Making the decision to PTS :-(

[paperchase]

Hello

Im a serial lurker on here and have been for ages but never been brave enough to actually post. I need reassurance though that I am making the right decision with my horse.

I have owned him for 15 years he is now 20.

About 3 years ago he started becoming difficult to tack up before going lame.

Lots of veterinary investigation followed, and after alot of expense and time (thank god for insurance!) he was eventually diagnosed at Newmarket with kissing spines, arthritis of the facet joints of the spine and sacroiliac dysfunction. He also had arthritic changes in his hocks and issues with his suspensory ligaments.

Upon veterinary advice he was retired and put on one bute a day. This kept him relatively field sound for a while. However he has become down and miserable this year and visibly unsound in the field. Upon vets advice I played with the bute level and have found that he has more happy days than miserable days on 2 sachets of bute a day.

He also has severe sweet itch which is another factor. This year he has had the 'insol' vaccination which has provided him with some improvement, however he still has to wear his boett and mask 24/7 and has no mane and tail. He also has scabby bits on his withers, tail, ears and face from rubbing (although this is def an improvement on previous years where he has been covered in sores).

I have been thinking about having him PTS for about 6 months now- it breaks my heart to see my once rather lively and spirited gelding look so 'down in the dumps' and dull eyed on a fairly regular basis.

I'd finally come to terms with my decision in the last couple of weeks. It has been lovely seeing him slightly happier on 2 bute a day, but I know he cant be on that dosage forever, and I dont want to see him go downhill and get so miserable again. I decided to give him another month or so to say goodbye.

I told my non horsey husband that I had made my mind up, and he basically called me cruel, and said that if the horse isnt hobbling around on three legs then its too early to make the decision. We had an argument and it really upset me and made me doubt the decision.

So basically, would I be wrong in deciding to PTS? I feel really guilty about it already, would I regret PTS? I love this horse to pieces and dont want to do wrong by him :-(

 

[amage]

Better a month too early than a minute too late. Your husband is being a fool in this situation. Rather than risk another row perhaps ask your vet to speak to your husband and explain to him your reasoning. As the nights draw in and temperature drops your horse is not likely to improve which I think you know. You need support and care at this time not hassle. I can understand him not understanding giving him another month....some none horsy people can be quite black and white ie if he needs to be pts then do it rather than let him live another month in discomfort. Tbh from what you have described I would be pts sooner rather than later. The horse doesn't know he's saying goodbye and another month is not going to change how upset or horrible it is for you.

 

[EstherYoung]

I called it a day with two of our old boys last year. The questions we asked ourselves were: 'are their issues likely to deteriorate to a dangerous point if it is a bad winter?' and 'how would we feel if we ended up having to call it a day in the depths of winter, after they'd been struggling to rise in the worst of the winter weather?'

You have my best wishes. It's a horrible position to be in

 

[Joyous70]

A very difficult decision, but i think you have answered your own question, saying you have come to terms with your decision.

My old boy had cushings, and went downhill in January last year, it took me a few weeks to come to my decision but once i had made up my mind that was that. Like someone else has said better a month too soon than a day too late. Your boy has a lot of issues, that will not improve with time.

Its an awful position to be in - sending you hugs x

 

[Red-1]

You sound like a wonderful owner, with your horse's best interests at heart. You are in the best place to make a decision.

I sounds like there are other issues with your OH, but I think your decision on your horse is sound.

 

[Mitchyden]

I am having the same issue with Zara. She also has severe sweet itch and now she may have to be retired due to arthritis and a tendon injury and I don't know what her quality of life will be like. If she didn't have sweet itch it wouldn't be an issue as she would be kept as a field ornament. Her sweet itch sounds like your horse's though as she wears a boett and a fly mask and I have to cream every bit that is exposed and she is still covered in scabby bits.

I think it's a very brave decision you have made and I hope that I will be brave enough to make the same one for Zara.

 

[fatpiggy]

Hello

Im a serial lurker on here and have been for ages but never been brave enough to actually post. I need reassurance though that I am making the right decision with my horse.

I have owned him for 15 years he is now 20.





















About 3 years ago he started becoming difficult to tack up before going lame.

Lots of veterinary investigation followed, and after alot of expense and time (thank god for insurance!) he was eventually diagnosed at Newmarket with kissing spines, arthritis of the facet joints of the spine and sacroiliac dysfunction. He also had arthritic changes in his hocks and issues with his suspensory ligaments.

Upon veterinary advice he was retired and put on one bute a day. This kept him relatively field sound for a while. However he has become down and miserable this year and visibly unsound in the field. Upon vets advice I played with the bute level and have found that he has more happy days than miserable days on 2 sachets of bute a day.

He also has severe sweet itch which is another factor. This year he has had the 'insol' vaccination which has provided him with some improvement, however he still has to wear his boett and mask 24/7 and has no mane and tail. He also has scabby bits on his withers, tail, ears and face from rubbing (although this is def an improvement on previous years where he has been covered in sores).

I have been thinking about having him PTS for about 6 months now- it breaks my heart to see my once rather lively and spirited gelding look so 'down in the dumps' and dull eyed on a fairly regular basis.

I'd finally come to terms with my decision in the last couple of weeks. It has been lovely seeing him slightly happier on 2 bute a day, but I know he cant be on that dosage forever, and I dont want to see him go downhill and get so miserable again. I decided to give him another month or so to say goodbye.

I told my non horsey husband that I had made my mind up, and he basically called me cruel, and said that if the horse isnt hobbling around on three legs then its too early to make the decision. We had an argument and it really upset me and made me doubt the decision.

So basically, would I be wrong in deciding to PTS? I feel really guilty about it already, would I regret PTS? I love this horse to pieces and dont want to do wrong by him :-(

Stick to your decision and let him go. Two years ago I was in the same boat, increasing the medication but seeing my livewire of a mare turning into something that spent most of her time dozing. She was happy enough but it wasn't good enough for me. I feared finding her down in the mud having slipped and gone down and not been able to get back up. She deserved so much better than that. On the day she went calmly and without fear and I have no regrets at my decision even though it rather surprised everyone who knew us, including the vet.
Ignore your husband, he knows nothing!

 

[Greylegs]

Firstly, I feel for you in this situation. It's a tough one, but you sound like a caring and sensitive owner who is trying to do her best for her horse.

Clearly, your husband isn't horsey and doesn't understand. Try asking him how he'd feel if he was living his life permanently on pain relief medication which is, itself, doing him no good, in constant pain otherwise, with little quality of life and covered in a sore, itchy rash. I think I would have to agree with the above. Get your husband and your vet together and get the vet to talk to him about the horse. And, while the vet's there, get him to send your dear horse to a better place.

Being able to make this decision is the biggest thing we can do for our horses and we owe it them to be strong on their behalf. You have no need to feel guilty. Rather, feel proud that you have the strength, compassion and knowledge to know that you're doing the right thing at the right time.

<<<HUGS>>>

 

[lamlyn2012]

No, I don't think you are wrong. I have been in a similar situation and discussed with my vet. He said it is much better for all parties if it is planned. He said the worst thing is to find the horse down and struggling in the midst of winter. I decided to let my horse enjoy the summer (her problem was different to yours) but I didn't have to decide on a day as she told me she wanted to go. sorry you are having to go through this.

 

[HaffiesRock]

You sound like every horse owners dream.

Please do not feel guilty or let your OH sway you. This is your horse and from what you have said, putting him to sleep is the kindest thing to do.

I know it must be so hard to see him looking well and happy and the guilt of putting him to sleep must be immense, but it really is the kindest thing to do to put him to sleep on a good day so he can go happy. Remember, he won't know what is about to happen to him.

Please take comfort in the fact that you are doing the right thing for your horse. xx

 

[AshTay]

Another one who thinks you are right and OH is wrong. Have been in your situation myself and it's heartbreaking (not with the OH, although when I said to my OH that I had made that decision, the first words out of his mouth were "you can't" but after we talked about it he understood and was very supportive).
I think that a problem with non-horsey people is that they see dogs and cats who are happy lame and on three legs. Dogs in particular wear their hearts on their sleeve but it can be harder for a non horsey person to spot a horse that's unhappy as they hide it well (being prey animals). Dogs and cats don't care if they're lame or have three legs - they're predators themselves with nothing else hunting them but horses will always think like prey animals and when they know their escape mechanism is compromised it affects them. A dog will always tell you if something hurts even just a little bit but horses will hide it as much as they can and often what is visible is just the tip of the iceberg.

 

[honetpot]

Its hard trying to explain to the none horsey that planning your beloved horses death is the best thing you can do for them. As everyone else has said there is nothing worse than a horse floundering with all the stress to them and you and it often happens in the worst weather. You are doing the right thing. Have a couple of lovely weeks of spoiling then make the call, I am going through this process myself but my husband knows it has to be done.

 

[applecart14]

Hello

I'd finally come to terms with my decision in the last couple of weeks. It has been lovely seeing him slightly happier on 2 bute a day, but I know he cant be on that dosage forever, and I dont want to see him go downhill and get so miserable again. I decided to give him another month or so to say goodbye.
(

The horse does have an awful lot wrong with it I know but if he has a lot of happy days on 2 bute a day then why don't you keep him on it indefinetely? Horses can be on bute for years before they have side effects, my own vet has said that more often than not the problem they have that makes them go on bute in the first place will kill them before the bute every will.

At least then if he goes down hill you can have him PTS then.

 

[stencilface]

If he's still having off days on 2 bute a day, I would pts too.

In my mind I'd probably give more a day for a week so he has a week of bliss totally pain free then let him go

 

[AshTay]

If he's still having off days on 2 bute a day, I would pts too.

In my mind I'd probably give more a day for a week so he has a week of bliss totally pain free then let him go

This is what I did! My pony was bright as a button and sound as a pound on the day he went. In some ways it made it harder but I know he was happy on the day he left even if it was an unsustainable happiness.

 

[Pinkvboots]

I dont think your making the wrong choice, he may be ok on two bute now but come winter he may not and I would much rather say goodbye before seeing a horse struggle, you seem like you are a very good horse owner and know your horse well, get your husband to read this thread frankly his the cruel one being totally un supportive at such a sad time. Please keep us updated and we will all be here to help if you need it x

 

[applecart14]

get your husband to read this thread frankly his the cruel one being totally un supportive at such a sad time.

Men are like that - my other half told me I should be 'getting over' the death of my previous horse three days after he dropped down dead of a heart attack. And when we saw him dead in the field and my horse had a tear in the corner of his eye (no doubt due to the fierce cold wind before he went) he said he was 'crying' because he didn't want to leave me which left me feeling even more devastated that I would have felt had he not said that.

Men really have no idea, especially none horsey men. I hope you do what you feel is best for you and your horse xx

 

[Joanne4584]

Hiya, I am currently in a very similar situation, so big hug!

My 19 year old (who I've had for 15 years) has kissing spine, bone spavin and navicular. He got lami last month (doesn't have cushings) and it's just another thing for him to deal with. He is also on 2 Bute a day but is still looking uncomfortable so I have decided to let him go. My ex told me I shouldn't be upset when my horse dies cause I've had 15 years to get used to the idea!!!

From reading your post I think you have made the right decision. It is so hard but you know your horse best. Going up to the yard and seeing your horse looking sad is heartbreaking. Spend quality time with him and spoil him. I'm sure you'll have lots of happy memories. xx

 

[splashgirl45]

I was living at home when I had my first horse PTS, I didn't tell my family till it was over...my mum who used to have horses completely understood and comforted me, my dad who was completely non horsey couldnt understand it and kept asking me questions...bless him he was trying to understand but didn't realise I couldn't discuss it and had thought about the decision for a long time before I could do it...
your decision sounds the right one and im sure you aren't doing this lightly so as others have said try and get husband to think about QUALITY

 

[splashgirl45]

I was living at home when I had my first horse PTS, I didn't tell my family till it was over...my mum who used to have horses completely understood and comforted me, my dad who was completely non horsey couldnt understand it and kept asking me questions...bless him he was trying to understand but didn't realise I couldn't discuss it and had thought about the decision for a long time before I could do it...
your decision sounds the right one and im sure you aren't doing this lightly so as others have said try and get husband to think about QUALITY

sorry not quite finished....meant to say QUALITY of life rather than length, good luck

 

[Pinkvboots]

Men are like that - my other half told me I should be 'getting over' the death of my previous horse three days after he dropped down dead of a heart attack. And when we saw him dead in the field and my horse had a tear in the corner of his eye (no doubt due to the fierce cold wind before he went) he said he was 'crying' because he didn't want to leave me which left me feeling even more devastated that I would have felt had he not said that.

Men really have no idea, especially none horsey men. I hope you do what you feel is best for you and your horse xx

Not all men are like that my oh is not that horsey but he would never behave like that there is no excuse to be mean and cruel, I would look for another man if mine treated me like that.

 

[Primitive Pony]

I haven't read all the replies so apologies if I repeat anything already posted.

I had my horse PTS in April this year, he was only 10 and ostensibly ok - had sacroiliac problems that had been going on for about two years, and although he was pretty much sound most days and the vet had suggested he'd be ok on bute, I couldn't bring myself to keep him on painkillers, and he was just going downhill, in my eyes. Arguably, I could have kept him in retirement for another ten or twenty years, worrying about what would go wrong next and whether to put him through more vet treatment/investigation every time - scans showed that he may have had problems in his front feet too, resulting from all the problems in his hind end.

I decided that it was best for both of us to call it a day, and although it was hard and horrible, I don't regret the decision I made. You have to remind yourself that the horse is none the wiser as - unlike us - it doesn't wake up worrying about its problems or, indeed, looking forward to tomorrow... - so rather than wait for something else to happen, if you feel it's the right thing then it is. Trust your instincts, nobody else knows your horse better.

 

[Twinkley Lights]

So sorry OP only you know your horse and his situation and you don't seem that you would make this decision lightly so my heart goes out to you.

Be kind to your lad spoil him rotten and be kind to yourself but also be kind to your OH to .... we live in our dreams every day where we are privileged to spend our lives with these wonderful and graceful creatures .... even non horsey husbands are touched by them too and form close bonds but without the practical awareness and knowledge that we have. You are simply further along the grieving process as you understand reality. When we had to help my darling boy to go iin the wee small hours after a sad sad day my hubby was a rock and there all the way when I was too distraught. Hubby's do have a place in this debate we just need to help them thru the grief process as in their way they love them too.

 

[fuzzle]

You will know when the time is right and you have done everything possible for your horse over the years don't ever feel guilty about your disition you have given him 15 years of a good life and he is lucky to have you!!! you do what is best for your horse, big hugs and im like this at the moment with my 24 year old my pride and joy and it is awful heartbreaking and i don t envy anyone whom has to make a choice, i still have my 24 year old and i will let her go when i feel the time is right and you must do the same!!!!!xxxxxxxxx

 

[Mrs G]

I really feel for you and would urge you not to doubt yourself - you know your horse better than anyone and if you think he's more often in discomfort than not.... As another poster said "Better a month too early than a minute too late".

 

[applecart14]

Not all men are like that my oh is not that horsey but he would never behave like that there is no excuse to be mean and cruel, I would look for another man if mine treated me like that.

He wasn't being cruel or mean, just a bit daft. He thought by 'jogging me along' and saying I should get over it quicker it would help me come to terms with things quicker , and the tear in his eye thing was an attempt to try to comfort me. He didn't mean it nasty, but was, I must admit rather thoughtless.

 

[Mrs G]

With regards to 'Other halves' if yours is anything like mine - he is very inexperienced in dealing with grief/illness/old age etc, I guess he's been lucky really! But it did/does mean he doesn't always understand the situation or the factors and feelings involved.