Moral Dilemma - old owner

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LadyRascasse

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I am probably being very soft but I recently lost my lovely horse and I can't get the idea I should let his previous owner know out of my head. The reason I am in 2 minds is - before I brought him off her I had him on loan, the reason I brought him is because she lied through her teeth about him, age, breeding, passport etc etc. I brought him as when I finally got to the bottom of it I decided despite it all he was a lovely horse and suited me. Once I brought him I deleted her off facebook for her to constantly hassle me via text and calls, telling me I had sold him for a profit etc. Anyway that all settled down, I have changed my number and she is still blocked on facebook, he partner attempted to reopen communications again in January which I politely replied I still had the horse but didn't wish to have contact with them and then blocked him too. I know deep down she really loved the horse and I do feel like I should let her know but I also worry about how she will react. In the nicest way possible she isn't the most sane person on the planet.

WWYD? Tell her or just leave it as it?
 
Sorry you have lost your horse.

I would personally not tell her. She sold you the horse, its none of her business. She sounds like the kind of person who would make you feel very bad about yourself, and you just don't need that after loosing your horse.
 
First of all, I'm so sorry that you lost your horse, sending virtual hugs your way!

From the information that you have given, I would most definitely not tell the old owner. When someone sells a horse, they in effect relinquish primary involvement in it's life (Regardless of how much previous owners want to keep in touch, people need to accept that the new owners of the horse might not want this) and given the history that you have with this woman, it sounds like reconnecting communications with her may reopen a can of worms. Plus, you have just lost your horse, I am sure that this is the last thing you need to or should be thinking about right now.
 
Hackie said:
Sorry you've lost your horse. However, for your own sake at this stressful time, do not open that Pandora's Box.
Click to expand...

Absolutely this . Look after yourself and let yourself grieve for your lovely boy. Dont worry about anyone else at this horrid time. Sending hugs xxxx
 
Sorry to hear you lost your horse, but as others have said I would think it's best not to contact previous owner - you deleted her from your facebook and she may be a bit narky about that. So to contact her now only to tell her the horse has died just doesn't seem like a good idea, will open a dialogue you probably wont want or need to get into. Good luck.
 
If it's bothering you not telling her then I'd be inclined to compose a simple message along the lines of "Sorry to have to tell you that X was (whatever happened) in (whichever month) because of (whatever reason) in line with BEVA guidelines and was loved by us until the end. This is just to let you know what has happened and I wish to have no further communication from you or anyone else about this". Then unblock her, copy and paste the message, send it and then block her again.

You have then salved your worries but have given her a clear message covering all points and included that you don't want to discuss it any futher.

I'm sorry for your loss.
 
I suspect she will hear through the grapevine anyway. Horsey world is a small one. Last thing you need is a fruitloop going off on one. Sorry about your horse.
 
Sorry to hear about your horse. In your situation I don't think I would tell her. If you were to I would go with something along the lines posted by jemima above.

When we have lost horses when we have still been in touch with the previous owner we have sent a nice photo of them and a card to let them know.
 
I'd leave it.

If you need to commemorate your horse, write a letter and a photo and put it in a favorite book. You might have a good cry when it falls out unexpectedly in a few years but it helps to close the matter. Well, for me at least.
 
I'm so sorry that you lost your horse.

I have only once told a previous owner that a horse has had to be pts. She was very reluctant to sell her but had no real choice and we had kept in touch. The previous owner had been to visit the mare once. I got a very kind message back from her.

If you really feel that you should/would like to let this woman know, I would post her a letter, if you have her address, with no return address, so that she can't answer you and make you feel even worse, which unfortunately it sounds as if she might do.
 
I lost my pony in August - I haven't told his old owners yet and don't feel like I can for now.

I ended up loaning then buying him as they didn't want him and they visited once in the three years I loaned him and never again after that. I think they'd like to know but for now I don't want them saying anything that will bother me like how much they miss him etc.

Like you I just want to get over the loss of my horse and not have to deal with other peoples issues xx
 
Thank you, That is what everyone close to the situation have also said so you can't all be wrong. I don't know why I feel guilty for not telling her :/
 
I wouldnt. Upset people that are prone to a bit of unpredictable behaviour have a tendancy to lash out and the last thing you want is to feel bad
 
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