Mixed feelings..... hopefully you will understand

really sorry to hear of your situation.

But dont feel guilty at all, sounds as if you have given your mare the best life and you should be proud of yourself that you have stuck by her and always done the best by her. As others have said, life does move on and unfortunately we have to make these difficult decisions, I think you know what to do and every horse owner knows when something is wrong and will know when to draw the line.

Honestly you shouldnt feel bad or guilty. Although we should always put our horses welfare first, to some degree we have to be a little selfish and think of ourselves too. I went through a difficult time with my mare, only recently, I felt terribly guilty at the fact I was thinking of PTS due to not being able to afford her ridiculously expensive shoes every 5 weeks for her just to be a pet (had to be retired due to extreme damage to her feet, was alot more complicated then that) luckilly my farrier agreed to take her on and she is now living the life of luxury with him (and with her special shoes on) I really do believe everything happens for a reason, sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together :)

All the best xx
 
Very sad to read you have lost your old girl but what a wonderful life you must have given her.
I hope you were able to say goodbye (for your sake not hers). I also hope that in time, when you are ready you will find another to love and cherish and enjoy in the same way. ((hugs)) I am sure you will miss her but you must have some wonderful memories.
 
I'm very sorry to hear that :( But she was a lucky girl to have had you looking out for her right up to the end.Thinking of you today.
 
misst said:
Very sad to read you have lost your old girl but what a wonderful life you must have given her.
I hope you were able to say goodbye (for your sake not hers). I also hope that in time, when you are ready you will find another to love and cherish and enjoy in the same way. ((hugs)) I am sure you will miss her but you must have some wonderful memories.
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This says everything I would have... *hugs*
 
Just seen this thread. i am so sorry for your loss, you don't have a thing to feel guilty about, you gave your mare a good and interesting life, you care for her welfare right to the very end. well done you and RIP little mare.
 
I am so sorry for your loss, however, dont feel guilty at all, feel proud that you gave your horse such a happy healthy life. How may other horses get to 35 in such good health, and how wonderful that he was being ridden until the end and enjoying life rather than fading away. Any other equine partner you find will be lucky to have you.

If course you will miss your old horse but you have 30 years of memories to draw from!
 
I have only just read this thread and after reading through the posts and updates I was hoping for better news after reading that she had eaten a little and urinated.
I am so sorry for your loss today and I can only echo other thoughts on this thread and say that whatever you do, do not feel guilty x
I think a lot of us ( I know I have) have sat down and had fleeting moments of what we could do if we hadn't got the financial and emotional responsibilities of looking after an older horse. My two oldies are young by your mare in being 19 and almost 21. However while one is seemingly very well and showing no real signs of age related joint issues etc ( which I cannot ride as too big for her) and the other has sidebone and spavin and it limits what he is able to do. I have had him from the age of 15 and to be honest he was starting to show signs then, but having no experience of it at that time it was only upon reflection that I realised his stiffness in winter and struggling to do tight turns was a sign of things to come. My only regret is that I wish I had had the balls to do more with him and jump and do more fun rides etc at the time when he was able to do it.
Now I am left with a happy hacker at best and he is ridden on bute and is under the care of the vet. I didn't want Tildren or other methods due to his age and size because I understand heavy horses (and he is 17.2 too) are prone to leg issues.
I bought a youngster to grow up in the field to replace him when his riding days are over. Unfortunately that youngster is doubtful to reach the height for me so I am left with another dilemma. I too have had thoughts where I have considered were he not here and not having the expense of him that it would allow me to get a horse I could do what I wanted with or allow me to buy things such as a trailer so I can get around and do more with my other horse a cob who is younger at 12.
Am I a bad person for at times thinking that, I don't know?
However I take one look at him, give him a cuddle and pat and know that I could not wish him away like that.
I don't think for one minute you were doing that about your mare. Even though you did not see her as often nowadays, perhaps that was the reason that those thoughts entered your mind because you were not dealing with her physically on a day to day basis but she was still in your mind and heart. If that makes sense?
Now that she has gone take comfort in knowing that you have provided a loving and caring home for her for the last 30 years. There are not that many horses and ponies who can rest claim to that, either because of neglect, illness, early deaths and being passed from pillar to post.
So rather than feeling any guilt hold on to that thought that your mare was very special to you and she was really loved.
In time you will move on but for now just have that peace in your mind and heart X
 
So so sorry for your loss, you did the very best by her, she hasn't suffered and was well right up to her last day....although it is extremely sad I think that your mare would be very thankful to you and she hasn't had to suffer.

My heart goes out to you, dont feel any guilt, even if you feel a little relieved then thats ok too, at the end of the day we all worry about how it will happen and not wanting the horse to suffer and it sounds like her suffering short lilved, so if it were me I would feel some relief from this.

Take care
 
I went through this in November last year, Digs was 31 I have had him since he was 4. Such a wonderful horse we had done everything together SJ, ODE, Dressage, PC stuff through to Seniors, affiliated etc... at 21 he was diagnosed with a coffin joint problem that was the end of his ridden career, no probs he had my other horse as field company they were best of friends, so he had a 10 year retirement, the last 3 years he was on steroids at £120 a month and this helped with a developed wobblers problem, I decided I wouldn't put him through another winter and made the decision that when the weather turned it was time to arrange things, I felt guilty as the week before it happened my mare decided to jump in with the boys and got beaten up for her troubles, it can only have been Digs he had an incredibly mean streak, and I hope he didn't think I ended his life because of it, as the week dragged on he became very tired despite the meds and painkillers and the morning came he was so sleepy, I gave him a big groom, cry a river over him and left 10 mins before the vet arrived, I am only guilty now that I was not strong ennough to stay to the end, my friend stayed with him and she said it was very quick (injection) and he was ready, I will miss him my whole life, he was the most constant thing in my life a 14 year old girl loved him and a 40 year old said goodbye to him, it is hard but, you can only hope there is a 'rainbow bridge' and that thwy will remember you,

sometimes when its quick at the end its easier for the horse, but never for us however it happens, making the decision is hardest of all, once made it is also hard to back out,

Digs is in my spare room now in a beautiful casket I often go in there and chat and cry a bit and I do feel he is with me.
 
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