May have put off my rider

Blimey! I skimmed over the first post and thought she was about 6yrs old! Just saw she is 14! Not read all the posts but I reckon there are loads of horsey 14yr olds that would love free riding and transport to pony club without whinging about the work! I remember when I was 14, I would have sold off body parts for that opportunity!
 
just want to say how lovely of you to give her the oppotunity. There are so many others out there that would bend themselves backwards for it!! Very kind of you.
I would say from the sound of your post that she doesn't seem to have the drive/passion/right attitude..whatever you want to call it.
 
Yes. This morning I woke up and thought I hope her decision is not to continue as I'm not having her back after this carry on anyway. Just thinking how much effort I've put in and you'd think I was forcing her to get in a snake pit not ride my lovely pony!! It often means I end up hacking twice on weekends anyway because recently she allowed the pony to crash into the back of my young mare (my neighbour who is half her size and weighs about 6 stone soaking wet has no problems and we actually set the same situation up to see what the pony does and could not recreate it!!). I'd be far better just to hack my girls out once each than faff about like this!
 
Children are different. My 10yo can do everything with her 13.1 pony. She catches her & brings her in (despite sliprails being bigger than she is) washes her legs, grooms & tacks up. TBH, although she enjoys riding, she likes the care side even more. Her 14yo sister enjoys riding, and loves her pony but, if she can, will leave me to do everything else. She's not the sort of child who cares much about appearance and, when she does groom, she just gets the mud off where the tack touches & goes off for a hack. It sounds as if your rider just likes to ride and would maybe be better in a riding school.
 
Sounds like she has a very weird attitude! I would have thought that if she was bored she would be bored of the whole share, not just tacking up or getting on. Sounds like you have given up on her anyway (can't blame you!), but it would be interesting to know why she does not want to do these two things. Does she have special needs?
 
TBH, I can see this from both sides.

Children learn by being taught, not just by watfching someone else do a job. hve you involved her in the tacking up etc previously? Or did you just one day suddenly say 'you do it now, you've watched me for long enough'?
The same with the jobs, have you made it clear that you expected her to help you? Or just quietly seethed that she didn't do anything?
Some children will not push themselves forward and if you seem to be efficiently getting on with a job won't 'get in the way'.
I have to say, as well, that I feel sorry for the pony, being left in the hands of an incompetant for an hour while the tack was faffed around with, I'd have had to intervene before then.
You seem to have changed your expectations of this child without telling her, or her mum. Perhaps you need to have a friendly chat before making any decisions.
 
At any age I would have been kicked out of your place for being there to often and accused of not having a home to go to!
You are right in expecting her to be able to do things with your pony and if she only wants to ride then find a child who is willing to live in your pocket (so to speak!)
 
At 14 I was looking after two ponies....mucking out, the lot....in return for rides. Every day, rain or shine.
It should be the whole horse managment package, riding is only as small part.
For this reason I havent invited a friends daughter to ride, because her mum frankly admits she wouldnt be interested in any stable chores or actually looking after the pony.....
 
At 14 had my first pony and was only allowed him if I did everything. Parents where not prepared to do anything. I had to see to his and the donkeys every need. I loved doing and would if I could slept in his stable! After all his stable was normally tidyier than my own!
I don't think you are being at all unreasonable in expecting you 14 year old to pull her wait.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
TBH, I can see this from both sides.

Children learn by being taught, not just by watfching someone else do a job. hve you involved her in the tacking up etc previously? Or did you just one day suddenly say 'you do it now, you've watched me for long enough'?
The same with the jobs, have you made it clear that you expected her to help you? Or just quietly seethed that she didn't do anything?
Some children will not push themselves forward and if you seem to be efficiently getting on with a job won't 'get in the way'.
I have to say, as well, that I feel sorry for the pony, being left in the hands of an incompetant for an hour while the tack was faffed around with, I'd have had to intervene before then.
You seem to have changed your expectations of this child without telling her, or her mum. Perhaps you need to have a friendly chat before making any decisions.
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I have shown her, then supervised her every day she has ridden for 6 months.

Yes you are right I should have intervened before then however she managed the previous time and she did eventually manage this time. I felt if I gave in and did it for her then she would make even less effort, I also thought the experience of managing herself would give her confidence a boost.

I did tell her when she started riding her that she was not what I was looking for, (too inexperienced, my advert said no novices) but that I was lucky enough to be given horsey chances when I was a horseless child so I wanted to give her one. I have been gradually encouraging her to do more and more herself, sought trained instruction from two sources for her. I may have done it wrong, I am not an instructor and I can only base things on how I was at that age and how my daughter learns.

Regarding the jobs, I have not asked her to do any until recently and she has done them without quibble, I don't think I said she was complaining about doing them anywhere.

I haven't changed my expectations over night, I have done my best to get her doing things and clearly, failed miserably.
 
Foxhunter49 said:
At any age I would have been kicked out of your place for being there to often and accused of not having a home to go to!
You are right in expecting her to be able to do things with your pony and if she only wants to ride then find a child who is willing to live in your pocket (so to speak!)
Click to expand...

Yes I would have been the same. Her mother said something like they really like her coming up here because I encourage her to do things she wouldn't normally do. I said to her to think about it thinking she was on the spot last night but I have heard nothing, I did kind of think as soon as she was away she would be saying to her Mum how much she wanted to keep riding but now I think its just something she kind of likes, and not something she needs to do or will die, which is how I felt at that age!!
 
Sounds like the passion just isn't there.

My parents bought me my first horse at age 13 and like someone else said, part of the "deal" was that I did everything. They were happy to support it financially and give me lifts to the barn until I could drive, but that was it. They'd drop me off at the barn and say call us when you're done.
 
my (then) 13yr old step daughter stayed with us every weekend and holiday, got into the whole horsey thing and would often pinch my horse to ride etc. after a year i got her her own horse, as soon as the horse got an injury and needed treatment (took 3 people even after she was doped) my step daughter refused to help. she kept messing around and i realised that she would only ride if she could ride my horse (rather than my kids pony) and i tacked him up for her. she wouldn't much out the stables willingly and just in general was a lazy so and so.
one day i told her that if she wants the horse then she has to step up to the plate and help look after her and if she can't share the responsibility then the horse would have to go. she text me a week later saying that she loved the horse but didn't want the responsibility. i text back saying don't bother then, the horse is going.
2 weeks later i only had my horse and the kids pony to care for.
 
Let it fizzal out.... Why not ask instructor to go through tacking up? Sounds Flickr the kid will give up soon enough! She will be doing GCSEs soon and far too busy,,,,
 
I would have given my right arm for a chance like you've provided for this very, very lucky girl! in fact you'd probably have hated me as I was a proper pain in the backside over keen annoying teenager!

I could tack by the time I was 8 or 9 I think, and took a huge amount of pride in learning everything i possibly could, names of bits, types of girths, different reins, I could reel them off no bother by 14.

You've given this girl a wonderful opportunity, it does sound an awful lot like her heart isn't really in it to be honest. There are probably another 10 who do have the heart and the ability waiting round the corner.
 
When I was 14 my was allowed a pony on condition I sported everything. I went (on my own) to talk to stud farm next door to my parents to beg them to take a livery (they didn't want liveries!) I agreed to 'work' for them mucking out at weekends (and evenings when I got older) to reduce my DIY livery
My daily routine was cycle a mile muck out turn out etc, cycle home get ready for school, do school, home again cycle back there ride etc - my parents still don't really know one end of a horse from another!
This deal was worse on Christmas day when I had to cycle up there and do pony early enough to be home and back in bed for when my little sister work up - as it 'wasn't fair' to make her wait for me to start opening prezzys!

I was wonderfully happy with these arrangements and if my some son wants a pony when he's older he'll have to do something similar (although the barn is nearer for him!)
 
It sounds like the terrible teens have kicked in and hanging out with friends, boys, shopping and music will soon take over and she won't be interested at all soon.
Girls tend to go one way or the other when they are that age they either stay horsey or drift away (maybe going back to it later in life) and I think it sounds like she's at that junction.

At 14 she should have more nounce about her to know what's required being with an around horses. If you have shown her what she needs to do to tack up etc then it's not rocket sience and she's either lazy, bored or the can't be bothered attitude as she's always had someone one do it for her.

If she can't tack up then she can't ride...simples.
 
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