not enjoying it it's not worth it ridding is a sport where you need to enjoy it. However, if you think you can push past this and get your confidence up again try for a bit longer.
Maybe ride another horse and see if your confidence issues lye with ridding in general or just that horse.
 

unicorn_123

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Well it is very hard to say without knowing more, but if the horse has had a long holiday it is usual to have some hiccups bringing them back to work. Also are you satisfied that his behaviour is not pain related. You mention arthritis, is the vet advising you that he can be ridden? Have you checked that his saddle still rits, had his teeth done, had his back looked at? If he has arthritis I would imagine that jumping is not going to be good for him, you need to ask your vet.

If you have all checks and your vet advises that he can be brought back into work my advice would be to do it gradually, and if you are not experienced or confident enough to do it yourself then pay someone else to do it. He will anyway probably need to be in work if you are to find a suitable home for him.

Good luck.
Yes all checks been done, he was injected with steroids so vet said he needs to be moving all the time, he’s having a reassessment soon but I’ve not been riding him when I should be so maybe you are right I should pay a professional and see if that helps first
 

PinkvSantaboots

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I went through similar after an accident so I know how it can feel, once your horse has been vet checked and is ok to start work I would pay someone to start riding him, then start some lessons for yourself preferably with the same person, I started off getting the trainer to ride my horse first then I hopped on and she gave me a short lesson, I did this twice a week and it didn't take long to feel a lot more confident, in between I had friends I could ride with often just doing a short walk round the block or even just a little walk hack around the school and yard.
 

Sail_away

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It sounds like it’s been a difficult year for you. I wonder if it would help to take the pressure off yourself and go to a riding school for a while until your confidence is up. How bad is the arthritis? We very briefly considered selling my gelding, but he was a fairly young horse with mild changes. We decided we couldn’t go through with it, and then other health issues lead to his retirement. But before that we’d planned to loan out, which I think would be something to consider for you. It’s not permanent, so if in a year you feel more confident then you could end the loan, but during that time he’d be looked after and most of his bills paid for.
Have you investigated the ‘possibly something else’ at all? His issues may be pain related, so I’d start there before doing anything else. Another point is that the arthritis treatment may not have been effective, do you know what he was treated with?
 

sportsmansB

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This is the WORST time of year for confidence crises. Horses are fresh, people are fed up, its dark, wet, windy, etc.
Don't rush into anything too soon. But use the time to assess if, once your confidence is topped up again, is he the horse for you? Then its worth persevering.

Can you keep your horse as quiet as possible with minimum hard feed and as much turn out as you can? Thats step one. Manage the manageable bits.
Speak to your vet about suitable ways to exercise him, depending on his condition. Lunging / long reining / free schooling / even leading in hand for walks might be possible and will help you keep up that bond- but you need to make sure he has adequate opportunity to burn off any excess energy.

Can you get a trusted friend or instructor to keep him ticking over, if the vet thinks that is what he needs, at least until we have settled weather and brighter evenings and generally less chill up their bums? If the vet thinks he is OK just getting turnout and in hand work then you can save your pennies and just do that until you are ready to get on.

Then I think one of the major things is to see someone else ride him before you get on, See him behave well and not mess around, and then just do short 5, 10, 15 mins yourself at the end of a session with your instructor. Confidence is fragile, you have to think of it as a set of scales, dents take away from one side, wins add to the other, our aim is to keep it balanced as best we can. Its not easy.
 

Muddywellies

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Believe it or not you can get it back. But it takes a truly fabulous instructor who's not afraid to gently push you, but not scare you, and will also get on and ride for you, to iron out any problems. Also you'll need to trust this trainer, and be prepared to be pushed out of your comfort zone. But trust me, you can get it back.
 
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