Making the right decision

Nudibranch

Nudibranch

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As a normally pragmatic person who has always been able to make the pts decision in good time with my horses, I am ashamed to admit I don't know what to do about my little dog.

He's my first "own" dog (rather than a family dog) and he's 11. He has heart and kidney problems and his back legs are slowly deteriorating. He's on daily Nelio and Previcox, and while his incontinence has stopped he is still slow, can't walk even up the road, sleeps a lot and to my mind looks sad. I can't remember when he last wagged his tail. If he were a horse I'd have made the decision. On paper it looks blindingly obvious. But then again he potters, slowly, round the garden and still has a good appetite. OH says we should give him a bit longer, but he's a doctor and it's in his DNA to preserve life.

Half of me feels like a crap owner for procrastinating and the other half feels evil for considering having him put down. I know all the sayings - better a week too soon than a day too late, and all that, and then he lifts his head and looks at me and somehow I feel like he's telling me not to do it. Stupid I know. I can only think to discuss it with the vet again, although I don't have the same rapport with the small animal practice as I do with my equine vet, who I know would tell me how it is.

Why do they do this to us?
 
Sorry but I’d make the decision for him ☹️ My little Flick was fine on the surface - she was eating, she pottered out into the garden, her digestion was normal - but she was existing not living.

It was heart failure for her, but I will never regret my decision as I know it was the right one. They do make it so very hard for us, I know that if I’d been a different sort of owner Flick could quite possibly still be with me now, but everyone comments on how I always put my dogs first 😢😢😢😢
 
I would give him a golden day (even if it's a drive out and a good fancy dinner) then PTS quietly at home. Your OH may find this a bit easier to deal with. There are two other routes ahead of you; a crisis where things don't happen the way you would like, or continuing to watch a decline which will not be good for your mental health or for your dog.

You've done brilliantly by him. Making the decision is the last great gift we can give. It is the very opposite of evil; to act selflessly and cause ourselves pain to relieve the suffering of another is love, not evil.

I am thinking of you; it's an awful limbo when we aren't quite there yet.
 
Use one or both of these quality of life assessment tools to objectively quantify his quality of life. It can be very hard to see the wood from the trees sometimes in a good as well as a bad way. For example as my old boy aged I spent way too long obsessing about his wellbeing and worrying about his quality of life when actually for 7.9 years out of the 8 years he was with me hindsight confirms he was remarkably hale and hearty 🤣

These tools give perspective on your dogs current wellbeing. https://www.lapoflove.com/Quality-of-Life/Quality-of-Life-Scoring-Tools
 
Sadken has said exactly what I would.

Think back to months ago when they were still walking and wagging their tail. They have life but not quality and you never know when it could go horribly downhill with a painful end or rush to the vets.

I had to make the call with my first dog when he was only 5 and a pony when he was only 7. Both with terminal diagnosis, but could have kept them going for at least a few more months with medication. But instead they had a lovely end and it was peaceful (no regrets, they were both in discomfort)
 
It’s the last kindness we can do for them, remember that.
Assess quality of life, your telling statement is that you can’t remember when he last wagged his tail.
We have a lurcher with mobility problems and sometimes obvious pain. She is on daily assessment to make sure she is still enjoying life. She sleeps a lot and is incredibly stiff when she gets out of bed, but she always greets us with talk and a wagging tail and can still dash round the garden at amazing speed after the other dogs. As soon as she isn’t happy to do that then it will be time to say goodbye.
Best wishes, make your decision xx
 
It’s so much easier when something happens and we don’t have to choose. Only you know what his quality of life is like. Is he in pain? That would swing it for me if he is. Having him pts is probably inevitable so it’s not a case of if, but when. If it’s keeping you awake and stressing you out, it’s probably time. He won’t care either way, but you have to be comfortable with your decision and if you know deep down but just don’t want to face it, you need to find the courage to call the vet. It’s always better when it’s done, the deciding and waiting are the worst.
Of course he might be happy and just old. If he’s not in pain and happy pottering around then leave the decision for a bit longer. Nobody else can really help you with this, but I do know exactly how you feel x
 
'if he was a horse I would have made the decision'
That says all you need to know, I would call it time.
I had both my old dogs pts sleep together, they had had each other for 15 yrs, one was probably ok to have a bit more time but he would have been an unhappy lonely dog-i did not see any point in that for him. X
It is a tough time, I find it harder with the dogs and for me I think it's because they live in the house with you, they really become so important to every family member.
It's not going to be easy if you both feel so differently though.
 
I think it is 'easier' with a horse, as, even if you keep them at home, they are not with you every minute of the day that you are at home. The time you spend away from the horse gives you a bit more clarity about their condition and it is easier to see any decline from 'visit' to 'visit'.
(Just seen that twiggy2 has written something similar). I think you need to assess his QOL very carefully and go from there. One of the assessment tools might help your OH to come to terms with the need for a decision, even if you decide that the time is not quite yet.
 
The fact you say he hasn't wagged his tail in a while would be the deciding factor for me. Dogs can be very stoic and sometimes hide how they are really feeling, I have made the decision to pts when I could possibly have had more time with them, but quality of life is so important. I feel for you, I have had to make the decision far too many times and it never gets any easier.
 
We just had to make the same decision for our dog, and although she was still bright and happy she couldn't get around by herself well enough to do the things she wanted to, we knew it was time, as someone else said she had started to just exist. Making those arrangements was hideous, and then waiting equally so, but I'm so grateful that she had an awesome last day of our choosing, full of her favourite foods and loads of love. She went peacefully at home stuffing her face with steak.

As Sadken said I would have hated for the decision to have been taken out of our hands.
 
Round here there is a vet who does end of life assessments for dogs. She comes to the house, assesses the dog, takes samples as needed, chats with the owner, and then prepares the last days, weeks, or even months of the patient to make sure that all tools are in place to preserve the best quality of life. She has a super reputation (near Brighton) and I will call her when I start to worry about my old girl's decline. There might be similar services in your area? Would also support your OH in understanding the full picture, maybe, and feeling he's done everything he could x
 
If there's no waggy tail and quality of life has deteriorated, then I think it's time. Saying if it were a horse, you'd have pts, then come on, I believe you know.
 
We lost our beloved 16 year old Labrador, Spot mid May, she was put to sleep very quickly, having crumbled in front of our eyes, I felt terrible guilt about the decision, perhaps we could have done more for her, given her longer but we knew she wasn't going to improve and the guilt I felt was not as terrible as the guilt I have felt when I know I have let a beloved pet suffer for too long because I have not been brave enough to make that decision. Spot still had a good appetite, food was very important to her so I can only imagine how much more terrible I would have felt had I waited until her appetite had waned. I think that would have been unforgivable. My advice is to consider what the single most important thing in your little dog's life is, can he still enjoy doing that thing? If not perhaps now is the time to let him go. Do not be too hard on yourself, expect to feel wretched, you will, whatever your decision. Grieve in the way that you see fit, dont be ashamed or embarrassed about it and don't apologise for it. I wailed then and still cry daily now but have accepted that the right decision was made at the right time. Whatever your decision you will find support here. 🐾❤️😍
 
Just to update; I fully expected him to be pts at our appointment today. The vet, who is very good and probably the only decent small animal vet in the area, has suggested a 5 day trial of a number of drugs for his heart on the basis that he doesn't believe his pain is significant and at least we will have tried everything we can. If they make no difference then we will pts next week.

I only wish we had found him sooner as we spent months wasting time with two other vets who just didn't see the bigger picture and actually missed a grade 4 heart murmur - I ended up taking him in again after hearing it myself with OHs stethoscope! Fortunately we then met the vet we deal with now who has not only far more experience but a much more sensible and pragmatic approach. The last one refused to repeat a previcox prescription on the basis "it might shorten his life".

Anyway we are now fairly certain he's not in much pain, but his life expectancy is only a few months with his heart failure, so pts is very imminent even if the new drugs help.
 
Im glad you have found a vet you have confidence in Nudibranch. Your lovely little dog is a very lucky lad to have you looking out for him, hoping that the new drugs can help you enjoy these last few months with him. 🐾😍❤️
 
Having the right vet makes all the difference! I am glad that you now have a plan and if you do pts next week, you and OH will know that you have done everything possible for him. Fingers crossed that the pain meds work and you do get a few extra months with your dog. It's a horrible time when you that their days are numbered.
 
Echo above, a vet that you trust is what’s going to make this bearable. I was very lucky that my vet was like yours and I knew all the signs to look out for and knew we’d tried all the medications available. It made it easier when the time came because I could spot the subtle signs that told me it was time, without worrying that I’d made the decision hastily. My old girl went for a lovely walk carrying her ball on the way to the vets and I absolutely knew I was doing the right thing and saving her from suffering.
 
One last update. The new drugs were helping his legs but not his heart. This morning he didn't look right and we knew his heart was really failing so he was pts this afternoon, at home on his bed with a mouthful of his favourite cat biscuits.

They really break your heart, don't they?!
 
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