More Daughter/Pony advice needed- sorry long!

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amanda123

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I seem to be not the only one with a teenager(15) who has a pony she is not really interested in. She keeps telling me she is interested but things really became apparent when I badly broke my arm 3 months ago and had to have it pinned and plated, so I could not ride, drive or do much else. I work shifts (full-time) so am often normally able to do the horses (I have one too) and ride my daughters pony usually 2 days in the week in the winter and have done since she had 13.2's. This the first pony she has had that wasn't a schoolmistress/master (we bought him unbroken 3 years ago). He has been very easy but not 'get him out of the field, take to show, collect rosette, put him back in the field!' Still he hunts has done BE80 BSJA Hunter Trials and Dressage with low placing success. She is spoilt, I am very guilty of giving her what I would have loved, lovely ponies, transport to competitions etc. etc. I feel it is a shame to sell this pony as he has loads of talent but feel he is wasted with us (I would have given anything for a pony like this at her age) but think that he would have more fun with someone else. I don't think I am too guilty of pushing her too much they've done about 6 competitions this year. She told me this morning that she thought we should sell him. So should I? I know she will be sad to see him go (so will I). If you all say yes wait for the 'How much post'. We argue continually about the pony and a lot about her doing him properly. My arm still isn't good as new but I clipped him and pulled his half pulled mane last week (and rode him twice!). He would be wasted on me to keep him, he's not really big enough for me. So what do i do?
 
I can’t really give advice but I was the same as your daughter and my Mum sold my pony when I was 16. I had a few years off while at college (went clubbing and did all the teenage things), but then got back into it at 21. I bought my own pony and appreciated it so much more because it wasn’t all there on a plate.
 
IMO I would sell him. I know you don't ever want to part with them but won't you feel better being able to concentrate on your horse, less worry for her and pony will be doing better with a more interested rider? In my experience age 13-14 is the all or nothing point with horses ie. continue just hacking once a month, start doing serious competition or give up completely.
Just my humble opinion.
 
Loan? Get a jockey in if you're happy to pay for his keep? Or, sell him.

My youngest daughter had a pony. Decided she wasn't into horses - not being a spoilt brat, just trying to do something Mummy did
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. We still have the little blighter! He's slightly different, he's such a little monster there's not many who have the guts or ability to ride him (though he is really good out on the roads
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). I think what I'm trying to say is, you need to do what is right for all... your daughter doesn't want him, you're too big for him, he enjoys being out and about...

Hugs hun.
 
Well I'm 17 and I have only just got my own pony, I wish I was your daughter!! haha.
Sell him to me!! he sounds fab!
haha, I would see how it goes, maybe get someone to loan him? as that way she will see if she misses it or not?
x
 
That's why I like the arrangement I have with my parents:
They aren't majorly horsey (though my mum used to ride) but support me 100% in what I want to do. When they first agreed to me having a horse (which wasnt until I was nearly 14) it was only on the grounds that I had to fund half of the initial purchase of the horse myself.
At the time I had just gotten myself a small part time job and after we bought the horse (which I had to use my savings on which had been meant for a car!
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) My mum pays for the livery, DIY, and I have to pay for Oscar's shoes every 6 weeks and whatever was left I give to her as a contribution towards the livery. I have to work 2 hours every weekend and two hours after I have finished at the stables every Wednesday to fund it.
This also means that when I want to compete I have to fund it myself and as we don't have our own transport I have to factor in the cost of petrol money for friends I hitch lifts with.
It may seem more of an old fashioned way of doing things and I don't have a lot of money to spend on other things, but it means that the horse means much more to me as I helped pay for him initially and still help fund his keep so I suppose you culd say it was an investment I made!
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it also means that I learn that later in life things will not just be given out with nothing expected in return.
I'd love to be in your daughters situation with everything laid out for me! And yes I do sometimes feel jealous of friends who have everything handed to them on a plate and have lots of money to go out socialising but then I think that my horse looks to me a lot more for things as I am the one who feeds him, who turns him out and mucks out at 6.30am before school every morning and who is there to bring him in again at 3.30pm
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p.s. I realise people's interests change and she may not be as totally horse obsessed as me!!
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Lots of things to consider. Are you paying livery for the 2 horses? Do you need a companion for your horse? Does your daughter enjoy riding but just not very often? Is there some-one you know who might want to buy the pony? Would you rather loan the pony than sell him? Could you cut down on the work if you decide to keep him, i.e. does he really need to be clipped, does his mane really need to be pulled? Did your daughter make the 'sell him' comment as part of a calm discussion or in the heat of the moment after a teenage strop?
Sorry I can't really tell you what you should do with the pony but I do think that you should take all the above factors into consideration before making a decision.
IME few horses are really desperate to do more than stay in a field with a companion and plenty to eat, so I shouldn't bother to take his 'boredom' into account.
 
Maybe you could find a sharer who would contribute to upkeep and/or do some mucking out etc - your daughter might realise what she's missing if someone else is getting lots of results etc out of the pony??
 
i would sell the pony(for the pony's sake, he sounds a nice all rounder). get your daughter to commit (big time) for next 4 weeks get it going and out and about to shows etc then sell to someone who appreciates pony. Ignore the tears and tantrums! and sell! if and when she wants another do not provide it for her FOC! What you wanted as a teenager and what she thinks she wants are poles apart i 'm afraid! Good luck and stick to your guns (unless your daughter changes her skin!!)
 
I went through a stage of saying to mum Sell ellie!! but i never would she never would i, and guess what when it was as well when i had a bf for the 2 months!!, honestly i would keep hold of him and make sure she is not going to want to come back to it, especially as you will both regret it! My mum always used to say to me i would of loved what you have at your age, and you know what speaking to loads and loads of people even at 40 would love to have a horse like mine (am not boasting) but its true i get it all the time and i tell you what i am soo glad i was not stupid enough to get rid of ellie, i have a brilliant sharer twice a week she pays for ellies rent and then will do the stable duties on those days too, and it has worked out brilliantly! - and it took some of the pressure of me two! maybe get a sharer so she can have a few days of a week! but i certainly would not sell!
 
Thanks for all your replies, my daughter enjoys riding sometimes, but she is not really commited, especially when she has to do the work! She told a friend of mine she liked riding him when I had schooled him! I'm not sure he's a share type pony and loan is not really an option as unless he only goes for a short time, if she decides she wants to ride again she will need something bigger. The sell him discussion was not in the heat of an argument, so I think she means it. Maybe she would be better with different type of pony, he isn't really a hack out once week type of pony he really does like getting out and about, he squeals and bucks (not when you are on him!) if he thinks he's going hunting, he can't get on the lorry quick enough! He needs a VERY good home. Seem to remember another post about parents being the most upset when ponies go!
 
sorry for being so blunt I was originally going to say sell him however now I have read your last post about her liking riding him after you have schooled him I seriously wonder if is it this particular pony that is causing your daughter to lose interest. Maybe she needs something easier that she can just get on and go ??

Personally I would talk to her about it more without making her feel guilty (not saying you would!!)
 
soulful thanks I think you may be right, I just haven't been able to see it, I just keep telling her what a lovely pony he is and how I would have loved a pony like that at her age. PS good luck with your new horse.
Ofcourseyoucan your advice is good too, I discussed it with her tonight (without shouting) and we decided she would take the pony out and about a bit and we'd advertise him after xmas, and maybe she could have something else after her GCSE's or maybe ride out for someone else for a bit.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE
It helps I think for outsiders to see things unemotionally.
 
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