Massively regret getting a horse, any advice?

[Shetland_mad]

This is exactly the situation I went through. I had horses all the way up to my 20's then moved away. Finally 15 years later bought a house with own grazing, built stables and took ages find a horse. Found one and within a week had a melt down, became scared to ride, didn't enjoy going out to it. Just became very very upset, stressed and anxious.

In the end I sold him after only 3 weeks. Did I do the right thing? Absolutely. I simply wasn't ready and went into it full throttle to quickly.

Since then I have left it a year, the. bought a Shetland so I can get back to handling and managing horses and being around horses / ponies on a smaller scale without the pressure to ride. I have gone back to a riding school to get my riding confidence back.

You have to do what is right for you. Don't worry what people think, I just told people he wasn't the right horse and in hindsight not the right time.

Now I couldn't be happier. Xx

 

[wilkinson1]

This is me right now so I really feel for you. I was only out of horse ownership for 3 years, I lost my 2 boys about a month before I had my second child but I kept my hand in, riding friends horses and having lessons. My children are both under 5. Last year we decided that i could buy a new one as childcare costs had eased up and i was so desperate for one again, had felt like my arm was missing. Found a yard locally which wasnt ideal by any means but was close enough (my previous, private yard was far to far to drive to daily with the children added into the mix) and got to work looking. Spent an entire year looking for the right horse - hadn't accounted for the fact that my confidence had taken a huge tumble (no idea why). 3 x failed vettings and one false start with a horse who had some underlying issues that showed up the day after I got her home and i was close to giving up. Stumbled across my horse, who was bigger and more expensive than I had planned but he was so lovely and perfect as a pick up put down type horse that I went for it. Got him home 14 weeks ago and everything was ok for the first few days. Then I realised as the weeks went past that I wasn't enjoying any of it, i was finding it all a chore. he was reacting to my stress and hurriedness and making me nervous, I was stressed about the yard routine and timings, the hacking wasn't what I had hoped for etc. I was dreading riding every day and was getting myself into such a state with looking after children, running a business, trying to keep the house in relative order and was all over the place with what to do (as of course we are going into the winter) and so made the really hard decision to send him on sales livery. He has been there for 2 weeks now and (fingers crossed is sold) and the relief from all the pressure is immeasurable. Some days I feel awful and want to go and get him back but I know that's because I'm hankering after the lifestyle I had pre kids. I know he will be happier with someone who can give him the time and commitment he needs. I will continue to ride friends horses and in the future will re evaluate and I will have a horse again one day. I think you may just find the same xx

 

[Daniel_Jack]

Wilkinson1 I read your post with interest. I sold my horse a year ago due to struggling to juggle family/work/horse but have started riding a friends horse and also want to have some lessons and I've caught the bug again to the point that I actually started to think about getting another but your post has put it in perspective as like you, is the pre family horsey days I miss when you could spend the whole weekend pottering at the yard not when you were rushing to get everything done

 

[huskydamage]

Can understand being overwelmed by the workload. I have always owned one on DIY but recently bought a second as my old girl got injured and may never be rideable again. I was not ready to give up riding and i will always keep my girl no matter what. I have just started a new job and yes timing is bad, I am very tired doing 2, riding and rehabing my old horse. I know it will get worse in winter, but I am always just so excited to see my horses and grooming and riding my new one that is what keeps me going. As time goes on I am getting better and quicker doing 2. But if it wasn't for the fact that I absolutely love it I wouldn't do it. Its hard work but it must be fun too otherwise what's the point?

 

[Emeraldmeadow]

Thank you so much. I'm overwhelmed by the responses and so glad I'm not alone. I feel awful about selling and don't know how I will tell the old owner. Going to give it another week and see how I feel but I'm not sure anything will change. I'm dreading riding tomorrow. I could not be more shocked at how I feel, I lived and breathed horses and literally could not wait to get back into riding and it's all come crashing down. If I do sell I'm worried I won't be able to as who wants to buy a horse someone is selling after only a few weeks. Such a mess. And totally out of character for me as well.

 

[wilkinson1]

Op it is totally out of character for me too - I have actually never sold a horse - I keep them till the end. The way I looked at it - it's best for my horse. He is only 6, he could have a fab life with someone who can give him the time, or he can stay with me and be squeezed in. I'd be doing that for me not him!! And I still wouldn't enjoy it and would end up resenting either him or my family or even both!! (Bit extreme but you see where I'm coming from). I promise you, it will be painful but you will be so relieved when the pressure is off. And ref selling him so soon, I didn't think i could handle it so I sent mine to sales livery (a well known and reputable one) and he actually seems happier there anyway! People don't seem to be put off as he is so so genuine and nice to be around and it's clearly killing me to do it 😢. You will be ok xxx

 

[Roxylola]

I think the old owner would be my first point of call if they are still in touch and interested, they might have him back and/or at least help you sell

 

[Red-1]

I mis-bought a horse, Betty. She was wrong for me but a lovely horse. I felt miserable so she was only here for 5 days before going on to a sales livery. Best thing I could have done for both of us. She sold after a couple of weeks schooling and doing 3 BS shows in 3 weeks.

The new owner was happy that I realised I had mis-bought, and also had the advantage of a recent vet cert (although I would have been equally happy for a re-vetting).

 

[rifruffian]

Your horse needs your attention, focus and time to achieve good mutual relationship. Other commitments prevent that and you know it.
A strong character will act decisively to deal with it.
It reads as though you know you must sell; no one with any sense will think badly about that.

 

[Hack4fun]

The 'share' idea someone suggested before might be a good way forward. It reduces the cost and commitment. There is nothing wrong with the horse by the sounds of it, so you have not made a bad purchase.

 

[mytwofriends]

Thank you so much. I'm overwhelmed by the responses and so glad I'm not alone. I feel awful about selling and don't know how I will tell the old owner. Going to give it another week and see how I feel but I'm not sure anything will change. I'm dreading riding tomorrow. I could not be more shocked at how I feel, I lived and breathed horses and literally could not wait to get back into riding and it's all come crashing down. If I do sell I'm worried I won't be able to as who wants to buy a horse someone is selling after only a few weeks. Such a mess. And totally out of character for me as well.

If you do decide to sell, just say it as it is in the advert. You have nothing to hide - it sounds like the horse hasn't put a foot wrong. Either that or approach the old owner and explain the situation (maybe do that first actually.)

Having children puts a massively different perspective on all walks of life, so you certainly aren't alone. Unless your mindset changes dramatically in the next week, I can only see one outcome to this. Whatever you decide, don't feel bad.

Good luck op.

 

[AmyMay]

If you're going to sell, contact the previous owner first as they would probably like first refusal.

 

[Ceriann]

Def worth trying the previous owner if you do decide to sell - I've written into my purchase contract that I will give the last owner first refusal. As for selling generally, be honest, buyers will see you're genuine and that the horse is as described. Best of luck.

 

[honetpot]

I would sell before the bad weather if you have any doubts.
I had two small children when I bought my first horse, my previous one was a long term loan, I had never competed by rode seriously five days a week.
I coped until we moved and I had a horse, a pony, two small children and worked part time. You just have to accept you can not do everything, you cut it down to the basics of care and end up feeling like you are not doing your best but your children have to come first.
I sold the high maintenance horse and bought a pony I could ride for my eldest daughter, which I got to hack but turnout and mothball over the winter months.
I was speaking to a friend today, we both agreed if we had to pay livery we would probably no longer have them.