Mare suddenly won't be caught

DabDab said:
Really glad you had a good night tonight. I think BBP has probably hit the nail on the head, particularly if people who know you and your horse in real life have been commenting that it could be your slightly stressed out energy upsetting her. I think it's very hard to recognise the extent of your stressed out state sometimes, particularly when it is caused by something that you just have to get on and deal with and stay basically functioning through. A sensitive horse is one hell of a mirror sometimes
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Totally agree! I could totally be the energy I'm giving off! Regarding the loading - she's only started going out on her own more and more in the last few months since I've got more stressed and then soemtimes I lose it with her when she won't go in! Next time I load her I'm going to stay super chilled and see how we go.
 
Although she let you catch her this most recent time I would be on high alert for a physical issue (one that could well not show on a vetting).
In my experience any of my horses that have become reluctant to load or be caught have pain issues, not necessarily obvious through lameness so please please be mindful of this.
 
musk said:
Although she let you catch her this most recent time I would be on high alert for a physical issue (one that could well not show on a vetting).
In my experience any of my horses that have become reluctant to load or be caught have pain issues, not necessarily obvious through lameness so please please be mindful of this.
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Absolutely - I will be getting her checked.
 
BBP said:
I’ve picked out a few of the bits of your posts that stand out to me. The next bit may read a bit mean but it genuinely isn’t meant to and is just meant to make you look at things from a different perspective.

Firstly, you are understandably stressed, it comes across in your post. You say you need her as your stress relief and that she is generally good to ride but takes the first 10mins to start to listen and is argumentative. You say nothing has really changed, but it clearly has *for her*. You talk about what you need but not what she needs. She has no concept of your divorce or why you turn up a bit stressed sometimes.

Look at it from her point of view. This human comes over who she used to get on pretty well with, but their energy is all stressed and all over the place. When a horse goes up to another horse to mutual groom or hang out it goes up with calm quiet energy that the horse wants to be around. Your horse may be getting a whole different feeling from you recently. Shes communicating that she doesn’t feel comfortable around you and would rather move away from you. But you don’t have time for that, you want to go for a ride to help you chill out. She isn’t allowed to express how she feels without you feeling upset, or angry, or mortified. So there is a pressure and an expectation to your approach that may be sending off all sorts of bells and whistles to her. You said one day you caught her and then took your frustration out on her, which doesn’t give her much incentive to want to be around you again. You say she takes 10mins to listen when you do ride, but she probably says you haven’t listened at all for the last half hour since you went out to catch her.

I’d highly recommend someone like Warwick Schiller to help a little with the mindset and relationship aspect. Forget about the ridden stuff for a while and work on your communication between you.

I probably sound super judgey there, and I don’t mean to, but I’ve been through the breakup stress and how it affected my relationship with my horses and honestly since I started loosely following Warwick Schiller (I’m not a groupie but there is lots to like from the last couple of years) last year the mindfulness aspect has turned my life around. Some of the podcasts have been great for my mental health. I think far more about how my horse is feeling and what they are trying to communicate rather than about what my aims were, and I’m so much happier for it. For me now, if my horse isn’t happy to be caught, there is no way it’s ready to be tacked up. If it is happy to be caught but not happy to be tacked up, there is no way it is ready to be ridden. All those things are the horse communicating something. The more we listen the better the relationship. But you’re right, it isn’t quick or easy and some people don’t have time for it because they want to ride. I’ve been happy to not ride until the horse feels good about it too.

Right now my 3yo has started to not want to be caught, so I’m stepping back and trying to work out why. What have I been doing different, how is the herd dynamic different, how if he feeling. Today I just sat in the field reading my book, popped the headcollar on and off him 3 times and then let him go and sat back down to read my book again. He spent the next 30mins with me of his own choice. I’m better now at waiting for the ear flick, blink, lip tremble reading vs waiting for the big signs. (Oh and I also never believe the ‘everything’s been checked and nothings wrong’ because my GP and osteopath and consultant all checked me over and none found anything wrong but I still had horrible symptoms, so don’t discount physical issues just because no one has found them)

Good luck and I hope you find a bit more peace soon.
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Great post BBP! Really good advice.
 
They really do pick up on our mood but we don't always realise. Many years back my sister came close to giving up with her homebred gelding because he became so spooky to ride. Then it hit her that she was bringing work and home stress with her which was upsetting him. He was quite a sensitive boy. Once she learned to leave that behind her he went back to being a sensible ride. Hope your mare continues to improve.
 
Glad things are going well for you now.

My Louis can pick up on my mood so well he knows when I'm not really feeling it when I ride and he literally won't move, it's like well if you can't be bothered neither can I.

Also if I'm feeling a bit anxious or nervous he knows straight away and will normally spook at nothing or do something to make me more nervous. I have to really pick when I ride him or it can easily go tits up.

Yet Arabi is just the same all the time his such an honest little soul bless him.
 
Pinkvboots said:
Glad things are going well for you now.

My Louis can pick up on my mood so well he knows when I'm not really feeling it when I ride and he literally won't move, it's like well if you can't be bothered neither can I.

Also if I'm feeling a bit anxious or nervous he knows straight away and will normally spook at nothing or do something to make me more nervous. I have to really pick when I ride him or it can easily go tits up.

Yet Arabi is just the same all the time his such an honest little soul bless him.
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Its funny you should say about the riding, she's been extra spooky lately but today she was soo chilled out!
 
Stenners said:
Its funny you should say about the riding, she's been extra spooky lately but today she was soo chilled out!
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Thats good bless her😍

I can't say the same rode Louis this morning and he was an idiot was windy so he was spooking at the trees blowing along one side of the school, the farm dogs were running about as well so he was fixated on them so I gave up and went home 😆
 
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