Miserable neighbour at yard

Persephone

Persephone

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Ok help please!!!! Person who rents the stable next to me is really rude, obnoxious and unpleasant, and the husband of my riding buddy.
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I personally think it's easier to say hello to everybody than walk around under a black cloud. He just criticizes everything I do and say, but in a shouty, dismissive kind of way. I am not a novice when it comes to keeping horses. I've had them for 30 years and always make sure I keep up to date with any changes. He has had one for one year and thinks he knows how to keep my horse better than I do. I go out of my way to be pleasant and let it all wash over me but I am finding myself today feeling almost tearful after the latest barrage. Any suggestions gratefully received and please don't say move because I love it there apart from him!
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Don't move because of him! Unfortunately there are a few people like this, I would just try to ignore him or prehaps start criticising the way he keeps his horse, or next time he has a go at you calmly explain exactly why you do things the way you do and hopefully he'll realise he can't wind you up, get bored and leave you alone. I feel for you! Maybe try shouting back at him! Though personally I would just ignore him, he should give up eventually.
 
what an obnoxious old ***.This man sounds a bit of a bully to me.What does his wife say about the way he speaks to you or does he bully her too?I can recall a few years back a man who thought he knew it all and I was just like you and was too polite and meek to give him a piece of my mind but in the end I was schooling my young horse when he deliberately swung a whip at her and I snapped.Well all what I had been to weak to say came spilling out but believe me I made him feel that small he never bullied me again.
Does this man actually rent the stable for his own horse or does the stable belong to his wifes horse.Could you not speak to your riding buddy and see if she can help to sort this out or failing that ask the YO to move into a different stable and explain your reasons why to them.Maybe they will speak to this man on your behalf.Noone has the right to make you feel uncomfortable around your horse.The other alternative is to get into a conversation with this man and put him down everytime he makes a remark to you.I'm sure in the end he will give up harrassing you if he knows he is getting as good as he gives.
 
His horse is in the stable. I don't want this to sound catty as it's not how I intend it to come out, but apparently I am the mug because I paid for a 5 stage vetting for my new horse, and funnily enough she is exactly what I thought I was buying. He bought a horse to learn to ride on, no vetting needed as it was fine and it has turned out to be ten years older than he thought, with a serious chronic illness and certainly no novice ride. What is there to say really. Riding buddy knows it's a bit of a problem and sympathises. Maybe I should let her know how upset and awkward I am feeling.

ETS Just seems silly that we are all grownups but you are right I don't deserve the hassle. Oh well, tomorrow is another day!
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Bl**dy men....TBH,I would ignore the sad b*****d,lets hope his horse dumps him somewhere degrading,soon wipe out his wise crack remarks......Ignore it,smile sweetly,and carry on treating him with the contempt he rightly deserves!
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Miserable old bugger, either ignore him or when he delivers his next pearl of wisdom, smile sweetly and say' thanks for your input' and carry on as you were. I have a sad old git at my yard who slags me off, but then competes his horse on bute and in non dressage legal bits, having warmed up in draw reins (he is a dressage judge too!!!) and why has he got it in for me??? because I made it known to the other competitors what he was up to. Ha Ha he actually announced that he wasn't going to speak to me anymore hooray what a blessed relief!!!
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Try not to let him get to you but when he does how about saying things like "how's your horse today? Shame you didn't get a vetting done. I'm sure they would've picked that up" or "have you had a nice ride" when you know damn well he hasn't. Anything he does wrong could be met with "in my 30 years of experience I've never seen it done like that".
Say it all in a sweet tone and smile - that should really get to him!
 
Being of the male variety myself, I think that he is trying to prove his masculinity (sp?) in what is seen as a female dominated sport in many blokes eyes. If it is this then he is going about it completly the wrong way.

Does he compete at all? if so enter the same class beat him and then you can smile on the inside everytime he says something.
 
Just feel sorry for your riding buddy that she is actually married to the miserable old f**t! Unfortunately, he is a bully (probably has small willy syndrome). Best to totally ignore him - don't know if I could though, a serious tongue lashing sounds in order.
 
Try this classic which I used on an ex bullying vile horrid male livery from my yard, "Fred (or whatever his name is) out of 100,000 sperm I can't believe you are the one who got through" promise you, works a treat!!! Old bully boy went very VERY purple indeed!!!!
 
you should all tell him what you think and that you arnt interested in his opinions if he is allowed to behave in this way he will carry on everyone shold send him to coventry ,have a word with your friend his wife first tell her its no reflection on her but you cant stand his attitude anylonger and give her your friendship but make it clear to him that unless he has something constructive or nice to say you dont want to hear it then just ignore him or better still laugh when he says anything good luck
 
I would smile and say "Oh we all have different ways of doing things don't we" then walk away. He sounds like he enjoys an arguement where he can demonstrate his so called superior knowledge.
He can only get to you if you allow yourself to listen. I would always start being very busy whenever he appears and if he tries to talk explain you have to rush to get said task finished.
Once he realises you aren't going to be his audience he will stop.
Or just answer short yes/no/thank you to any questions, he'll soon get fed up I promise..
 
I'm with calon and henryhorn on this, smart remarks rarely work and insults will just fuel the current situation.

Look, you are an adult presumably, with a tongue in your head, next time he starts just say that you are perfectly happy with your horse and if you feel you need any advice from him you will ask for it - some time to deal with a man you have to think like one, talk like one and be like one to get through, so just be firm and determined and don't allow him to put you in a position where you feel weak or intimidated.
 
I agree that making smart remarks, while satisfying, will only fuel this into more of a 'war' between you.

He is an overgrown playground bullyIt's horrible to be bullied and this is clearly spoiling your time with your horse. . I wouldn't ask his wife to intervene as that just lets him know that he's getting to you.

I would speak to your YO/YM about it though. Most do want a nice atmosphere on their yard. For all you know, other people have complained about him too. It's certainly reasonable to ask to be moved as soon as an empty stable becomes available. Your YO/YM should also speak to the man - without naming any names - and explain that some people on the yard have complained about his comments and shouting and that harrasment of other liveries is not acceptable.

IF your YO/YM won't take any action than all you can do is what you have to do to school bullies. Don't let him see that he upsets/annoys/effects you in any way (even if you have to go off and let rip in private). Stand up to him in a non-confrontational way. Find a phrase that works for you and respond to him in this way every time. Some people have suggested some of these to you already. A phrase that acknowledges what he has said but makes it clear that you are not really interested. Maybe 'I understand that's what you think but I prefer to do it this way'. or 'I'm happy doing it this way thanks'. Stay calm. Say your phrase and then carry on and completely ignore anything else he says. Eventually he'll get bored and start picking on someone else (all the more reason for the YO/M to do something now).

Could it also be something to do with your being friends with his wife? He doesn't sound like a very nice person so perhaps he feels threatened by her having a friendship outside their relationship, so is trying to 'get' you? Is he abusive to her in any way? It's bad enough when kids act like bullies but when adults do it I'm very suspicious as to the reasons.
 
Smile your widest smile, agree that it takes all sorts to make the world go 'round, keep on doing what you're doing, and, if pressed, explain to him as nicely (and as thoroughly) as possible how your methods been taught to you by people you admire, have proven successful, and have worked for you for decades. Be firm and polite and don't let him bait you into an argument, especially as, as you say, he probably doesn't know what he's talking about. If you can continue to go about your business. If he tries to prevent you from doing your own work simply smile even more widely and explain you have things to do.

You may have to react this way a few times but he should get the message that you are confident in your abilities, firm in your beliefs and not prepared to support his views by getting into it with him.

I know having a go at him might feel better in the moment but he has WAY more invested in saving face than you and will be well prepared to escalate matters. You want an easy time and for him to leave you alone. You won't change him or teach him a lesson, nor should you waste your energy trying. Oddly, bullies like that often get easier to deal with when they know you won't let yourself be pushed.

If the situation is unbearable you may have to seek your YM's intervention but it would probably be better if you dealt with it yourself.
 
We have one that sounds very similar at our yard!! My advice is to ignore anything he says (I find I can tune it out like I do when there's football scores on the radio!) - they're obviously sad individuals that are incredibly unhappy and feel the need to inflict their pointless views on people around them.....you'll probably find that he isn't popular with anyone else on the yard either.

It's a real shame that he's your friend's husband though - has any tension arisen between you and her because of it? If not, she's probably aware he's an obnoxious barsteward.....

Don't feel like you have to move because of him though - he'll only feel like he's won, and what for? He'll only start on the next person that comes along whilst you'll have uprooted you and your settled horse all because of one sad little man.
The one at my yard has started rumours that I'm leaving, no doubt in an effort make me want out.....rather amusing really.......and I thought horsey women were meant to be the b*ches?!
 
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