Lost my confidence with one of my horses

[Mary3050]

Hi guys,
Advice needed I feel I am rapidly losing confidence with one of my horse and my other horse I feel I am losing the bond we had. Anyone got any tips on what I can do.

The horse I am having most trouble with i have had since he was 3 and I can’t bring my self to part with him . He’s an excellent boy competing with a rider and is a talented jumper. When I had him as youngster I used to ride him bareback in the field no issues. Then he went to be schooled professionally he was going great I used to ride him in walk, trot , canter no issues , walk to canter the works. Due to my personal issues and failing health he end up staying there. He is worked by the rider and I used to ride him a 2 times s a week and then lunge him . However one day after I had a few weeks off due to health. Went perfect on the first rein in canter and I went for a canter transition on the other and he bolted off. I stayed on and he did it again. I originally thought it was down to me being off balance due to being ill etc. But it shattered my confidence. I went months with out riding him however the last 6 weeks I have been riding him at least once a week to cool him off from his rider. I was doing fine sticking to walk and Trot still very anxious but learning to trust again. However I rode yesterday and Whilst his jokey was on he spooked. I still got on he wasn’t as rideable as always really making me work for the walk. The trot felt awful and I was very anxious. He shot forward again. The jockey who’s been giving me lessons was a bit annoyed when I said I wanted to just walk. They wasn’t very happy and said it was a pointless waste of time if I can’t get a grip to get him into trot. I was anxious to undo the mental work I had achieve up to that point.

Additionally, I have changed jobs and it’s crazy I am struggling to find time to do my normal stuff like riding my other horse. I used to go to the gym and the horse around 5 days a week . I also haven’t had time to ride my other horse much probs 3 times in last two weeks. I feel I have lost my connection with him. He’s being awkward to get one. Not into his transitions and chucking his head around . The same rider had been working him and she keeps saying how well hegoing.

what should I do I am hoping my job will just be the settling in period. But I don’t want to give up my horse or my job. What can I do to get my confidence back and my bond back with them . I can’t ride after work as the school is booked by all the kids and it’s like crazy after 4.

Any ideas please !

 

[TotalMadgeness]

Sounds like the horse is in pain to me... Have you had him checked over?

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Sack the pro!
That is an appalling attitude to show to the horse's owner. I would turn the pair of them away over the winter, then find a sympathetic professional who is used to confidence building to help you bring them back into work. I certainly wouldn't pay someone to treat me the way this rider has treated you.

 

[Kizzy2004]

Could the horse be uncomfortable under saddle. If it’s a noticeable change I would personally get back and saddle checked.

As for your jockey, if they’d spoken to me like that I would have told them where to go. It’s your horse, if you want to just walk around you should be able to. I would get your own instructor who can work on your confidence and build things up, unfortunately sometimes a confident rider can’t teach as they don’t always understand the mental block in confidence if they haven’t experienced it themselves (the comments suggesting you get a grip suggests that may be the case as it’s probably the last thing you should say to someone struggling with confidence),

Out of interest do you ever watch the other rider riding your horses or just take their word for it?

 

[Mary3050]

Sounds like the horse is in pain to me... Have you had him checked over?

Yes was my first thought when he did it initially. But teeth are fine, vet had a look while doing teeth said he’s fine, physios happy and saddler. He’s always been a little sharp but I think it partly my fault now because I tense up x

 

[Mary3050]

Sack the pro!
That is an appalling attitude to show to the horse's owner. I would turn the pair of them away over the winter, then find a sympathetic professional who is used to confidence building to help you bring them back into work. I certainly wouldn't pay someone to treat me the way this rider has treated you.

I think they where getting pissed off instead off being patient they just thought it was a waste off time. They do a good job with the horse but I don’t think confidence building is there area . Additionally I can’t turn them away because my other one has a health condition so must be worked under vets advice. I think the riders feeling they don’t get paid enough.

 

[Mary3050]

Could the horse be uncomfortable under saddle. If it’s a noticeable change I would personally get back and saddle checked.

As for your jockey, if they’d spoken to me like that I would have told them where to go. It’s your horse, if you want to just walk around you should be able to. I would get your own instructor who can work on your confidence and build things up, unfortunately sometimes a confident rider can’t teach as they don’t always understand the mental block in confidence if they haven’t experienced it themselves (the comments suggesting you get a grip suggests that may be the case as it’s probably the last thing you should say to someone struggling with confidence),

Out of interest do you ever watch the other rider riding your horses or just take their word for it?

There both fine had everything checks recently. I think the problems coming form me because my other ones usually a saint. But I think he’s just got used to having someone jump on him where as with my health it takes me a little longer and he need to stand.

She’s done a great job with both horse and they wouldn’t take kindly to me bringing another instructor on the yard as she qualified to tech. They have been riding the one I have lost the confidence on before I get on him and apart from the spook today they go really well but he’s a sharp ride.

Additionally, I think they don’t want to take there time with me as they have expanded the business and think they would rather spend time with other clients and friends than on me .

 

[dorsetladette]

Find another pro rider.
If your horses are no longer suitable for you to ride (but they were before), its time to look for a different trainer. There your horses for your pleasure. If you aren't getting pleasure from them then you need to change something.
You don't need to fall out with any one, but its clear that dynamics have changed and the situation doesn't suit either party anymore.

 

[Red-1]

I would sack the pro and get another pro. The other pro could have both your horses, and treat you decently too. Other pros could also manage the other horse's health issues.

I would not put up with being spoken to like that!

Sounds like they have expanded the business too much for themselves to manage.

 

[Gloi]

I think they where getting pissed off instead off being patient they just thought it was a waste off time. They do a good job with the horse but I don’t think confidence building is there area . Additionally I can’t turn them away because my other one has a health condition so must be worked under vets advice. I think the riders feeling they don’t get paid enough.

It doesn't sound to me like they are doing a good job with your horse. They should be working the horse to make it as suitable for you as they can to build up your confidence with it. Do you see this person working it, how does it behave for them? I'd be moving asap.

 

[Mary3050]

Find another pro rider.
If your horses are no longer suitable for you to ride (but they were before), its time to look for a different trainer. There your horses for your pleasure. If you aren't getting pleasure from them then you need to change something.
You don't need to fall out with any one, but its clear that dynamics have changed and the situation doesn't suit either party anymore.

Okay I wondered if it’s because the one I lost my confidence on is jumping under saddle now and competing. But he’s a better horse now. I just lack confidence. I wish I had my old trainer back she was amazing always knew me best but she out of the industry and lives over an hour away now !

 

[Mary3050]

It doesn't sound to me like they are doing a good job with your horse. They should be working the horse to make it as suitable for you as they can to build up your confidence with it. Do you see this person working it, how does it behave for them? I'd be moving asap.

Part of my issue is the horse is a very talented jumper and he loves it so I don’t want to hold him back as I can’t jump any more . He goes well there not Machines so he does spook sometimes. There a great pair but she doesn’t just have much time for me .

 

[Mary3050]

I would sack the pro and get another pro. The other pro could have both your horses, and treat you decently too. Other pros could also manage the other horse's health issues.

I would not put up with being spoken to like that!

Sounds like they have expanded the business too much for themselves to manage.

I may start having a look as she’s good with the horse just not with me. I just wish I could be up there more riding. But i don’t want to ride the one I lost my confidence with on my own so I have to arrange with them , then there’s time issues on my side. I dunno if I should go back to basics with the horse spend time grooming him, free school him instead of riding etc

 

[Gloi]

Part of my issue is the horse is a very talented jumper and he loves it so I don’t want to hold him back as I can’t jump any more . He goes well there not Machines so he does spook sometimes. There a great pair but she doesn’t just have much time for me .

Training the horse for jumping and training the horse to be a good horse for you are two very different things. If you want to keep this horse stop the rider jumping him. The horse doesn't care, he isn't being held back unless you are preparing him for sale. If you want to ride him the rider should be riding him doing the things you want to do, not what they find fun.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

Training the horse for jumping and training the horse to be a good horse for you are two very different things. If you want to keep this horse stop the rider jumping him. The horse doesn't care, he isn't being held back unless you are preparing him for sale. If you want to ride him the rider should be riding him doing the things you want to do, not what they find fun.

Perfect post!

 

[paddy555]

Part of my issue is the horse is a very talented jumper and he loves it so I don’t want to hold him back as I can’t jump any more . He goes well there not Machines so he does spook sometimes. There a great pair but she doesn’t just have much time for me .

earlier you describe him as a "sharp ride". Looking at the situation very honestly, whoever helps you, are you likely to get your confidence back sufficiently to ride this particular horse to a reasonable degree ie walking, trotting and cantering on your own even if he is not jumping. From your posts I wonder if you are?
It does however sound as if you could get your bond back with your other horse with a bit of kindly help and encouragement.

You are not holding your jumping machine back if he never jumps again, he is yours to do what you want with. Other than as a field pet if you are unlikely to have the confidence to ride him then you have the choice of either footing the bill and letting the jockey ride him because you like watching him compete or alternatively selling him.

If both your horses are ridden by the same person and are not as you would like (ie not quiet and well behaved to you) then, rather than look to the horse as being in pain, I would firstly look to the rider. Not in a bad way. The rider has both horses going and one jumping very well. However her style of riding could be producing horses that are just not suitable for you. She may ride him boldly and give him the confidence to jump. That is not the same thing as preparing him to be calm for you to ride.

Would you consider either just financing the jumping horse and letting them get on with it or selling him and then moving the other horse to a more suitable yard? This one seems to be putting you down when in fact you need someone to ride the horse slowly and calmly for you and then to help you restore your bond with him which may well take quite a while.

 

[Mary3050]

Training the horse for jumping and training the horse to be a good horse for you are two very different things. If you want to keep this horse stop the rider jumping him. The horse doesn't care, he isn't being held back unless you are preparing him for sale. If you want to ride him the rider should be riding him doing the things you want to do, not what they find fun.

Stopping him jumping is not what I want and not what’s best for him. He jumps out of the field and the fence are a good hight. He doesn’t do it since he’s been jumping regularly. He also goes sour on the flat if he doesn’t get the variety. I rode him find before he was jumping but it’s just now. He’s a sharp horse he’s not the first sharp horse I have had tbh I have had much worse to ride. I have lost my confidence before and it came back . But I just feel it’s worse than before because of the jockey/ instructor.

 

[Mary3050]

earlier you describe him as a "sharp ride". Looking at the situation very honestly, whoever helps you, are you likely to get your confidence back sufficiently to ride this particular horse to a reasonable degree ie walking, trotting and cantering on your own even if he is not jumping. From your posts I wonder if you are?
It does however sound as if you could get your bond back with your other horse with a bit of kindly help and encouragement.

You are not holding your jumping machine back if he never jumps again, he is yours to do what you want with. Other than as a field pet if you are unlikely to have the confidence to ride him then you have the choice of either footing the bill and letting the jockey ride him because you like watching him compete or alternatively selling him.

If both your horses are ridden by the same person and are not as you would like (ie not quiet and well behaved to you) then, rather than look to the horse as being in pain, I would firstly look to the rider. Not in a bad way. The rider has both horses going and one jumping very well. However her style of riding could be producing horses that are just not suitable for you. She may ride him boldly and give him the confidence to jump. That is not the same thing as preparing him to be calm for you to ride.

Would you consider either just financing the jumping horse and letting them get on with it or selling him and then moving the other horse to a more suitable yard? This one seems to be putting you down when in fact you need someone to ride the horse slowly and calmly for you and then to help you restore your bond with him which may well take quite a while.

I have lost my confidence before after a bad accident it came back. I am sure I could eventually get back to doing everything before. But I think I need more of helping and understanding jockey/instructor. He very confident jumping on his own loses jumps 1m40. I think form comments on hear they have over expanded there business and are now just rushing the horse and not wanting to give me the time that is need.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be asking that my older horse that is usually well behaved and stands like a rock. Not to be allowed to walk off while a rider is getting on. If anything it’s just good manners. I also think her young groom has been riding him which is potential why he’s sticking his head up and not be on his transitions.

 

[Red-1]

When I have had a need, I have taken mine to a pro SJ yard. She jumps higher than 1.40, but will do whatever she can to help. Her mother also rides, they would not put a groom on without prior permission.

They are happy to teach whatever, including hacking/mounting. They will jump and compete too, but had mine on less feed and not as forward as they would normally train, as she was for me, not for them.

Maybe say where you are based, someone on here may know of a great training yard near to you?

 

[southerncomfort]

Sack the pro!
That is an appalling attitude to show to the horse's owner. I would turn the pair of them away over the winter, then find a sympathetic professional who is used to confidence building to help you bring them back into work. I certainly wouldn't pay someone to treat me the way this rider has treated you.

Absolutely agree with this 100%.

 

[andytiger]

I would say it’s the professional making you lose your confidence not the horse?? but have horse checked that it’s not in pain
I would look for a trainer more sutiable for your requirments not the horses.
horses don’t really care if they sj
with a good trainer that will help you rebuild your confidence who knows the worlds you oyster you can do anything you want with him x

 

[Maesto's Girl]

You can get a pro who will work on the horse on the flat and jumping too just to keep him ticking over. My mare is sharp and my confidence was at an all time low, but I worked with an understanding instructor who worked on us as a partnership and now, whilst still having her moments, I am confident to deal with her....I am even jumping again! Low level and not higher than 60cm but don't really care! It's where I am comfortable!

 

[canteron]

Lots of good advice - plus have you done the Noelle Floyd / Dr Susser confidence course (it’s only £7 she was the ‘head’ coach for the USA dressage team.
One of her points was to regain confidence you have to learn new skills so you believe you can manage - so I suggest you work on a list of skills that need to improve and have a plan how to achieve this!!
For example, get your pro to teach your horse a one rein stop - then find a horse you can practice on.
Good luck.

 

[poiuytrewq]

The jockey said it’s a pointless waste of time!!! That made me so bloody angry to read! What a complete ar**

 

[Micropony]

Agree with others. This rider might be a very good rider, but you are paying them to ride the horse for you in line with your needs, not to their inclination.
Your needs have changed, time to move on.
Maybe give the sharp one a holiday over the winter, get your confidence back on the older horse over winter while you're getting settled with work? Then you could start afresh with the younger one in the spring when the days are longer, you're feeling a bit more chilled about the whole thing, and it gives you time to put some support arrangements around the three of you that fit better with what you need nowadays.