!!morags ahoy!!!

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I just thought you would all like to know that I have just purchased the MOST spectacular morag restrainer...


it's not so good at the restraining, it's mostly just whacking them on the barbie and making them quiver in an Austen bodice ripper esque fashion... but it IS all turquoise and lacy and lovely.

I feel as though I should be swooning and blushing and prancing through a bluebell wood....

when I am in fact trying to melt the wax off a waxed lemon, and writing out livery contracts.
 
I would ask for a picture but worry that will make me sound pervy!

As I am assuming this is not the sort of lingerie to go cross country in could it possibly be for a hot date with a muscley tattooed man with a squishable dog? (Make sure he's got the grease off his hands first, swarfega and lace don't mix)

I know I will hate myself for asking this but why are you melting the wax off a lemon?
 
I want you to know that since having read your posts on here, i have renamed my boobies my Morags :) My husband is most bemused.

I think you are hilarious and should write a Morag based book...
 
.....I admit that i have not idea whatsoever what you are talking about...and ashamed as am obviously missing out on the fun.....I guess I'm just too old for all this (crawls off to the corner to read a crochet book):confused:...
 
I am very pleased to hear that my morags have spread their moraggy goodness around! (ugh, that made them sound like they have warts... I assure you, my morags are wart free!)

This vision in turquoise is indeed for the benefit of the mechanic with his giant arms... but also quite possibly for bending over to look at puss in the foot when a certain farrier is around to taunt him as I have been approached by a magazine to turn this morag wafting saga into a serial article type affair. THEREFORE there needs to be some action that doesn't involve melting the wax off a lemon, even if it's just some casual face licking, or, we can all dream, a casual pat to the morag :D !!!!!


I am melting the wax off a lemon to see if it's possible.


It is, but it's a tad messy, and smells like a smouldering pile of Hungarian men's armpits.
 
Starzaan said:
I am very pleased to hear that my morags have spread their moraggy goodness around! (ugh, that made them sound like they have warts... I assure you, my morags are wart free!)

This vision in turquoise is indeed for the benefit of the mechanic with his giant arms... but also quite possibly for bending over to look at puss in the foot when a certain farrier is around to taunt him as I have been approached by a magazine to turn this morag wafting saga into a serial article type affair. THEREFORE there needs to be some action that doesn't involve melting the wax off a lemon, even if it's just some casual face licking, or, we can all dream, a casual pat to the morag :D !!!!!


I am melting the wax off a lemon to see if it's possible.


It is, but it's a tad messy, and smells like a smouldering pile of Hungarian men's armpits.
Click to expand...

Ooooooooo your the going to be the horsey Carrie Bradshaw!!!!!!!!

And regarding the Hungarian armpits....... do you speak from experience???? :p
 
Of course! Who DOESN'T have a smouldering pile of Hungarian armpits in their garden???!!


And the morag restrainer might just be appearing in the welly dance video, just so long as it doesn't clash with my tweed coat!
 
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unfortunately our garden isn't big enough for a smouldering pile of hungarian armpits, what with the courgette and sweet potato jungle (no that's not a euphemism! :D)...

Due to the size of one's own morags, the only sort of restrainer one can get away with is more akin to the forth road bridge :( aka OSBH.
 
did you wax the lemon yourself of did you buy a pre-waxed one? are you practising for when HotFarrier finally gets round to asking you for a date and you, playing it cool and unavailable, say 'sorry i can't, im waxing my lemon'
:p
 
Sadly I'm not nearly that deep and complex... I was merely melting the lemon wax as I saw the lemon... and then saw a lighter...and then had one of those "OOOH!!!" moments.


I'm sure SJP didn't look forward to getting home each day just so she could put her slippers on... so I might have to be her horsey, slipper loving, morag wafting equivalent...

And if your morags are that spectacular, why on EARTH are you talking to me? You should be running down a mountain in the rain looking all windswept and interesting, straight into the arms of some damp hunk...

Honestly! Sort yourself out!
 
Like jenhunt, I am very jealous of your marvellous new morag restrainer. Lace just isn't substantial enough to contain mine, they'd end up roaming free and hitting people in the face and suchlike.

I recently got rid of my smouldering armpit pile, the neighbours were complaining that it smelled like melted lemon wax.
 
I am so glad I did not read this at work. Spraying tea all over my laptop in the safety of my own home is one thing; spluttering and choking and drowning papers and client's laptop in a crowded office is another entirely :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

Now have images to make me giggle all the way down the M1. Ta S :D:eek::p:D
 
I do love your posts!
Appologies if this has already been said, but your humerous way of writing reminds me of a series of books I read as a teenager...
'Angus, Thongs and full frontal snogging' I believe the first one was called...
It's almost like I'm reading it all over again :D
 
loving these posts...... this has really lightened the mood for today (and possibly for the week) for which I am eternally greatful.
 
Well you're most welcome, my morags are always happy to be of service! Eh! Eh!!!



And regarding the comparison to a certain big-nosed diary writing nutjob, as I have said before, she was a greedy pig and got BOTH the sex gods she was lusting after.

I got one, and a morag restrainer....and a waxy lemon.
 
Starzaan said:
Well you're most welcome, my morags are always happy to be of service! Eh! Eh!!!



And regarding the comparison to a certain big-nosed diary writing nutjob, as I have said before, she was a greedy pig and got BOTH the sex gods she was lusting after.

I got one, and a morag restrainer....and a waxy lemon.
Click to expand...

Ah, It has already been mentioned then :X

Keep up the good work :D
 
You could always ADD wax to an item from the fruitbowl... Such as a banana?
Infact. Yes. You could make waxwork fruit! I'd buy one for the mantlepiece!
 
Angelbones said:
.....I admit that i have not idea whatsoever what you are talking about...and ashamed as am obviously missing out on the fun.....I guess I'm just too old for all this (crawls off to the corner to read a crochet book):confused:...
Click to expand...

You may have to look back over Starzaan's past posts to catch up with her story ....:)
 
Just spluttered coffee all over the keyboard :D :D

How lovely to have Morags that require restraining - mine, even in an entirely unfettered state, would do no wafting :(

Do let us know where you are going to be writing!

PS I know its a lot less interesting than incinerating the lemon, but washing it would be v v effective in removing the wax ;)
 
I draw the line at removing the hair from a peach!!! I am not THAT peculiar! I am in fact perfectly normal and contemplating de-waxing a bigger lemon...


My horses enjoyed the morag restrainer - I was teaching the youngster about trotting in hand without rearing this morning, and was all morags akimbo and legs flying everywhere. I'm sure Mr. Fit would have thrown himself at me in an instant.

Or possibly not...


Incidentally, my dog wants me to return to lusting after the farrier, much as he loves the mechanics puppy, she doesn't play as rough as the farriers dog. As a result he is playing "run as fast as you can and knock the Great Dane puppy over" and "jump the 5 barred gate over and over and over because you can" rather too much.

Mr. Fit is in the diary to do EIGHT at the job I have just left today. I am VERY JEALOUS of the beautiful, skinny French girl who has replaced me, and also terrified that she will start wafting her superior body around in front of him and he'll pounce on her.

Oh WOE IS ME. A LOT.
 
PMSL here:D Oh Thankyou for starting my day with such a laugh.:)

ps. Does anyone know the best method of getting peaches and cream flavoured porridge off a keyboard please?
 
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