lost my confidence..its driving me mad!!

fuze said:
:)

Don't get me wrong, it's not an easy thing to do. I put my boy up for sale as I thought it was all over. Turns out, when it came to someone actually coming to view him, I couldn't do it.

We also had the issue that he was young, so he fed off my state of mind. I tried pushing through it, like everyone on my yard told me to do. We ended up with bucking, spinning, planting, napping, tanking off, a horrendously worked up pony, and my confidence at sub-zero.
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Can completely relate to this. Currently debating selling mine - bad fall in a SJ lesson followed by him demonstrating the worst of his behaviour means my confidence has done a vanishing act too :(
 
So nice to hear people in the same position! Lost my confidence after a few falls off my boy resulting in bruised ribs and whiplash this time. I love him to pieces were just working on his spookiness, which I make worse by tensing up when I think he's going to do something. Think I'm going to try some rescue remedy to stop me getting so nervous!!
 
I fully sympathise with you OP. I got thrown off a friend's horse 10 days ago when he put in a huge spook. First time I've been decked in nearly 20 years, and my bruised pelvis and pulled hamstring tendons are telling me I'm too old to ride. I'm 58 and been riding and competing for 33 years so I'm no novice, but I've lost my confidence to the point that I'm wondering if I will ever have the courage to get back on board. At the moment I am far too sore to even try it. :(

I also keep telling myself that it wasn't my baby rising 4 year old 17.2 gelding that decked me, but a 17 year old 16 hand one!

I'm now researching sticky bum jods, Portugese saddles (tho I do have a Bates Innova with massive knee rolls). ;)

Maybe I need a horse seatbelt! :D
 
Ah I can totally relate to this! I had huge confidence issues with my ex event horse, I got her as a pretty much untouched horse that had been left for four years.. She had literally done nothing after a tendon Injury and there was talk of having her pts so I got her.

The second time I ever rode her she galloped down a road with me and chucked me off, I had to have lunge lessons on her for 4 months and would lunge her for twenty mins before I got on her. Even on the lunge she would canter but rear and buck it would terrify me to death, when I first started riding her.
I couldn't even think about jumping her, I knew though I had to keep riding her because if I didn't I would never get on another horse. I would sweat and my heart would feel like it was coming out of my chest, but after a few months on the lunge, my confidence started grow and slowly slowly I started riding her off the lunge only walking and trotting once I felt confident enough I started cantering, it was the best canter of my life! Because I had achieved this it was just a big thing for me :o

We even did some jumping before her arthritis got bad, we jumped upto 1 meter something I couldn't even think about doing when I got her, besides I don't do jumping so this was a big thing again. I am so pleased I persisted with her as my riding is much better and I am proud of myself for getting over that fear. There are still the odd occasional days I get where I get a bit nervy but once I'm on her I'm ok :)

You will get there it just takes some time it is a horrible feeling though, hang in there and continue lessons with your instructor you will get there! :)
 
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I can completely relate to all of these posts.

I used to be a competent, confident and extremely relaxed rider (apart from jumping larger jumps where I used to do it, but get a wee bit tense!). I then had an 11 year break, and got my 16.3 mare who I adore and would never ever sell unless I literally had no option financially or physically.

I have had her 3 years now, and am fully confident handling her, despite the fact she can be very difficult to handle at times. But, riding wise, I really panic on hacks, as she is spooky and unpredictable. I would love nothing more than to just relax and enjoy what I am doing, but I can't.

Interesting that someone mentions saddles etc. I am actually having the saddler out on Saturday to fit a new saddle in replacement for the huugge 19 inch saddle that mine was (previous owner). I really hope that I will feel a lot more secure now in the new saddle which fits me aswell as my horse.

I would love this thread to keep running, as would be an extremely supportive and interesting thread.
 
Hi pet, I used to be the most confident rider EVER, was definitely on the cocky side of confident. I fell off alot, as a teenager with the best horse ever, never got back to that. I was away from horses for years having children, and these days, my kids show me up. All I want is not to be scared. My cob is the quietest cob ever, but i'm still a bit scared. I really do think I need to hypnotise myself to sort it out. Riding out is one thing, but being called as a wuss by ur kids on a ride out is another. Must fix that. xx
 
karen_c said:
Can completely relate to this. Currently debating selling mine - bad fall in a SJ lesson followed by him demonstrating the worst of his behaviour means my confidence has done a vanishing act too :(
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It's a hard one, it is possible to get through it though. It all depends how attached you are to the horse, and how much you WANT to fix it.

First thing I did was had everything checked - teeth, back, saddle, etc. Ended up buying him a new saddle as his old one (only 3mths old) just wasn't sitting right, and was pinching. Once I knew he had no excuses for the behaviour, that's when we started the confidence building :)
 
Hi, i'm in the same boat as you. I come up with excuses, could press coal into diamonds at the thought of getting on. Somewhere in between horses, a couple of eons ago, my confidence shrivelled up and died. I now swear by rescue remedy, keep some in the glove box of my car and grooming kit.

Placebo or not it does work... for me anyhow.

Feel for you, really do. Great advice I had was just don't push it. First year you'll be getting to know your horse and vise versa, take your time and it will come...have to be honest though, I have one eye on the weather as promised to ride this weekend but it will probably rain...and there will be my excuse again.

I don't know why I'm like this, super confident Price Phillip Cup kid, ride anything teenager, team chasing adolescent, to wibbly adult (over 40 now) I keep pushing myself though because the sense of satisfaction when I get back to the yard is such a high - i'm epic:D

We mostly walk, and trot (2 canters in 8 months), I don't want to canter really, and the thought of a gallop makes me physically shake. I have my eye on a nice steep hill and when the ground is less glue I have promised my girly a fast canter... we'll see. All the women at the yard with me know and understand this, really everyone understands I think we've all been there (some like me still are). They go fast hacking without me and I'm completely happy with this.

I guess just give it time, well I am. Really with you, you're brave. Never forget that bit.

X
 
i seem to go through a phase this sort of time of year where i have a confidence blip. Its completely irrational too which is the worst thing. I've had Fabio 5 years, brought him on from a 4 year old and he's never give me any real issues. He does tend to be slightly spookier and full of beans but to be expected coming out of the winter! This year is the first year i've been able to keep him fit with schooling rather than relying on just weekend hacks for 3 months when its too dark for me to hack after work. He has gone through a really silly phase for a few weeks, spooking at everything! Now i think its probably down to the fact he's fitter than normal for this time of year. But even so, its nothing major and nothing i haven't dealt with before! Yet i have been working myself up over it to the point where after thinking about it for a couple of hours i get myself all anxious. The daft thing about it is that when i do ride i feel ok and deal with whatever i need to, or mostly not have to deal with anything! Does anyone else work themselves up for no good reason or am i the only weirdo that does that?!
I never used to have confidence issues and the really irrational thing is that i've not really had anything to warrant me feeling like this. I did have a fall jumping (not on Fab) last year and injured my knee which is still weak, i do wonder if subconsciously thats playing on my mind?
 
I'm going through at at the moment too.
My mare took a tumble back in Dec and went down on her knees, I didnt even fall off but now confidence is in tatters.
I don't know whether it's because the mare who fell has been really ill since the fall (illness caused fall but we didn't know she was ill at the time, only came to ahead the week after) I'm not worried about me getting hurt just don't want the horse I'm riding to fall and hurt. Am fine on roads, grass but have meltdowns on uneven ground, took my youngster out a few weeks ago and was a crying mess going down a rocky path but when she decided to mess about and reverse into a ditch I was fine handling that, it's just uneven ground makes me panic
 
FabioandFreddy said:
i seem to go through a phase this sort of time of year where i have a confidence blip. Its completely irrational too which is the worst thing. I've had Fabio 5 years, brought him on from a 4 year old and he's never give me any real issues. He does tend to be slightly spookier and full of beans but to be expected coming out of the winter! This year is the first year i've been able to keep him fit with schooling rather than relying on just weekend hacks for 3 months when its too dark for me to hack after work. He has gone through a really silly phase for a few weeks, spooking at everything! Now i think its probably down to the fact he's fitter than normal for this time of year. But even so, its nothing major and nothing i haven't dealt with before! Yet i have been working myself up over it to the point where after thinking about it for a couple of hours i get myself all anxious. The daft thing about it is that when i do ride i feel ok and deal with whatever i need to, or mostly not have to deal with anything! Does anyone else work themselves up for no good reason or am i the only weirdo that does that?!
I never used to have confidence issues and the really irrational thing is that i've not really had anything to warrant me feeling like this. I did have a fall jumping (not on Fab) last year and injured my knee which is still weak, i do wonder if subconsciously thats playing on my mind?
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This is me! During the actual act of riding itself, I am not tense as such (nice deep seat, sitting straight, heels down, nice and calm etc.) But as I sit at work right now, I am fretting over the next time I get on!! Don't get me wrong, there have been a couple of times where my boy has bunny hopped sideways a bit and I have ended up a quiverring wreck and having to get off for fear that he is going to go into one! :( He hasn't done anything yet that has even remotely threatened to unseat me, so my fear too is somewhat irrational, but I have manifested this notion in my head that he is going to sling me off. I don't know if it is anything to do with the fact that his previous owner was terrified of him and had only had him four months (although she assured me this was for the simple fact that she felt that she couldn't handle a youngster and that he wasn't completely nuts :confused:).

Last night I got a bit fed up because I got to the yard about 6, and everyone had been riding and having a good time. I wanted more than anything to tack my boy up but was thinking "it's getting dark, it's feeding time, all the other horses are in, he is going to get pissed off" and like everyone keeps saying, I thought it best not to push myself into doing something I wasn't comfortable with and risk having a set-back. But once I got home and had a couple of beers, all I could think was "what on earth was I so worried about?"

Like another poster, I have been hoping to ride this weekend, or even this evening, but the weather is just too awful. I bought myself some Kalms earlier to see if they might help, because I have been feeling anxious about work too and getting myself into panics over it a bit. One minute I'm fine, the next minute I get a hint of a cold sweat!!

I just hope that the weather, the pills, or something will sort me out soon, cos I can't bear the thought of parting with him :(
 
I can so relate to everyone, i to have lost mu confidence, i have been riding for 25 years owned my own horses since i was 10 and am a part qualified instructor.

i have gone from jumping on anything a few years ago to a nervous wreck :(

I had a bad fall 8 years ago and lost my confidence then but i was lucky to get a great horse after who gave me back a lot of my confidence however a bad fall 3 years ago knocked me back again for a while:(

Anyway i was just getting my confidence back again doing so well when sadly my mare who i trusted with my life passed away suddenly may last year :(

I have now got another horses who has done absolutely NOTHING wrong he is a complete angel yet since losing my mare my confidence is shot, i am phsically shaking before i get on yet once i have been on ten mins im fine and usually buzzing when i get back! then back to sqaure one again next time i ride! its a nightmare!

i just taking one day at a time x
 
I cannot believe how many people are in the same position as me!!!

I have to say that with every lesson i have i feel better and i actually had my first canter yesterday and my horse was an absolute star, i loved it and felt like Rocky when i got off wanting to jump at the top of the steps lol!!!

I am not ready to go faster than a walk out hacking and my heart still beats out my chest when i first get on but i know i am starting to feel better in the school at least!

so glad i started this post..... at least now none of us feel alone in feeling how we do!

Hope people keep posting their stories, would love for everyone say how they get on too as would love to hear the happy endings ;-) XXX
 
Where to start in my reply? I have read and reread this thread with my mouth open going OMG and doing an impression of an inebriated Goldfish because (I hope this doesn’t end up like war and peace) I lost mine big time too.

I retired the best horse I had ever owned it coincided with me being made redundant he was retired after many months of veterinary treatment lets see that was Spring 2008. He wasn’t my first horse but I had owned him for 13 years.

I used some of my redundancy money to buy my dream horse a big rising 6 ISH that was August 2008. He was far too much horse for me and a bit of an attention seeking bully. Not his fault but now I understand that some horses need lots of work to keep their heads straight.He also grew too big nearly 17hh. I had many trips to A & E and finally decided he had to go on 1st January 2010 unhappy new year. I had lost my nerve completely but we had a big freeze so he didn’t actually get sold until April that year.

So April 2010 I gave up riding sold of lots of stuff but kept my 4 x 4 and my trailer just in case. My best friend was having loads of problems so I spent the summer helping her out lunging her horse to keep her exercised but didn’t want to ride. Then after a while after lunging I sat on her but only rode her in the working paddock. Winter came and there was no riding she had no facilities.

In January 2011 I took my saddle in to saddlers to sell and was told a member of staff needed help working her pony who was only just down the road. I went and met her even though I threw up before going there and met Paddy the wonderful Connie. He was bombproof I hacked him out a couple of times a week for several months then he moved and I missed him. The drier weather came round and I went back to helping my friend out and suddenly realised I wanted a horse again.

It took me 7 months and 3 vettings. I was so nervous but went to a friend who was a dealer and got really frustrated about the length of time it was taking to find a horse I liked. I was a bag of nerves but knew he would never put me on a wrong horse for me. I looked elsewhere and had some frights on misdescribed horses.
Then March 2012 I found my current horse Charlie an ex-hunting cob the more I rode him the braver I felt then suddenly in August it all went wrong he was rearing and bolting and was diagnosed with Kissing Spine. It was not severe but was operated on and I have spent my winter lunging him doing inhand schooling and building him back up. I have been buddied up with a safe horse on the yard and taken out on short hacks while me and the lad learned to trust each other again he had pain memory and I was s**t scared.
During these years I have lost both my parents my Mum just after I sold the ISH and my Dad the day I paid for Charlie the new guy.
So where are we with the confidence thing……. its back and its fragile and you have to protect it you can rebuild it and what you need is good supportive friends. Don’t be influenced by negative people there are plenty who when you are feeling insecure will regale you with terrifying stories. Smile sweetly and file them in your I have gone deaf folder.
You have made a good start you have a good instructor. I cannot enthuse enough about the right instructor, supportive friends and only doing as much as you can cope with on any one day. Working inhand with your horse is a great way to build up confidence and finally….. well there is tons more but this is important:
“Confidence is like a Jar full of Pennies. Every time you use up some of it you take pennies out, every time you gain confidence you put pennies back in. Ok so mostly there will be pennies left in the jar but when it all goes to pooh the jar may be empty so you find things to do with your horse that make you feel confident and start banking the pennies again and never stretch yourself too far and use them all up.”

My friend told me this and it is weird because what she didn’t know is that when my Dad died I found a jar full of pennies in his kitchen. I still have it and never got around to doing anything with it but since she told me that I am keeping it. So go and get yourself a big jar and start putting your confidence back in it.

It will come back and you will surprise yourself.

Apologies to all and sundry for the length of this it is traditional to offer cake or chocolate but unfortunatly I have eaten it all while typing this Epic Saga!
 
I used to have panic attacks when i first starting riding again after my accident. I hadnt ridden for a while after it and due to the nature of the disability it left me with, i felt very vulnerable. I would be shaking like a leaf and dee would know and mother me a bit.

I had a lot of lessons in walk only (and sometimes on a leadrein) to get used to it. Even now (i think almost 4 years later) i still suffer.
 
Well not really tons of people have been through far worse but now I am climbing out of the pit of despair I think it is important to share you can feel very alone when you are down but in reality you are part of the gigantic Horrid club.
It's just everyone copes with life stuff a different way and confidence is a very precious commodity and there are loads of people out there that cant even admit to losing it.
 
Flibble said:
I used some of my redundancy money to buy my dream horse a big rising 6 ISH that was August 2008. He was far too much horse for me and a bit of an attention seeking bully. Not his fault but now I understand that some horses need lots of work to keep their heads straight.He also grew too big nearly 17hh. I had many trips to A & E and finally decided he had to go on 1st January 2010 unhappy new year. I had lost my nerve completely but we had a big freeze so he didn’t actually get sold until April that year.
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Flibble, this sounds very familiar. My husband lost his TB last year to a freak field accident. A few months later we set about looking for another horse for him. We bought a just 6 ISH. Masses of scope (too much probably in hindsight), schooling v well established for 6. 'Seemed' perfect. Reality was that he needed far more work than we were led to believe to keep sane and even being worked 5 times a week (admittedly some was lunge if short on time) wasn't enough. He constantly tried to push the boundaries, whether on the ground or ridden until his last attempts were along the lines of 'harumph, don't feel like working today, so i'm gonna drop a shoulder and try and ditch my rider to get out of work' He doen it a few times to OH and got him off. Initially he was fine when i got on him after and worked him (MADE him work!!) but he then did try the same. He didn't get me off, but i got off before he tried again! Made the decision there and then to sell before he obliterated my husbands confidence. He was far too green but more than that i feel was the fact he just wasn't genuine. I don't mind a bit of babyness if they're kind and willing. He just wasn't at all. I actually wonder if having him also has maybe affected my confidence as although he didn't ditch me, watching my husband being dumped on the floor wasn't particularly nice. But then i think how crazy i sound when i got on him after he'd ditched my husband without a thought yet am getting confidence/anxiety pangs over a horse i've ridden day in day out for 5 years who's never knowingly tried to get me off!!
The one thing i think that helps me is that no matter how nervy i'm feeling, i'll always do whatever it is i'm feeling a bit iffy about. Like if he's a bit fresh out on a hack, i'll always gallop him on our canter spots. I'm not sure if its to prove myself wrong and that i'm an idiot or the fact if i don't it will be a big deal the next time i come to do it. Regardless i always make myself do what ever it is thats bothering me!
 
Add me to the list - strong confidence evaporated for no good reason, I hadn't even had a fall. As so many have suggested, SMALL STEPS are key. There is no shame in doing it bit by bit; but it would be a shame to not do it at all!

I used the principle of "control the feet, you control the horse" to encourage myself and started working on the ground first, just simple activities, then onto lunge and getting the horse to respond to my voice. Somewhere it all fell into place and I realised that if I could manage him with my voice, I could manage him with voice and aids.
I became sufficiently confident to jump again, and though I can't say my confidence is anywhere near what it was, it is gradually growing.

I wish you the best of luck. Be patient with yourself.
 
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