Minor rant - I need to do this, please feel free to ignore!!

nikicb

nikicb

Well-Known Member
Joined
15 June 2009
Messages
7,701
Location
Was Surrey, now West Berkshire
www.facebook.com
Sorry, can't do this on facebook as too many connections, and Husband doesn't have a clue, so need to rant here. People that know me on here will understand. :(

I have a pony that my older son grew out of a couple of years back and younger son is just growing in to. So in the mean time I have this girl who rides him and took him off to PC camp last year. The problem is it's all about when the girl and/or her mother can fit him in to their busy schedule. I don't want a share/loan situation as I am quite happy to be flexible. And I don't even want money as I ride the pony out and younger son is just about starting to ride him. But having transported pony to pony camp and back every day for most of a week at half term, I have not heard hide nor hair from the family. Got a text today from mother to say.....

xxxx has now broken up from school and is missing Raffy so much and can't wait to come and ride. When can she come?

Aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!!!!!! This child has the most lovely amenable pony to ride for free. I take her and him to PC rallies and other lessons, jumping competitions etc. And why do you ask? Because I know the pony loves it. What happened to all those pony mad children of 20, 30 years ago? I know I was one. These days it's so non-committed. Even asking her to poo pick one barrow load per ride seems a problem because they need to be somewhere else. Yes I am a mug, I know that. But I am just trying to pay back all the people who gave me ponies to ride because we couldn't afford our own when I was that age. :(
 
I feel your pain.

Being a mum, I have finally realised no child or teenager ever feels properly grateful. Whereas 40 years ago I would have crawled 20 miles to have the privilege of grooming your pony, never mind riding it, it just doesnt happen these days. instant gratification is everywhere.

I would give them the elbow. Dare say mummy will buy a nice little pony for darling (just like I did!!). Maybe look out on your local horsy facebook and see if any keen 11 year olds are on there asking for poo picking jobs! It is your pony, your right to say who rides him and who doesnt. Also why should you be trailing round to take them to shows etc, not that hard to hire or borrow transport if you are really keen. Doesnt sound to me like they deserve you!
 
Oh that's taking the mickey... Really?! She should be desperate to help out and do as much as you'll let her, in return for riding the pink pony. I would've been at that age...

The sooner your younger cool dude can ride him himself, the better...
 
Last edited:
Wow, that is a fab situation for that child, getting taken to shows as well! I was lucky enough to have my own pony when I was a kid, but I still had time to ride other peoples horses and ponies whenever I could/they would let me! And I hacked miles to shows!

I guess maybe some kids maybe arent as dedicated today? Seems like this family just don't see how lucky they are?! I think they have a fabulous oppourtunity and you are a very good person to give up your time and money for the pony and childs enjoyment. x
 
tobiano said:
I feel your pain.

Being a mum, I have finally realised no child or teenager ever feels properly grateful. Whereas 40 years ago I would have crawled 20 miles to have the privilege of grooming your pony, never mind riding it, it just doesnt happen these days. instant gratification is everywhere.

I would give them the elbow. Dare say mummy will buy a nice little pony for darling (just like I did!!). Maybe look out on your local horsy facebook and see if any keen 11 year olds are on there asking for poo picking jobs! It is your pony, your right to say who rides him and who doesnt. Also why should you be trailing round to take them to shows etc, not that hard to hire or borrow transport if you are really keen. Doesnt sound to me like they deserve you!
Click to expand...

Thank you. :) I too would have done anything just to touch a pony when I was that age, but it doesn't seem like there are many children like that these days. Luckily my 10 year old has nearly grown into him so he will soon have a proper dedicated jockey, but this child had the most wonderful opportunity with a lovely pony, but there you go. Not to be mean, but the family wouldn't be able to afford to buy a pony, even riding lessons are a tough call, so you would think they would take what they were offered. Weird.

putasocinit said:
Its a sad reality, but bless you for your goodwill
Click to expand...

Thank you - I would just love to give back all the amazing chances to ride that I was given. I did work bloomin' hard for them though.

JFTD said:
Oh that's taking the mickey... Really?! She should be desperate to help out and do as much as you'll let her, in return for riding the pink pony. I would've been at that age...

The sooner your younger cool dude can ride her himself, the better...
Click to expand...

Yes really. :( Dude will be on board pretty soon. :)
 
I did exactly the same for 6 months over the winter and finally got fed up and said thanks but no thanks. I ride the pony myself more now as she is better for leading my daughter out on her pony so I'm not bothered. I think the more you do for folk the more they take it for granted sadly.
 
Mardy Mare said:
Wow, that is a fab situation for that child, getting taken to shows as well! I was lucky enough to have my own pony when I was a kid, but I still had time to ride other peoples horses and ponies whenever I could/they would let me! And I hacked miles to shows!

I guess maybe some kids maybe arent as dedicated today? Seems like this family just don't see how lucky they are?! I think they have a fabulous oppourtunity and you are a very good person to give up your time and money for the pony and childs enjoyment. x
Click to expand...

FfionWinnie said:
I did exactly the same for 6 months over the winter and finally got fed up and said thanks but no thanks. I ride the pony myself more now as she is better for leading my daughter out on her pony so I'm not bothered. I think the more you do for folk the more they take it for granted sadly.
Click to expand...

ihatework said:
I'd tell them to sling their hook and then go out and find a more appreciative child & parent!
Click to expand...

Thanks everyone. You have confirmed my feelings. It was fine while the pony was getting something out of it (he had a ball at PC camp last year), but now that younger son is ready to start riding him I will just say no to them for the future. I could have had the pair of them riding him, but frankly I've reached the point where I'm not sure I can be bothered any more. If they want to do all the running, that's fine, but I'm not going to bend over backwards.
 
You sound like my dream come true to my 12 year old self! I too would do anything to be near horses. Fortunately my neighbour recognised this and I mucked out, groomed, fed and (oh joy) rode her horses. She taught me so much and I am eternally grateful. I would go to shows with her and groom and as a reward I would get to ride the horse to unwind after his classes. I even got to ride at the Great Yorkshire Show!! *whispers* after the class!

If these folks can't start chipping in and giving something back then I would say goodbye, sounds like your pony has both current and imminent jockeys in you and your son.
 
I used to have a girl come and ride, took her to PC camp, never saw her mother for 3 days and then disappeared for the rest of the school holidays, not a postcard, phone call nothing. She turns up the weekend before they go back to school, so me being me I waited to see what she would say, nothing. She went out for a hack ,nothing. So I told her that really it wasn't on it was not a riding school and that she could disappear for weeks and then expect to ride. I then get the irate phone call from her mother, who I actually blamed more than the child.
I think that they think they are doing you the favour, and the parents are worse as they are adults, so for the last 15 years I have has perfectly usable out grown ponies sat doing nothing. One lot wanted to borrow a pony until I said to the mum that she would be responsible, her idea was she would drop off her daughter and leave her when I pointed out she would have to supervise I never heard anything more.
 
Some folk are so thoughtless, they never think of a thank you or a token gift as a way of saying thanks!
I do same, well similar, I am only one with a lorry, and ferry horses here there and everywhere! Only one or two will give me fuel money or a thanks, but I have started saying no!! First time certain person was astounded when I said I had no time, another went and hired a lorry!!!! Have a word, explained how you feel, chances are they don't even realise what they are doing.
 
Sadly, I agree with the poster who said its a sign of the times, everyone these days just takes what they want as if they're entitled to it. I would have crawled over hot coals for an opportunity like that when I was growing up, had very un horsey parents who tried their best to put me off horses so really struggled to have anything to do with them :( I would stop the arrangement now and just let pony wait until your son is ready to take up the ride totally, I know what you mean about the pony having a job and enjoying it but sounds as if its the sort of pony who will be fine with some down time and be up and running again as good as gold. You just cant help some people!
 
Some people just don't know what side their bread is buttered! How nice of you being so helpful. If it is helpful to you that the pony does get ridden I would perhaps lay down a few rules going forward ie they must poo pick if they ride, they must pay petrol money and in the run up to any events eg camp they must come down more often. You could say that now your boy is riding more you need to have a more solid arrangement so everyone knows where they stand. If they are not happy with that then suggest they try the local riding school where they will pay for the privilege of sitting on a pony as well as doing all the work and not have a tenthmofnthe freedom they have now. Stick a smile on your face and say ohh horse riding is sooo expensive / such a committment/ hardworking isn't it?!?

Good luck!
 
They are not all bad. You seem to have found a user. I have a young girl who rides my pony on Sundays. She has her own but he is too young to be ridden. She is very keen and well behaved. She would ride more often but as my granddaughters ride him the rest of the week we can only spare him for the one day at the moment. She is going to have some lessons on him so that she becomes a better rider. I dont ask for anything in return only that she looks after him and the tack on her day. We have another pony that is being backed as we speak and once he is up and running I will offer her some more time. There must be other girls out there that are keen and hard working.
 
By Jeezus OP; I sure wish I could be re-incarnated as my 13 y.o. self (yeah, OK, so dream on babe:)); coz I tell you I would have killed and committed holy herry-kerry for an opportunity like you've given this ungrateful little-bitch kid.

Seriously, what TF is wrong with her?? My god at that age, if I could just look over someone's field gate and just breathe in the air of horse........ I'd be happy, and if I actually got to put a foot in the stirrup I'd be positively delirious.

You're like me, in that you know what its like to be without a pony yet desperately yearn for one, and you've been more than generous in allowing this kid to have yours to go to PC camp with, and yes, appreciate that you're doing it as much for the pony as for the kid.

But there has GOT to be some little kid, somewhere, who'd be a helluva lot more grateful than this one obviously is?

As others have said, feel your pain. In my day, if I'd been offered a pony to go to camp with I'd sell myself into slavery for the rest of my mortal life in gratitude for it, PLUS would have promised to muck out, groom it, etc etc, literally wipe its bum.
 
Thanks everyone! I knew I could rely on you lot to put everything into perspective. :)

We are in the process of getting an outdoor school built. I think once that's happened I will say that if she wants to ride she can book a freelance instructor to teach her on the pony and let them sort it out themselves. I'm lucky that the pony doesn't really change if he's not ridden and keeps himself fairly fit pootling round the field so if they pull out at the last minute it won't really mess me around. Tbh I have to stand over her doing any sort of job and poo picking was the one thing she managed to do without close supervision. I did try sending the tack home with her to clean but it always came back in such a muddle it's quicker to do it myself. :rolleyes:
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
By Jeezus OP; I sure wish I could be re-incarnated as my 13 y.o. self (yeah, OK, so dream on babe:)); coz I tell you I would have killed and committed holy herry-kerry for an opportunity like you've given this ungrateful little-bitch kid.

Seriously, what TF is wrong with her?? My god at that age, if I could just look over someone's field gate and just breathe in the air of horse........ I'd be happy, and if I actually got to put a foot in the stirrup I'd be positively delirious.

You're like me, in that you know what its like to be without a pony yet desperately yearn for one, and you've been more than generous in allowing this kid to have yours to go to PC camp with, and yes, appreciate that you're doing it as much for the pony as for the kid.

But there has GOT to be some little kid, somewhere, who'd be a helluva lot more grateful than this one obviously is?

As others have said, feel your pain. In my day, if I'd been offered a pony to go to camp with I'd sell myself into slavery for the rest of my mortal life in gratitude for it, PLUS would have promised to muck out, groom it, etc etc, literally wipe its bum.
Click to expand...

Ditto.....a lovely family used to let me ride their outgrown ponies when I was younger....they didn't ask me to, but I mucked out 2 stables every day in return and frankly I enjoyed it...to me it was all part of having and being around horses.
A friends daughter goes riding...I feel a bit guilty in that Ive never invited her to ride any of mine, but her mum says openly whe's not interested at all in mucking out or yard chores- just the riding. For me.....its all or nothing, if you don't want to spend some time on the end of a pitchfork then you're not getting in the saddle.....
 
I think i would have to tell them not to come anymore. The reason if they ask is your too busy. I don't do confrontation (i'm a wimp). Shame people are so rude as manners cost nothing.
 
we were only saying this the other day a friend of mine has a lovely 14hh pony club pony she dosnt want any money just someone to come have fun on her this girl will happly take anyone riding her pony to shows etc but she cant find anyone one girl rang up and said she would do it if she got paid £5 an hour another kept arranging to feed and muck out etc then didnt turn up the horses were left without fresh water and good over night because she just didnt turn up and didnt tell anyone. same girl decided to get her own po
 
oops sorry posted to soon. pony and told my friend that she should be greatful for everything she had fone for her. i would have jumped at the chance to ride for someone when i was a child i just dont get it???
 
JFTD said:
Oh that's taking the mickey... Really?! She should be desperate to help out and do as much as you'll let her, in return for riding the pink pony. I would've been at that age...

The sooner your younger cool dude can ride him himself, the better...
Click to expand...

Exactly this, Niki

I wish I'd had a you when I was a child.. I'm still catching up on what I wished like mad to have now, and I'm 33 x
 
ihatework said:
I'd tell them to sling their hook and then go out and find a more appreciative child & parent!
Click to expand...

I agree, I think you are being taken advantage of and if it was me I would be having a very direct conversation with the parent. The least they could do is the poo picking!! You don't say how old the child is but if she is too young to do some graft then the mother should be doing it. She would have to if the child had a pony of her own!!
 
Mmm, think the problem TBH is as much the parents as the kid.

If someone had offered me a pony - then my dear old mum (non-horsey) would have made pretty damn sure that I did the right thing and I'd have been frog-marched out to muck out and care for it OR that would have been the end of it. Period.

Whereas today's kids just go along to the riding stables, hop on, and don't give a fig about practical care etc. But again, perhaps they need teaching mebbe? I dunno.

But think there's more than that, its just this casual come-as-you-please attitude that is unfortunately prevalent among not just today's generation but also their parents - they're to blame for it IMO. There's a little word called "responsibility" which simply doesn't exist in a lot of people's vocabularies anymore but was instilled in us right from a young age; i.e. Scouts & Brownies and everywhere else basically.

For example, I remember borrowing someone's saddle when I had my first pony until I got sorted out. My mother made me sit down and thoroughly clean it before handing it back, I can still remember how hard I worked on that saddle; never mind the fact that it had come to me in a filthy, cobwebby state, it mattered not, I had to hand it back in pristine, clean condition, in better condition than I'd been loaned it, but those were the values back then.......

Oh gosh, I better shut up, am sounding like a miserable old git (OK so I am). There ARE some nice kids around, hope you find one OP. Sounds like you (and your pony) deserve it.
 
Its the stupid parents fault not the kid.

Kids don't always understand the work and time in horses nor how lucky they are. They can't, having no reference points to use

The mother is a stupid moo though not seeing how lucky she is that you are doing this for her kid. No excuses for her. Tell her to sling her hook.
 
MiJodsR2BlinkinTite said:
But think there's more than that, its just this casual come-as-you-please attitude that is unfortunately prevalent among not just today's generation but also their parents - they're to blame for it IMO. There's a little word called "responsibility" which simply doesn't exist in a lot of people's vocabularies anymore but was instilled in us right from a young age; i.e. Scouts & Brownies and everywhere else basically.
Click to expand...

Nail on the head! It's just really alien to me. It's like, oh we haven't got anything to do today, let's go and ride Niki's pony. Ho hum, takes all sorts I guess. Btw girl is 11 but very mature (has older sisters). The behaviour is the mother's rather than the child but obviously this will rub off on the children eventually. I'm not the only person who feels like this about her in our local area. :p
 
At 11 the child is more than capable of doing some work for you and she is also old enough to realise the extra work that comes with having horses. You really are being taken advantage of and I am sure there children and parents out there who would love to have the advantages you are offering this child and be prepared to do more for it.
 
No one is doing the child any favours by letting this continue.
Think up some ground rules ring the mum . Tell her how it's going to be ,some people are completely heedless and just don't think about what they are doing some are users find out what this family are , if they are users dump them.
 
I allowed a 14 yr old, very nice girl ride one of my horses. Things started fine, I asked nothing, just clean horse & tack after (all synthetic tack so not big job). When my old girl died, she started riding my younger, much sharper horse, so I insisted she had lessons. It was 30 mins a fortnight, her only cost was the instructor who only charger her £10. This in my view was for her safety, & so she didn't do anything to mess up my youngster. There was no way they could afford to go to a RS, but I let her ride for free. Then she started turning up later & later. I began taking horse up so instructor wasn't kept waiting. Then she would turn up late when I had agreed she could ride in the school. I was always there when she rode for safety. This meant the time I had set aside for her, took longer & longer. In the end when for the second time they turned up an hour late with no explanation (or text to tell me) I called a halt. I do not keep horses for their benefit, I am not their unpaid groom to tack horse up ready for them, then wait until they'd finished. I have other things I'd planned to be doing in that time.

My horse, my rules. Keep to them or no free rides. At 11 I would tell mother she either fills a bag poo picking EVERY week (riding or not - to let you know when going away & she can make up missed bag following week by doing 2) whether she rides that week or not. If it is hard for her, up to mother to help. Kid not to be dumped for you to watch over, her kid her responsibility. As you've said, not working wont affect pony. She steps up to plate or walks away. Show her what being around horses really means.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top